"how many times can i apologize kat? i'm sorry." matt hissed into the phone, pinching the bridge of his nose with his fingers. ricky watched from the kitchen, not bothering to tell matt he was too loud again.

"kat i miss you. i miss mom and dad and harry. please, forgive me." matt begged, his eyes meeting ricky's for a brief moment before flickering back to the ground. ricky felt a little unwanted burst of hope, his hands busying themselves with cutting tomatoes to get the thought out.

matt had phoned kat every week, pleading for forgiveness. after he read his daily novel, he set the book down and asked ricky to get off him so he can call kat. ricky had to move, watching matt leave him in quick, impatient strides. matt always disappeared into the front of their home, leaning against the wall and curl the landline's coil around his long, crooked fingers.

"i know. mom and dad don't want to see ricky. i can't just end things with him." matt frowned, his words sending a lovely feeling through ricky, the other boy's lips curled into a half smile.

"kat, don't go. please, kat. kat?" matt groaned in frustration, upset that another phone call went to waste. ricky had told him to stop using their phone or the bill would surpass their own pays. matt ignored him like he usually does now.

matt looked over at ricky from across the room, dissatisfaction present in his unhappy eyes. ricky nearly nicked his finger with the knife as he lost himself in his boyfriend's eyes, trying to understand his sadness but failing. ricky pulled away first, focusing on making themselves an early dinner.

they stayed silent, ricky never glanced up, not noticing matt wander over to him. ricky was nearly shocked that the other man wrapped his long arms around him, resting his face in the crook of his neck. matt inhaled the scent of apples and cinnamon, the smell made him happy for some odd reason. ricky shivered, wanting to stay like that. his wishes were answered, matt stayed there and closed his eyes, hugging ricky tighter.

"are you clean? i won't feed you if you don't shower." ricky murmured, fixing together the white bread with the condiments. he then cut off the crusts for matt, always thinking it was silly matt preferred them that way.

"ricky, what did i do wrong?" matt didn't seem to hear him.

"nothing, love."

matt didn't answer, removing one hand using it to tilt ricky's face towards his. matt met ricky's shielded blue eyes, ignorance blocking him from noticing the sadness that lurked in them. he took his thumb and stroked ricky's cheek, the boy's eyebrows creased in confusion.

"i need to prepare dinner matthew." ricky uttered, pulling away from matt's sudden compassionate episodes. he used to fall for them, but not anymore. matt was looking for a rebound on him and ricky decided he had enough.

"that can wait."

"no, it can't," ricky's eyebrows narrowed, "i'm hungry. go shower and not just wet your hair."

matt let go, instantly turning into stone. another factor of his episodes. when ricky rejected him he went rigged. sighing, matt turned away to do whatever he was going to do.

when matt left, ricky closed his eyes, having to calm himself down. he had to avert his lurching and love-needy heart away from the hoaxed attention. it was hard to find a real moments with matt ever since then.

it was all he could get. fakes.