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Chapter Quote:

"Nothing really matters unless you have a code."~Brian O'Connor, Fast and Furious_______________________________________

Chapter 23

Brandon

I stared out over the balcony, taking in the scenery of the city below me. We were in a safe house in the middle of the city. Our floors were at the top of the building with our own private elevators. It was great. All us 'kids' had an apartment to ourselves. The adults had one below us. It would've been better had we all been getting along, but the tension was so thick that you could've cut it with a knife. Jace rarely came out of his room unless to it was to grab some food or use the bathroom. Ember was much the same, but I felt her reasoning was more because of the fact that she believed we needed space from her. I began to worry about her. I knew she was beating herself up about what had happened just over a week ago. As mad as I was that we weren't let in on the secret, after talking a bit to Jackson, I understood why Hobbs was so hell-bent on us being out of the loop on the plan.

Speaking of Jackson, he seemed to spend all his time with Ember. If she wasn't around, he went to seek her out. The two of them had become extremely close, causing a slight twinge of jealousy to arise within me. I had no reason to be jealous because I was a brother to Ember, and she was a sister to me. But still...

Deciding to put a stop in this behavior of hers, I headed to the room she'd taken as hers. I knocked lightly on the door, knowing she'd be in. I heard some shuffling on the other side before it opened, revealing a disheveled looking Ember, but she was awake and alert.

"Did I interrupt something?" I asked.

"No, I've just been binge-watching NCIS in my bed," she answered, pulling the sleeves down over her hands. I recognized the sign of nervousness all too well. "What's up? Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I was wondering if you wanted to watch a movie with me in the living room."

"Aren't the others using it?"

"Nah, they're all holed up in their rooms. Besides, I thought we could hang out. It's been a while, and I missed my sister when she was gone," I told her gently. Ember smiled at me as nodded, shutting her door and following me into the living room.

"All right, what do you want to watch? Avengers? Captain America? Monty Python?"

She snorted. "I think you know the answer to that."

"Chris Evans it is," I decided, knowing about the massive crush Ember had on him. I hooked up my computer to the TV and sat down on the couch next to her. She'd taken up resident next to one of the arms, stretching her legs out. I took position on the opposite end, like we used to do when we were kids. It was harder now because we both had long legs, but we made it work. Ember seemed much more relaxed, which I was glad to see. She needed to stop beating herself up over all this. It was done and over with, and with the exception of Jace, none of us were mad at her. We understood now. And seeing her behave the way she was, keeping quiet and to herself, that was nothing like the Ember we all knew. I missed my bubbly, outgoing, lively sister. I wanted her back.

We'd only been watching the movie for about ten minutes when Sam asked from the doorway, "Can we join?"

The two of us turned around to find her with Jackson. I smiled at them and said, "Sure. We can fit two more on our couch."

Jackson took the spot next to Ember who seemed happy to see him, a genuinely big, happy smile gracing her face. Sam sat between me and him. About an hour into the movie, Wilson and Bucky joined in, taking residence on the other couch. They'd even brought snacks which included ice cream, popcorn, and chips. I couldn't help but notice that Ember didn't touch any of it. The last time she'd done that, her father had just passed away.

"Em, want any smarties?" I queried, trying to prompt her into eating something, even if it was just candy. I had to know she was at least willing to eat. And considering they were her favorite candy, if she said no to them, then I knew I had reason to worry. But thankfully she took them, giving me some relief.

We finished the first movie, and put in the second one. Right before it began, Steve came and joined, bringing more snacks and sitting with Bucky and Wilson. They were all thoroughly enjoying watching a movie that had the main characters with their names in it. I had to admit, it was pretty cool.

"What are we watching?" Jace inquired, walking into the room. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Ember tense up. Jackson saw it too, but he turned his head. As if knowing that was an obvious gesture, he started talking to Ember about something.

"The Winter Soldier," Sam said. "What I want to know is how he manages to look so amazing with smudged eyeshadow but when I do it, I look like Death coming to take his victims."

"Because it's Hollywood. And it's Sebastian Stan," Jackson remarked in amusement.

"That man is a specimen. They all are. Don't you agree Ember?"

"Definitely," she replied.

