Hindi ko mapigilang matawa ng hindi pa din siya kumibo matapos naming bumaba sa kanyang audi. Inalalayan niya pa ako pero mahina ko lang sinampal ang braso niya kaya bahagya siyang napanguso.

"You look so speechless, na'san na ang maangas na Redji?" Natatawa talagang sabi ko.

Halata namang nagulat siya sa tinawag ko sa kanya ngunit ng makahulma na ay bumalik ang nanghahamon niyang aura  "Well, i'm just really amazed in how beautiful you are Hazel."

"Really huh?" Nakataas na kilay na sabi ko naman pabalik.

He chuckled, then nodded afterwards. "That's true thought, you look different when you're at school."

A smirk formed on my lips. "Well, you didn't know me that much. I'm not that killjoy in everything Redji."

"I can say that.." Nagsimula na kaming maglakad.

Napailing ako.

"I maybe prim and proper inside the school, but i can be aggressive outside on it." Nilibot ko ang naggagandahang desenyo sa paligid, ang nagkikinangang mga kulay mula sa kandila at ilaw, at ang naggagandahang bulaklak mula sa sariwang bulaklak.

I smiled and spoke again "After all, I miss this fun."

Naramdaman ko ang paninitig niya kaya sinulyapan ko siya. Admiration and amazement written in his face. Pinagmasdan ko siya. The JCF blazer that matched his white polo fits his muscular chest. I think we're just the same age. Our feature is not far apart. Her blond hair in a sticky style na lalong nagpabagay sa pustura niya. Whether I admit it or not, he's handsome in a bad boy way.

"Damn." He cursed, a smirk formed on his lips. "I'm already melting Hazel."

I lightly slapped him on the shoulder with my pouch. He grabbed it with his hand before pulling me to get to the big rest house in front of us. We easily got attention from the guests— 'things that were no longer new to me. I put my hand on his arm at kumapit ng may magtangkang magpakilala sa akin. Hindi ako nandito para mag-entertain ng tao, I'm here to eat and relax.

"Wine please." Nakangiting sambit ko kaya binigyan naman ako ng waiter.

Nagpaalam si Redji na mag-co-comport room kaya nag-ikot naman ako sa paligid. May nag-aya sa aking sumayaw pero tinanggihan ko. Karamihan ay magiginoo talaga bagay na kinabilib ko. I drained the wine and laid it on the table.

I headed across the ocean dancing with the wind. I could hardly see the beauty of its color because of the dark sky. Tanging ang magagarbong pang-ilaw sa paligid ang narito kaya hindi sapat para bigyang atensyon ang dagat. Pero kahit ganun pa man sa paghampas lang nito sa ere ay tila naging isang musika sa pandinig ko.

Lumayo ako ng sandali para mapakinggan pa ng mabuti ang kapayapaan ng karagatan. The coolness of the breeze gives me a strange comport. Napapikit ako ng mariin saka ninamnam ang masarap na pakiramadam na ito.

"Damn." Mahinang daing ko pa. ".. It's really feels so good."

Napahawak ako sa braso ko ng makaramdam na ng lamig. Nagsitayuan ang balahibo sa batok ko at bahagya pang nanginig. I gripped the pouch tightly and was about to turn around to get back inside as I barely fell over.

"Careful.." I heard this man said as he guide me.

Napa-ayos kaagad ako saka hinarap siya. "T-Thank you.. Mark?!"

He looked at me in the eye. "Haze."

I was blinking, maybe I was just mimicking but I wasn't. "W-What are you doing here?"

"I must be the one asking that..." The tone of his words was serious. "What are you doing here Haze—"

Pinigilan ko kaagad siya. "Stop calling me 'Haze'... will you?!"

Napabuntong hininga nalang siya. "Calm down.."

Napairap ako sa sinabi niya, after all this years ayaw ko pa ding siyang makita. But the destiny is really playful, we met again. Napailing nalang ako, I don't know what to feel anymore. Parang nawala na nga ang galit ko sa kanya, naiirita nalang ako dahil nakikita ko siya.

Nalukot ang mukha ko habang pirmi ng pirmi ang labi. Ang sarap niyang singhalan. Nakakainis. Bumalik nalang ang tingin ko sa tahimik na karagatan ngayon. Naramdaman ko naman ang pagtabi niya sa akin.

A few minutes passed and no one spoke. The earlier annoyance I was feeling gradually disappeared. Kumalma ako dahil sa kapayapaang nararamdaman ko.

