VIII. crossing out the good years

Bridger found himself staring at the back of JJ's head instead of watching the movie. Inez was tucked in his side with her head on his shoulder. His arm was around her shoulder and he tried his best to concentrate on the movie, but he couldn't. He couldn't stop thinking about what Rafe and Topper were going to do and it scared the shit out of him. He wanted to run up to JJ and Pope and tell me to run but he couldn't, because then he would have to deal with the guys. It was a lose-lose situation.

JJ could practically feel holes burning in the back of his head. He knew exactly who it was too. The gaze was all too familiar. He looked over to the side and saw Pope and Kiara concentrating on the movie. JJ scratched the back of his neck nonchalantly and twisted his head, looking over his shoulder.

There he was, his beautiful self, staring JJ right in the eyes. 

Bridger's fingers trailed up and down Inez's bare arms. He could feel the goosebumps he was creating.  Her arm was slung loosely over his stomach. He could feel her smiling against his shoulder and his heart broke in guilt. He could remember the first time he met her like it was yesterday.

JULY 10,  2019
CAMERON ESTATE
FIGURE EIGHT

Rafe had dragged Bridger to a party at his house. It was the annual Kook Kick Back. Usually, Bridger was excited to go to any party that his friends threw but that night, he wasn't feeling it. All he wanted to do was stay home. Rafe insisted that he had to go, seeing as how he was his best friend. "Wipe that fucking frown off your face, dude. Have fun!" Rafe exclaimed and threw his arm around the younger boy's shoulder.

Rafe's house was huge. Ward and Rose were away for the weekend and they left him in charge of Wheezie and Sarah. Luckily for him, Wheezie was spending the night at a friend's house and it was the perfect opportunity for the Cameron siblings to throw a party. Like usual, everyone on Figure Eight attended.

Bridger huffed. "I don't even want to be here." He said over the loud music.

"You never miss one of my parties. What's up with you?"

Bridger's eyes flickered down to his Italian leather shoes. They were a pair that his mother gifted him a few years ago before she passed. They were still in perfect condition. "I don't know man. I'm just not feeling it,"

Rafe patted him on the chest. "It'll be fine. We'll get you a few drinks and some lines and it'll pull you right out of this funk. You never know, there might be a lady tonight for you." He said with a giddy smile.

Bridger tried his hardest to not roll his eyes. Getting fucked up was always Rafe's suggestion to making him feel better. He wanted to scream in his face to fuck off and that he wanted to go home, but he didn't. Rafe was his closest friend. They always had each other's backs.

"Fine. whatever." He muttered.

Rafe smiled victoriously and patted his chest again. "There you go!"

Bridger did everything to try and pull himself together. He downed shot after shot until his throat felt like it was on fire. But still, he felt absolutely nothing. Nothing could clear his mind from what was wrong.

"Bridger!" Sarah shouted from the other side of the pool. She waved her arm high in the air to catch his attention.

Bridger stumbled slightly through the crowd of people. Sarah was under Topper's arm. A group of people stood around them. Sarah grabbed Bridger's arm and dragged him over. "Bridger, I want you to meet someone. . . this is Inez."

Instantly, Bridger was entranced. Inez Maddox was stunning. Her skin was dark and glowy and her hair was pin straight and silky. She had the prettiest and kindest eyes he had ever seen. She smiled at him and it was the sweetest smile. "It's nice to meet you."

Bridger blinked rapidly and stuck his hand out. "It's,  uh, it's nice to meet you, too. I'm Bridger."

8:40 PM
FIGURE EIGHT

They got together quickly after a few months of hanging out. Inez loved him. Bridger convinced himself very quickly that he loved her. What was there not to love? She was the sweets person with the kindest heart. He convinced himself that he found someone to take his mind off the past with JJ.

But Bridger couldn't control his feelings and it made him feel extremely guilty. He could never tell her that whenever they lied in bed together or they would kiss,  he was thinking of someone else. He was an asshole and didn't deserve her. 

He held her in his arms but couldn't take his eyes off the blonde boy in front of him. 

Their eyes locked and neither of them looked away.  Bridger was glad it was dark so nobody noticed. He wanted to hold his hand out to him but he couldn't. He wanted to tell JJ what was going to happen but he couldn't. He wanted to tell him everything, but he couldn't. He didn't care about him anymore. He needed to forget. He needed to move on. He was moved on. What they had before was over. 

His mind and heart were at war with each other.

