The sprinkling rain is cool against my overheated skin, reminding me of why I am up here on the roof in the first place. A large tree branch had fallen on the house during the last storm, creating a decent sized crater. Water hadn't managed to destroy the inner portion of the wall yet, but it was getting close.

Summer is almost here but first we have to get through the grueling spring. When the branch had come through, it had scared the shit out of the little ones who had been playing on the upper floor. Luckily, it did not break through completely or else someone could have gotten seriously hurt.

My dad had asked me to do the repairs, knowing that I enjoy this kind of stuff. In all honesty, these types of projects help me to clear my mind. It allows me a brief reprieve from the warring thoughts in my head. It seems like I am always arguing with myself nowadays, and Liam is not helping in the matter.

Because things have been tense lately, between me and my mates. Ethan has been looking like a kicked puppy- pun intended- the last few months, making guilt sit heavy on my shoulders. But no matter what I do, I can't seem to fix the problem at hand.

Growing up, we had known that we would have the same mate. All siblings that are multiples have the same mate. When we were fifteen, we had both had sex with the same girl in our high school, experiencing it together for the first time. Despite sharing partners, though, we never did anything affectionate with one another while in bed. The thought of it has always made my stomach twist, not in disgust. No, never disgust. More like shame.

Shame, because he is my little brother. Even if Ethan likes to roll his eyes whenever I bring up that little tidbit of information, I find it grounded in me, guiding my actions when it comes to him. Big brothers are supposed to take care of their little brothers, protect them from harm. Seeing as I have been the one to accidentally hurt my brother, both emotionally and physically, I don't see how I can be his mate and protect him at the same time.

How had fate decided that twins were supposed to be mates?

Ethan is a perfect fit for Liam, neither of them being able to shield their emotions. They are both like open books, telling me exactly how I have hurt them again, telling me once more that I am the odd one out in this mating. Mom had always told me that I needed to find a way to unwind, to not hold myself back in situations that I find uncomfortable. But the how was never taught to me. She thought it was important that I figured that out on my own.

Well, here I am now, years later, and I still haven't figured any of that shit out. It was only a few days ago that Liam was reprimanding me, telling me that I need to let him and Ethan in. But it is hard to push past the hurt, sometimes, as I watch how they always are getting along.

Clearly in love.

The rain starts to come down harder around me, pushing me to hammer quicker. It only takes a few more minutes to complete everything, my breaths coming a little heavier than before from the exertion and the frustration.

So much god damn frustration.

Carefully, so that I don't slip, I settle onto the roof, thankful that the incline isn't too bad. The rain is cold, but still, I can't push myself to climb down the ladder and go back inside. This is a brief moment of time that I have to myself, no one watching me with wary or sad eyes, hoping I do the right thing.

But how am I supposed to do the right thing when I don't even know what it is?

The pain is becoming even worse, especially when I watch Ethan with Matty. Despite what Taylor says about genetics- how Ethan and I will have children that are both of ours genetically since we are identical twins- it is easy for me to see that Matty has taken more to Ethan as a father. More than he ever has with me.

Ever since he was first born, Matty has been closer to Ethan. They seem to find comfort from one another, calming each other down. Matty is able to tell the difference between me and Ethan, always has, and cries almost every time I hold him. Liam tells me that I just need to spend more time with him, that way he can get used to me. But it physically hurts to hear my son cry when I hold him, reaching for either Ethan or Liam, and not calming down until I hand him over. It has gotten to the point where I don't even want to try anymore. I know that he doesn't want me to hold him, so I won't put him through that. Just another bit of pain to hold onto.

Maybe Matty sees something that even I don't see, yet. He can tell that I am not what I try to be. That I have almost gotten his favorite parents killed on multiple occasions, just from my bad decisions.

So many things that I was wrong about: the threats of the Warriors, the claistes, and even Zalo. They were all things I thought we could handle when they clearly were not.

"Erik, what the hell are you still doing up there?" a familiar voice says.

My eyes flicker over to the ladder, where my dad is climbing up. His hair is plastered across his face from the rain, but he gives it little care.

"Just wanted some time to myself," I say, pulling my knees closer against my chest.

My dad doesn't say anything to that, just watches me for a while before finally pulling himself completely onto the roof. His shoes squelch with every step he takes, before he sits down next to me, mirroring my position.

"You know, when your mother and I were younger, we didn't have anything put together." His words cause me to look over at him, brows crinkled in confusion. My parents were perfect together, what every couple aspires to be and what is shown in those cheesy romance movies. "No, I'm serious," he says, his face one of complete honesty. "We fought all the time. Your mother is just as stubborn as you are but didn't hold back when she was upset. Handed me my ass on more than one occasion. It's what made me love her. She was the only one who dared to question my decisions, helping me to become the alpha I am today.

"But then... someone came along, who made our relationship more complete."

My eyes widen completely, probably the size of dinner plates from his shocking reveal. "What?"

He nods again, a small smile flicking his lips up but sadness remains in his eyes. Something that hasn't left ever since Mom died. "Yeah. It was a shock to us, too. She was not technically our mate, but she felt like it, nonetheless. We were happy together."

