XXXIII. when anger feels like a weapon

Bridger hated trash. There was a reason he lived on the Figure Eight and it wasn't because he was rich, it was because he was a clean freak. Most teenage boys had no problem creating a mess and leaving their trash behind but Bridger liked to be clean. He showered twice a day, washed his clothes with a specific laundry detergent, and always kept a collection of Dior colognes. Picking through wet garbage was not how idea of fun and quite frankly, it was making his skin crawl. "This is fucking gross. Why did I let you talk me into this?"

"B, you've said that six times in five minutes." His partner mentioned, pausing mid trash pick up.

"At least Pope was smart enough to bring trash bags." He picked up a wet plastic bag and gagged. "Ugh, I hate people."

"I like you more and more every day, Bridge." Kiara spoke with a satisfied smile.

The brunette smiled back, the lines around his mouth becoming viable.

Bridger's coffee colored eyes stared wide inside the sewer. He looked at his friends like they were crazy.  "Absolutely fucking not. I'm not going in there."

JJ sighed. "Bridge, it's not—"

"I've seen IT. I ain't going in there!" He objected again.

Pope rolled his eyes. "Bridge, that's a movie. It's not real."

"Clowns are real. Serial killers are real. Therefore, it's real!"

Kiara huffed under her breath and put her hands on his shoulders. "Okay, don't worry. It's okay to be scared, B."

He pulled a face. "Who says I'm scared?" He chose to ignore the looks they gave him at the question.

Kiara shook her head and moved on. "So, are we gonna do, like, rock, paper, scissors?" She questioned.

The brunette shook his head. "No can do. Imma master rock, paper, scissors player." He claimed.

"There's also there's this worm that you get when you're down there. It gets into your blood and then it has to come out your pecker." JJ added morbidly to the conversation.

Bridger blinked rapidly. "I think that scares me more than the clown thing." He said, feeling disturbed.

"I'm gonna say no, too." Pope agreed with them.

Kiara looked between the three of them and cracked a smile. "No, I get it. You guys are scared." She teased.

They immediately objected. "I'm not scared!" Bridger asserted even though he most definitely was.

"It's kinda cute."

"It's the pecker thing!" Pope grumbled.

"Yeah, I'm not scared!"

"It's adorable, honestly." The girl continued to tease them and she stepped forward closer to the drain. She began to crawl inside.

"Just, uh, holler if you need anything, okay? Well, uh. . . we'll holler back." JJ stammered.

Bridger patted him on the back and pointed a finger at her. "Yeah, just holler. I'll send JJ to get you."

His partner snapped his head towards him. "Huh?"

Kiara reluctantly started to crawl through the drain. Bridger felt a series of shivers go up his shine at the thought of being surrounded by the gray water. It made him want to drown himself in his cologne. He started messing with the bracelets on his wrists as they waited for her to update them.

"Find anything yet?" Pope's voice echoed.

"Yeah, do you see the gun?" Asked JJ.

"Or glowing eyes?"

He hit his shoulder. "Will you shut up about the clown?"

"No!" They heard her shout back.

Bridger sighed. "I gotta get away from this. My skin feels like it's burning." He stood back up and walked away from the drain.

"I never took you for such a clean freak." Pope said with amusement.

JJ scoffed and stood up as well. "Please, he has a whole cabinet just for his colognes."

"I do not! It's just a shelf."

He hummed and wrapped his arm around his shoulder, pressing a quick kiss to his cheek. "It's a good thing you always smell good." He smirked.

Pope nodded. "You do smell good."

Bridger smiled proudly and wiped his hands on his shirt. "Thanks guys."

Pope quickly found out that Bridger was good at rock,  paper, scissors. After losing five rounds, he let out an annoyed huff. "Dammit! How the hell are you so good at this?"

"I told you, bro." JJ commented and patted his back.  He stood by and watched the two battle it out in the game even though he told the boy multiple times that his partner was unbeatable.

Bridger laughed out loud. "I don't reveal my secrets."

Suddenly, they heard Kiara scream from inside the drain and the three boys immediately ran back the entrance way. "Did you find something?" JJ shouted out.

"You guys, there's something dead in here!"

Bridger's eyes widened. "Like a person?" He yelled.

"It's dead and floating in the water!"

"Just crawl back, cmon!"

Then, the sound of rumbling filled their ears and the water began to bubble. Bridger's hand grasped JJ's bicep. "Oh shit." He swore.

"JJ! Bridger! Pope! The water!" Kiara shouted at them in full panic.

"Get outta there now!" Pope shouted at her.

The sound of the rumbling grew louder and louder and  the water from inside the drain came flooding out, causing them to fly backwards. Bridger gasped from the sudden action and his clothes were soaked completely in grey water. Realized popped in his head.  "We gotta get her out! Come on!" He shouted at Pope and JJ and struggled to get up. 

When they regained their footing, the boys took off away from the drain and made their way to the street.  Bridger ran as fast as his feet could carry him. He recovered from the multiple times he almost tripped because of wet shoes against the pavement but he paid no attention. They were running out of time.

