I wanted to post this, since I first found out. But I couldn't. Now I can. It seems easier now.

Now before it starts, I'd like to explain a bit, a week has passed since I found out, and it's still just as hard as it was the first day.

I'm taking it step by step. But at the moment, this letter is a thanks and one giant question.

Firstly to ChloeAshton6. Words can't explain how much your support meant to me. You've been there throughout the ride, more so then most. And that alone has changed me. But you also respected my wish of waiting for me to be ready to talk about it. You didn't rush me, you didn't probe me, you just let me be. And it's something that not many would allow me to do. And for that I give my thanks. We helped each other, and I hope that by the end of this letter, we can continue to do so.

Secondly, yanglove1. We've been through a lot. You and I. At times together, other times apart. But our friendship has never been broken and it will never be broken. You chose to become my friend that first day of athletics, and by you choosing to continue to be my friend is more then I could ever ask. I know I'm difficult and that at times I bottle up so much of my anger and bitterness of the things going on around me that in the end, I hurt the people who were trying to help. But I also know that, in spite of that, you'll choose to keep being my friend, and it's something that many would've given up by now, so thank you.

Thirdly Yumyumhotdogs. God, it's hard trying to get the right words, because I'm afraid something I say will break the both of us. I know that you loved and cared about him. And that after that day, we won't be the same. But you remained in place, that one constant, even though I'd turn a simple conversation into a screaming match. And being that constant, is something I've wished for.

For someone to stay by my side, to stay with me, no matter hard it is to do so, in spite of my flaws. And you three have. And for that I love you guys so much.

We may not be related by blood, or hell at all. But, you guys, are my sisters. And I'll will remind myself that I'll be damned if I let anyone or even me, hurt you guys. I know that you guys probably are tried of me repeating the same dance over and over again.

But it's just effort that I need, the effort to see if I'm truly fine, to read between the lines of my own words. Can you see just how much I'm hurting by "I'm fine." "Nah it's good." "It's funny actually." "Okay." Or even my tight smile, or my forced laugh?

Now, I only need one person to answer this or maybe all of you, but...

"Am I your sister?

Or Am I an inconvenience?"

"Am I that one person you can trust?

Or The one that hurts you?"

Those questions are easy for me to answer, I mean I'm rather pessimistic here, but I know it won't for you three.

The rest of you are probably thinking, "What the hell is going on?" "Why am I reading this?"

Well, this letter is needed. I needed to write something down at 5 in the morning. I'll publish this once I finish my run.

Anyways, Yours Truly
Alex