Fier (verb) to trust

When I awoke, my head was in Bastien's lap, and I was looking up at him. Concern was etched into the lines of his face.

He stroked my cheek. The coolness of his touch felt nice on my clammy skin. "Are you alright?"

Truthfully, I wasn't sure if I was alright. Physically, I was fine. But emotionally, I was a wreck.

"I don't know," I replied.

He kept drawing lines on my cheek, patiently waiting for me to continue.

I decided to start with the easiest part first.

"I know you want me to learn how to fight because it will put your mind at ease when we travel, but I'm not like Okeri, and I never will be, so please don't ask me to try."

As I spoke the words aloud, I realized why this had hurt me so much. For so long, I wanted to be like Seraphina. I wanted to wield magick. I wanted to be the witch my mother always hoped I'd be.

So much so that I was leagues away from my home in the south, and I had made an unbreakable vow to spy on a vampire.

But even if I succeeded and gave Mama every piece of information about the relics and the vampire monarchy she could ever want, it wouldn't change a thing.

I was still just Claire. And I still wasn't a real witch.

I'd seen how disappointed my mother was with me. I couldn't stand to watch that same disappointment form in Bastien's eyes when he realized I would never be a warrior.

Cupping my cheek, Bastien said, "I'm sorry, Claire. I had no idea how..."

His voice trailed off. Then, after a moment, he started again.

"I only want you to be safe. That's all. I could never forgive myself if you were hurt. But if training with a blade is out of the question, then I will think of another way."

I took in the way his eyes blazed like blue fire, and a sinking feeling settled in my gut. I was making things harder for him. I was a burden. And the last thing I wanted to feel like again was a burden.

The shame of my past welled up inside me until I was shaking with it. I couldn't stand feeling like such a failure. Like there was something wrong with me. Like I was rotten from the inside out.

The shame consumed me until the only thing I wanted to feel was anger.

"You're upset with me," Bastien said. And I knew he was reading my emotions. Which made me even angrier.

I was so, so angry. With myself. With Bastien. With everyone. That anger rose up, like a protector and sought to put more distance between us. I didn't need his tender reassurances.

I was done pretending to be indifferent about his absence.

"Why didn't you come to see me?"

He tilted his head, a question in his eyes.

I closed my eyes hard, trying to force the words out. "Last night. You left a lot unsaid, and I expected you to return. Why didn't you come back?"

Bastien expelled a long breath, and as he did, he removed the ties on my fur stole, carefully peeling away the material and revealing the bloodstone.

He took the small gem between his fingers, regarding it for a moment before his eyes found mine.

"I am not a man of many words, and I've lived a solitary life for a long time, so I don't often need to explain myself. But, I'll try." He squinted, like the next thing he wanted to say was distasteful or painful. "I know I cannot keep you, and I know you don't want to stay with me forever, so that makes this...difficult."

He paused, and I realized I wasn't breathing.

"It is unlawful to take your mate as your sanguine partner, and when I realized who you were and why I was so drawn to you, I offered to let Marius kill me rather than admit I was mated and be forced to remain at the capital, or break the law by marking you as my vassal."

I couldn't help but wonder how much fate had led me to him. A girl, who was never allowed outside the confines of her family home, sent out on a mission to become his sanguine partner, with a magickal choker around her neck, spellbinding her to the task.

It all seemed impossible, and I wondered how much Mama had known. Did parents know their children were the fated mates of vampires? Was it the real reason I'd never had magick?

But, if that were true, why would she send me to him? It made little sense.

Nothing about this made any sense.

Bastien traced the choker I was wearing as if he could sense my thoughts.

"I'm worried about our trip to the Lawless Lands," he admitted, his voice soft and low. "This is not me asking you to fight. I'm just being honest. If you can't defend yourself, I won't be able to focus. And this peace I'm brokering is so important. But...it's not as important to me as you."

Now it was my turn to look confused. He didn't honestly care about me. I was just an obligation to fulfill. A duty. The mate and the sanguine partner he didn't choose.

