== > Be another troll.

You are now a kindly CIPHRE, still adjusting to your new life in this strange planet. You stretch out in an armchair and begin to feel very, very sleepy. Canira's not kidding about all these crazy plot twists! Just as you're drifting off, your husktop pings. Ugh! Which troll needs your lifesaving advice now!?

Wait... Canira?

GA: so w#@ts your land l!ke

CG: you^ve seen xt

GA: yeah but ! need a refresher

CG: well it^s the land of shacks and cryptxds though so far x^ve only found one lxveable shack. xt^s pretty mysterxous actually.

GA: so would you s@y it is a... mystery shack!!?

CG: x guess. why though?

GA: hahahaha

GA: ahahahahahaha!

GA: AHAHAHAHAHAHA!

GA: uh, no re@son...

CG: you don^t sound like canxra at all! x don^t thxnk you even are her! you keep droppxng your quxrk and askxng thxngs canxra already knows!!! and canxra actually types smart too! your sentences are stupxd and your grammar xs atrocxous! canxra^s here rxght now, and x thxnk she^s sleepxng so she couldn^t be trollxng me!

UU: So You Caught Me Then You Asinine Twit

UU: iit wa2 bound two happen 2ometiime

UnconscionableUvula [UU] ceased jeering consequentialGravity [CG]

== > Ugh be UU already!

Nope. You are now DESTEN ANOVAK in the Land of Hellfire and Demons as the PAGE OF RAGE. Irisen, that pony-obsessed freak, actually did something other than creepy bullshit voodoo and fanfiction and got you into the medium exactly eight minutes and twenty-six seconds ago. Now you are exploring the land and looking for some more demons to kill. It's the most fun you've had, like, EVER. Murder is a hilarious pastime and absolutely necessary to a happy, healthy lifestyle. There were a shortage of demons on Alternia; in fact, you can only think of one and he's an ochreblood named Cariel. Others say these demons in your land are supposed to be "consorts" but they're more fun to kill than befriend.

== > Don't kill your adorable consorts!

You head outside to kill some more consorts. They make funny speaking sounds as they die. Cute!

When you get bored of consort-killing, you decide to check out that wacky gate thing over your hive. It's blue, like your noble blood. Of course, you can't reach it; it's way to high. Still, you should be able to get a better look from the roof.

== > Spy new consort from afar.

It's not a devil. It is a tiny little hornless angel with pale skin and black wings.

You pick it up.

It shall NOT PASS.

== > Wrong fandom, dude.

Shit. You knew something was wrong there. Anyway, you take the consort with you. Maybe you could study it instead of killing it right away. Oh look... Somebody's pestering you. They'll have to wait until you get past your first gate, though... huh? The gate just sort of glitched? That's odd. The gate now appears to be about two miles away. Well, you'll just have to answer this idiot, then. Maybe you can ask them about this strange glitch. Because seriously, you have no time for this.

canteringAndrogyny [CA] began trolling celestialTurmoil [CT]

Ugh. Not Irisen.

CA: ****** So you're in the Medium, then?

CT: no shit.

CT: id be dead if i wasnt.

CA: ****** Likely true, yes.

CA: ****** So have you enjoyed killing the imps?

CT: shit yeah ive been killing everything here that i see

CA: ****** Not the Consorts, though, of course.

CT: them too.

CA: ****** WHAT

CT: they make funny squeaking noises when you kill them!.

CT: its so funny though.

CA: ****** You killed them all?

CT: yup. all by myself. wish id had help though. those bastards die quick but there are so many of them.

CA: ****** Oh my Gog

CT: so could you come on over and help with killing duties?.

CA: ****** No.

CA: ****** You shouldn't be killing your own consorts. They're there to help!

CA: ****** The things you're supposed to kill drop Grist! That gemmy stuff. If they don't drop Grist, you let them be!

CT: so who else is gonna come over to help me kill them?.

CA:

CA:

CA:

CA: ****** I'm done here.

canteringAndrogyny [CA] gave up trolling celestialTurmoil [CT]

CT: alright ill do it by myself then. i like a challenge.

But you never got a chance to ask about that gate! You seriously don't have time to waste time trekking toward a glitchy gate, and by the time you get there it could've glitched even farther! You suppose you'll troll Ciphre - he's supposed to be the wiseass here.

celestialTurmoil [CT] began trolling consequentialGravity [CG]

CT: hey.

CT: hey.

CT: HEY!!!!!.

CT: ive got a problem here.

He's not answering, even after five minutes. Opening the viewport you see him sleeping. Well, that's that, then. Who should you honor with your presence next? Someone knowledgeable, probably. How about Eficis? She introduced you to this game thing so she must know something.

celestialTurmoil [CT] began trolling telltaleTransfiguration [TT]

CT: ring ring ring.

CT: its desten.

CT: your favorite blueblood.

CT: trolling you.

TT: | re∆lly d•n't h∆ve t|me f•r th|s, ∆n•v∆k.

TT: | h∆ve my •wn Cl|ent Pl∆yer t• t∆ke c∆re •f.

CT: im important to

TT: T••! Gr∆mm∆r, Desten!

CT: whos your client then?.

TT: Persus.

CT: hah he wont make it too seconds in this game.

TT: Tw•! Tw• seconds!

CT: whatever. point being deal with me first then persus.

TT: T• be qu|te fr∆nk, y•u ∆re n•t a pr|•r|ty ∆t the m•ment.

TT: Y•u ∆re ∆lre∆dy |n the Med|um ∆nd s∆fe en•ugh f•r the t|me be|ng, wh|le Persus's h|ve |s gett|ng ∆ss∆ulted by m•re mete•rs every sec•nd. When they str|ke the •cean, the w∆ter b•|ls, sca∆ld|ng, p•ss|bly k|ll|ng, ∆ll ∆quatic l|fe |n the v|c|n|ty. |nclud|ng Persus.

CT: hah.

CT: well.

CT: so you cant help me then.

TT: N•t n•w. My ∆p•l•g|es. Perh∆ps l∆ter, when ∆ll th|s ch∆•s h∆s d|ed d•wn ∆ b|t.

CT: well do you do anything about glitchy gates?.

TT: N•.

telltaleTransfiguration [TT] gave up trolling celestialTurmoil [CT]

== > Examine tiny consort.

The little black winged consort is watching you from behind. It's kind of eerie, to be honest. You hold up your saltgun at him, and he holds his hands up in surrender.

There are two quick bangs.

You miss him twice.

Deliberately.

He watches you, wings barely fluttering, obviously breathing deeply.

He's kind of cute.

== > Alchemize him a trenchcoat.

You alchemize him a tiny trenchcoat from some of your more personal items. Since most of your other consorts have been demons so far, but he's definitely an angel. A black winged angel. You definitely want to keep him now, if only for some petty revenge.

Why?

A certain someone once told you that angel wings were always gold.

You shake your fist to the sky, yelling, "SUCK THIS, CARIEL!"

The little consort flutters up and lands on your shoulder.

== > Accessorize.

You give him a miniature saltgun, some dark shades, and a small flask of holy water. And a tie.

Isn't he just an adorable demon slaying machine? Yes he is.