It first began when I was ten or so, more than ten years ago. The Elders said they had exciting news and the four of us went to the parlor room.

It was dark, and there were two others there that time, so old they were hardly audible when they spoke, and the two other vampires still alive of the Fifth Generation were kept from the meeting.

"We need a new Queen Butterfly," the monotonous voice was saying, "after the disappearance of the last one, we haven't been getting enough visitors. There's burdensome men who come, but no place to put them. No one to lure them.

"And Margery, you've become so beautiful—your small face, clear skin, dark eyes and hair, and most of all, those red lips. Men have been asking for you, because you look out the windows sometimes. Wouldn't it be better if we kept you hidden, like a treasure they'd have to pay to see, pay with their lives..."

Primrose had thrown a fit, and Sabine cried, saying how much she'd miss me, and then Cecile was silent, despite losing what position should've been hers—she had always known I'd succeed.

So I tossed up my hair and told Agnes it was wonderful news. The girls, Adalyn and Bernedette (Lark was too young then) were assigned to take care of my every needs. Mornings I woke up they were there to accommodate for my every needs, food and dresses and whatever it was.

But when the men came, the human men, I finally learned what Queen Butterfly was.

Queen, they'd call it, not in honor of the position, but to mock it.

The Queen, they say, will always have their heads...

***

I woke up with a start, dizzy and unable to even focus. I had to fumble for the small vial of Sabine's blood I had hidden in the space between my bed and the wall. I drank it, and was instantly cured of what nightmarish memories that had revisited me.

My eyes traced over the place of death that had become my room. The stone walls, empty furniture decaying, the frames of butterflies, and that same window. I could see them, but they couldn't see me. It was a vast world out there, and I didn't know if Sabine will be there with me. All I knew was I will not stay here.

Uriel and Yves visited together because I missed breakfast, only I wasn't very interested in their talking, but I had to show respect Yves. Actually, Uriel, too, because of Yves.

"You look sick," Uriel was saying. "You're unusually pale and breathing strange."

"She's a vampire, Uriel," Yves replied.

"I'm fine." I staggered out of bed and then stood by the window. That window many of vampires looked out at before me. "There's news to report, however. They've decided to let Primrose take over the seducing and she might go for Marcel."

"Then we have to stop her from doing that, or we will have to leave before our plan happens," Uriel said hastily, but I held up a hand to stop him from speaking.

My head was still spinning, and his voice was loud. I knew he was passionate about killing Agnes—but I was the one doing it. I was the one going through the most, especially after being stripped of my identity as Queen Butterfly.

"She'll never succeed." I was confident. "Primrose is almost as naive as Cecile. She can't socialize without offending people, and if Marcel does fall for her, or even Karl, I'm sure they're masochists."

"But what if she forces them?"

"She won't go as far as rape, if that's what you're asking."

"And if she fails, would she get harmed?"

I glared at Uriel. I was sick of his justice and caring and what so. Why was he caring for the vampires he hated? I turned to Yves, who only had on a small, sly smile.

"Well, will she?" he echoed sweetly. Bastard.

"She won't. I've been blamed enough for failing to bed you, Uriel. If anything, we'll both get a night or two in the dungeon."

"I've heard of this dungeon," Yves said. "During the tour we passed by it and they said Mother Edith made it, to silence whoever upset her." 

"Edith? Agnes's twin and my grandmother? What a jest." The person that was in the dungeon the most was my mother.

"But they wouldn't speak more on Edith," Yves said, with a low start, as though waiting for me to reply. I pretended I didn't understand.

"I want to see the outside," I said to change the subject. "The sea. There's so much water here but there's no sea. We are surrounded by mere lake water and I've heard the sea, the real sea, is different. There have big, whooping birds."

"And?"

"And the trains. Locomotives and moving things. Automatic dolls and weird collections of skulls and other animals. I can see the animals alive, too! I've always wanted a cat—"

I stopped.

A cat Sabine and I could raise together.

"I mean 'and' as in 'and what'? Why are you saying this?" Yves pestered. I wished he'd leave.

My head throbbed and I clenched, Uriel racing forward to catch me. His hand held my elbow and although it was barely a hold, I felt reassured. I longed to grab him and hold him. Only if Yves was not here.

I saw the worry in his eyes, but it wasn't manipulation I wanted to do to him. It was something gentle and true.

"I want to leave—with you."

I wasn't lying.

Uriel couldn't respond for a moment, and then I withdrew myself with tact.

If only there was a God, he'd have made Yves disappear. I felt, for the first time, a true longing for Uriel. Maybe it was because I'd been released from seducing him, and I could be real. But it was also because of Sabine, and the cruel fact we could not be together.

We grew up together. We were sisters, even if it was in a false sense. We were friends and more—but we couldn't be lovers.

Yet the vial was refilled each time. She was there each time I was in the dungeon.

Was I only looking for someone who looked like her?

No. Uriel was not like her at all.

His messy hair was in his eyes and I longed to push it back. None of the men had cut their hair since then, or maybe Dr.Gregoire and Marcel had, Karl and Yves grew long, but Uriel's, curiously, only coiled about his head and draped down his nape perfectly. He had not cut it.

And I noticed all of that. I had thought of them as family. Although we were going to do the cruelest thing to them—we were going to let them survive.

"We should do it as soon as possible," I whispered. "And then when the clan is in chaos you men will come and 'save' us. Bring us outside of Jardin—somewhere we can live without the brand of vampires upon us."

"Don't be too hasty," Yves said. "You hardly know how to use a rifle. With you doing the murder, there's no saying you won't get overthrown."

"Not by Cecile and Sabine!"

"Then the other two ladies?"

"Rowena and Selma?" I scoffed. "They aren't pure enough to retain their morals; they follow who is in the lead."

"And are you sure there will be no protests from this other pureblood—Primrose? She has their trust, after all."

Yves shot out question after question, and I growled unconsciously before Uriel tried to guide me again, a hand on my elbow to give me space, and then he seated me in his chair. He held to a shoulder and leaned down so his mouth was to my ear.

"I can tell it's not a good day for you. I'll have him leave with me."

With that, he stood up and went to Yves. "I want to spend the day away at Marcel's side and see what's happening."

"He can take care of himself—"

"I need to see how this Primrose operates."

"Probably the same."

"Well, I need to make sure he's fine." Uriel was firm. Yves rolled his eyes.

They shuffled to gather Uriel's art satchel and leave, but as I saw his retreating back something washed over me.

It was cold, as though someone was watching me, listening to our plans and laughing from some corner. I held on to my aching head.

Leave, go away!

The faces of the dead men I've killed over the ten or so years appeared. Agnes's laughing face, and Sabine's which had grown different.

Go away!

Go away, please!

I tugged at my hair, hallucinations everywhere, heads cut off and falling to the floor and crying.

My wife—my children! I don't want to die! I'm only eighteen! Please, don't kill me!

They cried and cried like ghosts, and maybe there were. I felt tears welling up not because I was afraid, but because I was truly sorry. All these lives, humans lives I thought were nothing but pigs or cows, now I see because of Uriel and all the men. Dr.Gregoire, Marcel, Karl, they could've been the one drained of blood if they had came alone.

And I never thought about them.

Please.

As much as I will it, I can never go back in time. I can not save any of you.