"Where did you go? Hahanapin na sana kita—" I didn't let him finish and immediately greeted him with a tight hug.

"I brought our foods attorney." I said softly while still hugging him.

"A-Are you okay?" He asked, making me calm. 

"Yes." Wala sa sariling sagot ko at ipinikit ang mga mata.

Naramdaman ko naman ang pag-upo niya kaya nasama ako. Napaupo ako sa lap niya kaya napabitaw ako ng yakap. Tinanggal ang pagkasabit ng braso ko sa batok niya saka tinignan siya. Sumalubong naman sa akin ang mga mata niyang punong puno ng pag-aalala.

"Are you really okay?" He looked at my face, estimating if what I had said earlier was true.

"Hindi kanina, pero hindi na ngayon. Thanks to you." Nakangiting sabi ko.

His forehead furrowed. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sorry if I left without letting you know. I just bought food for us. Are you hungry already?" I took what I bought and then laid it on the table in front of us.

"Kinda." He said quietly as he touch my waist for a support.

"Then, let's eat first—"

"But—"

"Sasabihin ko na sa'yo mamaya pagkatapos nating kumain." Sabi ko saka sinubo sa kanya ang pagkaing nasa kutsara. He sighed then chewed to just eat the food, wala ng magawa.

Even though something is bothering me, that didn't stop us from spoiling our food. We actually enjoyed it, laughing each other while I am telling some jokes like the usual. Smiling whenever our eyes cross. My heart beat in happiness, muntik ko na ngang makalimutan ang dapat ko ng sabihin sa kanya.

"So, ano? Ano ang sasabihin mo?" His forehead furrowed as he wiped his lower lip with a tissue.

I took a deep breath. "It's about my past—"

"I told you, you don't need to tell me your past if you're not ready yet. I'm not in a hurry—"

"My past lovelife." I said, directly in his eyes. 

Natigilan man ay napatango siya. "Oh.."

"Yes, you'll see I have a ex-boyfriend. He's actually my first loved. Akala ko siya na 'yong man of my life ko pero hindi pala. He broke my young heart, he mess up my family and let my not so peaceful life in shame." Seryosong sabi ko. "And because of that, our relationship turn to nothing but a trash," and a sin. Gusto kong idagdag pa 'yon ngunit hindi ko na masabi pa.

"Who.. Who is he?" My heart skipped a bit before spoke quickly.

"Mark Tuazon, the man you were admiring when it comes to law field." I stared at his reaction. And I was right, shock registered on his face. He looks so stunned, umuwang ang bibig pero hindi naman nagsalita.

"A-Are you serious?" He even asked, bringing his face closer to see if I was telling the truth.

"Yes Louie, he's my ex."

"Damn." He gaped and incredulously glanced at me before closing his eyes emphatically. Tila hindi alam kung ano ang dapat ibigay na reaksyon sa sinabi ko.

Kumabog ang dibdib ko saka malakas na napabuntong hininga. Gumaan man ang bigat sa dibdib ko dahil nasabi ko ang bagay na dapat niyang malaman dahil parte na siya ng buhay ko ay tila nadagdagan naman ito.

Natatakot akong may magbago bigla.

Natatakot akong magbago ang kung ano man ang meron sa aming dalawa. Natatakot na mawala nalang ang pinagsamahan namin at mawasak. Na tulad ng isang salamin na kay ganda at tibay ay nabasag kaya unti unting nagkaroon ng biyak at tuluyang na ngang nasira.

"Louie, kamusta ka—" Natigilan ako ng may may magsalita.

"Babe sinagot ko na 'yong tawag nakakairita na, kita ng may ginagawa tayo eh." Nangunot ang noo ko ng mabosesan kung sino 'yon. Lydia.

"Patayin mo nalang." My heart arched painfully when I heard his cold voice.

"It's Hazel."

"I don't care, just ended the call!" He almost hissed, and just like that; the call ended.