JJ finally turned back around and Bridger took the opportunity to glance over at Rafe and Topper. They were whispering to each other. When Bridger saw the two Pogues get up and shuffle their way out of the crowd, that's when his heart started to pound.

Rafe tapped Bridger on the shoulder with his fist. "Bridge, come on." He whispered.

He had no choice in the matter. He nudged Inez gently. "Baby, I need you to stay here."

She lifted her head. "What?"

"I gotta go somewhere real quick. I'll be back," he whispered.

"Is everything okay?" She asked in concern.

Guilt ate at him. "Yeah, everything's fine. Just say here, okay?" He kissed her forehead and followed the guys out. He trailed behind them anxiously. "Are we seriously doing this?"

"It's called fighting fire with fire, Bridge," Rafe responded.

"Why? You scared?" Kelce asked and laughed.

Bridger scoffed. "Shut the hell up."

"What's up Pogues?"

The four of them approached Pope and JJ. The blonde boy's eyes drifted behind them and looked at Bridger with a face full of betrayal. He only kept his head down and his hands in his pockets. "What's up, Rafe?" JJ greeted bluntly while walking backwards.

"How you guys doing tonight?" 

"Isn't it past your bedtime?"

"I just wanna talk."

Pope started running the other way but Topper and Kelce stood in front of him. "Hey, hey."

"Just chill out, Topper." Pope said nervously.

"Yeah, yeah, that was some nice work you did on my boat," said Topper in a taunting manner.

Bridger's hands started shaking anxiously. 

"I-I don't know what you're talking about," Pope stuttered and looked at Bridger, who didn't meet his eyes either.

"Sure you don't." Topper said sarcastically.

"Not so burly without a gun now, are you?" Rafe said to JJ.

"Take one more step and I'll rip that prepubescent face off," JJ hissed.

Bridger stepped forward in his direction. "Okay, hey. Back off."

"You never fucking change, huh, Bridge?"

"Hey Pope, do you feel good about yourself, stealing shit?" Topper continued to taunt. "I mean, is your mom proud? Is your dad proud of you—"

Pope cut him off by head butting him.

"Now, attaboy!" JJ shouted.

"Okay, okay!" Bridger shouted over them.

"With your fist, like this, okay?"

"JJ, shut up!" He hissed.

A fight broke out and Kelce took JJ by the waist and they stumbled backwards. "Come on Pogue!"

JJ punched him in the face. 

"Whoa!" Bridger said loudly and attempted to pull JJ back. "Guys—"

JJ's fist collided with Bridger's cheek. His head flew to the side and he held his face, feeling blood form in his mouth.

"Okay, let's go!" Rafe shouted roughly and grabbed JJ from behind, holding him in place. "Hit him, Kelce! Hit him!"

Kelce started punching him in the stomach.

Bridger didn't know what to do. He was conflicted between the two sides. His eyes flickered to each and every one of them. 

"Bridger, come on man!" Rafe shouted at him, still keeping his hold on JJ. "Hit him back!"

Blood trailed past Bridger's lips and his eyes met JJ's,
bruises already forming on his face.

"Take the hit, Bridge!" Kelce pressured him.

"Come on dude!"

Their voices collided in his head making him dizzy. JJ stared at him with a stone cold expression but his eyes showed that he was desperate. Bridger clutched his hands into tight fists.  

"Do it, Bridger!" 

With a bleeding heart, Bridger swung his fist at JJ and hit him across the face.

"Yeah, that's my boy!" Rafe cheered loudly.

JJ spat blood on the ground and he let out a loud cry,  breaking out of Rafe's grasp and he gripped Bridger by the shirt. He dragged him onto the ground. "I fucking hate you!"

"I told you to be careful!" Bridger shouted at him and flipped them over.

"You should've told me!" JJ spat in his face and punched him across the cheek again.

"I couldn't!" He shouted. He stood up quickly.

JJ gripped the front of his shirt again and tugged him close, staring at him with hurt and betrayal, "Every time I think there's even a chance you could possibly change, we go right back to step one!"

Bridger bent backwards and avoided JJ's fist. He quickly grabbed his wrist and spun him around, holding him in place. "I'm trying, okay?" He huffed.

"I don't fucking believe you!" The blonde hissed and elbowed him in the gut. He let out a groan in pain and let go of him, JJ hitting him in the face again. "I don't even know why I try,"

"Why do you then?" Bridger spat and got in his face.

JJ glared at him. "Because I miss the person that I thought I knew." He admitted in the air.

