The past week has been exhausting, Noah and Beckett both being clingy. It has resulted in me having to wear both of them if I want to get anything done. Otherwise, I have stayed either in the bedroom or upstairs with Avery, just so I can get some peace of mind.

Jesse has been trying to help, taking the boys whenever he isn't out fixing something for Alpha Seren or building something for the newcomers. Noah and Beckett like to lay on his chest while he talks to him, his deep voice soothing both of them to sleep with ease. Those moments are the ones where I wish I had a camera, just so I could preserve these memories in hard copy.

Despite all of my exhaustion, though, I lay in bed unable to sleep. This is due to the fact that I have a baby attached to me, and I find it very difficult to sleep while nursing. The only times I could do it were while I was pregnant when even the discomfort of nursing could not keep me from sleeping.

Jesse is sleeping next to me, his arm wrapped around me. If it weren't for the two babies between us, I would be pressed up against him head to toe. A snuffling has me looking away from my mate and down to the sleeping babes. Beckett is curled close to his father, pacifier bobbing periodically as he slumbers. Noah, though, is getting distressed.

"It's alright, love," I whisper, my fingers running the length of his back in comfort. Today was his day with Ellen, and as per usual, he came back very distressed. Add in the fact that he is teething, and I have had him clinging to me for the entire night. Everything is irritating to him, even his pacifier that he usually loves. Probably because it rubs against his aching gums.

He turns away from me as he squirms, unlatching in the process. His little face scrunches up, his hands coming to rub at his eyes. He is tired, probably more than me. Without a sufficient nap during the day and his high distress, he is utterly exhausted.

Leaning down, I press a few kisses against his cheeks, pulling him up to my neck so that he can find some comfort in my scent.

"Peanut, it's alright," I soothe, petting the dark strands of his hair. "Mama's here."

"He not sleeping still?" Jesse asks, startling me. His eyes are still closed, but I guess he hadn't been sleeping as I thought he was.

"He slept for maybe an hour," I say, my voice scratchy.

"Why don't you get some sleep," Jesse says, blinking open his eyes. "I'll stay up with him for a bit."

Leaning over the babies, I press a kiss against his lips. "That would be great, but since he seems to only be soothed from nursing, I think that may be a problem."

"Are there any bottles left in the fridge?" Jesse asks, his hand moving to the small of my back. His strong fingers are wonderful as they start to massage away some of my tension.

Closing my eyes, I lean back against the pillows. "There should at least one left." Peeking open an eye, I see Jesse watching me with amused eyes. "Can you check for me, love?"
The endearment slips out before I can stop it, and I am too tired to think too much about it. Jesse just smiles though, his warm hands moving up to my hair and massaging my scalp.

"Of course," he says, slipping out of bed. He picks up a pair of sweats off the ground, pulling them on before reaching down to pick up Noah. "Get some rest. We'll be alright."

Noah's cries start to quiet the farther away they get. Now with Jesse's warmth gone, Beckett and I scoot closer together. Beckett is a lot calmer than his brother. I don't know if it is because he is only nine-weeks-old, or if that is just going to be his personality.

He blinks up at me twice, and I pull him against my chest, finding comfort in the proximity. When my babies are close to me, I know they are safe. Knowing that Noah will be perfectly fine with Jesse, I allow myself to relax into the mattress. Beckett wraps his tiny fingers around one of my own, letting out a heavy sigh before falling back asleep.

The room is still dark when someone gently shakes me awake. It takes a lot of effort for me to open my eyes since they are so heavy. It feels as if I have only been asleep for a second.

"Yeah?" I croak, finally cracking open an eye.

"He's refusing the bottle and is just getting more upset," Jesse's familiar voice says, his words soft. He looks guilty for waking me up, and that's how I know that he must truly be worried about Noah.

It is then that I hear Noah's irritated grunts, the ones that come before he cries. Beckett is still asleep against me, so I place a kiss on his nose before forcing myself up into a sitting position.

Jesse places Noah into my outstretched arms, and he immediately cuddles into my chest.

"Were you being difficult for daddy, peanut?" I say, kissing his cheeks.

"Not difficult, just wants his mama," Jesse says, his hand settling on my leg once he climbs back into bed.

Humming softly in response, I rub Noah's back in an effort to get him to sleep. The poor boy is too upset, though, to close his eyes. His hands hold tightly onto my rumpled shirt, his eyes remaining wide open despite the late hour.

