ROSE

Oh god who knew there were so many options.

A woman stands beside me, a child's hands grasped in hers as she peruses the same aisle as me.

"First time?" She asks me, a sweet smile on her dark face.

I smile back, embarrassed. "Is it that obvious?"

She chuckles and shakes her head. "You've been standing here looking at the tests for ten minutes."

"I just didn't know there could be so many different types."

She smiles in understanding and reaches forward, picking two boxes out. "This one is quite cheap but comes with three for you to be sure and this one is more pricey but comes with a digital that'll tell you in words and how many weeks."

I grab them from her and look between the two.

"I recommend the digital if you want to be extra sure."

"I do." I whisper, putting the other back.

She clutches her child's hand in hers and smiles at me. "I hope you get the results you want."

"Thank you, I mean it. Thank you." A weight settles on my shoulders as I look at the box, the words blurring as the gravity of what might come from this hits me.

Oh God. I cannot have a kid. I don't even know who the father is.

I mentally chide myself. I don't know yet, for all I know I could just be late. It's happened before, granted not many times but it has happened.

"Us women have to stick together." The woman's voice penetrates my inner meltdown and I glance up at her in relief. She has no idea what her being here is doing for my mind.

I look down at the pregnancy test in my hand and scrunch my nose.

Am I really doing this?

I quickly take out my phone and snap a photo of the test, sending a photo to the group chat with the girls.

Three little dots appear under Zhalas' name almost instantly before a barrage of emojis appear.

"That was a bad idea." I whisper to myself and wish I hadn't sent the text.

My phone blares in my hand and I flinch, the device tumbling from my grip and slamming to the floor.

The noise cuts off instantly and I cringe as I bend to pick it up, finding the screen smashed and blank.

"Great." I hiss and shove the broken phone in my pocket, making my way to the checkout.

• • •

"Have you peed yet?"

"No!" I grumble, my hands shaking as I hold the cup beneath me.

"Why not?" Zhala whines, the unmistakable sound of her feet stomping.

"I can't pee knowing you're listening." I hiss

"Oh." Her voice trails off. "You have a shy bladder?" She asks sweetly and I glare at the door separating us.

"It's a thing, okay!"

"How can I help?"

"You can leave."

"No can do, babe."

"What about music?" Lachlan's voice pierces my concentration and I almost drop the cup.

"Lachlan's here?" I squeak, wide eyed at the door.

"Yeah, why wouldn't he be?"

"Never mind." I grumble and focus back on the task at hand.

"Try the music, maybe she'll get over her stage fright."

"What genre?"

"Umm. . ."

"I have rock, pop . . . "

"Babe, it's Spotify, it has everything."

"How about . . ."

I squeeze my eyes shut, fingers deathly holding the cup so I don't drop it. My arm is starting to hurt from the odd way I have my hand shoved between my legs, hunched over a toilet like some type of macabre artwork. Surely this is what Da Vinci had in mind when he sculpted David, right?

The bickering outside the bathroom door has my hand clenching around the cup and I groan. "Can you two shut up?"

Miley Cyrus' 'Mothers Daughter' blares through my apartment, loud enough to drown out their voices and talk over the thoughts in my head.

"Really?" I whisper under my breath at the choice of song, looking at the wrapped pregnancy test.

Am I about to be a mother?

Miley Cyrus' voice croons louder and I blink my unfocused eyes, forcing myself to focus on the now.

Finally, I pee.

I place the half filled cup on the counter and flush before washing my hands.

It takes me three tries to tear the wrapping on the test and reread the instructions again and again before I stick the test in, counting the seconds down to remove it before putting the cap on and placing it on the counter.

I watch it, the screen loading as my gaze stays riveted on it.

Finally I turn away and open the door, poking my head out.

"You okay?" Lachlan asks as he turns the volume down.

"Yeah." I mumble, nodding my head, hair falling into my eyes. I brush it back with a shaky hand, curling my fingers into a fist and forcing my hand by my side when I notice the tremors.

"We'll be here." Zhala says, folding me into her arms.

I nod again, remaining silent as I lay my head on her shoulder, staring in disacociation at the blank wall across from me.

I should really find some artwork to put there, something floral, or abstract. Something to pull my attention from the fact that I might be carrying a strange man's baby.

The ache in the back of my throat tells me I might cry.

I don't want to.

The minutes tick by before I finally gain the courage to go look. I slowly pull away from Zhala's arms and turn around, walking back into the bathroom.

