I met Marlene in the spring of '66 just outside of Tulsa. We weren't really serious, not for a while. She was just the daughter of a guy whose roof I'd fixed and sometimes, when I had free time, I would take her out to lunch. But I tried hard not to lead her on cause I liked her a lot. I was worried, though. Kept thinking of what would happen if I brought her home and Soda or Pony didn't like her. Then there was the other issue. Dally's kids. They were only a year old at the time and it was difficult to get away from them. But that wasn't exactly what I was worried about. I mean, sure, Soda was a bit too... irresponsible to take care of babies and Pony was pretty much a toddler himself. At least, that's how I saw him. Anyway, I think what scared me the most was that I was gonna fall too deep. That I would love her more than anyone else. That she would leave when she found out about the kids. The kids... Still couldn't call them mine. It would take time for me to get used to thinking of them like that. Deep down, I think I held on to a faint hope that Dally was gonna come back. Then he would take over as the father he wasn't ready to be. Don't think I would've fought for them either. I wanted him to do the right thing - even if it was bad for his son, his daughters. When I figured out Dally was gone for good, I looked down at those innocent little faces. They didn't do nothing wrong. They didn't deserve what they got. I loved Dal like a brother, but I can't describe the anger I felt that day. My blood coursed through my veins with feverish heat, my hands shook. But I stayed outwardly calm. Wasn't sure how long that could last, though... From then on, I promised myself that I was gonna go one of two ways. Either I did right or I did wrong. Do things proper or be just as bad as Dallas Winston. So I decided I'd be good. Didn't know at the time that I'd change my mind and take a less extreme viewpoint. It was halfway through the fall of 1966 when I finally got up the courage to introduce Marley to the kids. And ya know what? She loved them. She loved them more than I ever did. Course I felt bad cause I knew I should've cared more. But that was the last proof I needed. She loved them. I wanted a wife and Dally's kids needed a mom. I waited a month, saving up all the money I could. The moment I had enough, I went out and got a ring. Proposed in December, married in April. We'd known each other for less than a year. "Darrel Curtis, what on earth am I gonna tell my dad?" she'd asked, giving her wedding ring a tearful smile. That was when I realized I couldn't be all good. A good man didn't steal a girl from her father, didn't marry her without his permission. It had all been so secretive, too, cause we couldn't afford a ceremony. We signed some papers and just like that, she was mine forever. Mrs. Marlene Curtis. Damn, I loved the sound of that name. "Don't worry 'bout it," I'd replied, pulling her into my arms. "I'll talk to him." At least I could make up for doing wrong... I smoothed things over with her dad pretty quickly. Turned out he rather liked me. He'd said he didn't mind too much, but he expected to be told everything from then on. I was just glad he decided to not kick my ass, so I agreed wholeheartedly. Wasn't long before I was making another trip out of Tulsa, though... "Hey, Dare?" Marlene came to stand behind my armchair. Her voice seemed too quiet and I was instantly on my feet. "What's wrong?" I stood facing her, a frown tugging at the corners of my lips. "Well... It's nothing, really... I just think..." After that, I couldn't hear her. She looked down at the floor, mumbling the rest. I tried to lean in to catch the breathy words, but she'd already finished. My eyes looked her over and it just struck me. The way she was standing with her hand resting on her stomach. "Are you...?" "I think so..." Without hesitating, I closed the distance between us, lifting her off the ground and twirling about like a crazed ballerina. I set her down gently, but my grin was wild. Like it used to be when I'd been running around with the gang. It'd been a while since I'd last felt like that. In the morning, we packed the kids into our car and drove out to her dad's house. He hadn't been expecting me back so soon and he made a point of telling me so. Repeatedly. But when it came time to discuss the reason for the visit, he got real quiet. I tried to explain and he cut me off with a silent gesture. Then he turned to his little girl with a sorrowful smile. "You're pregnant, ain't ya?" She nodded eagerly, her nervousness from the night before completely melted away. Her dad hugged her, staring at me over her shoulder. As if he couldn't believe I'd had the nerve to do that to his baby. But he didn't say nothing, just scooped up Albany from the couch. The girls were in my arms still. Guess they liked being held more than their brother. Marley's dad patted the boy's head, tousling his tufts of white blond hair. The moment I'd seen those pale locks sprouting up from his head a couple months back, I'd known this boy was gonna look like Dally. And I knew their similarities wouldn't stop there. Really wish I'd been wrong. "Hey, buddy," my father-in-law said, his voice a bit softer now that he was talking to a toddler. "Your mommy's gonna give ya a brother or sister." "No, she not," Al said, his voice high-pitched and squeaky. Joanna giggled in my arms and pointed at her brother. "Silly!" I should've been happy, sitting there with my pregnant wife and my three two-year-old kids. But I couldn't manage a smile. Cause they weren't my children. Albany with his fiercely blue eyes, Joanna with her platinum curls, and sweet little Renee who scarcely ever spoke a word. They were Dally's and Marley had no idea. It just wasn't right. At that moment, Albany kicked his way out of his grandfather's arms and toddled around the living room. I watched him for a while as he searched for something to play with. Then I felt Joanna squirm so I let her go join him. Renee stayed with me, curled against my chest, hiding her face in my shirt. My heart sank and tears started forming in my eyes. I'd have to give them up one day, even if Dally never came back for them. I blinked a couple times, regaining control of myself, then stroked Renee's medium brown hair. "Sweetie, ya wanna play with Al and JoJo?" I asked. "No.." "How 'bout ya play with Grandpa?" I