VII. go ahead and cry, little boy

When Bridger walked inside his house, he saw his dad passed out on the couch. He could smell the alcohol from the front door. He pulled a face of disgusting and shut the door, not caring if it was loud.  It was, apparently, because Dawson Fitzgerald jumped awake and sat up groggily. "Do you have to be so loud?"

"It's like 11:00, dad." Bridger said with an eye roll. "Don't you think it's too early to be drinking?"

"I haven't been drinking," Dawson denied and got up from the couch, stumbling into the kitchen.

"I can smell it off you," he said harshly and reached in the fridge for a bottle of water.

"Where've you been?" His dad asked, ignoring the statement.

"Gym." He replied simply.

"With who?"

"The guys."

"You shouldn't be hanging around them so much like you do," his dad said and scratched his face.

Bridger pulled a face. "What? Dad, they're my friends."

"Yeah, I've heard that one before."

His stomach went hollow and his eyes turned dark.  "You don't know what you're talking about." He spat and walked around the island to go upstairs.

"Hey!" Dawson snapped and pushed Bridger into the wall. 

Bridger held his breath as he had pinned him against the wall. He could feel his arms bruising from the strength. He cringed at how awful his dad's breath was.

"Don't you talk to me like that, boy," his dad sneered in his face. "I know so much. I could tell everybody on this God damn island. You don't want to test me,"

"You wouldn't," Bridger found himself snapping. "It would ruin the perfect, golden boy image you want me to have,"

Dawson gripped onto his arms tighter. "I suggest you keep that mouth shut then. Now go shower. You stink."

He shoved Bridger again and stumbled away. 

He quickly ran past him and upstairs to his room. Bridger slammed the bedroom door shut and pressed his back against it, breathing in and out heavily. He felt his throat start to tighten up and he tugged harshly on his hair. "Calm down. Call down." He muttered to himself. Then he started pacing around his room in a panic. "Oh god, not now. Not now."

Nobody knew what Bridger had to deal with. Dawson Fitzgerald was an evil man. On the outside, he liked to appear like the perfect father and businessman. He attended every party on Figure Eight and chatted up everyone to insure they thought well of him. Even after the death of his wife, he still kept up the image.  Nobody knew what he was really like. Bridger did and it was a horrible sight.

Dawson Fitzgerald did things that Bridger was too afraid to talk about.

Blood pounded in his ears and his hands started to shake. His heart thudded painfully against his chest.  Bridger tried to steady his breathing but they came out shaky and rigid. He squeezed his eyes shut tightly and pressed his hands against the sides of his head. "Breathe, just breathe," he muttered to himself again.

He opened his eyes and his vision was disfigured, like he was looking through the glass of a fish bowl.  He wanted to leave but he couldn't. He didn't want his dad to see him like that. He didn't want anyone to see him like this. He was weak and vulnerable. Nobody would take him seriously.

Bridger went to the corner of his room and slid down the wall till he was sat on the floor. He pulled his knees to his chest and rocked himself back and forth. His entire body was shaking. "Stop being so fucking weak. Man up."

Man up. Man up. Man up. Those two words repeated themselves in his head and he finally broke. Hot tears streamed from his eyes and he let out a choked sob.  He dug his nails into the palms of his hands till they drew blood. He didn't feel it. He didn't feel anything.  It was hard to breath. He was extremely dizzy.

Bridger cried hard and his chest tightened till he felt like he was going to explode.

Bridger and Inez walked hand and hand to the country club where they were holding the annual Outer Banks movie night. Rafe, Topper, and Kelce were ahead of them. "I wonder what movie they're showing," Inez thought out loud.

Bridger shrugged and squeezed her hand. "Not sure. I just want a bag of popcorn, honestly." Bridger did not want to go. He was perfectly fine being locked in his house, but Rafe had texted him earlier and said they had a plan to get back at Pope. Bridger had to go after that. He needed to be there in case something bad happened. He was nervous the whole way to the country club.

They found a spot near one of the trees and started setting up the blankets and chairs. "I need to take a piss." He announced.

"TMI, dude." Kelce cringed.