Bridger couldn't contain his anger after that. Without thinking, he balled up a fist again and hit JJ across the face. He grabbed a fist full of his shirt and dragged him onto the ground again. "You don't know anything!"

"I know that you're a coward!"

"I risked everything!"

Kiara came running into the fight and swinging JJ's backpack at them. "Let go of him, Topper! You fascist asshole!"

Topper shoved Kiara backwards onto the ground and continued fighting Pope. On the ground, she saw Bridger and JJ fighting and she quickly scrambled to her feet. "Get off of him, Bridger!"

She pushed Bridger off of JJ and he rolled onto the grass. "Stay out of this, Kiara!" He spat.

JJ pointed at him harshly. "I hate you!"

"I hate you!" Bridger sneered and shoved him backwards. 

Before he did anything else, he looked over to see Rafe holding Kiara tightly by the waist. He quickly ran over and tried to try him off of her. "Rafe, let go of her!"

But Rafe was much stronger than him. He used one hand to shove Bridger in the chest and he used his other to throw Kiara on the ground. "Stay out of this, Kiara!" He repeated the boy's words.

Bridger coughed violently and held his chest.

Topper grabbed Pope from behind and held him in a chokehold. "Just admit it. Admit you did it, bitch!"

"Topper, stop!"

Kelce punched JJ in the face. "Come on guys, that's enough!" Bridger shouted again but he was ignored.

"You don't mess with me, Pogue. You hear me! I'm gonna give you one more chance!" Topper shouted at Pope.

Rafe punched JJ in the nose and Bridger heard a crack. He looked between them and Topper as he continued to choke Pope. His blood began to boil. He stormed up to Kelce. "I said let him go!" He bellowed. He punched Kelce in the face and it made him let go off JJ.

Rafe glared at him. "What the fuck, Bridger!"

Bridger's fist collided with his nose. "I told you I didn't want to do this!" He released his anger.

Rafe grabbed him by his shirt and punched him in the face. "You know what? I'm sick of your shit, Bridger!  You're a fucking pussy!"

Before Bridger could get a word in, Rafe punched him again. Blood coated his mouth. He hit him repeatedly until Bridger felt like he was going to pass out.

JJ ran up behind Rafe and grabbed him by the neck, yanking him backwards. "Get off him, asshole!"

Rafe stumbled backwards and JJ quickly looked at Bridger. He had blood coating his teeth and drizzling down his chin. They said nothing and only held each other's gaze. They both seemed to understand but disagree at the same time.

The eye contact broke when a blazing fire caught to movie screen. Bridger quickly looked over to see Kiara holding a lighter in her hand. Topper let go of Pope and he fell to the ground, violently coughing and gasping for air.

"Bridger!" Inez shouted when she came around the corner.

Bridger's eyes only focused on the fire. He was breathing in and out deeply. He looked in front of him at JJ, silently. His hands were still shaking but he did nothing but stand there.

"Let's get out of here," he heard Rafe say. "Bridge, Nez, come on!"

Inez ran and grabbed Bridger's arm, trying to pull him away. "Bridger, come on."

He kept his eyes on the blonde. They both had blood covering their faces. JJ's face held resentment but his eyes were pleading for him not go. They begged him to stay.

JJ never felt betrayal so much like he did with Bridger Fitzgerald. He took his heart out of his chest and crushed it between his pretty fingers; a heart that once belonged to him and only him. JJ was not secretive when it came to his sexuality. He didn't care who you were or what gender you were, he just liked the person you were. He kissed whoever he wanted without regret. He loved anyone without question. He loved Bridger. 

The summer they spent together was the greatest time of his life. At the time, he didn't care that they were in secret. He didn't care that nobody could know about them. The only thing he cared about what having Bridger to himself. It wasn't till they ended things that JJ realized Bridger wanted them to be a secret. He didn't want anyone to know. He didn't want to ruin his reputation.

Bridger kept JJ like a secret but JJ kept him like an oath.

And so JJ resented him. He did everything he possibly could to not think about him or that summer. But that was the thing about Bridger: JJ couldn't forget him. His love for him was stronger than his hate.

Bridger didn't want to go.

Inez tugged him again. "Bridge, we have to go!" She yelled.

His mind was telling him one thing while his heart was telling him another. Whatever he chose, things would end badly and Bridge would rather keep JJ safe from him than in danger with him. He took Inez's hand and let her drag him away, but he never took his off of those ocean blues.

He left JJ again with a broken heart, while his was breaking all over again.