"Why can't I have any visitors?" asked Fah. He was curious about who Mek was. After all, he said he had been Fah's first kiss so they must have been close. He was anxious to see what kind of man he dated in his old life.

"Fah, your body has been through a lot in the past week. You need to rest, you need to eat, especially protein, fruits, and vegetables. I want you off the oxygen and I need you to have an appetite before you have visitors. If someone comes and they're a little bit sick it might be deadly for you. I'm not taking any chances."

Fah stared at his hands. Lom said nothing and waited for Fah to speak but he remained silent.

"I suppose it's boring here. Is there anything you want to do? Or anything you'd like to ask me?" Lom wanted Fah to smile again. He was ashamed because if he hadn't shot him, Fah would never have overdosed on morphine and would be the man he used to know.

"Mek said he was my first kiss..." Fah was embarrassed to admit this. What if Lom wasn't aware of this and looked at him differently now?

Why do I care how Lom sees me? He shot me; I shouldn't care at all about his opinion, Fah thought.

"He was." Lom was surprised this was what Fah wanted to discuss first.

"Did you know I'm gay?" asked Fah. He was afraid it might anger Lom.

"Yes. I'm gay too," said Lom. Inside it was killing him that Fah remembered nothing of the times they'd been together or that Lom had been the first person he'd had sex with.

"You are? But you...kidnap and shoot people," said Fah. He was having trouble explaining himself.

"Oh, you think if a man is gay he has to be sweet and kind all of the time? Do you think every gay man sells flowers?" Lom was laughing. "Fah, what I do with the man I love has nothing to do with my job. My personal and work lives are separate."

"Did I know you were gay?" asked Fah.

"Yes, you found out last year."

"Only last year? I thought we grew up together and were close." Fah hated that everything was so confusing. It made him feel stupid.

"I didn't tell you because you were always busy with schoolwork and didn't hang out with anyone I was friends with."

"How did I find out?" asked Fah.

"You asked me who the first person I had sex with was and I told you. It was someone we went to high school with."

"What was his name?" Fah wondered if this might trigger any memories.

"Somchai. He played badminton at school and later played on the national team."

"Oh, so you like athletic guys?" Fah was curious, he couldn't picture the type of man that would interest Lom.

"I don't only like athletes but I am picky if I'm going to date someone," said Lom.

"Are you dating someone now?" Fah asked this and hoped Lom said no, although he was unsure why.

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm not, that's why. There are a lot of guys I've had sex with but I've only ever dated two people, Somchai, and one other person."

"Who was the other person?" Fah tilted his head to the side and wrinkled his nose.

"It doesn't matter. He isn't around anymore," Lom said, a tinge of sadness in his voice.

"What was he like?"

"He was kind and sweet and always looked for the positive things in people. He believed in helping everyone. He was honest and he made me laugh. He never played games but instead told me exactly what he was feeling. He was smart and although he knew what kind of family I came from and what my job was, he thought I was a person with value. He loved me for me." Lom's voice drifted off.

"What happened to him? Where did he go?"

"He disappeared, I don't have a clue where he went. I'm not sure if we'll ever meet again."

"That's sad. I'm sorry, I probably made you sad by asking about him," Fah said, crossing his arms across his chest. Under his breath, he muttered, "No person could be that good." He couldn't compete with Lom's ex because the man sounded like a saint so he decided to change the subject.

"How did I meet Mek?"

"We met him at the same time, at a gay bar."

"I went to gay bars?" Fah laughed and immediately covered his mouth. He tried remembering being in a bar but his mind was blank.

"You went to one bar, a couple of times. At least that's all that I'm aware of. We were apart for a year before we ran into each other last week so I have no idea what you were doing." Fah detected a bit of snarkiness in Lom's tone.

Is Lom jealous? Or am I just hoping he'd be jealous so that's what I'm hearing, Fah wondered.

"Did we ever date?" asked Fah. Lom's eyes grew large and he gasped. He tried to look anywhere but at Fah.

"Um, we, uh...I have to go to the bathroom, I'll be right back." Lom walked away.

Why is he avoiding the question? Did we date and I dumped him? Did he dump me? Did one of us turn the other down? Did my question make him uncomfortable because he thinks I'm going to ask to date him now? He doesn't care about me so whatever happened in the past couldn't have been that wonderful.

Lom returned. "Did you want something to eat? I can go out and get whatever you want." He hoped Fah wouldn't repeat his question.

"Is this because of my question?" asked Fah.

Lom swallowed hard and shook his head no. "No, it's not. I thought we should eat soon."

"Can I go shopping with you? I can wait in the car. I'm tired of sitting inside."

"Fah, I can't take your IV with us so no, you cannot come."

"Can we order delivery?"

"You'd rather have delivery than make something here?"

"I don't want you to leave me alone." He spoke quietly but matter-of-factly.

He didn't know what their past was but he knew right now he didn't want Lom to leave. It was funny how fast this sentiment had come over him. Only yesterday he had been terrified. Fah stared at his lap, not daring to make eye contact with him.

"Oh," said Lom. He sounded happy and surprised. "Okay, I don't have to go out. We can relax together."

Lom brought up a few menus on his phone and showed them to Fah. Fah picked out his meal and handed the phone back. Lom chose what he wanted, added some Boba for Fah, and sent the order.

"Where is my phone?" asked Fah.

"No idea. When we met up, you didn't have one on you." Fah closed his eyes as he tried to think why he wouldn't have a phone.

