"The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

What does a zombie vegetarian eat? "GRRRAAAAAIIIINNNNS!"

Spring is here! I got so excited I wet my plants!

3 unwritten rules of life...
1.
2.
3.

If you see a robbery at an Apple Store does that make you an iWitness?

Did you hear the news? FedEx and UPS are merging. They're going to go by the name Fed-Up from now on.

Don't trust atoms. They make up everything!

I told my son I was named after Thomas Jefferson... He said, "But dad, your name is Taishiro." I said, "I know, but I was named AFTER Thomas Jefferson."

Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn't see himself doing it.

What has two butts and kills people? An assassin

What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? AYE MATEY"

Enjoy~