Espionner (verb) to spy

I stood in the snow, staring at the man on his knees before my mate, holding her face as I often did, and offering her the life I couldn't.

My hands shook with barely contained rage, and I shoved them inside my pockets for fear I was going to break through the glass and rip this man's throat out.

The only reason why I was still standing in place was the fact that he was right. She'd be better off settling in some quaint seaside town in the south where the weather was warm, and she would never be cold again.

I waited. Listening for her reply. Thankful I didn't have to wait very long.

"I'm sorry," Claire said. "But I have obligations here at the castle."

I watched Alec's face harden. "You mean to Prince Bastien."

A low growl left my lips.

"Yes," she conceded. "To Bastien. I am obligated to stay."

Obligated.

Hmph.

It wasn't the same as love, but I knew she couldn't tell him that.

If it were even true.

If she was beginning to love me in the way that I loved her.

It was possible to be mated without love. I'd seen it before.

His hand fell away from her face, and I let out a sigh of relief.

However, Claire appeared to be sad. So, instead of barging in, I waited.

"You're free to remain at the castle. I won't make you follow me into the Lawless Lands. Or, if you wish, I could speak to Prince Bastien. I'm sure he would grant you leave of your obligations here at Chateau Rose to meet a girl and start that beautiful life you described."

Absolutely. I'd pack his trunk myself and send him on his way.

Then Alec asked a question that I wasn't expecting.

"Are you happy? Here...with him?"

She dropped her gaze to her hands, which were folded in her lap.

An uncomfortable tightness formed in my throat while I waited for her reply.

"Not always."

I leaned my forehead against the cold glass. So it was true. I didn't make her happy. I shouldn't be surprised.

"Then why stay?" he asked.

Why indeed? Was it just for the money, as she initially came into my service? Or because the collar prohibited her from leaving?

Claire considered him for a moment. "I've seen that happiness is hard to hold on to. It's not like a rabbit you can trap. It's fleeting. I've come to understand there are more important things than just being happy all the time."

"Like what?"

"Duty. Honor." She paused, adding, "Love."

Love?

"You love him?" asked Alec.

I might not have a heart, and breathing was more of a human habit than a necessity, but damn if I wasn't holding my breath waiting for her answer.

"I do. Very much."

Alec looked aghast, but she merely smiled, and I swore something inside me swelled with pride and happiness. Almost like my heart was beating again.

But then her smile faded, and she added, "As many in his service do."

My hope stuttered. What did that mean? I didn't think my heart could take any more of this. Which probably meant I shouldn't be listening to her private conversation, but I couldn't help myself. Couldn't tear myself away because I was that obsessed with my mate.

She was all-consuming. My everything.

"So," Claire said, "will you come with us into the Lawless Lands?"

I know this woman thought she was a dark thing, but the truth was that she was too sweet for her own good. Too precious. Too kind.

Alec had the decency to look ashamed.

"I don't have magick like those two. I don't know why you even want me to come."

My thoughts exactly. What good could he do? Except catch arrows during target practice.

"Because you're my friend," Claire insisted. "And I could use an extra sword at my side. But, come or stay, I want you to do whatever makes you happy."

He cracked a smile. "Even though happiness is fleeting?"

She laughed, and the sound was musical. "Exactly."

"If it's all the same, I'd like to come with you."

Of course he would. Perhaps he and my nephew had forged an alliance to annoy me to death. Or worse, drive me to the brink of insanity. 

Either way, I was done with this conversation. He needed to leave so I could speak to Claire.

I'd waited longer than the three minutes I promised her I would if she was with her harem.

I crossed the courtyard and wrenched open the door to the greenhouse, startling both Claire and Alec.

After centuries as a vampire, I knew just how intimidating my mere presence could be, and I relished in the way he struggled to his feet, tripping over a chair as he did, then fumbling into a bow.

"My lord," Alec rushed to say.

Ah, yes. Courtesy was important. When I was here to observe it.

I tried to hold back a snarl, which was nearly as impossible as containing the monster within me. The one who wanted retribution. Who wanted to see this man's life extinguished.

Who would enjoy watching him die most thoroughly.

But I couldn't let it control me.

If I was going to be with Claire, I couldn't kill every man who desired her. 

So, I focused on one thought that kept my hand at bay.

While I didn't want him to accompany Claire, not after his little fantasy, I supposed it was just as well that he came along. It was a dangerous road, and the demons might take care of a problem for me.

With as much restraint as I could muster, I said, "You have my leave to ready yourself for the journey."

"Yes, my lord."

He bowed again and departed the greenhouse. Somehow, I managed to let him walk past me with his head attached—a true testament to my self-control.

When the door was closed, and we were alone, Claire set her hands on her hips and gave me a cheeky glare.

"You were listening, weren't you?'

She'd been drinking with them. I could hear it in the slur in her voice. But, I supposed no harm had come out of it.

I shrugged, feigning indifference. "I might've heard a thing or two."

A little laugh escaped her. "I'm surprised you didn't barge in and rip him in half."

That made two of us. "I nearly did."

"What stopped you?" she asked, all humor leaving her face.