Naramdaman ko ang coat na siyang nagtanggal ng lamig na nararamdam ko. Nilingon ko siya, inayos naman niya ang balikat para mabuting takpan.

I folded my arms and then took his hand away. He frowned and averted his eyes. His expression earlier that I knew was mixed with nervousness was differen right now. Parang gusto niyang humalakhak ngayon. Nakakainis.

"Darn, wala ka pa ring pagbabago 'noh?" Napataas ang kilay ko sa narinig.

"What do you mean by that huh?" Mataray na pagtatanong ko pa.

He stared at me carefully then looked up before bursting into laughter. He raised his adam's apple, which was probably even more piercing to his nose before sneezing. I groan in annoyance and clenched my fist and then punched him in the chest.

Kaagad siyang ngumiwi. "That's hurt."

"Buti nga sa'yo." Masama ang timpla ng mukhang pukol ko pa.

"Not that painful thought, parang suntok ng langgam." He even said, the strange teasing traveled in his eyes.

"You.." I lifted my pouch and pointed at him. "You're unbelievable!"

He just chuckled slightly before raising the bit of my hair. He raised his hand a little in the air, laid it on my head and as usual —He messed it up. I was stunned, I tried to feel the familiar feeling I used to have with him but.. N-nothing.

Bakit pa ba ako sumubok? Matagal ko ng alam na wala na akong nararamdaman sa kanya. Matagal na matagal na. Iba na ang laman ng puso ko. Iba na ang hinahangad ng isip ko at iba na ang hinahanap ng kaluluwa ko. Tila isang araw na ang ninanais ay makayakap ang kanyang liwanag ng sagayun ay bumulaklak ang kakaibang silaw.

"I'm so sorry Haze." Nahinto ako sa pag-iisip ng marinig ko muli ang pagsasalita niya."I knew how painful it is, I cheated on you. I lied to you and I hid the truth. I'm so inlove with you back then, I don't want to hurt you."

I chuckled coldy, what he did seemed to return to my mind. "So you made me believe in everything huh?"

"Inaamin ko, inaako ko ang lahat dahil alam kong kasalanan ko naman talaga. My marriage is just an arrangement at first, hindi ko 'yon ginusto. Pinilit ako ni dad kaya wala akong nagawa. He hurt me, torture me emotionally. You know what my father can be. He's a monster." Nagtagis ang bagang niya, umigting ang panga. "I was having a hard time then, do you still remember when all my grades fell? Dad mentally controlled me. He did everything just to make me believe in his lies too."

"Someone kidnapped my mom, and he told me that marrying my wife is only solution because the ransom demanded by those who took my mother is too high. But you know what I discover after I get married? "

"W-what?"

A lonely tear slowly down to his cheek, I realized that he was crying! I called his name but he just shook his head. It's been a few years, pero mukhang masakit pa din sa kanya hanggang ngayon.

"Mom wasn't kidnapped, she's not! They both tricked me into manipulating everything and following their plans. My mother that I love so much stabbed me in my back. I did everything just to make it up to my dad because I could see that she was hurting but that was all lie. A fvcking act, and I am the fcvking audience. "

"W-What do you mean, y-your parents?" I shook then looked at him in disbelief. ."No way! They can't do that to you, i saw how you love your mother —Si tita Eliza! She's so kind, so sweet. She even help me to get away to you when I knew everything!"

"See? They even fooled you, they played with me, us. They made our life miserable—No! I'm the only one who should, and you're not involved. But they know how much I loved you, so they use you against me."

"N-No freaking way!"

He tried to smile but ends up chuckling coldy. "I'm so tired, so fvcking confused. I'm lost. Magulang ko sila pero pinaglaruan nila 'yung buhay ko Haze, nadamay ka lang. And I'm sorry for that."

"Mark.." Nag-aalalang sabi ko, kilala ko siya. Hindi siya magsasabi sa akin, magsasabi man siya kaunti lang pero hindi lahat.

"I'm okay, don't worry." Natatawa pa siya ngunit patuloy lang ang pamumula ng mga mata niya. Pinipigilan niya ang pag-iyak, my heary arched painfully. Akala ko ako lang ang nasasaktan, akala ko.. Ako lang ang niloko, ang napaglaruan but it turn out that it's not. Mukhang mas painful pa nga ang sa kanya. He lost me, his parents —His own family stabbed him in his back. And he even ended up in a situation he didn't like, arranging marriage. "I'm getting to my end, I tried many times to fvking suicide Hazel. My life is fvck up..so mess."