"You gotta speak up, girl. You're the only other lady in here. I need backup."

"I don't know if lady is the term I would use," I joked, which earned me a slap on the chest.

We settled back in to watch the movie. Everyone talked, even Jace, but Ember was noticeably silent, only saying something if someone asked her directly. Her mind was in other places, I could tell. Jackson wrapped his arm around her shoulders, and she rested her head on his shoulder. I wondered if there was something going between the two of them because they seemed too cozy around each other. It made me think that it might be part of the reason Jace was avoiding her. I knew he was mad at her, beyond mad, but I also knew he still cared for her and that anything he'd said to make her believe otherwise was in order to protect himself.

During the middle of the third movie, Sam, Wilson, Jackson, Bucky, and Steve all crashed, leaving just me, Jace, and Ember awake.

"I'll be back," Ember said quietly, wiggling her way out of Jackson's grip.

"Where are you going?" I queried.

"Bathroom and to get something to drink."

"Okay. Want me to pause the movie?"

"No, I've seen this hundreds of times. It's fine. I'll be back." I watched her go, a little voice in the back of my head nagging at me that something was wrong. But I had to trust her.

"She okay?" Jace asked softly.

"If she isn't, she's not telling me about it," I responded. "Why?"

"Just wondering," he said with a shrug. He was lying, but in the current company, call me paranoid, I didn't trust anyone in here not to be pretending to be asleep and eavesdrop. So I settled down and tried to watch the movie. I told myself if Ember wasn't back in ten minutes, I'd go check on her.

Well ten minutes passed, and there was no sign of her. I couldn't even hear her walking around, although to be fair, she was supernaturally silent on her feet. I convinced myself she was fine for about another five minutes until my worry got the best of me. I made a shabby excuse to Jace about why I was leaving. I don't know why I lied to him. Maybe it was because I was sort of mad at him for treating Ember the way he was at the moment. But I told myself he must've had some other reason he wasn't sharing with anyone else about why he was acting the way he was.

"Ember?" I called out softly when I entered the kitchen. A glass was left on the counter with the container of orange juice next to it, the lid placed on the side. A cold feeling settled in my bones until I heard the fan in the bathroom running. Had she not been gone for so long, I would've let her be, but the worry in me made me walk over there and knock on the door.

"Em? You okay?" I asked.

"Yeah," came her muffled response.

"You've been gone fifteen minutes. What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I'm fine."

I sighed, knowing that what I was about to do would be manipulation, playing on her insecurities on her current friendships, but if it meant getting her to open the door, then it was worth it. "You're not okay, and if you don't open the door, then I will. And I don't think you want me alerting the rest of the group that something's wrong."
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Ember

I'd been fine. I'd pulled the orange juice out of the fridge, grabbed a glass, and began to pour my drink when my hand started shaking. I took a deep breath, silently telling myself that everything was fine, that there was nothing to be freaking out about, that I needed to pull myself together. For a moment, I thought it worked because my hand stopped shaking for a moment. But the second I tried to pour the drink again, it started shaking. I felt a spasm in my arms, and hurriedly set the container down. Slowly, I made my way to the bathroom where I shut the door and turned on the fan. Then I sank against the wall.

It'd been years since I'd had an anxiety attack. Since my dad's death at least. I knew the signs of it though, and like last time, I rode it out, trying to take deep breaths as I watched my muscles flutter rapidly up and down. I should've recognized the signs sooner, because it was exactly like last time, but I'd failed to keep myself calm and free of stress. But that was probably because I screwed up so badly with my friends. They'd mostly forgiven me, but I couldn't get over how Jace was behaving. I would do anything to get us back to where we had been before, but I knew that possibility was long gone. He wanted nothing to do with me, he made sure I knew that. Seeing him only made things worse so I found reasons to avoid him, which meant avoiding everyone else. Tonight was really the first interaction I'd had with any of them for a few days other than a passing 'hey'.

I'd let them all down. They'd put their trust in me to get them out of this situation with Lynch, and I'd failed them. Instead I faked my own death, putting them through god knows what kind of emotional trauma, I'd broken any faith they had in me. Then there was Jack who was just as bad off. He couldn't do or say anything to help me without ousting himself to our family and as much as I wanted him to come back, to let us welcome him home with open arms, I respected his wishes.

