Sins of Relationships Past
I hope I don't screw this up.
Walking back to the motel room, I keep an eye out just in case.
Faith obviously needs me right now and I want to be there for her. But if I don't, I worry about what it will do to her. She didn't come right out and say it, but I can tell she's worried about seeing her father again. More than she's willing to actually say. She'll probably have a lot of personal stuff come up. The kind of stuff she hasn't even told me about yet. I have to be aware of what she's going through or I might not see something until it's too late.
I can't let that happen. Not after all that we've been through. She deserves someone who is really looking out for her. I tried to be there for her with her mom, but that ended up blowing up in both our faces. Mostly because I was trying too hard to make things work between them. I wanted so badly to fix Faith's relationship with her mother to make up for how badly I felt about my own mom dying. It almost killed both of us. That can't happen again.
And it won't as long as I can keep myself focused where I need to be. Which is on Faith and what her needs are. Not the needs I want her to have but the ones she actually needs. Only then can she get anywhere with her dad and understand what happened. Maybe even work out exactly what he did and didn't know when she was little. But there's a real danger if we're not more careful than we have been in the past. Or at least I'm not more careful.
I can't have my own issues with my dad get in the way of Faith dealing with hers. No matter how bad things are between me and my dad, that's not the point right now. This can't be about me. It has to be about her and her stuff. Maybe if I didn't have so many unresolved issues with my dad, I wouldn't have to worry so much about it getting in the way of what's about to go down with hers. I could ask Giles to track him down for me the way he did with Faith's.
I'm not sure what we'd actually talk about, but at least it would help me focus. Help me to finally let everything go. Too bad it's not going to do much for me right now. I really need to just put it all out of my mind and focus on Faith.
I pull out the keys and unlock the motel room door, going inside.
"Hey Faith, I found that place you like, I hope I got what you..."
The door clicks shut and I turn to see her standing there in just her panties, holding her bra as she looks at me.
"Wanted..."
She smiles then turns her attention to the bra in her hand, checking it out.
"Thanks B, that means a lot."
I really need to stop staring at her.
"It's been a few years since I had it. Kinda looking forward to satisfying that craving."
Stop staring at her.
Faith puts one arm through one strap of the bra, then the other, rolling back her shoulders as she puts it on. She turns to me fully.
"See something you like B?"
Pretty sure that question was for me.
I tear my focus back up to her face and try to act cool.
"What?"
"Just seems like you got a craving there yourself."
Better just play it off.
"No, I'm good."
I make my way over to the little table the motel has for eating.
"Besides, if this stuff is as good as you say it is, I'm sure it'll satisfy me."
My ex lover chuckles as she grabs a shirt off her bed and puts it on. She grabs her pants too and steps into them.
"Oh it definitely will, if that's what you're after."
She's trying to bait me into playing her game.
"What else would I be craving?"
Faith does up her belt as she comes over, sitting down at the other end of the very small table. She picks up her drink as she looks at me.
"I don't know B. What would you?"
Then she puts the straw in her mouth and sucks on it with a smile on her face.
Is she flirting with me? I thought we weren't doing that with each other. We agreed not to. She's probably just nervous and trying to distract herself. I should change the topic.
"So... how are you feeling? About the whole meeting your dad thing?"
Her smile turns to a more serious look as she sets down her drink. I open up the bag and find the hamburger for me, putting it on the table.
"Okay I guess. I mean, it's a little weird, thinking I'm going to see him again after all this time. Still kinda worried about what it's going to do."
"Do?"
"To me. You remember what I was like when my mom came to Sunnydale."
"Kinda hard to forget."
"That wasn't an accident. It was me spiralling out of control after what my mom did and he disappeared. I couldn't live with everything that happened, so I tried everything I could to get away from it."
I think I get it.
"You're worried that something might make you act out again?"
She watches me for a while, then moves to get her own food.
"Basically..."
Is that why she was playing things the way she was? Back into her old habits?
I open up the burger wrapper.
"Any red flags I should look out for? I want to be the kinda person who would see it if it happened."
There's a long silence between us as she opens up her burger and picks it up with both hands.
"Remember those stories I told you about the guys I used to date?"
She was pretty vague at the time, if I remember.
"Your exes?"
She chuckles a little at the question.
"If you can call them that. I kinda... let them take over my life. Whatever they were into, I was willing. Whatever they wanted to do, I was down for. It got me into a lot of trouble. I was trying to forget what happened, but I just ended up doing more stuff I'd regret later.My Watcher tried to stop me, but that just made me act out even more. That's when Kakistos came along and... well, you know the rest."
Sounds like she's really worried. Maybe I should reassure her.
"I guess you don't have to worry then."
Faith gives me a curious look.
"Why's that?"
"Because I have no plans to do anything crazy with you."
My ex lover watches me for a while.
"True but... you and I aren't a thing anymore... right?"
Right... gotta remember that.
"Right."
Again we fall into silence.
"Just... keep an eye out, would ya B?"
I do my best to give her a reassuring smile as she takes a bite of the burger. Almost immediately, she gets this look of pure pleasure on her face that I've only seen...
"Will do."
Then I take a bite of my own and...
Damn, these are really freaking good.
"Oh my god..."
She smiles at me as I chew.
"I know right?"
Wow...
"You weren't kidding about these things."
This is such a good burger.
We focus on eating our lunch.
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