CHAPTER THIRTEEN

      The realisation had been so sudden and so strong that it hit Misaki like a ton of volleyballs being power served at her head. How long had she felt the way she was feeling and just buried it away? Just how long had she felt this lonely? She was lonelier than she realised, even with the friends she had. Had other people noticed it too?

      Her need to help anyone far exceeded her need to help herself. It wasn't like she minded helping others; in fact, Misaki quite liked it. It also helped that she was good at reading people and detecting what they were feeling, almost as good as Oikawa was in understanding the emotions of his players like the perfect setter he was (and she meant that without any sarcasm).

      But this stupid fight with Oikawa had dug up the long buried insecurities that rested somewhere deep in her heart.

      And again, these were things Misaki did not want to accept. It was probably unhealthy but she refused to talk to anyone about this; all her life, she feared being a burden on others and tried to be as self-reliant as she could be. It wouldn't change now.

      (But maybe it should.)

      The bursting pain in her head that had appeared last night hadn't gone away either. Maybe she really had fallen sick due to everything. With her face buried in her pillows, Misaki raised her hand to her forehead. It felt warm, but manageable. She could go to school like that.

      'What time is it anyway?' She groggily thought, rubbing her eyes. She pressed her fingers into her blanket, fumbling around for her phone. When she caught it, she raised it to her face and pressed the power button and then nearly shrieked out loud.

      It was 9:30 am; there were hundreds of texts on the Seijoh third years' chat and their main volleyball club group chat. And Misaki was horribly horribly late.

     "What the fuck?" She cursed out, very loud, ignoring the fact that her voice could echo downstairs and reach her mom's ears. "What the actual fucking fuck? Did I just sleep through three alarms?!"

      She had missed morning practice. In all three years at Seijoh, Misaki had barely missed morning practice. In fact, she could count on both hands the number of times she had actually not attended. She wanted to hit herself in the face.

      Misaki scrambled to get out of her bed, roughly throwing her blankets away. She was making so much noise, but really, she had to get to school as soon as she could. With a note from her mom to explain why she had ended up missing the morning assembly and the first and second period class. If she hurried, she could ask her mom to drive her home.

     As Misaki threw open her cupboard, scrambling to reach for her uniform, she heard a knock on the door.

      "Come in!" She yelled as she took off the hoodie she was wearing, reaching for the uniform shirt.

     "Misaki?" Her mom called out. "What are you doing?" She sounded strangely confused too.

     "What am I doing?" Misaki turned around, sending her an incredulous look. "I'm getting ready for school, Mom, because somehow, I slept through all three of my alarms and you didn't even wake me up."

     "Misaki," Her mom's voice was rather firm. "You do realise you have a fever, right? That's why I told Hajime and Tooru that you won't be going to school or practice today. You should get back into bed and rest now."

     "Mom! I'm not sick; I'm fine!" Even as she said this, Misaki could feel the pounding of her head increase. But she could bear it. It was nothing.

      "Misa, even if it's a mild fever, your face is still red and you are sweating," Her mom said, concerned. "Please get back to bed; you don't have to worry about school today."

      "But I have to!" Misaki snapped back. She had been talking normally with her mom for a few days now (not her dad; she still refused to talk to him beyond a few words), but today she was just angry. "It's the one fucking normal thing in my life that wasn't messed up by what you and Dad did. Why the fuck won't you let me go?"

     A flash of hurt crossed her mom's face and for a moment, Misaki regretted what she said. But her mom steeled her look. "Get to bed, Misaki. I'm leaving for work in half an hour and if you need anything before that just give me a shout; and I'll try to be back by six. I'll leave some money on the dining table so order whatever you want to eat; just not anything too unhealthy."

      "Uggh," Misaki rolled her eyes, frustrated. "Fine. Whatever. Do what you want. I don't care."

      Her mom sent her a sad look, but Misaki huffed and stormed to her bed, plopping down on her bed. "Shut the door behind you," was the only thing she bothered to say.

      "Be safe, sweetie."

      "Yeah, now leave me alone."

      (Please don't go. I don't wanna be alone.)

      But, of course, Misaki did not admit that out loud.

      She didn't even realize when she had fallen asleep, but when Misaki opened her eyes next and checked the time, it was almost three in the afternoon. She pressed a hand to her forehead; it felt much less warm than earlier. Besides, she did not feel sick. Not really. All she had was a headache and even that was now gone. Physical pain didn't hurt.