Then there was mom. If there was something bothering even me even more than Jace or Jackson, it was my mom. We were fine, but she had still cried when I'd 'died' apparently. They had no idea that before my eyes had opened, my hearing had come back first, and I'd heard my mom quietly weeping.

You were supposed to take care of her. My dad's voice kept repeating this statement over and over again. I couldn't get it to stop.

I was doing it to protect her. To get Lynch off her back and my family's. I argued back weakly.

By making her experience her worst nightmare come true? She already lost me. Now she's had to experience losing you too.

Please, stop. Just stop. Stop telling me that and stop saying it in dad's voice, Ember. This is just your anxiety. That's all it is. Calm down... calm down... calm down...

You really think that's going to work? You tried this after dad died and what did it do? Nothing. So what makes you think it's going to stop now?

Stop... stop... please stop...

"Em? You okay?" Brandon asked through the door. I mentally cursed at myself for letting myself have an anxiety attack now.

"Yeah," I answered, hoping he would go away. I didn't want him to see me like this. As stupid as I knew the idea was, I felt like I didn't deserve his sympathy or his worry after what I put him through.

"You've been gone fifteen minutes. What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I'm fine," I insisted.

"You're not okay, and if you don't open the door, then I will. And I don't think you want me alerting the rest of the group that something's wrong," he countered. I took a shaky breath as I pushed myself up off the floor before opening the door.

Brandon's expression immediately shifted from one of indifference to worry. "Ember, what's wrong? Why are you crying?"

"What?" I asked, my hand shooting up to my cheeks. When I pulled it away, I found my fingers glistening with tears. "I... I-uh-"

"What happened?" Brandon demanded gently, placing his hands on my shoulders.

"Anxiety attack," I said. My voice cracked at the end and before I could stop myself, a new stream of tears started cascading down my face. Brandon gathered me into a bear hug as I sobbed into his chest, trying to keep the noise down so as not to alert anyone else. I heard myself apologizing over and over to him, trying to explain how sorry I was for everything, trying to explain how sorry I was for hurting him, how sorry I was that he had to deal with me at the moment.

"Ember, I'm your brother, and I'm here for you no matter what happens, whether it's the good, the bad, or the ugly. There is nothing you could do that we couldn't come back from, okay?"

"Ember?" Jackson's voice piped up from behind us. Brandon and I pulled away a bit so we could both look at him, but my brother did not let go of me.

"I'm sorry, did I wake you up?" I queried, wiping the tears off my face.

"No, I woke up on my own to find you gone. Jace told me Brandon went after you when you hadn't come back. Now, why are you crying and who do I need to kill?"

At that, I chuckled. "No one. I'm just-"

"She's finally caved under all the stress she's been put under by Lynch and by herself," Brandon interrupted. He sensed I was about to lie to Jackson, and he wasn't having any of it. He whispered into my ear, "He's here for you too. He's been here for you more than I have recently. Let him in."

"I'm sure Brandon told you the same thing, but I'm here for you no matter what. You've been through hell, and I know better than anyone the mental torture Lynch inflicts. I believe you when you say that faking your death was the only option you saw that got you a clean get away. And if no one else does, then screw them," Jackson said.

I pulled away from Brandon so I could give Jackson a hug, trying to convey how grateful I was for him through it.

"I'll go turn off the movie and if anyone wakes up, I'll tell them you and Brandon went to bed, the rest had fallen asleep, so I saw no point leaving it on."

"No, no, leave it on. Let me just make myself presentable, and I'll come back and finish watching it," I said.

"I'm not leaving you alone," Brandon said.

"I wouldn't let him leave you alone," Jackson remarked

"Boys, I love the both of you, but I do actually need the bathroom and despite having grown up with you Brandon, I am not comfortable with using the bathroom with the door open."

"Okay, fair. But I'm going to be right here."

Jackson smiled at me. "I'm here for you, Emmy. I'll be back."
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Sorry it took so long to get this posted! Work, school, and exams have been keeping me preoccupied. Not to mention the free time I do have off I'm either sleeping or hanging out with friends that I'm probably never going to see again because I'm graduating :D reviews would be lovely!