"Perhaps I don't use a phone," he said. Lom only shrugged his shoulders. The food arrived and they ate together, discussing the movie they'd watched before. Fah started yawning.

"It's time for you to take a nap and get more meds. I can only give you antibiotics now. If your wound still hurts I'm sorry but I had to give all the morphine back to the doctor to dispose of. You are only permitted to have Paracetamol."

"It's okay, I'm sorry I did that. I'm not sure why I did it. There must have been a reason but I can't remember. I'm sorry you had to pay for a doctor again. I'll pay you back somehow. Oh no! Do I have a job? Do they wonder where I am?"

"Honestly, I have no idea. I'll ask Mek if he knows and if he does, he can tell your boss that you're in the hospital."

"But I'm not."

"If we say you're resting at home it doesn't sound serious. Do you want to tell your boss that you're recovering from a morphine overdose? They might misunderstand."

"You're right. Oh, what could have made me do that? Wait, did I used to do drugs?" Fah squeezed his eyes shut, afraid of what the answer might be.

"No, never. That's why it surprised me so much. You can barely drink 2 glasses of alcohol without vomiting and passing out," said Lom.

"Really? That's embarrassing," Fah said, trying to stifle a yawn.

"That's it, you're going to bed now," said Lom. He helped Fah to the bathroom and gave him some privacy. "While you're in there you'll see a new toothbrush. I bought that for you, brush your teeth. Your mouth smells like river water!"

Lom was laughing hard. The toilet flushed followed by sounds of the sink tap and then someone brushing their teeth. Fah came back out, chin down and leaning away from Lom.

"Fah, what's the matter?" Lom pursed his lips and regarded him.

"Was my breath that bad?" he asked.

"No, I was teasing you. I'm sorry, I didn't think you would take me seriously." He helped Fah walk back to the bed, wheeling the IV along with him. Fah was walking steadily; he was just a little wobbly towards the end. Lom helped him onto the bed, fluffed his pillows, and pulled up the cover. He switched out the IV bags, injected antibiotics (he double-checked the syringe to be sure it wasn't morphine), and kissed Fah on the forehead. "Good night."

"Where are you going?" Fah panicked and reached for Lom's arm.

"I'm going to wash up and then I'll sleep on the sofa," said Lom.

"Could you please sleep in the bed tonight?" Fah looked at him, pleading with his eyes, even pouting his lips a little. For a second it was as if the old Fah was back.

"I'm not sure. I don't want to hurt you or bump your IV or nighttime oxygen line."

"The oxygen line goes up behind me to the tank and it's small. The IV is on my right hand and hangs off the side of the bed. The left side of the bed is fine and there's plenty of room!" Fah moved his arm over the empty bed space next to him as if he were showing a potential prize to a gameshow contestant. He stopped suddenly, realizing he didn't know their past and it was obvious Lom was uncomfortable.

"I'm sorry, you don't have to. It's okay," said Fah, speaking softly. He didn't meet Lom's eyes.

"Fah, what's going on now? Why aren't you looking at me?" It bothered Lom how quickly these mood changes happened. Was this a result of the overdose or something new?

"It's okay, I can sleep with you. Let me wash up and I'll be back." Lom disappeared into the bathroom.

Fah could hear the shower running and he tried to fall asleep before Lom returned. He didn't want to see how uncomfortable Lom was sleeping next to him. The bathroom door opened and footsteps approached the bed. Fah kept his eyes shut and his breathing even. After a while, the duvet moved as Lom slid into bed next to him. He prayed for sleep to come. The mattress shifted slightly as Lom moved around. He began to feel Lom's breath on his cheek, so he pressed his eyes shut tight.

"Fah, I wish you could remember. I miss you. I'm sorry I said I never loved you, because the truth is, I've never stopped loving you. Nothing I do helps; I couldn't get over you. Not knowing where you were this past year almost killed me. Maybe it's better this way. If you can't remember you can't be sad. It's better that only one of us is sad instead of both of us. I wish you could remember what it was like when we kissed, and how it great it felt when we were together, me inside of you." Lom kissed his forehead.

Fah couldn't believe what he'd just heard. They had been lovers! The man who had shot him had been his lover? Fah was even more confused than before. Lom lay back down on his side of the bed and rolled to face the wall. Fah's eyes flew open, his mind was racing and going in every direction.

He shot me, but he's in love with me? What did I do to make him shoot me? Why did we have sex? Did I love him? If we were in love, why were we apart? He said he told me he never loved me. When? Why? That's cruel and makes no sense.

Fah turned his head to look at Lom's back. He tried imagining what it would be like to hug him. Why hadn't Lom shared any of this?

Was I mean to him? Did I reject him? Did I have a new lover? Is there someone waiting for me somewhere? If we were lovers and in love, why didn't he tell me about any of this? How long were we together? He said I grew up in his house - did we start dating each other as teens? No, because that man on the phone, Mek, said he was my first kiss. Lom said we met him at the same time at a bar so I had to be at least 20 years old.

Oh my God, how old am I? Why can I remember the legal drinking age but not my age? This sucks! When will I remember things and be able to think like a normal person? I can't make decisions about anything because I don't know anything about myself. I don't have any idea what I do, where I live, what I like...

His eyes teared up and he felt a lump in his throat. Why did this happen to him?

People don't realize how scary this is... I haven't the faintest idea what happened between us before, but he has been nice to me so far. He's still in love with me. If I pretend to love him, maybe he'll take me out of this condo and I can get away.

Fah decided to act upon this idea in the morning. He closed his eyes to sleep.