      What hurt was her heart and the pain that pierced through her mind, thinking of her now destroyed friendship with Oikawa. Maybe Misaki was being dramatic, but what was she supposed to think? Oikawa hadn't even reached out. He was so annoyingly stubborn. No matter how much she wanted to hate him, she really couldn't. He was one of her best friends after all and a friendship of over ten years can't disappear so easily.

       She wondered what Oikawa was going through. Was he feeling the same way that she was? Did he regret what he had said? If he did, why hadn't he apologised yet?

       This hurt. This all hurt so bad. And she wanted it to stop.

       Misaki wanted this situation to be resolved. Leaving this situation hanging in the air and not making a decision or a solution...it was only serving to cause her (and maybe Oikawa also) further pain.

       Her stomach suddenly growled. She realised that she hadn't even had breakfast today; it completely slipped her mind as she fell asleep. Suddenly, Misaki remembered what her mom had said before leaving. There was some money left for her on the table and she could order whatever she wanted.

      "Screw it," She mumbled to herself. "I'm ordering pizza."

      Pizza was the only normal thing in her life.

      Reluctant to move from her comfortable position in her bed, Misaki grabbed her phone from underneath the blankets and dialed the number of her usual pizza place. Once that was done, she finally moved to get off from the bed. She hobbled over to the bathroom and started on her usual morning routine. Ten minutes later, she was done.

     Changing into a way too big t-shirt (that she had stolen from Iwaizumi months ago) and putting on her ugly brown bermuda shorts, she left her room and went down to sit down in her living room.

     She put on Princess Mononoke on the living room TV and plopped down on the couch. She checked the time on her phone. It was almost 3:30pm.

    "Practice must be going strong," Misaki said out loud. It felt strange, not being there and not hearing the sounds of the ball being slammed into the court. If she was being honest, everything that had shattered her routine in the past few weeks, from her parents divorce to the stupid fight with Oikawa, the disruption in her routine as a manager was affecting her the most.

     She would do anything to be on the court with her team.

     Then the doorbell rang.

     "Must be the pizza," Misaki said. She paused the movie, hurried over into the kitchen to grab the money from the dining table and then walked back out, down the small hallway of her home. She quickly paid for it, thanked the delivery person and went back inside, ready to eat and watch her movie.

     And just like that, another half an hour passed.

     The doorbell rang again.

     "Who is it now?" Misaki voiced out loud. It definitely wasn't going to be her mom. She paused the movie again and once again walked down the small hallway towards the entrance of her house.

     When she opened the door, she found herself staring right into the eyes of a worried looking Iwaizumi. He was still dressed in his Seijoh tracksuit which meant he had come directly from the school.

     "Iwaizumi, what the hell are you doing here? Why aren't you at practice?" Misaki was surprised. She hadn't expected him to show up right now.

    "Coach gave us a day off because a certain piece of trash could barely land good sets today. The whole team was in a bad mood. Even Yuki looked like she was going to kill someone," Iwaizumi said, sounding rather annoyed. "Enough about the damn team. How are you feeling, dumbass?"

     "Come in first," Misaki stepped aside, allowing him to enter. As she closed the door, Iwaizumi took off his shoes and walked inside. Which was perfectly okay because he had been to her house a million times before.

    "Have some pizza; it's still hot," She said as she followed him into her living room. Iwaizumi looked at the screen and then turned to give her a mildly incredulous look.

     "Again? Just how many times have you watched Princess Mononoke this month?"

     "Six or seven? Maybe? And you know it's my favorite movie."

      She sat down on the couch and Iwaizumi sat next to her, placing his bag on the ground. Misaki handed him the box of pizza and pressed play on the movie. For a few moments, neither of them talked, letting the sounds of the movie fill in the silence.

     Then, Iwaizumi spoke up. He kept the box of pizza next to him, intensely staring at Misaki. "You didn't answer my question yet, Misaki. How are you feeling?"

     "I'm fine now; I slept so the fever's gone down and I don't even have a headache so...yeah."

     "And?"

     "And what?"

      "You know what I mean. How are you, Misaki?"

       Misaki paused the movie, turned her head sideways and offered Iwaizumi, what could be her most fake smile to date. "I'm fine, Iwa. Seriously, I am."

      Iwaizumi stared at her, and stared at her and stared at her till Misaki suddenly started feeling like she was being looked at through a microscope.