"I'm so sorry if I got you involved in the mess of my life, my family. It was another reason for t-tito to be killed. I know you're blaming me, it's okay I don't mind. Just hate me, I deserve it anyway. "

"N-No.. It's not Mark." I held his hand and stared at his face.

"You're just a victim too." I said calmly, forcing myself not to cry in front of him because I knew it would be harder for him to see my tears. I know how strong but at the same time vulnerable and sensitive he is. "I should be the one to apologize, I s-should still trust you.. I shouldn't h-have believed everything that happened and waited for your explanation—"

"No.. Wala akong balak mag-explain sa'yo nun Haze. Sapat na ang nagawa kong panloloko sa'yo. I intentionally hurt you to make you really hate me, to make you get away from me."

I blinked so hard, as if I was suddenly deaf to what he said. "I know if you stay by my side, you will suffer too. And I don't want that to happen.. You're my weaknesses Haze. As long as we have each other then, I will never be strong.. I will never be who I am today."

"So I didn't regret everything I made. It made me heartless."

I was silent, so was he. I can't get the logic of what he's saying but I only know one thing. "Maybe the decision made you a heartless but you just need that to survive, to be strong like what I see right now. You. Are. Not. Hearless. Okay? You. Just. Become. Really. Really. Strong."

Napatitig siya sa akin, kinurap ko ang mata ko ng biglang sumalamin doon kung paano niya ako tignan noon. No way, did he still love me? My heart skip a beat. Better not to ask. Hinawakan ko nalang ang braso niya saka niyakap siya ng mahigpit. Naramdaman ko ang paninigas niya but later on, he hugged me too.

I took a deep breath bago hagurin ang likuran niya para pakalmahin. May pinagsamahan pa rin kami at sa nakikita ko ngayon, he is still the Mark I know. Mark that putting my comport before his own. I can't imagine how much he suffer in his family. His mother that he love and trust so much. Darn, better not to think, I'll just comport him in anyway I could.

"Just forget it Mark, I forgive you okay? I've forgiven you for a long time too. And no, you're not at fault at all. The Mark I know is a good person, and I know that no matter what your decision or whatever or whoever you are.. Your goodness will remain with everyone. You are good in a bad situation Mark, keep fighting. I'm here, I'll cheer you up."

He was silent, I heard no words from him. But later on I heard him sniff softly, and I knew he's crying again. He is crying in silent way. My heart arched painfully. I want to ask him what can I do, but I think my mouth can't voice it out. I don't love him anymore, I'm not his comport but I knew soon that he will have his own.

"I'm broken.. I'm tired.. I just want to die Hazel."

Tears welled up in my eyes as he repeated. "No, Mark. Don't."

"I love you.." I literally stopped, I slowly let go of my hug with him. I looked at him but he just look away. No way!

"C-Come again?"

He didn't answer but just a few seconds later, as soon as I closed my eyes his emotionless face was in front of me now. Parang hindi siya nanggaling sa pag-iyak, parang hindi siya si Mark na may mapaglarong tingin kanina bago kami mag-iyakan. He just looking at me emotionless. Cold, firm but lifeless.

"I know that you love him.." I want to ask him, who's him he was talking about but he speak again. "Kaya kung may pagkakataon ka pang ipakita 'yon, h'wag mo ng patagalin pa."

"Ayokong magaya ka sa akin, na.. nahuli na."  Mahina ang boses niya doon kaya hindi ko masyadong narinig.

Akmang magsasalita ako ng magsalita nanaman siya. "Trust him, trust his words. Let him explain and everything will be alright.."

"Makikita na muli kitang maging masaya." Mapait siyang ngumiti ngunit nagkaroon naman ng genuine na saya sa mga mata niya. "Hindi na nga lang sa mga bisig ko, kung hindi sa iba na.."

And that his last words before he left me, I tried to contact him but he's not answering. I tried to search for him but I can't find anything. And then one night, while I am having a dinner. I receive his message.

From: Unknown Number

Don't look for me, live in your own. Forget me and built a new memories with the man who truly deserve you. I love you Hazel, until now. And yes, I am coward to say those words to you in person because i know that you love someone else. Nahuli man ako, at wala nang katugunan pa ang nararamdaman ko.. masaya naman ako sa pinili ng puso mo. Until we meet again, it's me, Mark —your first love that will never be your last.