For the first time, I was juggling multiple things in my life. First I had to watch out that Yves didn't harm me by being overly kind to Uriel, and Uriel was growing more and more distant for some reason. Second I was also trying to see it that Primrose didn't abandon her task nor succeed, and watched Marcel to affirm he was not harmed. Lastly, I had to find out what was going on between Cecile and Dr.Gregoire.

After breakfast Uriel asked her to come to my room, because I missed breakfast. I hardly ever ate breakfast, and it was too tiring to wake up and put on dresses. I lounged about in my white chemise and only occasionally wore another loose dress over it. I didn't get cold, and I didn't sweat. I was too perfect that even I was stunned.

When Cecile came, though, I had finally just buttoned up my dress, and she sighed before speaking.

"Margery, please dress yourself when we have guests. What if one of the humans came by accident?"

"Well, I asked for time with you alone, so if they came I would kill them for insolence."

"Don't say things like that! You sound like the Queen of Hearts. 'Behead them, behead them, behead them!' That's all she ever says."

"She sounds very smart."

Cecile closed the doors and then walked over to me. "She's a villain, Margery. It's from a new book Dr.Gregoire gave me, Alice's Adventure in the Underground."

"Yes!"

"I'm sorry?"

It was the world setting everything up for me to lead her casually back to him. I stood up from my bed and pushed her down to my bed instead.

Cecile sat down gracefully in her pale purple gown, the bodice a neat row of buttons. She was always dressed in the plainest, and as she was taller than Sabine and I, a bit too tall, even for the men, as Agnes would say. That's why she had her locked away reading and taking care of the younger girls.

"You spoke of love last time, didn't you?"

"I thought you would've penalized me for it," she whispered. She reached back, and I flinched before realizing she was only adjusting the collar of my mahogany dress. She wasn't looking at me. "You didn't bring it up."

"No, Cecile, I'm curious. What is 'love'?"

I held her cheek and tilted her face up to mine.

"You do this to every men, don't you? And yet you don't know love." Cecile didn't tear her eyes away. "Have you fallen for Uriel, too? No, it can't be. What is it, then?"

"Yves said he loves me. I cannot fathom he does. How can I tell?"

"You can tell when he kisses and touches you. It'll be different from what you were taught to do by the older vampires. You will not be able to control yourself as they said, and he'll smell sweet but you'll keep back from tasting it because you've already tasted the sweeting thing; love."

I narrowed my eyes. She knew my job, and I was not ashamed of it because I had protected her as well as Sabine—but now it felt like the worst thing she could've mentioned.

I managed to scoff before pulling away, her hand pulling back from my collar.

"You ought to be an author. You get sappier with each book you read."

"That's love, Margery. And even if it's not for you, it can be the case for Uriel."

"But that's not what I wanted to talk about. Do you love the doctor?"

"Yes."

"How is it going?" I asked carelessly while twisting my long curls.

"I'm ready to do it with him."

I almost spat.

"I'm sorry? All this time as I get threatened left and right you were getting seduced by him? Did he touch you? Oh no. Upstairs or downstairs?"

"Only my face and hands, Margery!" She sighed. "We've only held hands and he kissed my forehead."

"Do you know how to do it?"

"I did it too, when I was seventeen or so."

"I forgot." I turned around in both frustration at our clan and this new development.

"So you want to do it with him?"

"And more. If I do, he says he'll sacrifice his life to bring me out. When I said I couldn't bear living in the human world without him he said he'll make a plan."

"Plans, plan, plans! You know four of us have plans already?" I growled. "But it's falling to ruin because it's intersecting. Primrose taking Sabine's place and seducing a man. Uriel telling Yves of our plan. Yves wanting to protect Uriel—and telling me he likes me!"

"That's why you've been so troubled about love. She turned to me."

"He called me Amaryllis. I won't die for a man. And yet I am sorry, but is this love? I can't love him."

"Why? Is it because you're afraid?"

I turned to Cecile, and my eyes had already lost the strength to hold back the tears I was hiding.

"Yes!"

"Come here." Cecile opened her arms, and I fell against her bosom like a little child, and sobbed.

"I'm scared! I need him in the human world but I can't love him or have him love me, because then what is this? I'm using him. I can't be—be eloping with him! Then what am I doing to Sabine and the rest?"

"You want them to come out with us, don't you?" Cecile patted my head, which I despised and tried to duck out of. "Adalyn, Bernadette and Lark. Sabine and even Primrose."

I paused at her name.

"But she—Sabine wants to stay in the castle, as we promised when we were children. But back then what did we know? Of selling our body, murder, killing our own family and how wonderful the outside world is."

I wished I could've went back in time, found us four naive girls and told them to escape. And I didn't want the girls we had now to experience it. Adalyn would come of age in a few years, Bernadette following, and Lark after a while. All they knew of was serving us, of dressing us up and braiding our hair.

And bringing us food, too, when we were in our room or I was in the dungeon. I had seen the fear in their face and the sadness as they handed me plates with dried out food.

They couldn't choose a single thing.

I pushed Cecile back and stood up, almost like I was afraid of touching her.

"I will not love Uriel. It doesn't matter if he does, but I'll do what I have to for my family."

"And what's your plan?"

I smiled at Cecile. She didn't have to know what I was going to do to Agnes. She would try and stop it, not understanding her death was the only way we'd be free.

"I'll tell you when the time comes. You know I love you, don't you? I will protect you all no matter how dirty I get my hands."

"I don't want that."

Irritation overcame me. Who did she think I killed for this whole time? As she read her novels and Primrose pined after Sabine. Only Sabine ever visited me and gave me blood when I was alone.

This whole time Cecile had been sickly, ignorant, until Dr.Gregoire came and now she was all about leaving with him. Love had opened her eyes—what a silly notion.

Then as quickly as I felt that, I was guilty. She was humming under her breath and I recognized the song.

"Pretty girls who leave pretty castles, huh?" I swallowed and then walked towards the door. "Good night, Cecile."

"Good night, Margery."

After I closed the doors I went to the younger girls' room. They shared a bedroom, and when I opened the door they all hastened to sit up. Vampires were easily awakened because of danger and inability to have deep sleep.

I closed the door behind me and they were confused.

"Margery?" They were probably expecting Cecile or Agnes.

"Are you girls happy?" I didn't know what overcame me.

They sent one another expectant gazes before returning to me.

"Yes," Adalyn spoke for them. I went over and sat on the bed she shared with Bernadette. Years ago it was Sabine and I on the same bed. "Margery?"

"You're not happy," I said, then reached out to pat their heads. "You can't be happy when you've never felt it before."

"You're so funny!" Lark giggled on her bed. She was dolled up in a frilly nightgown and looked like a doll. I could only scowl jokingly and they all laughed.

"Good night, girls." I stood up. "And this is a secret between us, are you listening? I'm learning to be a philosopher."

"You? That doesn't suit you," Lark continued. I wondered why they kept laughing at me. Either way, I made a face before I left the room.

Philosopher?

What a joke.