When they sprinted down the concrete street, the drain came to view. "Guys! Help me!" Kiara's voice became clearer and clearer.

"Kie! We're coming!" JJ shouted at her and they finally dropped to their knees around the drain.

Her fingers popped out through the openings. "Help me!" She desperately shouted.

Bridger wrapped his fingers around the metal. "Pull!" He demanded the boys and they started to pull on the drain.

It didn't budge and more panic caused his bones to rattle. He thought about Sarah. She was alive but he thought she was dead. It was the worst feeling he ever felt in his life. He dreaded the thought of losing anyone else. As the water from the drain seeped through the holes, his heart beat raced quicker. "God dammit!" He shouted when he felt his muscles start to strain.

"Hurry! Hurry!" The girl begged them and she became fully submerged by the water.

Determination pulsed in his veins. His hands burned red from his hard he gripped the metal drain opening.  He barred his teeth so hard that they felt like they could shatter. Everything ended with death. His mother, Sarah, his relationship with his dad, his friendship with Rafe. . . He was tired of hurting. He wanted so much more for his life than fearing that he would lose all of his friends. He thought caused him to let out another shrilled scream and finally, the boys were able to lift the drain.

Water surrounded them and Kiara popped out with a large gasp for air. She coughed rapidly and water came flying from her mouth. Her shoulders raised up and down from exhaustion. 

"Holy shit!" Bridger gasped out in complete relief and he ran his hand through his hair.

Pope wrapped his arms around the tired girl. "Pope,  get off of me!" Kiara raised her voice and shoved him off of her. 

"Kie, are you okay?" Bridger asked her and scanned her in concern. Her clothes were wet and dirty like theirs.

"Oh, I'm great. Yeah." She nodded lazily and continued to breathe heavily. She raised up and reached into her back pocket, pulling out the gun. "This wasn't what we were looking for, right?"

JJ's light eyes lit up at the sight and he let out a joyful laugh. "You did it, Kie!" He cheered.

"Hell yeah!" Bridger chanted and completely forgot about how disgusting he felt.

Bridger's anger often made him feel like he couldn't breath. He always felt like the anger he had inside of him was constricting him as if a snake was wrapping itself around his body. It was painful. It was uncomfortable. It was exhausting. Sometimes, it felt like a weapon which was funny. Carry and conceal. The laws get blurry when your only ammunition is the feeling in your chest. But it's also what kept him alive for so long because if he didn't feel anger, then he didn't feel anything at all.

Lately he had gotten good at concealing the feeling, especially because JJ was back in his life. His life was different now. He had friends, he wasn't being hurt anymore, and he had been in his life that he was able to trust. But there would always be that side of him that held onto the anger because of his father. The vexation that flowed through Dawson Fitzgerald's veins attached itself to his son and it would always be there. Especially at times like now.

The longer he heard Shoupe talk about how they didn't believe them the more the anger pushed until his skin turned red. His head was rested in his hands and his fingers gripped his strands of hair. His elbows dug into his exposed knees.

"Just because he's not in his damn home does not mean he was a victim of a homicide." The man expressed sternly.

Bridger scoffed loudly and lifted his head. "How fucking delusional can you be?" He snapped.

Shoupe pointed at him. "Hey—"

"Bridge, shut up." Pope warned him before things went even more South.

"What are you talking about? Are you at least gonna send it in for ballistics and shit or are you just gonna sit on your ass?" Kiara raised her voice in disbelief.

"He's gonna sit there and wax that damn mustache!
Is that even real?" JJ hollered with as much anger as his partner.

"I'll wax this—"

"Shut the hell up!" Bridger snapped and stood up so quickly he almost got whiplash.

"Shut up, both of you!" Pope yelled at both of them.

Shoupe stood from his chair and walked towards the door. "Oh, i'm sorry. Did I hurt his feelings?" The blonde boy mocked.

"Shut up!" He turned his head and saw the murderous expression Bridger was giving the cop. He quickly hit him on the arm. "Hey, stop! Maniacs."

"Get out. I got work to do and you're stinking up my damn office." Shoupe demanded as he stood in the doorway.

"Sitting on your ass isn't doing work." Bridger snapped.

"You say one more word and you'll be here for the rest of the night."

He took a step forward. "Really—"

Pope and JJ quickly held him back and Kiara stood up from her chair. "Hey, no. Stop!" Pope snapped at him,  giving him a stern look.

JJ grabbed the boy's arms from behind and kept him in place. He could feel his muscles twitching from under his grip.

The girl stood in front of Shoupe with her face and eyes full of sadness. "Did Ward bribe you or something? This doesn't make any sense." She asked with a crack in her voice. She left the station without another word.

Bridger yanked himself from JJ's grip and glared at the man again before storming out. He threw open the doors with force. He had to keep himself from punching the wall. Rage was a sharp knife and it cut through him to the bone. Bridger wondered how long it would be before he snapped again.