I. sick of seventeen

      It's hard to forget the past when it is written all over your body. To forget the tragedy when it flows through your veins like when it's emitted into your bones. Scars of nail shaped marks and cigarette burns mark your skin and make you bleed. It's hard to forget when your body language shows others that you've been the long hell and back; shoulders slumped, head down, hands in pockets. When your eyes are tired and your smile is nonexistent.

What is a person to do when they feel nothing?

The July sun was swallowed, gold with the old of summer, honey combing through the trees. The heat seller under the skin-surface in swathes of gilded clouds. An ablaze of soft aurelian blanketed the morning sky and beamed down on tiny speck that was earth. Bridger's back was pressed against the rough pallets that was his roof, the warm morning sun glimmered against his face and coated his skin in a thin layer of sweat. Smoke arose toward the clouds as it escaped his lips. He watched as the grayish white aerosol gas swirled around in the sky in a sickly beautiful way.

Fom below him, he could hear the shuffling and murmurs of people as the walked along the grass by his house. It was the morning after Hurricane Agatha hit Kildare. Bridger had no knowledge of the damage till he woke up. He was dead asleep. Although it was always hot in Kildare, the humorous increased drastically over time, making today brutal.

He took another puff of his cigarette and let the smoke invade his young lungs and let the world go on around him. Climbing onto his roof in the early morning was part of his morning routine. He liked watching the sun peak from above the horizon. It was also the only time of day he could smoke without being scolded by other people.

"Bridger!"

Ignoring the familiar voice, he inhaled more of the smoke and closed his eyes at the releasing feeling.

"I know you're up there, asshole. I can see the smoke!"

Huffing, Bridger sat up from the roof and peered down, seeing Topper, Rafe, and Kelce standing in front of his house. "The fuck do you want?" He shouted back, his voice sharp and annoyed.

Topper pointed up at him. "Don't get snappy. Get your ass down here!"

"And hurry up!" Rafe shouted this time. A pair of black sunglasses covered his face, increasing the douche bag look that he already had.

He gave them the middle finger before carefully back through his bedroom window. The curtains were open and the morning sun peered right inside, creating a hot surface. He quickly got dressed and rushed downstairs, seeing that his dad was gone, and he walked outside to see them impatiently until waiting.

"Bout time." Rafe commented while chewing a piece of gum.

Bridger rolled his eyes and shoved his head when he walked by. "Shut the hell up." He held his hand out. "Give me a piece."

"Why didn't you come to the party the other night, Bridge?" Kelce questioned when they started walking.

Rafe gave him a piece of gum and he chewed on it slowly. "Nez wanted to stay in and have a movie night. We watched all three High School Musical movies and Mama Mia one and two."

"Simp." Rafe coughed into his fist then pressed his hand to his chest to play it off.

He glared at him. "Don't be jealous cause you're single."

"I feel you man," said Topper. "Sarah wanted us to do puzzles last week. Puzzles!"

"Hey, don't knock on puzzles!" Kelce intervened, Bridger agreeing seeing as how he actually liked to do puzzles.

Rafe rolled his eyes at his younger friends. "You guys are a bunch of pussies." He insulted.

"Awww, you wanna do puzzles with us, Rafe?"

"Fuck you."

He laughed. "So, what happened at this party anyway?" He asked as they turned a corner of a house.

"Oh my god, man, you're never gonna believe it." Topper exclaimed and put a hand on his shoulder. "Someone pulled a fucking gun on me!"

Bridger's eyes widened. "Whoa, what? A real gun?" He asked with a dropped jaw.

"Yes, a real gun! The metal touched my fucking head!"

"Holy shit, man! You almost got shot!" He exhaled a laugh.

Topper shoved his shoulder. "Stop laughing! Dude's a fucking psycho."

"Who was it?"

"JJ Maybank."

At the mention of the name, Bridger's laughter died down. "Maybank had a gun?" He questioned, thinking he didn't hear clearly.

"Probably got it from his fucked up dad." Said Kelce, laughing slightly.

He didn't say anything else and just kept walking with them through the neighborhood. The group of boys walked past the numerous houses and scanned the damage of the hurricane. "Jeez, man, this is nuts." Topper commented, shocked by the amount of damage they were seeing.