"I'll go get the popcorn." said Inez.

"I'll go with you," Rafe spoke and the two of them walked off to go stand in the line.

Bridger looked behind him to see Kiara standing in the line and that's why Rafe wanted to go. He felt nervous again. He quickly made his way to the bathrooms.

After he was done, he stood in front of the mirror. "Stay calm," he said to himself. "Don't freak out. Not here." He turned a corner to exit the bathroom and came face to face with JJ. He jumped. "Jesus..."

"You staking me or somethin'?" JJ questioned, scoffing at the sight of him.

"I was here first, actually. I had to piss," Bridger said toughly.

He shook his head. "Here with the goonie squad?"

"Uh, yeah," he nodded awkwardly, "Nez wanted to come so I, uh, really couldn't say no."

JJ almost laughed. "Y'all are gonna jump me next,  right?" He threw in his face.

Bridger scoffed that time. "Wasn't planning on it."

He went walk out but JJ stopped him. "Pope told us what you did," he spoke.

Bridger furrowed his brows.

"About the money," he elaborated. "That you paid him back,"

He blinked in realization. "Oh. Uh, yeah. . . Well, you know, it was kinda just laying around. Figured why not. . ." He beat around the bush.

JJ nodded slightly. "Right. Well. . . thanks for that. It,  uh—it was kinda cool of you, I guess."

Bridger nodded awkwardly. Neither of them said anything and they just stood there. They were close enough that Bridger could count the freckles on JJ's face. He stared into his eyes and swore it was like looking a the ocean. He loved JJ's eyes. 

JJ's expression softened under his stare. Realizing what he was doing, he coughed and shook his head.  "Well, uh. . ." He pointed to inside the bathroom. "I'm just gonna—"

"JJ," Bridger stopped him.

JJ nearly fainted. "What?"

"Be careful tonight," was all he said.

He moved past JJ and the blonde pulled a confused face. He turned around. "What does that mean?"

Bridger paused and turned around. "Just stay close to your friends, okay?" He warned again.

He turned back around, not waiting for a response,  and went back to his friends. Inez smiled when she saw him. "Hey, I got the popcorn."

He smiled and took the bag from her hand. "Thanks, baby."

The movie wouldn't start for another few minutes so they stood around and talked. Bridger leaned against Rafe slightly. "What'd you say to Kiara?"

"Oh, you saw that?" Rafe asked with a chuckle. "Told her to tell them that we know what Pope did."

"Can you not be a douche for one night?"

"Can you not question my motives for one night?" he replied and pushed Bridger's face slightly.

He went to argue but then he saw JJ and Pope turn around in the chairs from in front of them. JJ's eyes found Bridger's and they were questioning him, asking what the hell was going on.

Bridger just sent him a look that said to turn around, so he did. He grabbed Pope's head and turned him around quickly. Bridger stuffed a hand full of popcorn in his mouth anxiously.

"Bridge, are you okay?" Inez asked quietly.

He looked down at her. "Why do you ask?"

"You just look nervous."

He shook his head and wrapped his arm around her. "No, I'm fine, baby." He lied through his teeth. He kissed her forehead and closed his eyes, trying to steady his heartbeat.

JJ turned his head around slightly and saw the two of them kiss. He saw the way Bridger smiled at her and the way she laid her head against his arm. An intense feeling of pain struck him and he clenched his jaw angrily. He turned back around and bit the end of his thumb.

The talk they had was the first conversation the two of them had since that summer where they weren't yelling at each other. The fight they had at the Chateau was the first time they talked since what happened. JJ couldn't see the boy without feeling so completely angry. He saw red whenever he was around and wanted to scream whenever he heard his name. Bridger Fitzgerald fucked him up badly.

But JJ's feeling would never go away, ever. He thought about that Summer constantly. He couldn't sleep, eat, or breathe without thinking of Bridger. He completely consumed his life in the worst way possible. There was so many things he wanted to say but he couldn't.

What they had was over and JJ had to learn to accept it. He had to accept that Bridger was over it and was happy. He had a girlfriend. He wasn't thinking about JJ anymore.

Oh, how wrong he was.