I am not much of a subway person. If there is a way to get somewhere without wandering underground tunnels crawling with homeless people and individuals with such dark intentions that the streets of Gotham City are too bright and pleasant for them to operate in, I will do it. I am not afraid of facing heartbreak, danger and the omnipresent annihilation of nature down there. Just reluctant. Besides, the machines themselves are not incredibly more reliable than the illogically timed network of buses on the surface. The subway trains are equally underfunded, uncoordinated and likely to malfunction.

Today, I am forced to take the subway. Colin suggested a walk in the Robinson Park as a simple, impromptu date without much preparation. I intended to get there on roller skates, however it began to rain exactly two minutes before my departure. We agreed to meet regardless, so the subway was the easiest recourse for me to travel to the park. I refused his offer to drive me, considering that he is coming from the hospital and it would be a pointless and lengthy detour.

As luck would have it, when I ascend the steps that lead to the subway station's exit, the weather is back to a rainless sky. It is littered with thick clouds, blocking the presumably gorgeous moon. At least, this was quicker than roller skating... But considerably less fun.

I find the blonde man easily, and we stroll together under the flickering lampposts that line the trails, hand-in-hand. We talk about nothing in particular, especially sharing work anecdotes against our best attempts to avoid these from coming up.

Balancing my emerging social life, my job, my roller skating and my new role as Esperanza has proven quite the challenge. I am heedfully glad that nothing is unravelling yet.

I am not listening to Colin's thoughts, I believe it is more respectful to pay attention to what he is actually telling me than to waste my focus on a whirlwind of inconsequential remarks. He has stopped talking for a minute or so, and I can sense his thoughts gaining structure. I leave them be in the background noise, though, preferring to watch our surroundings.

A young woman is jogging on a track perpendicular to ours, carrying a gun in plain sight, hanging from a belt and bumping against her tight bright pink leggings. I doubt I would see this on a normal evening around 7 PM if I were still living in my hometown.

Colin inhales abruptly and audibly.

"Wanna sit? There's a..." He points at the perforated metal bench only a few feet from us, and I nod to comply, letting go of his hand.

I scoot back on the ice cold seat to look at him better, he is fidgeting with his pants. The man chuckles anxiously.

"We might get mugged at any moment, so I should just co... Tell... I should just ask you, right aw... Now."

I smile at him, commenting, "I don't think I've ever seen you this nervous, Cole."

His head swerves rapidly to face me.

"Do you want us to be in a relationship? Would you like to be?" he shoves out, his light gray eyes  scanning mine wistfully.

Half-astonished, I stare at the thin volutes of vapor that have torn into the cold air from his lips.

Clinging at the bottom of my dark red wool scarf, I want to reconsider the list of valid pros and cons that I drafted a month ago to be ready for this possibility. Now that it is happening, though... My heart is doing somersaults in my torso. All I can think about is that there is a dog barking somewhere and I wish it would stop, I want to get out of here... With Colin.

I steadily answer him, "Yes, I want to. Do you?"

I lick my lips out of stress, although I am certain of his reply. Ouch, they're really dry.

"Yes, of course."

He laughs, overcome with relief and... Joy. To be with me. Joyful to be with me.

"Let's get out of here. Do you want take-out?"

"You're speaking my language, baby."

I half-snort, accepting his hand as we both raise from the freezing bench, which it was really an awful decision to sit upon.

"Not 'baby'. You'll need to work on your naming game," I amusedly tell him.

We drove to Colin's place and ordered take-out from a nearby Cambodian restaurant. This is sort of my first time exploring the inside of his apartment, I have only been in here once to use his bathroom. There is a lone, short and very narrow window in his living room, the lighting is sourced from ceiling saucers that emanate clear yellowish light. Most of the furniture is either in orangey wood, orangey wood painted in black or dark brown plastic. Then, there are blue and orange elements, such as a single cushion or the lampshade on a tall lamp.

Colin turns on the radio, while I pull our cardboard boxes out from a white plastic bag, taking in our meal's delicious smell. He is trying to brainwash me into liking his favorite band.

After two mere bites, I exclaim, "This is so good!"

"I know right!"

Noticing a dramatic shift in the music, I immediately understand what he thinks I mean.

"The food, not the music," I specify, laughing.

"Damn it."

He chuckles, and the scar between his nose and mouth squirms. I love when his scar folds like that, it's... Hot. I feel heat prickling my cheeks and avert my eyes, anchoring them to my container of num banh chok salad.

While we are both enthusiastically engulfing our dinner, my thoughts begin to stray. I fear that I may have undone the first thread that will cause my carefully balanced life to unravel.