"How the fuck did I sleep through this?" Bridger swore out loud.

"Agatha's a bitch."

"Damn right she is."

"I mean, I just—I can't get it out of my head. It's just on repeat. Your move, broski," Topper continued, still on the topic about the gun.

"Bro, he had a semiautomatic pointed at your head. Safety off." Said Kelce, enabling the reaction.

"They're freaking Pogues men." Rafe said with a light scoff. "You know you should get a piece."

Bridger furrowed his brows. "A piece?" He repeated.

"What do you mean?"

"You gotta fight fire with fire and defend the homestead, right?"

Kelce hit Topper on the shoulder. "Better than being caught without one."

"Listen guys," Topper intervened, stuttering slightly,  "I-I'm gonna get him back, all right? I'm making it a little project of mine." He said with a sneaky smirk.

Bridger rolled his eyes again. "What are you gonna do? Whip out a gun yourself and start blasting each other? Go all Burr-Hamilton?"

The other boys looked at him in confusion.

His expression dropped. "Alexander Hamilton and Aaron Burr?" When they still didn't catch on, he threw his hands up. "How the hell did you guys pass American history?"

"Cause you did our work." Rafe answered, smirking a little. The guys nodded their heads.

He blinked and cursed under his breath.

From ahead of them, Kelce spotted a familiar face. "Yo,  that's Sarah." He pointed out.

Bridger followed his eyes and saw Sarah standing with a little girl by the boat dock. She slowly began walking past the fallen high line wires to the boats. "What is she doing?" He said with furrowed brows.

"Watch her fall and make a big deal out of it." Rafe spoke monotoned, not giving a fuck.

"Hey, there's 14,000 volts in those wires!" A woman shouted at Sarah from her home.

"Sarah, be careful!" Bridger called out to his friend.

"Oh, you gotta be kidding me. Sarah, get down!" Rose Cameron, their step mom, shouted in anger at her step daughter.

Sarah continued to make her way down the wooden ledge. "Rose, calm down. I'm an athlete. I got this."  She dismissed their words.

Bridger patted Topper on the back. "Your girlfriend's fucking crazy." 

"She's your best friend." He reminded him.

"And she's fucking crazy."

"You're gonna get electrocuted! Get down!" 

Rafe shrugged his shoulders. "She just wants attention."

"Like she doesn't get any enough?" The younger boy chuckled although he was still worried.

To mock them, Sarah shimmied her shoulders in a joking way, testing the waters. "Sarah, that's not funny." Topper called out.

"Little fried Sarah." Rafe muttered to himself, morbidly.

Everyone watched as the middle Cameron child made it to the boat and grabbed ahold of the top, leaning her body down to look inside. "I see her!" She shouted to the little girl, making her giggle with excitement. Sarah carefully stepped inside the boat and attempted to grab whatever it was she was looking for.

Suddenly, Bridger's heart dropped when she screamed and fell. "Sarah!" He yelled in fear.

They immediately ran to her. "Sarah! Sarah!" Shouted Topper, fear laced in his voice.

She laid sprawled out in the boat, her hair covering her face. Turning her head with a devious smirk, Sarah held up the disconnected wire and laughed. Bridger and Kelce bursted into fits of laughter at Topper's facial expression. "It's disconnected!" Her comical laughter continued.

Bridger snorted through his laughter. "Oh shit, that was good."

"Topper, you should see your face."

He clapped Topper on the back, feeling bad for him but still laughing.

"Okay, yeah, I'm sorry that I care. Alright, guilty." The boyfriend said sarcastically and held his hands up in defense.

"Congrats, pussy. You are officially her bitch." Rafe congratulated him, only making the two boys laugh harder. "Officially, you know that? You're officially her bitch. You're just like Bridger with Inez."

Bridger stopped laughing. "Hey!" 

JJ Maybank bringing a gun to a party was exactly why Bridger didn't like to miss parties. All the exciting stuff happened when he wasn't there. Sure, he loved spending quality time with his girlfriend but damn, he hated missing parties. The information Topper gave him about JJ pointing a gun to his head made Bridger feel sick. He didn't know what it was: the fact that there was gun or the person that was holding the gun.