My eyes sting and I rub them as I walk to the counter, peering down at the test.

Pregnant
2-3 weeks

I grab the stick and walk back outside as there's be a knock on my door.

It opens and I hear Keelie's voice echo in my apartment before the door shuts.

I walk out to three faces peering at me questioningly.

"I'm pregnant." The words feel foreign in my mouth. Like somebody else had taken over for a second, said what they wanted to and then given me my body back.

"When we said you could go all night long. We didn't mean for the next eighteen years." Keelie whispers, shock in her tone.

"Eighteen, more like forever. I'm thirty one and mums still worried about me." Lachlan announces.

"Thirty-two." Zhala mutters, not taking her eyes off me.

"What?"

"You're thirty-two, babe."

"Oh. Well it didn't feel like my birthday this year so I didn't count it."

"That's not how it works."

"Yes it is."

"How many birthdays have you not counted?" I ask to distract myself. The test twisting and twirling between my fingers, jumping from one hand to another. I blink when he sends me a scandalous look, like asking the question is akin to murder.

"That doesn't matter."

Zhala shakes her head and laughs under her breath before walking up to me, wrapping me in her arms. "You have to book a scan," she mumbles.

I know she's right. But I don't want to. I want to continue living in denial, and pretending like my life hasn't just completely and irrevocably changed.

Tears leak from my eyes as I feel two other pairs wrap around me tightly.

"Oh god, I have to find the father." My three closest friends step back and I stare between their faces, the different emotions flitting between each of their eyes.

• • •

Finding the father was a lot harder than I anticipated since I didn't remember where he lived and my phone was in getting fixed.

It would take a few days to a week before I could get it back.

I was tempted to buy another one but I didn't have money to waste when I had a baby on the way.

Oh fuck, I'm going to be a mother.

It was days like today that it really hit me. When I would just wake up and kind of forget the news and I'd go about my life and then it would just hit me, like a tsunami wave of shock. I was pregnant.

How do people know if they're going to be good parents? I mean my parents did all right but they weren't parents for long before the accident and Aster and I were sent to live with our grandparents.

And now they too, were gone. I had no friends that had kids, who was I meant to go to for help?

What if I'm a shit parent?

Am I ready for a baby?

Is my baby ready for me?

I breathe out and dispel the thoughts, focusing back on trying to find my baby daddy.

I had tried Keelie's phone, knowing I sent her my pinged location when she picked me up but then I remember I deleted it on a whim that same morning.

Now I was screwed because I got screwed.

Fate is a bitch.

Now I had to wait close to a week to get the address to this guys place so I can drop the news on him that he's going to be a father and ask if he's willing to co-parent.

"I don't even know how to parent, how am I supposed to figure out co-parenting?" I ask Keelie and James as I sit behind my desk at work, their faces filling the screen of my computer.

"You'll figure it out, parenting isn't all the same and there's going to be ups and downs. All new parents didn't know what they were doing at first either, even your parents, and they figured it out. That is parenting." James announces, the voice of reason.

"That's if he even wants to be in the babies life, our life. I'm apart of his life now by default." I chew my nail, feeling dread. "What if I'm ruining his life?"

"He should've wrapped it."

"He did. At least, I mean I think he did. I don't remember a lot but I wouldn't have skimped on that and I think I remember using one."

"All times?" James quips.

I think back on what I can remember. "Yeah, all times." I say distractedly, my mind on six abs and strong arms holding me up. Heat licking my skin and kisses scorching a trail down my naval.

"Earth to Rose?" Keelie hums.

I clear my throat and snap myself out of it.

"I mean, I can do this alone if he doesn't want to be apart of it. Plenty of single parents do it, I can too." I say the words like I'm trying to convince myself. I'm not sure if it's working.

"You can. And you'll have a lot of aunties and uncles to help."

"Speaking of Aunties, have you told Aster yet?" James asks.

"Not yet." I mutter dejectedly, thinking of my sisters wedding. "I'll tell her before the wedding."

"That's a good idea."

"My main priority is finding the man, then I'll focus on Aster."

"Will she be angry?"

"No, she'll just be upset we can't get drunk together at her wedding."

"I miss Aster, when's she coming down next?" Keelie asks.

"I have no idea, probably Christmas."

An email pops up on my screen, the word 'URGENT' pulling my focus away from my friends.

"I have to go back to work, lunch break is officially over." I sigh and wave goodbye before exiting from the chat and opening my emails.