Jesse has fallen back asleep, Beckett once again tucked up against his chest. Knowing that Noah is going to be awake for a while, I decide to wander down to the living room. The door closes without a sound behind me, but the stairs let out periodic creaks as I walk down them.

The house is silent, everyone asleep seeing that it is- my eyes cut over to the grandfather clock in the living room- four in the morning. Matty should be up soon, something that has become a habit of the little boy.

The fire is still crackling, keeping the room a soothing warm temperature. Someone must have thrown a log in a couple hours ago. Meeka seems to be enjoying it, lying sprawled out on the rug directly in front of the fire. I don't usually get to see her too much anymore, the little ones spending most of their time with her.

The recliner lets out a groan when I settle into it, and I pull the handle, making it so that we are laying back further. Grabbing a blanket, I drape it over the two of us, making sure that Noah's little feet are protected from any unsuspecting cold.

He is still wide awake against me, one of his fingers in his mouth. He has been doing that a lot recently, ever since he started teething.

"Alright, peanut, it's time to go to sleep," I say, looking down at him. He just gives me a wide smile, as if telling me that he is going to do no such thing. Brushing my fingers over his hair, I watch as his eyelids start to flutter. If there is one thing he loves just as much as cuddles and milk, it is having someone play with his hair. It is a sure way to get him to relax.

"We have to get as much sleep as possible," I lean down to press a kiss against his cheek, causing him to let out a tired sigh. "Tomorrow is a big day: your first Christmas!" He just yawns, causing me to chuckle. "I think I am more excited about it than you are."

The little boy cuddles closer to me, rubbing his face against my chest. Silently, I pray that he doesn't want to nurse. My nipples are more than a little sore from feeding two babies, one of whom is going through a phase where nursing is the only way to soothe him.

Closing my eyes, I wait for Noah to stop squirming, but he doesn't. His snuffles start to turn into whines, and that's when I know that my prayer is not going to be answered. With ease, I pull up my shirt, allowing him to latch before tucking the blanket in tighter against us.

It takes a little while for him to finally doze off since he wakes up both times I move a slight bit. He just looks at me with crinkled brows as he goes back to nursing as if asking why I would want to take away his comfort. Finally, after about a half an hour, he falls into a deep sleep, allowing me to unlatch him and get into a more comfortable position.

Sleep overcomes me as soon as I close my eyes.

It is only the creaking of the floorboards that causes me to wake, my eyes still gritty from sleep. Noah has sprawled out completely, his arms spread wide and his tiny lips parted as he continues to doze, not bothered in the least by the sounds of someone approaching.

He has never had a need to be on high alert, unlike the rest of us here. At least I do not sleep with a knife, like Alexis. But still, anything out of the ordinary has my heart pumping and me snapping wide awake.

The steps come closer before they stop right outside the door to the living room. Someone is standing there, but it is impossible for me to make out who it is in the darkness. After a minute or two, the person silently walks into the room, the carpet muffling their steps.

My eyebrows crinkle in confusion when I finally see who it is, and my hand moves practically on its own to settle on top of Noah. "Ellen? What are you doing up this early?"

Her eyes slowly move over to me from where she was watching Noah, and it is impossible to miss the sadness she is feeling. My eyes quickly take in everything about her, trying to find the reason for her distress. I may not care for her, but her being in distress could mean something is terribly wrong.

A pack is clipped onto her back, the black of the straps standing in stark contrast against the white winter jacket she is wearing. She is leaving, that much is obvious, but what about Noah?

My heart immediately starts to pound, and I pick up the sleeping baby, holding him close to me. If she tries to take him, there will be a fight. He is mine and Jesse's son, Beckett's older brother. She has no right to take him away from us when we are the ones who have raised him for the past five months. Besides, she didn't even want him in the first place. A baby should never be under the care of someone who didn't want them.

She gives me a tight smile, her eyes watering. "I'm not going to take him, Micah." Her hand is shaking slightly as she wipes away some of the moisture in her eyes. "It's clear that he doesn't see me as his mother, and me being here is only causing your family distress." She pauses, clearing her throat while resituating the lopsided hat on her head. "I have some family down south, my brother and sister. Haven't seen them since the outbreak, so it will be good to reconnect. And"- her voice wobbles as some more tears slip out- "and maybe I can start to final heal from losing Michael."