"What happened?" I whisper, watching as my father's smile slips away completely, a stony expression on his face.

"She was forced to leave. Our parents didn't approve, thought it was wrong." He lets out a long breath, finally meeting my eyes. "But that isn't why I brought her up. The point is, despite the fact that we loved each other, we had our problems. Your mother was a lot like Liam, you know. That's why she took to him so much, she could see her younger self in him. She wasn't afraid to speak her mind, pushed us to do the same.

"But Maya and I were both stubborn and close-lipped, a trait that you boys seem to have inherited. A lot of the times, I felt like an idiot, not understanding why I was feeling the way I did or why I couldn't just talk about the things that were bothering me. Still haven't gotten over it, but I have come to terms with it."

He lets out another sigh, his hand coming up to rest on my shoulder. "Erik, son, you can't keep everything you are feeling bottled up inside. If you do, it will destroy you and your relationship. You and Ethan are both hurting, we can all see it. Fix it, before it moves past the point that you can."

"I don't know how, Dad," I whisper.

"Tell me what's going on. Let me help you." His voice is more urgent than I have heard him before. Usually he left the heart-to-heart talks to mom, but seeing as she isn't here anymore, he has decided that he must take up the job.

"Dad..."

"Erik." His hand tightens on my shoulder before falling away, a sad look on his face. "Seeing their child struggle is nothing a parent ever wants to see. Let me help you. Please."

It's the please that does it. I have never heard my dad desperate before, and there is no way I could deny him. Especially when all he wants to do is help me. Well, there is no harm in letting him try.

Letting out a long breath, I nod my head. "I'm hurting both of them. I know it, but I don't know how to fix it." My dad gives a small nod of his head, waiting for me to continue. "I'm supposed to protect them, be the level headed one in the relationship, but it isn't working. Ethan is pulling away, Liam is getting more frustrated with me, and Matty doesn't even want to be near me. I just don't know what to do anymore, Dad."

"Erik, one thing that has always been different about you and Ethan is how you express yourselves. Your mother always worried that Ethan would get hurt from showing too much and that you would get hurt from showing so little."

His words cause my hurt to lurch. That is my fault, something I have always known. But it is a part of my nature, the way I have always been since the day I was born. While Ethan would throw himself at anything, I would have to be the one to hold him back, to really look at the full picture.

"As always, your mother was right. Ethan expects out of others what he gives, something that isn't always possible. I think the both of you need to give a little, push yourself somewhat out of your comfort zone.

"And, Erik." He waits for me to look up at him, his eyes soft. "It isn't wrong to love your brother."

"What- I- I have always loved him."

"Hm, perhaps you have. But this love is different, and you and I both know it. Fate didn't put you two together so you would fight your feelings. You two have shared everything, so why is it so wrong to share your love, as well? Don't be afraid, son, and I know that is redundant since I can't tell you how, but maybe that should be your next goal. Understanding your fear and learning how to push past it."

He leans down, ruffling my hair- which is difficult with it being plastering to my head- before pushing himself up to his feet and making his way off of the roof. The rain hasn't slowed in its relentless pelting, but for the first time, I feel the coldness starting to seep inside me. Shivers start up, telling me that it is probably time for me to go inside, as well.

Climbing down the ladder is more frightening than climbing up, and I am grateful when my feet are finally on the ground. The ground is soft, making it a little harder to walk, but I manage to make it to the door without slipping.

The house is just as loud as I had been expecting. The little ones are running around, Elliot chasing the girls around the room before Avery herds them up the stairs, giving a fond roll of his eyes as they all start trying to talk to him at once.

Seeing as I am soaking wet, I decide to head upstairs for a shower and get dressed in some dry clothes before going in search of my mates. It is probably a good idea for me to have some time to myself anyways, after that conversation with my dad. Time to try and sort out my thoughts, find out what I need to do to get over this roadblock.

The shower feels amazing, the grime that had been caked on my skin washing down the drain. Exhaustion weighs down on me when I turn the shower off, methodically toweling off the drops of water. Boxer briefs on, I step into the bedroom, greeted with the sight of Liam, Matty, and Ethan in bed. I hadn't seen them when I first came in, and I don't know if I was just so zoned out that I didn't see them, or if they managed to slip in when I was taking a shower.

Deciding not to think too much about it, I make my way over to the bed. The dark clouds and rain outside make it seem later than it really is, causing my exhaustion to become even heavier. Seeing as my mates are both taking a nap, I decide to join them. It sounds like an excellent idea, and after that conversation with my dad, all I want to do is curl close to them, to know that they are near.

Matty is the only one awake to notice me climbing under the covers behind Ethan. He blinks up at me, his eyes heavy with sleep, before turning back towards Liam and drifting off. He usually sleeps in his own crib that is against the wall on Liam's side, but I know that he loves being in our bed. Liam only likes to indulge him during nap time, and Matty takes full advantage.

Closing my eyes, it doesn't take long for me to succumb to my exhaustion, the conversation with my dad playing on repeat in my mind. The bed shifts slightly, an arm coming to settle across my waist as heat presses up against my back. A satisfied sigh slips out from between my lips, and I allow myself to drift, mind clear for the first time in days.