Another day in the same routine. I cannot wait for this wedding, atleast it'll give me a little time to figure out my life.

"I need a holiday." I groan and thump my head against my desk, my computer chirping with the unread email.

"Please be quiet." I mutter dejectedly.

The device chirps in defiance and I grimace as it does it again and again, demanding I give it attention.

I slam a hand down on the keys, willing it to shut up.

"Is this what having a kids gonna be like?" I whisper and lay my hand on my flat stomach. "Are you going to be annoying?" My stomach rumbles in response and I remember that I have to eat. "This kid is not ready for me as a mother, I can't even parent myself."

"Are you talking to yourself again?"

My head snaps up and I stare at the door to my office. Still closed.

Looking behind me, I squint at the sun shining through the glass.

"You're an actual idiot."

My head snaps to my computer and I have to stop myself from tumbling from the chair at the sight of my mirror image on my screen, smiling brightly into her lens.

"Aster." I say through a smile, relief curling in my stomach.

"Hey Rosey Babe." She grins and rolls a shoulder before leaning closer curiously. "What's this I hear about a baby. Who's pregnant?" Her eyes narrow accusingly, her blue gaze staring through me like she can uncover my every secret.

She can.

I swallow, my face paling and that telltale burn in the back of my throat that tells me I'm going to cry.

You've got to be kidding me.

"Aster, I-" I cut myself off, trying to find the words to articulate what I need to.

"Are you okay?"

I think about it. Really think about it. "No."

"What's happening? Did you need me to come down? Did you want to come up earlier? Whatever you need, I'll even pay if you need me to."

"No, I-" I sigh and glance down.

I didn't even realise my hand was rubbing my stomach.

"I'm pregnant."

The silence stretches on before Asters face fills the screen. "What? How-what?" The screen seems to stop, my sister's face frozen in shock but then I realise I've just made her that way with my little revelation. "Are you okay?" She whispers, her eyes travelling downwards even though she can't see my stomach.

"No. I don't know." I sigh, slumping further into my seat.

"Babe? Is that Rose?"

My eyes widen at the sound of Matt's voice and I subtly shake my head at Aster. "Don't tell him yet."

Her brows furrow but she nods, smiling encouragingly at me. Matt enters the screen and he pushes Aster out of the way, his big forehead taking up all the camera space until Aster forces him back with a scowl. "You did not just push me out of the way?" She mutters.

"What are you gonna do about it?" Matt retorts.

"Jerk."

"Noob."

"Mini dick."

"Tiny titties."

"Guys shut up!" I interrupt but it does nothing to quell the squabble. I contemplate hanging up, flying to Fiji and living my best life so I don't have to listen to them anymore.

I'm still contemplating it when I finally hear silence, well as silent as they could be. There's still the sound of crunching chips as someone eats.

I stare at the them in confusion before I notice the packet of chips sitting in Matt's lap. My eyebrows furrow

"Matt? What are you wearing?"

"What? Oh those!" I hear Aster before she starts giggling to herself.

"Boxers." He replies.

"Why do your boxers have penises on them?" I ask him.

"They were a Christmas gift." He says sheepishly

"From who?" Aster asks him giggling, obviously already knowing the answer.

"What does it matter who th-" I start.

"My mum." He answers, again, sheepishly.

"Diana!?" I exclaim. "Good Goddess. What happened to sweet innocent Diana?!" I ask in bewilderment.

"Innocent." He scoffs

"God, I love Diana." Aster says dreamily while looking at her fiancé's crotch.

I cringe and halt the conversation from going further. "So why did you call?"

"Just wanted to check in before the wedding."

"The wedding. Right." I whisper to myself. "How're the feet, they cold yet?"

"Toasty warm." She beams at me and leans over to kiss Matt's cheek.

"When are you coming down again?" Matt questions and throws the empty packet of chips over his shoulder.

Aster whacks him lightly as she scolds him for the mess.

"I was gonna come in tomorrow but there's a few stuff I have to get done here first but I'll be there for the engagement party."

"So three days?"

"Yeah."

An alarm sounds and Matt reaches to the side to grab his phone.

"Sorry Rose, we've got to go. My cousins about to land, we have to go pick him up."

"I have to get back to work anyway." I shrug and blow a kiss at the screen, beaming at the both of them and shaking my head at Asters curious look when Matt turns away.

'I'll be fine' I mouth to her before hanging up.

I groan and slump in my chair as soon as the chat closes.

At least, I hope I will be.