suggested, already knowing what her answer would be. And that made me feel worse. "No..." I frowned slightly. Sometimes, it really worried me how much she clung to me. Like I was her actual dad. It wasn't that, though. My concern was with her lack of interaction with anyone else. She never played with her siblings, she never asked her mother to read her bedtime stories. Just me. Slowly, I stood up, giving her time to wrap her arms around my neck. I turned to Marley's dad. "Could you watch the other two? I need to talk to Marley for a minute." Didn't wait for his response. Instead, I took hold of Marlene's wrist and pulled her outside. She went willingly, but she had a frown tainting her features. We stood facing each other for too long. Her eyebrows raised up and, despite holding Renee in my arms, I finally spoke. "They ain't mine..." She smiled delicately, placing her hand on my upper arm. "I know." There was a brief silence, as if she was waiting for me to reply, but I didn't. "What happened?" "My buddy - Dallas Winston - he's their dad," I said, unconsciously hugging Renee closer to my chest. "Their mothers dropped 'em at his doorstep one day and... Well, he didn't know what to do, I guess. He called me for help then just took off after I got there. Haven't seen him since..." "I see," she said. When I asked her if she was mad, she told me she wasn't. She'd said that she was grateful cause if Dallas Winston hadn't left, she wouldn't have four beautiful babies. I realized that she also wouldn't have had a husband so soon either. If it hadn't been for Dallas Winston... Guess I owed him more than I thought. We went back inside and never spoke of that again. Our lives just went on like normal - without any thoughts of Dallas. Too bad good things never last... Marley was about six months pregnant when she started going to one of those first-time mother support groups. Of course, I was thrilled that she found people who understood exactly what she was going through. But, I admit to being worried, too. She kept telling me about poor Cynthia - a fairly young woman, experiencing severe stomach pain. "We keep tellin' her she's gotta go to the clinic, ya know?" Marley was saying one night after we'd put the kids to bed. "But she don't wanna disappoint Tim." I nodded slowly, not really listening. "Ya know him, don't ya? Tim Shepard?" I looked up at that. "You sayin' Shepard's gonna be a father?" I asked, fairly certain that the Tim I'd known would've never bothered with starting a family. He was gonna be a kid forever. Like Dally. Marley bit her lip. "Well... We ain't sure. She might lose the baby..." I couldn't stop thinking about that. Tim Shepard was gonna be a dad. It occupied my mind for weeks until I finally decided to go see him. Don't know if he was pleased when I showed up on his doorstep. All I knew for sure was that he was stressed. His face was red and eyes tired and, if I had to guess, I'd have said he hadn't eaten in a while. Good to know he was taking it seriously. So I told him what I could. That it was all gonna be okay, that being a father was probably the best thing that ever happened to me. He accepted my words with a small nod, but told me nothing about how his girl was doing. We said goodbye and haven't spoken since. Cynthia and Marley are still friends, though, and so are the kids. On March 27, 1968, my wife gave birth. To twin boys. It was unexpected to say the least. And while she worried over names, my mind thought only of the bills. Four kids was gonna be bad enough. Now we had five.,She named the oldest Theodore and the youngest Wesley. I just put my signature on the birth certificates. That's what it felt like, anyway, cause I could hardly focus on anything. We picked up Albany, Joanna, and Renee from Soda and Pony's apartment then brought them all back home. I started looking around when we got there, really looked. It was strange to see it so full of little Curtis kids. And Curtis parents... But there wasn't space for us anymore. We'd have to move someplace bigger before the twins grew out of sleeping in their parents' bedroom. The realization tore me up inside. Before we knew it, the day had gone. Night had replaced it and all the kids were sound asleep. My wife and I stood in our room, getting ready for bed. Marley leaned over the crib as she watched the newborns settle in for their first night at home. "Darry, they're so beautiful," she whisperered, glancing back at me. "I ain't ever lettin' go of 'em. Not a single one." "I know, dear. I know." Fifteen years passed and here we are. Still in the same house and sorely aware of our inability to keep our promise. The promise that we'd never let go. But how can a word ever dream of standing against life? We lost Renee three years ago and Albany, too. He ain't dead, he's just been in and out of jail for the past couple years. When he gets out, he doesn't come home. I don't know where he goes, but he's still welcome here. I wish he would figure that out. He must've inherited his complete disregard for human emotion from Dally. Don't get me wrong, Albany does have feelings. He just doesn't understand that there are people who care about him. Every day, I wish I'd never told them about Dally. He ruined their lives without even meeting them. If I ever see him again, I'm gonna make him pay. It's pretty late at night when God decides to give me a surprise. I'd already had a bad day. My alarm didn't wake me up then my boss yelled at me for being late then I got home and had to deal with a call from Theo's principal. The kid's always getting in trouble. He's just like Albany and I'm sick of it. But now, I get this wonderful nonsense to handle. It begins with a knock on the door. I answer it promptly, in spite of the hour, cause if someone's banging on your front door at midnight, you know there's trouble. And Dally stands there on the steps, swaying gently. I can already smell the alcohol on him, though I haven't inhaled yet. He stares at me, his eyes foggy and angry, but he doesn't say anything. I stare back, right into his bloodshot eyes, unconsciously tracing the red squiggles that are his blood vessels. "Lemme see my kids, Curtis," he slurs as he takes a clumsy step forward. I push him away, stopping his advance. "Like hell I'm lettin' ya in this house when you're nothin' but a drunken fool. Come back if ya ever sober up." I slam the door in his face.