...

I promised myself I wouldn't do an analysis for every little teaser.

Which, to be fair, I haven't done every content drop. I didn't talk about the Space Lizards or how they brought this back:

Anyways, this comes a little later than usual because I was debating whether or not to uphold my agreement... but dudes, I literally can't not talk about it. So Anyways.

The full story for this one is I randomly decided to watch a shit ton of My Little Pony music videos (which becomes a hilariously important detail later), i.e. the music from the TV series and the Equestria Girls movies because nostalgia. And I'm doing this for a solid hour and a half, maybe longer because I'm really having fun with it.

What a range, because I was doing this instead of watching season 5 of Game of Thrones... which just Wednesday night into Thursday morning I stayed up till 2 AM to finish...

Anyways, I decide to stop the videos because I'm getting tired, but not before saying "eh, I'll just check Tumblr real quick"

Depending on your perspective, that was either a huge mistake or my best idea. Because on one hand, I'm tired and didn't need to... y'know, find out, right before I go to bed.

But then again, imagine waking up and the first thing you see is Tumblr literally on fucking fire.

Now, why was Tumblr running around with a flame on it's ass?

Apparently during Monster's Inc on ABC (a channel here in the US if I have any foreign friends unaware), Marvel put out a brand new TV spot for Loki, right? Already exciting on its own, we see Miss Minutes with lines... and more Loki...

Quite literally, actually.

Because, let's be honest, of all the things a new TV spot could have shown us, of all the new scenes and lines we could have received...

LOKI WITH HIS MAN TITS OUT WAS NOT WHAT ANYONE WAS EXPECTING.

I'm serious, imagine you're me and you're watching a new TV spot, then this fuckerie appears to stain your eyeballs:

As you can imagine, I LOST MY FUCKING MIND

I wanna apologize to my friends who had to put up with my bullshit:

I literally said to one of my friends that there wasn't a gif I could use to express my emotions.

Anyways, I spent a good 45 minutes dry heaving, basically having a seizure on the floor.

Cut to Wednesday when Marvel posts the HD, official clip instead of the phone recorder version off of a TV version everyone had been using.

So, shall we discuss?

The Loki Marvel Studios logo splits open like an elevator with the cheery voice of Miss Minutes welcoming Loki (and us) to the Time Variance Authority.

"I'm Miss Minutes, and it's my job to catch you up before you stand trial for your crimes!"

Now, in case the diction of the words/the voice didn't sound familiar, Miss Minutes is actually voiced by legendary Voice Actress Tara Strong.

Yes, TWILIGHT SPARKLE herself is the talking clock mascot. Like I said, my watching MLP before this came out was a funny detail... it took me way too long to put two and two together, but I blame the bad audio quality from the fan posted version.

Anyways, as Miss Minutes tells Loki to "Settle in," he gets shoved into this tiny room with this weird robot:

Which... promptly lazers his clothes off.

"Now, hang on just a minute!" Loki protests before getting dropped down into a different room, now fully clothed in his prison detainee jumpsuit.

But the drop scene is where you get to see his back 👀

My boi Jon Snow is built the same way, just with less tiddy:

Anyhoo, Miss Minutes tells Loki that "we'll get you to a judge in no time!" Loki scoffs with a laugh and asks "who actually believes this crap?"

Nearby, a Minute Man is talking to another new prisoner, asking for a ticket of some sort, which the prisoner refuses to do:

So, he just gets NOPED OUT OF FUCKING EXISTENCE:

Loki's understandably a bit appalled by this, which is undercut by Miss Minutes for the last time this trailer.

"Thanks for visiting the TVA! Don't heasitate to let us know how we're doing!"

Yes, Southern Twilight, y'all are doing fantastic, lazering people out of reality.

Anyways, more rapid fire shots, this time with a dark background HQ (possibly a day/night cycle?)

Loki asks "what do you want with me?" which prompts Mobius to reply similarly to how he does in previous content

"You put our timeline in chaos. I want you to help us fix it."

Which, this shot is arguably one of the most confusing. Why is the timeline stable again? Why does Loki have what I assume is the Tesseract in his hand? Can anyone see him? Why would he have the cube while he's in his jumpsuit, i.e. still a prisoner? Confusion 100.

More of Loki fighting these... Union officers from the Civil War? Someone brought up the idea that these could be royal guards for a Variant of Loki who is King...

"Trusting Loki is not a good idea!" Ravonna says, presumably to Mobius:

More old clips, then we get Loki asking "do I get a weapon?"

Cut to a locker room where Mobius and Loki seem to be getting ready for a mission:

Mobius tells Loki to "Gear Up" before handing him his knives, an ultimate form of trust in my eyes. "Don't those feel good?" He asks in a tone that sounds like "isn't it nice to have those back?" I spent three days trying to figure out what the last bit says because B-15 comes over and snatches the daggers back:

"Absolutely NOT!" She says. So goddamn funny.

That's about it. With less than three weeks to go, it's getting more and more exciting.

And, again, I apologize to my friends for my past, present, and future behavior:

But it's also nice to know that wishlist is getting slowly filled out:

Don't fucking @ me...