Have you ever had one of those days/weeks/months or anything in between where you feel like everything you've done to this moment, makes you want to scream?

And I'm not talking about screams of joy or happiness. But that scream that tears you up inside. The scream that curls blood and makes your skin crawl at the raw emotion emitting from it.

Yes, that scream.

That scream is the one I want to make. I want to scream until I can't speak. I want to scream until my lungs can no longer breathe. Until I can stop saying stupid shit and make things worse.

So much worse.

Acting as if things are fine, won't help me. I don't know how much longer I can take saying that "I'm fine." Or that "my days been good."

Because I'm not only lying to the people I tell it to, but to myself as well.

And I can't do it. I can't keep lying to myself and expect those few words to help me feel good about my day.

It won't help me anymore. No matter how many times I try to tell myself it's okay, it won't stick. It doesn't work for me anymore.

And this, all of this, is why I haven't been writing. Because I'm struggling with something that can't be helped by words or kind phrases.

I'm struggling to keep myself together.

And that's the truth.