He wanted me to hate him.

"Claire," Bastien said, my name so sweet on his lips, "you are the object of my every thought, every desire, everything."

That pained look was back on his face, and I couldn't hide my shock. I was his...everything?

No, that couldn't be possible. I wasn't anyone's anything.

I was Claire. Magickless. Useless. Good for nothing but dangling in front of a vampire prince like bait. I mean, I just swooned when he mentioned learning to use a certain stabby object. Who desires a woman like that?

The shame was back, and this time, it was hot in my throat.

"I wasn't exaggerating when I told you that I'd kill a room full of people in cold blood if I believed they'd hurt you or wronged you. And it will be that way for the rest of my life."

My inclination was to disbelieve him, because how could I be his everything, but I could feel the hurt and the anger and the powerful need to protect me at all costs, emanating off him in waves.

And...there was something else there, too. Another emotion. Something I'd never felt before. A strong emotion that made me feel warm and tingly and...safe.

I was feeling all these things from him, and we didn't even have our bond open. We were speaking plainly. What did that mean? I wasn't sure what to say or do, but I knew I couldn't keep lying in his lap.

I forced myself into a seated position, kneeling beside him so we were at eye level. As soon as I was no longer touching him, the bloodstone around my neck seemed to tug me closer. Like it wanted to be with its mate.

"There's something else. Last night, I learned of a disturbing attack. One that has plagued me for half a day. And to be honest, it's the reason why I didn't come back to you last night. I've been trying to figure out how to handle this situation."

The knot of tension that had been sitting in my chest released. And even though I knew I was supposed to be working against Bastien, I couldn't help but want to know what had kept him away from me.

"You can talk to me," I told him. This time, I cupped his cheek, holding him. "Tell me what happened."

He grabbed my wrist and turned his face into my palm, kissing it. A thrill raced up my arm at the feel of his lips.

"I know you don't care for dark witches, but a coven under my protection, the Kemps of Devonelle, were attacked," he said, his words falling against my skin. "It was completely unprovoked, and now their matriarch is dead."

Dead.

The word hung in the air. Once, I would've had a sense of pride at hearing this news, but now, all I could feel was a strange sense of loss.

The Kemps were the worst of the worst, as far as Mama was concerned. I'd eavesdropped on enough meetings to know killing Temperance Kemp was a high priority, outside of destroying the source of dark magick.

All of a sudden, that sense of loss turned to dread.

"Who was responsible for the attack?" I asked. "Do you know?"

Bastien nodded. "I know you grew up at Nightfall, so I'm sure you've heard of this coven. It's...the Proctors."

My head spun again, and pressure sat in my chest. Mama had been so close? And she'd attacked the Kemps?

I forced myself to look away from him.

What had provoked this?

"I know this is shocking news. Especially when you grew up revering these covens, but...perhaps now you can see that not everything is so black and white." He paused, then added, "I need to pay my respects at the funeral tonight, but I can't bring myself to leave you alone."

My gaze darted back to him. Disbelief circling my features. He was choosing me and my safety over carrying out the responsibilities of his role as prince?

It was hard to believe someone would choose me over their responsibilities, especially when that person was a vampire. A creature who I'd been taught was ruthless.

But...who were the ruthless ones now? The lines between good and evil were beginning to blur.

I wanted to tell him to go without me. I would be fine alone. But the part of me that was still my mother's daughter and beholden to the spell cast on my choker bid me to give another answer—one that would place me in a position to find the location of another demonic relic.

And then there was my girl's hope that I would see Sera again. Maybe they'd come up here not just to kill a matriarch but to check on me. To make sure I was doing okay. And they were attacked by the Kemps.

Yes. That must be what happened.

"I'll come with you."

He shook his head. "I was wrong to force dark witches on you. I won't do it again. I made a vow."

I took his face between my palms and offered him the only truth I could. "Bastien, I know I'm safe with you."

Question: what's your biggest tin foil theory on this story so far? Is it about the Proctors or who Claire really is or about Bastien?

I wanna hear what you think!