== > Be Irisen.

You are Irisen and you are in GENUINE DISTRESS.

You are standing over Zenana's bloody dream self. She's not breathing. ****** Zenana! you yell, shaking her. ****** No no no, please don't let this be real, please...

How could this happen?! You had been watching over her dream self for hours each night! No, it's NOT stalking! You were just worried about her. And she's not waking. She's... dead.

== > Go find the real Zenana!

Both Zenanas are equally real, you asshat!

== > Go find LoMaR Zenana.

You are going to go find LoMaR Zenana. If you can find a portal, that is. You look back at your circle of your My Small Hoofbeasts (what your friends call shitty shipping voodo dolls) and you see Zenana's has a pin in it you didn't put there.

Yes, things are truly awful here if the spirits find it fit to intervene. Whatever fate has in store for Zenana will be grim, grisly, and...

you are going to stop it.

You put on your fedora to accentuate just how real shit got.

If only you had any idea who killed dream Zenana...

== > Relieve stress with lewd pictures of Zenana drawn as a pony.

WHAT NO HOW DID ANYONE KNOW ABOUT THAT

YOU MEAN WHAT

NO THOSE ARE NOT REAL

THEY ARE FAKE IT DOES NOT EXIST AND IT IS NOT ON YOUR HUSKDRIVE

== > Burn Huskdrive.

You burn the Huskdrive, tears in your eyes.

It's okay, lewd-pony!Zenana. You are in a better place now.

Well, now no one will find it if they come to your house. You also captcha the My Small Hoofbeasts circle, and your Hoofbeats headphones, and shit you really should've just captchalogued that Huskdrive too.

== > Bard of Life: Seek out the Mage of Breath.

You are in the process of seeking out Zenana. You know she's in the Land of Music and Romance, but you have no idea where that is. It could be anywhere in Paradox Space and you can't risk jumping through your gate into who-knows-where. You'd probably end up in Coanan's land since he's your server player. But how will you find out where Zenana is?

== > OH MY GOG YOU IDIOT TROLL ZENANA AND ASK HER WHERE SHE IS!

You suddenly have the bright idea to troll Zenana herself.

canteringAndrogyny [CA] began trolling animatedGallivant [AG]

CA: ****** ZENANA!

CA: ****** ZENANA, ARE YOU ALRIGHT?

AG: (I'm_ok)

AG: (I_feel_sick.)

AG: (Like_a_part_of_me_just_died.)

AG: (Well,_a_part_of_me_did_jut_die.)

AG: (I've_been_singing_to_all_the_animals_on_LoMaR_to_cheer_me_up.)

CA: ****** Would you feel better if I came to visit you?

AG: (YES!) :p

AG: (But_how_could_you_get_to_LoMaR?)

AG: (Or_how_could_I_get_to_your_planet?)

CA: ****** That's why I contacted you. Do you have any ideas?

AG: (The_gates_are_supposed_to_take_you_to_either_your_server_or_your _client_player._I'm_neither_for_you.) :(

CA: ****** Right.

AG: (OH,_WAIT!)

AG: (I_think_Persus_knows_a_whole_bunch_of_disappearifier_tricks._He_ even_found_a_dissappearifier_to_Prospit_itself!_Why_don't_you_ask _him?)

CA: ****** That loser?

AG: (He's_not_a_loser!_Don't_say_such_mean_things!)

CA: ****** Sorry.

AG: (No,_you're_not,_but_it_doesn't_matter.)

AG: (I'll_be_waiting._._._please_show_ up._I'd_come_to_you_myself, _but_I_feel_very_sick.)

Of course she does. She needs you. You need her. You're leaving now, no questions asked. You run as fast as possible up to the door and open it. You breathe in. You usually do not leave your basement home. You are going to need your best fedora.

Just in case, you alchemize your fedora with a fedora and create the M'Lady.

It is the classiest thing ever.

== > Go outside.

There is someone else in your world.

IRISEN: ****** Hey, what are you doing in my world exactly?! Better you than a dirty lowblood but I would really prefer you leave immediately.