His name sent chills down Bridger's spine and the thought of him made him feel ill. He hadn't seen JJ in what seemed like forever. He liked to keep it that way. Bridger despised the blonde Pogue with everything in his body. Actually, he despised all Pogues. They weren't friends or even acquaintances. He didn't like going to the Cut unless he had to, seeing as his father's pharmacy was there.

He mentally punched himself for even thinking about JJ. They were like oil and water. They didn't mixed; didn't like each other or like to be in each other's presence. He always knew that JJ was a little psycho (like father, like son) but bringing a gun to a party was a different level of crazy.

Nightfall came and the sun started to sink, leaving the sky a soft but brilliant orange. Bridger found Sarah walking along the boardwalk of the boats with a bag of chips in her hands and quickly ran up to her, jumping on her back. "What's up, troublemaker?" He laughed when she jumped.

The girl yelped and shoved his shoulder. "You scared me, asshole!" She scoffed.

He shoved her back. "Yeah, well, you scared me today. Made me think you were getting shocked to death. Rude."

Sarah chuckled. "Oh come on, it was funny!" She hit his arm.

He rolled his eyes but chuckled. "Maybe a little. I totally would have done the same thing."

He didn't expect to see John B Routledge cross their path. Bridger knew of him because he took the job or cleaning the Fitzgerald boat. Dawson paid him good, it was the only reason they ever talked. "Hey, John B." Sarah greeted him but the boy just zoomed past them, silently. She paused. "I'm—I'm sorry, that's it?" She stammered in a state of shock.

Bridger gave her a weird look. "What are you doing?" He questioned.

John B stopped in his place and turned back around with a glare.

"Not a 'hey, how you doin?' or 'kiss my ass.'" She attempted to joke.

Her best friend looked John B's way. "Sup, Routledge." He greeted blankly, feeling awkward about seeing him.

But John B didn't acknowledge him and instead stood face to face with Sarah. "Your secret's safe with me?" He spoke incredulously.

The two of them looked consumed. "What secret are—oh, that secret." She hummed in realization.

"What secret?" Bridger tried to but in.

"I just got fired because of you," John B snapped, making Sarah's face drop. "And I know people like the two of you can't imagine that, but some people need jobs so that they can eat."

His anger got the best of him and he smacked the bag of chips out of Sarah's hand. "What the fuck?" She cursed loudly as he turned away.

John B stormed back and pointed his finger in her face. "You are exactly who I thought you were, Sarah Cameron." His eyes moved to Bridger, who stood on the side and watched. "Both of you."

He threw his hands up. "The hell did I do?"

He left swiftly in anger, the two Kooks still standing there in surprise. "Asshole." Sarah muttered.

Bridger blinked and slowly wrapped his arm around her shoulder. "C'mon." He muttered and they walked off, his head looked back at where the Pogue once stood.

Inez Maddox was quite literally the sun in the sky. When she smiled, it grew warmer outside. She was not a cold person; her heart was good as gold. She never had a bad thing to say about anyone and nobody had anything bad to say about her. That's why Bridger loved her so much. A year later and he still loved her the same as when he first met her.

The moon shined bright in the sky by the time Bridger made his way to the girl's house. He climbed the layer of her balcony and knocked on the durian covered window. He waited a few seconds before seeing a shadowy figure appear and pull the white curtains apart. He instantly smiled at the sight of his girlfriend.

Inez smiled brightly and opened the window. "We've been together for a year and you still don't know how to use the front door?" She giggled.

He shrugged. "I like living in my Troy Bolton moment," he responded cheekily and climbed the window into her room. "Don't tell the guys I said that."

She hummed with amusement and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him into a kiss. Bridger ran his hands up and down her dark arms. "I missed you today." She spoke against his lips.

"I've missed you, too." His lips lingered on hers for a minute more and his wrapped his arms tightly around her waist. "I figured I'd help some family's pick up their yards today."

"That was sweet of you," she continued to smile and her hands cupped his cheeks. "Are you still coming to help clean the beach tomorrow?"

He grinned. "I wouldn't miss it." He answered and kissed her again.

Kissing Indez was a breath of fresh air. She was good for him. The year they'd been together changed him for the better and his wild side had calmed down tremendously. Bridger wondered all the time how he got so lucky to have met her. She was a beautiful person. He supposed it was opposites attract. For a long period of time, Inez made him forget about how sick he was of living his life in dread.