Napakagat ako sa ibabang labi saka napapikit ng mariin. Hindi ko alam na sa araw na sinabi ko kung ano sa buhay ko si Mark ay ang araw kung saan magsisimulang masira ang maganda naming samahan. Na tulad nga ng isang salamin na kay ganda at tibay ay nabasag kaya unti unting nagkaroon ng biyak at tuluyang na ngang nasira. Tulad ngayon.

Napakuyom ang kamao ko saka mapait na mapangiti. Ang sakit sakit, tang ina. I never thought I would feel the familiar pain I felt before. Napahikbi ako saka ipinikit ang mga mata ko. Hinayaang tumulo ang mga luhang ilang linggo ko na ring kinikimkim. I promised not to cry anymore, and in case I did —Louie himself would take it off.

".. Pero paano? Paano niya tatanggalin ang mga luha sa mga mata ko, kung siya naman ang dahilan nito?" Nanghihinang sabi ko saka napasandal sa likod ng pintuan. Masakit? Oo, sobra. Tang ina, ayaw ko ng maramdaman 'to pero bakit bumalik pa? Damn.

"Hazelchocolate kakain na!" Narinig kong sigaw ni ate, malakas 'yon kaya alam kong sigaw niya 'yon mula sa baba.

I was forced to stand up, I then wiped the tears from my eyes. I took a deep breath and then went down as my sister had shouted earlier. Her irritated expression greeted me, nilagpasan ko siya.

"Are you binge huh? Kanina pa ako tawag ng tawag, hindi ka pa din bumababa!" She even tsked then hit me on the shoulder and sat down in the dining area first.

Napabuntong hininga nalang ako at napailing. Wala ako sa mood para patulan siya ngayon. I show my smile at them as I seat in the chair. I just eat quietly and sometimes try to smile so they won't notice that I'm not okay. But since they are my family, it is impossible not to.

"Hazel, are you okay?" Natigil ang akmang pagsubo ko ng tinidor at sumulyap kay mommy. Tinidor na pala ang ginagamit kong pang-kanin at hindi na kutsara.

"I'm okay mom." Mahinang bulong ko saka nagbaba ng tingin upang magpatuloy sa pagkain.

Nakatulong ang hindi nila pagtatanong sa inaksyon ko kaya nakahinga ako ng maluwag. I drank a glass of water before standing up and saying goodbye to go upstairs. Mom asked me again if I am okay but I just smiled a little then finally entered the room. Si ate ang nakatoka ngayon para maghugas ng pinggan kaya wala na akong aasikasuhin pa.

Sumapit ang gabi ngunit hindi manlang ako nakakuha ng kahit simpleng text—explanation niya kung bakit kasama nanaman niya si Lydia. I turned off my cellphone and then laid it on the study table. Pinatay ko din ang ilaw at tanging lampshade nalamang ang natirang liwanag. Hindi ako makatulog, nag-aantay pa rin akong tumawag o mag-text manlang siya pero wala.

"Sana hindi siya nagpakapagod sa trabaho." I whispered softly then turned off the lampshade and decided to go to sleep.

Bumangon ako ng madaling araw kahit kulang ako sa tulog. May pasok pa ako. The flow of cold water in my body did not have the ability to awaken the spirit and anorexia of my body. I sighed and then wrapped the towel around my body.

Binuksan ko ang closet ko at kinuha ang P. E uniform. Isunoot ito saka binuksan ang cellphone, wala pa rin siyang missed calls or text manlang. Tinignan ko ang oras sa screen ko at napababa ito sa gilid nito. Friday?! Hindi namin ito P.E day! I hissed saka mabilis na nagpalit ng suot. Mag-c-civilian nalang ako kaysa sa uniform. Wednesday ang P.E namin at hindi Friday.

I looked in the mirror, I was now wearing a halter dress that fitted on my waist. I wore black sandals to match its brown color. I adjusted its large collar style on the front then put on my mini bag that made of animal skin.  Galing pa ito sa Africa, binili ni mommy sa balik-bayan niyang kaibigan ng i-alok ito. If I'm not mistaken, her name is Calista. She is the same age as mom at may anak na din pero ang itsura ay maganda pa din gaya ni mom.

"Mommy ganda, I'm leaving." I kissed her cheek as usual. I was shocked when she just looked at me. She stopped arranging plates for breakfast.

