rosie-

after all these years, ive finally been hit with the realization of reality.

and it hurts. so fucking much.
to know that I love them more than the whole world and they don't even know that i exist.

im not saying I regret it. the hours I spent waiting for their concerts and signings, or their stupid twitcams, or their first actual album.

Im saying how I regret falling too hard.
making these 4 boys my whole life.
I have fucking three fanpages on instagram for christs sake.

i regret knowing every small detail about them. how calum gets really shy on interviews but gets crazy in keeks, and twitcams. how michael covers his mouth when he laughs. how luke pinches his nose when he's nervous. or how ashton is just. ashton.

it's the little things. these little things that kill me.

knowing this, knowing you have no fucking idea i even exist hurts me more than it should.

one day, others will realize that they too are just another face in the crowd.

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no one even reads this lolol.