She stepped closer to me, and my gaze settled on the linen bandages around her neck. The ones that were practically soaked through with fresh blood.

I'd pressed her for information. I'd forced her to trigger the loyalty spell. Her injuries were my fault this time.

I wasn't gentle with her like I should be.

War was all I knew, and loving someone the way I loved Claire was foreign to me.

She deserved better.

"Because he was offering you...peace," I gritted out. Feeling every ounce of remorse twisting inside my dead heart when the image of that little baby flashed in my mind.

The only one that I could give her. The monster that could kill her.

Even though we were alone, what I wanted to say next needed to be through our bond. I wanted her to feel my words, not just hear them.

With a wave of my hand, I extinguished all the candles, save for one, then I opened our connection.

"With him, you could have...a family. A quiet life. Things I can't give you," I admitted. "You could have all of that with him." I gestured toward the door. "And if you wished to leave with him, I'd offer you money and a guard to take you wherever you wanted to go. I'd sign a contract that states you're still in my service so as not to trigger the conditions of your necklace. You could get far away from me and all of this."

By the time I was done, I was breathing heavily, and I felt like ripping out my fangs and throwing them at her feet.

Hesitantly, Claire approached me. Tears blazing in her eyes. I could feel everything she was feeling. The hurt. The pain. The soul-deep ache to be desired and loved.

And...the love she felt for me. I could feel it like some palpable thing floating in the air between us.

Against all odds, she loved me.

"Why would you say such things?" Claire demanded. "Is that what you want? To send me away?"

I didn't want to hurt her, but this hurt seemed to pale in comparison to that which would befall her on the road. This was her last chance. She could turn back now and be safe.

Because I loved her so much, I owed her a choice.

"Of course it's not what I want," I admitted, too selfish to tell her otherwise. "But I won't lie to you, Claire. Staying with me is not the easy path. Or the safe path. Not when it takes us to the Lawless Lands."

"It's not easy for you either," Claire said. Sobs starting to rack her shoulders. "There are consequences–"

I couldn't bear to see her cry. Not again. Not at my hand. So I hugged her to my chest, holding her against me as tightly as I dared. Drinking in the sweet smell of her hair and the way she made me feel.

I ran my hand down her hair in soothing strokes, trying to calm her.

When the worst finally passed, I said, "You could have a good life with him."

She gripped my shirt, holding me closer. "I already have what I want."

Gods, did this woman know what she was saying? I was trying to protect her. I was trying to keep her away from me.

"I'm dangerous," I said in a low rasp. "I'm going to take you to a dangerous place. For Diana's sake, I drink your blood."

I knew saying that word would trigger her, yet I said it anyway to make a point. We could use other phrases for what I did. I could even make her more comfortable with it by drinking from her inner thigh, but it didn't change the fact that I was a monster who only took from her.

Claire released her hold on me, and I did the same. Regret and relief coursed through my veins. Maybe she finally understood.

She backed up a pace. "You're bad for me, is that it?" she asked in a teasing voice. One finger trailing down the front of her gown.

I nodded. "Yes. That's it. I'm no good for you."

She hummed in the back of her throat. A wicked smile stretching across her face. The scent of her arousal filled the air. It was...distracting.

"I see," she said. Plucking one of the white flowers from the vase and tucking it into her hair. "You're bad, and I'm just a precious moonflower. A helpless damsel."

Helpless? No. Never helpless. Just mine to protect. Just...mine.

"That's not it." I shook my head. watching as she began to unbutton the tiny buttons on the front of her gown.

Why was she unbuttoning her gown?

The wine. Yes, it must be the wine.

I grabbed her hand, stilling her progress. "You're too good for me. Too good of a girl."

Our eyes met, and, Diana forgive me, instead buttoning her back up, I loosened the next one for her.

My breath stuttered when the fabric opened, revealing the soft swell of her breasts.

I wanted to touch her. Taste her. Give her everything.

But I couldn't give her everything.

I dropped my hand, curling my fingers into a fist.

"I should be hanged for the things I've done to you," I said. "I'm–"

"What, Bastien?" she asked, sauntering closer. "A bad vampire?"

I took a step back, putting more space between us. "Yes," I choked out.

I was bad. Very bad. She should know this. The way my cock strained against my trousers was a clear indication.

She didn't look convinced, though. If anything, it was turning her on. The scent of her arousal grew stronger the closer she came to me. Wearing that moonflower in her hair and teasing me with the fullness of her tits.

"I didn't tell you sex would bind you to me. I didn't tell you I was making you my wife. But I did it anyways."

Claire grabbed a chair, set it in front of me, and then climbed on top of it so we were eye to eye.

Nose to nose. Chin to chin. Chest to chest.

Blood dripped from her bandages and rolled between her cleavage.

"Do you wanna know a secret?" she asked.

My throat bobbed up and down as I swallowed hard.

"You don't scare me, Bastien Allard."

I love when Claire steps into her power! 👏

The next chapter is SO LONG. And so. Freaking. Hot. 🥵 and it's in BASTIEN's POV. *swoon*