Despite her words, I can't force myself to relax. The fear of her taking him away when I am least expecting it is still strong. She walks over to us, leaning down to press a kiss to the back of Noah's head before pulling away completely.

"You're a great mom," she says, her eyes sincere as she meets mine. "He's lucky to have you."

And with that, she turns around and walks away. The front door opens, but it is nearly silent as it closes. The snick of the lock is the only thing that tells me that she really did leave and she really is going to stay away.

My feelings are at war with each other. Happiness is bubbling inside me because for the first time in weeks I know that Noah isn't going to be taken away. But besides that happiness is a sense of sadness for Ellen. Just like the rest of us, she has been through a lot over the past few years. To lose her mate and then her child, it must have been hard. She made the right decision, though. Because even she knew that she was not in the right frame of mind to raise a child.

For that I am grateful. Noah will grow up always feeling loved by both of his parents, and all the pack members in the house who love to dote on him. He is already protective of his brother, crying when Beckett cries and insisting on holding his brother's hand whenever they are eating or sleeping.

So despite being a surprise to us all, he is the piece that has completed us, our family.

With a shaky sigh, I collapse back against the recliner, resting my cheek on the top of Noah's head.

Light is starting to peek in the windows when the house starts to wake up. The blankets of snow outside make it seem even brighter, the light a welcoming sight after such an emotional night.

The first ones to come down are Liam and Taylor, both holding their children. My eyes narrow a little when I see Liam holding Beckett, speaking in soft tones to Matty as the little boy watches my baby with apprehensive eyes.

"Why do you have Beckett?" I ask, my voice croaky. They both startle, looking over at me quickly.

"Jesus, Micah, you scared the shit out of me," Taylor says, his hand coming up to rest over his heart. Rosalie pats at his chest, babbling to her father as she tries to offer him comfort in her own little way. "How long have you been sitting here?"

"Long enough for my ass to hurt," I mumble, struggling to stand up. Taylor comes over to help me, pulling me from the confines of the chair. The thing truly does suck you in deep, not wanting to let you get away from its grasp.

"Why are you even down here so early?" Taylor says

"Because of a little peanut who couldn't sleep all night." Noah snuffles in his sleep, settling when I rub his back. "Oh, and Merry Christmas, by the way."

"Merry Christmas," Liam chimes, a wide smile on his face.

"Merry Christmas," Taylor echoes, tickling Rosalie's side as he says it. She giggles, shying away from his touch.

"And I've already received the best present," I say, watching as both my friends look over at me with curious eyes.

Liam is the one whose eyes widen before he says a hushed, "Are you pregnant?"

Rolling my eyes, I just give him a deadpan look. "I already have two children. I don't need anymore."

Taylor laughs, shaking his head slightly. "Come on now, don't keep us waiting. What is this oh so awesome present that you have already gotten?"

Giddiness bubbles up inside me. I don't even attempt to tame down the wild smile on my face. "Ellen left."

"She what?" they both say, making Noah startle against me. He blinks open his eyes but continues to cuddle against my chest, just as he always does when he first wakes up. It takes him a while to adjust from being asleep to having to be awake.

"She left," I repeat, not able to contain my happiness. "She said that she was going to try and find some of her family members. Thought that I was a better mom for Noah, and then just walked out the door."

"In this weather?" Taylor says, eyes flicking over to the window, where snow is falling against the glass.

"She seemed determined," I said. "And even though I feel bad for her, I'm still happy she left." Guilt starts to sit in my stomach, and I try to will it away. "Is that a bad thing?"

Taylor comes over to me, wrapping me in a tight hug. "Oh god, no. Her being here wasn't healthy for anyone. I think her leaving is a chance for her to heal and for your family to actually start to settle into your life."

"We all have our troubles," Liam says, a small smile on his face. "Try not to feel guilty for overcoming them."

"Yeah, I guess you're right."

"Now," Taylor says, a smile growing on his face. "Why don't you hand me the little guy and you go share the wonderful news with your mate. You can even get in a quick celebration before the others wake up and it is time to open presents."

Noah goes easily enough into Taylor's arms, knowing and trusting the other wolf.

"Well, I mean, if you insist," I say, and Taylor just rolls his eyes while Liam laughs.

"Go," he says, his hands shooing me away. "We'll be right here waiting."

*****

One chapter left. I'll be here sobbing until I get around to writing the next update.