Dating can be... Complicated...

Voices echo inside my mind, plucked from an especially painful memory.

~

"What the hell do you mean? What does that word even mean?"

The teenage boy spat out his questions, glaring at me in utter distress.

"I don't think I'm a woman, but I'm not a man, either."

My words hesitantly made their way into the large living room, my boyfriend and I standing on the carpet in its center, surrounded by pricey couches. The afternoon sun gently penetrated the house, lighting up the white and tan walls, reflected brightly by the pure blue sky outside beyond the sliding glass doors.

He ran his hand through his silky black hair, in disbelief.

"That's exactly it. You think you're not a woman, but you can't trust your thoughts! The Enemy uses them to confuse you. You can only trust in your faith."

I scoffed, curling my toes, in graying white socks, against the thick colorful rug.

"I believe I'm non-binary, Joaquín."

"Constanza, don't do this..! Can't you see that this is The Devil tempting you?! I know you aren't weak-minded, you've gotta be strong. I know you, baby. You're a woman of faith, you can fight this deviance."

My eyes watered and my voice thinned with incomprehension. "Please, stop calling me a woman... Why are you reacting like this?"

"Why are you doing this?! Tell me why... You can't reject your womanhood, it's not natural!"

I crossed my arms over my T-shirt. Well, his T-shirt, that he had lent me previously and I kept.

"We used to talk all the time about God and that maybe He wasn't a man and we could stop using 'He' and 'Him' to refer to Him..! How is this any different?"

My exasperation and discontent were hidden behind my sadness. Most importantly, I was hoping that Joaquín would understand my logic. In fact, I had expected him to have doubts, at first.

"Those were dangerous thoughts. I shouldn't have encouraged you. You're my girlfriend, I should've been more careful and protected you..!"

His dark eyes were wide and serious.

"It's not dangerous, it's rational!"

"Saying that God isn't a man is not the same thing, Constanza! He is above men and women, He's the heavenly Lord," my young boyfriend stated.

"God created us in His image. If He's not a man, why would He have created humans that are stuck as a man or a woman?"

"We can't pretend to understand His design, baby. You need to doubt those sinful thoughts, not God's teachings. You're a good Catholic girl, this is why Satan is trying to take you away from us. I won't let the Enemy do this, don't worry."

Then, Joaquín strode across the patterned rug and slid his palms up the sides of my neck, pressing our foreheads together and keeping my face in place with his thumbs underneath my jaw.

"Our love and God's plan for us are more powerful than The Devil's work," he whispered, and I felt as though his sentence was heavy bile falling into my throat, choking me...

My entire body tensed at his touch, at our proximity, and I had to do anything or else I would stop breathing right there. The tears I had been violently holding back promptly began rolling down my cheeks.

"It's okay, Constanza. We'll go see Father Madore, he will know what to do. His counsel will cure you from sin. I'll save your soul, I promise."

Joaquín leaned down, kissing me, and I felt a visceral urge to break my own spine, simply to move my neck and get away from him.

~

After Colin and I's small feast, we decide to call it a night. We both work Thursday, tomorrow, and an early night will benefit us.

Standing in his lobby, where shadows seem to thrive because of the lighting fixtures' placement, he insists on driving me home.

"You know, Tanza, now that I'm your boyfriend, I'm allowed to do more than three nice things for you per week. I actually think I'm required to do you as many favors as humanly possible..." Smiling, he scratches the back of his head, feigning that he is evoking some kind of irrefutable rule.

"For your information, you had the right to do four nice things for me per week," I tease him.

"And it was the bane of my existence, Blue."

I slip my coat on, laughing. "Excuse me?"

He jokes, "It was that or 'sweet cheeks', you should be thanking me!"

My boyfriend grabs my scarf and steps closer to set it upon my shoulders, which he does almost ceremoniously. Colin drags his fingers down each extremity of the accessory, slowly letting his gaze meet mine. I dig the nail of my right thumb in the tip of my left forefinger, he still has not released my scarf.

"Do you have any medical antecedents that are transmissible by saliva or contacts with blood?" I impulsively and evenly inquire.

He chuckles softly.

"Do you?"

His voice has lowered, and I am becoming deeply aware of the darkness around our bodies.

"No. So?"

"Neither do I."

"Cool," I mutter, and my heart rate spikes.

"Yeah, cool..." he breathes out.

Colin's silver eyes latch onto my lips and I swiftly press my left hand behind his neck, using the momentum to propel myself a few inches forward. I kiss him and he kisses me back, his warm lips swallowing mine.