COANAN: 1 4M T3ND1NG 70 MY LUSUS

W3 4R3 CURREN7LY 1N 4 "S17U4710N"

CON71NU4LLY, 1 4M N07 70 B3 4550C1473D W17H L0WBL00D5.

1 4M 4 H1GH-FUNC710N1NG 50C10P47H.

IRISEN: ****** Oh please. Not this again. Can you take your lusus and go? This is not Bring-Your-Guardian-To-Irisen's-Hive-Day.

COANAN: WHY W0ULD W3 3V3R W4N7 70 C0M3 70 Y0UR H0U53, 7H3 0NLY 7H1NG T0 533 15 Y0UR P0RN.

You slam the door again and resolve to wait for him to go. Peaking out your window

Plus, you don't draw that much explicit material, right? It's only... ten huskdrives.

IRISEN: ****** Fuck.

After another few hours of sitting around, you go outside. Coanan has prototyped his sprite with one of your consorts, odd little dragons they are, however the end result has a mop of wild hair, a scarf, and looks nothing like the tiny and loveable yet annoying consorts you call your own.

SMAUGSPRITE: ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAR

IRISEN: ****** GET THIS THING OUT FROM IN FRONT OF MY HIVE IMMEDIATELY!

COANAN: W417

7H47'5 MY LU5U5 D0N'7 HUR7 H1M

IRISEN: ****** I thought your lusus was an otter?

COANAN: H3 D13D 50 1 4LCH3M1Z3D H1M 1N7o MY 5PR173

4ND N0W H3 H45 53C0ND-713R PR0707YP3D W17H Y0UR C0N50R75

SMAUGSPRITE: ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAR

IRISEN: ****** Right, just... don't trash my hive

or else

COANAN: D0 Y0U 533 M3 45 7H3 K1ND 0F 7R0LL 70 7R45H Y0UR H1V3 UNPR0V0K3D

IRISEN: ****** Yes.

COANAN: F41R P01N7.

You resolve to kill him when you return. As you continue walking, with nothing but pony voodoo dolls and huskdrives of explicit material in your sylladex and nothing but determination in your heart, you press on to your gate.

== > Irisen: Grind.

With pleasure.

As you walk on, you encounter many demons, which you repel with the power of HARMONY and also a recently alchemized party cannon. It contains many party supplies, such as glitter, balloons, confetti, and homing missiles.

Well, something like that. To be honest, you have no idea what's in there. You did alchemize it with some really odd looking grist. It was at least three different colors and you may or may not have used an illegal copy of GristTorrent and drained all the grist from the trolls you do not like.

Well, what was Persus going to do with all of that grist anyways? He's the only competent one and you're sure he can fend for himself.

You eventually reach your gate, which is guarded by many of your consorts.

CONSORT: BARD BEWARE! THOUGH YOU KNOW NOT WHAT LURKS THROUGH THERE

CONSORT: WE PROMISE ONLY DEATH AND STRIFE, FOR WHAT AWAITS THE HERO OF LIFE

CONSORT: YOU CAN NOT CHANGE THE COURSE OF FATE

BUT STOP NOW BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE

CONSORT: THE AUTHOR WATCHES MANY THINGS

WE DANGLE BY HIS PUPPET STRINGS

CONSORT: HOPE PRAYS FOR DOOM WHO WITHERS TIME

I CAN'T THINK OF SOMETHING TO RHYME

IRISEN: ****** Thank you for that extremely poetic warning. Unfortunately, this is a very important matter of the heart and I simply must go to

>YOU'RE making A mistake.

NOW THAT VOICE AGAIN.

Screw this. You jump through the portal because warning are stupid.

On the other side, you see Zenana. She's waiting for you, kneeled over in pain.

== > Comfort her.

IRISEN: ****** It's okay. No one will hurt you again. I'm right here... and I'm never going to leave.

ZENANA: (P...)

IRISEN: ****** P?

ZENANA: (Please_understand.)

IRISEN: ****** What, exactly? Is something wrong?

ZENANA: (Yes.) (Something_is_terribly_amiss_here.)