      "Iwa, what-"

      Misaki couldn't even finish her sentence as Iwaizumi suddenly pulled her into a hug, putting his arms around her. She tensed up and completely froze, unable to react to what Iwaizumi had just done.

     "You absolute dumbass," Iwaizumi said, patting her back. "My mom told me what happened. I thought you'd say something, but looks like you didn't want to. And before you lie, I can clearly see you are not okay. So tell me."

     "You don't know anything," Misaki weakly protested, voice muffled as she was pressed into Iwaizumi's torso.

     "I know that you're feeling like shit and I'll bet three bowls of agedashi tofu that you haven't even let yourself cry, because you're a dumbass that likes to keep things to herself and refuses to let herself be seen as weak. You really are a stubborn idiot."

    "I- that's not true. None of it is."

     (All of it was true. Hajime Iwaizumi knew her all too well.)

      Misaki grabbed onto the front of Iwaizumi's jacket a little too tightly, refusing to look at him, knowing that whatever he was saying was true. And whatever he would say would also be true. But she didn't want to accept that. Misaki knew if she admitted everything out loud, it would become part of a reality that she did not want. Her heart burned with pain and in spite of her control, a few tears fell out of her eyes onto Iwaizumi's jacket.

      "I don't want to say it out loud," Misaki quietly mumbled, eyes watery. "If I do, everything's gonna be real and I don't want it to be."

       "You don't have to worry, Misaki," Iwaizumi patted her back. "I'm right here to help you through it. Trust me, I am. And if anyone says something shitty about you or whatever, I'll beat them up. So, just cry, vent, do whatever you wanna do. I'm here for you."

       Misaki let a few more tears fall, and some more, and some more, till she was full-on crying. The tears burst forth, breaking the dam she built around herself. To her own ears, the sounds of her crying felt weird and out of place. Her throat hurt as she let out sobs. She held onto Iwaizumi a lot tighter, grounding herself as she released every single emotion that had built up inside her. Everything hurt. It hurt. But somehow, slowly, she was starting to feel slightly better. She kept on crying and crying.

     But the thing is, you cannot keep on crying forever. Your eyes feel itchy and your throat feels parched and eventually, you just have to stop.

     Misaki's cries fizzled out into sobs, then little sniffles till the tears finally stopped.

     "You good?" Iwaizumi asked as he patted her back. "Feel any better?"

      After a short pause, she answered, "Yeah, I guess, I do feel a lot better."

      "I told you it would work, dumbass," Iwaizumi karate-chopped her head, albeit gently. She pulled away, giving him an incredulous look.

     "Hey, that hurt!" Misaki said, even though it actually didn't.

     "Good," Iwaizumi replied, smirking like an idiot. "It was supposed to. Next time, shit like this happens, you tell me the same day."

     Misaki rubbed her eyes and wiped her nose, before smiling weakly. "Will do, Iwa."

     "You'd better." Just to make his point clear, he karate-chopped her head again, this time a little harsher. Misaki shot him a half-hearted glare.

     "You are such a softy, aren't you, Hajime?" Misaki teased him, letting out a small laugh as his face went red. "Who knew grumpy old Hajime Iwaizumi was such a softy at heart? I should tell everyone about this."

      "Shut up, idiot! I'm not a softy!"

      "Yes, you are."

      "No, I'm not."

      "You are."

      "I'm not."

      "You are."

      "I'm not."

      "You're not."

       "I am - uggh, Misaki! You dumbass!"

       "Iwaizumi is a softy! I have to tell Makki and Mattsun about this."

       "Keep your mouth shut!"

(Misaki, Oikawa and Iwaizumi are the iconic trio. Misaki, Makki and Mattsun are the meme trio hehe)

This chapter was a little hard to write, because I was having difficulty getting into Misaki's head for this, but I finally managed to write it and finish it today. Credits to my sad song playlist for being a great help. But yeah, the angst is almost coming to an end. Keyword though; almost. 

Also, I've decided I'll make these text messages for every upcoming chapter till the end of this book because honestly, they are pretty fun to make. Ignore the timestamps though.

Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Let me know your thoughts in the comments!

On a more important note: if anyone ever wants to vent/rant/talk about something, feel free to talk to me. I know a lot of us might not have people to talk to, but I am right here to listen. Feel free to drop by in PMs here or on my wattpad insta (luckyvirgo.wps)