"You're not going to eat anymore?" She asked as she stared at my eyes. Mom's hair is well nestled so she is clear to look at.

Umiling ako. "Hindi na mom, sa cafeteria nalang. Medyo late na rin kase."

"Ganun ba? Sige, take care." Masuyo niya akong nginitian saka niyakap. "I love you, always. Remember that." She added that made me stop for a while.

Wala sa sariling napayakap ako pabalik, nagtagal pa 'yon dahilan para haplusin niya ang likuran ko tulad ng dati. Napangiti ako, minsan lang magsabi ng 'I love you' si mommy ganda at isa lang ang ibig sabihin 'nun. Alam niyang may pinagdadaanan ako at nakakahalata na siya. My heart arched painfully, I secretly wiped the tears forming from my eyes.

"Ang tagal naman niyan, nagugutom na ako." Someone tsked kaya sinamaan ko siya ng tingin. Ate is wearing her outfit today, croptop with her denim jeans that intentionally torep the fabric at the thigh. It's not fitted pero sumakto dahil sa garter na nakalagay sa magkabilang dulo. The red heels she was wearing with her mini shoulder bag also matched.

"All right mommy, I'm leaving." Sabi ko at tinanguan na sila. Bago pumasok sa gate ng school ay nag-text na ako sa kanya. Hindi ko rin siya matiis. I took a deep breath and typed my message.

To: My sun

Good morning attorney! I hope you don't get tired, eat at the right time huh? 'Wag kang mag-alala, hindi ako galit sa pagpatay mo lagi sa calls ko at pag-seen mo lagi sa text ko. Maybe, you're just really too busy? If you have a problem, just call me. Pero kung tungkol 'yan sa law, wala ka talagang aasahan sa'kin😂. Have a good day. Muah.

Napakagat ako sa ibabang labi saka tinignan ang pangalan niya sa contact ko. He's my sun, he claimed it already. He even changed his name in my phonebook when he once found out about my cellphone. I smiled slightly then turned off my cellphone.

As usual, we are recitation now. Ilang beses akong napagalitan dahil sa pagkalutang ko. Malapit na ang exam day namin at ang graduation kaya naghahanda na ang lahat habang ako walang gana. Mabuti nga at nakakasagot pa ako. When my second subject ended I excuse myself and reasong to pee but I have no plans to go back.

I stopped walking when I saw someone climbing the fence. Nandito ako ngayon sa likod ng school kung saan may lihim na daanan palabas ng walang makakapansin sa'yo. Natagpuan ko ito dati dahil sa isang estudyante ring gaya ko. He's always cutting his classes at ngayon mukhang wala pa rin siyang pagbabago.

Napailing ako saka sumunod sa kanya, sanay naman na akong umakyat. Although medyo mataas ito kaya nahihirapan pa rin ako. When I was already in high state, I was bitten on the lower lip and then turned around to go down. But what I didn't expect was the cracking of the rock I was stepping on in the middle. Impit akong napahiyaw dahil malamang sa malamang ay mahuhulog ako sa ibaba.

"Darn it!" Kumabog ang dibdib ko, pero ang inaasahang kong marahas na pagbagsak ay hindi ko naramdaman. Bagkus ay dalawang matigas na braso ang siyang sumalo sa akin.

"Hindi ka kase nag-iingat." He hissed then helped me to my feet.

With his arm supporting me, he gently twisted his arm around my elbow to balance me. Kumalma ang dibdib ko at napanatag na saka palihim na nagpasalamat. I adjusted my clothes and then looked at the person who had help me. It's him.

"T-Thank you.." Mahinang bulong ko.

He stared at me before slowly nodded. "Pasalamat ka at maganda ka, kung hindi baka ako pa mismo ang humila sa'yo para bumagsak."

Umuwang ang bibig ko. "What?!"

He laugh and shook his head. "Nothing."

"Ginagago mo ba ako?!" Naiinis ng sabi ko.

He scratched his eyebrow then sniffed slightly and spoke like a child. "Sabi ko, walang anuman."