WARNING!!! WARNING!!! WARNING!!!

AVENGERS: ENDGAME SPOILERS BELOW

DO NOT PROCEED IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN THIS MOVIE!!!

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LAST WARNING!!! PROCEED WITH CAUTION!!! I'M NOT A COP, BUT DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU!!!

IF YOU HAVE SEEN THIS MOVIE, FEEL FREE TO GO NUTS IN THE COMMENTS, FEEL FREE TO TALK ABOUT THE MOVIE ALL YOU WANT!!!

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Now, to address the elephant in the room...

I picked the media for a reason...

Not just because it's hilarious...

But is the claim it makes true?

The answer is...

...

A BIG FAT NO!!! I'm sorry to break it to you, but everyone else came back, but not Loki... He was back,in flashbacks and nabbed the Tesseract and that's the last we see of him.

Marvel... Marvel at the beginning of Infinity War, you gave us a promise... FLASHBACKS WEREN'T ENOUGH. AS CLEAR AS DAY, WE ALL HEARD IT!!! "THE SUN WILL SHINE ON US AGAIN!!" BUT IT DIDN'T!!! THOR FLIES AROUND WITH THE GUARDIANS, BUT WHAT ABOUT HIS BROTHER??? YOU COULD BRING EVERY ONE ELSE BACK, BUT NOT HIM????? MARVEL, YOU MADE A PROMISE!!! YOU GOT OUR HOPES UP AND LET THEM OUT TO DRY!!! MARVEL, YOU PROMISED!!!

I'm sorry, I'm really pissy about this. I watched his death over and over again to look for clues that he might be alive, but it was all for naught.

Marvel...

YOU COULD GIVE US GAMORA
YOU COULD GIVE US BUCKY
YOU COULD GIVE US PETER
YOU COULD HAVE GIVEN US LOKI!!! BUT YOU DIDN'T!!!

Being honest, I was already in tears by the time the credits rolled (more on,that in a sec), but seeing Tommy boy's name there... I... I just completely broke down. There almost weren't enough tissues. I'm crying even while writing this. Now I can't even look outside at a sunny day without wanting to vomit. The sun represents a broken promise now, not hope for the better.

Anyways, I gotta get to the real movie, else I'm gonna literally blow.

Okay, Clint's family disappearing was a Gut. Punch. Tony teaching Nebula table football was hilarious, then CAPTAIN MARVEL saved their asses and it was awesome.

But it was awesome to see Thor decapitate Thanos and just go "I aimed for the head."

I had clappers in my theater. It pissed my friend off to no end, but I'd always wanted to be in a theater like that. No, I'm not crazy, I just like expressing my emotions.

The jump was 5 years. One of the Russos had a cameo in Steve's support group thing.

TONY HAD A DAUGHTER AND I LOVED HER! HE WAS AN AWESOME DAD WHEN HE WAS WITH HER!!! Even the classic: Parent swears, child hears and repeats it like a little shit (which is what the word was).

Scott was saved by a rat. Plot convenience, but really funny.

Okay, can we talk about Thor though?

He had a pot-belly, a drinking problem, an awesome beard, his hair grew back, and he yelled at Fortnite players for his buddy, Korg.

One, the use of Fortnite was... No, just no...

Two, KORG!!! MY BOI IS BACK!!!

I'll just start talking about favorite parts, cause then I'd be plot explaining when you can google it.

-Cap getting his shield back, yes!

-Scott unsure who (or what version of him) pissed his pants.

-Just Thor in general. He's my fave, and he OWNED his screen time.

-Battle of NY flashback. Loved evey second of it, but the golden moment? LOKI IMMITATING CAP AS A TDW CALLBACK!!! Probably one of my top 3 favorite moments of the whole film.

-Oh yeah, he also took the Tesseract. Who knows what kind of ramifications that had?

Wait...

What iF THIS CHANGED HIS TIMELINE AND HE NEVER DIED IN INFINITY WAR??? AAAAHHH!!!

Moving on.

-Also, can we talk about Cap's Hail Hydra thing? I get it was a ruse, but NO. XD

-OKAY, MY FIRST REAL CRY MOMENT WAS FRIGGA!!! SHE IS MY DREAM FICTIONAL MOM AND I JUST WATCHED HER DEATH YESTERDAY CAUSE TDW WAS ON, AND THAT. SHIT. HURT!!! I MISS HER AND WISH SHE NEVER DIED!!!

Oh, and Thor got Mjolnir back, more on that in a sec.

-As soon as I heard that Nat and Clint were the Soul Stone claimers, I was like "Shit. What about the sacrifice part?"

-Nat sacrificing herself was when I used my first actual tissue. Okay, maybe like, 10 tissues.

~R.I.P. Natasha Romanoff~

-THE DOUBLE NEBULA THING- well, I mean, it wasn't a favorite, but it was clever.

-Present Nebula helping Past Gamora. Sisters forever!!!

-Steve and Tony going back to the 70s to get the Tesseract and Pym Particles.

FINAL STAN LEE CAMEO! R.I.P. man.

Tony seeing Howard was cute

STEVE HIDING IN PEGGY'S OFFICE!!! LIKE, OH MY GOD

-Anyways, Thanos coming to the facility scared the shit outta me. I was all "oh hell no..."

-So, the trio is fighting Thanos and Thor's about to get axed... This is probably my real favorite part...

-CAP SUMMONING AND WIELDING MJOLNIR!!! WE ALL KNEW HE WAS WORTHY (SO DID THOR) AND HE USES IT LIKE A BADASS BOSS!!!

My theater erupted in claps. The applause pissed my friend off, but come on, that was Bad. Ass.

-Thor seeing Cap hold Stormbreaker and was like "No, you get the small one." and handing Mjolnir to him while taking the axe back.

But then...

-THE PORTALS OPENING WITH ALL OF THE DEAD CHARACTERS (*ahem* minus one Vision and minus one Loki) COMING IN AND LINING UP AGAINST THANOS AND HIS ARMY WITH CAP LEADING THE CHARGE WITH A BROKEN SHIELD AND MJOLNIR AND HE SAYS...

"Avengers... Assemble."

*Another applause moment here*

-CHARGE!!!

-NEXT BIGGEST CRY MOMENT WAS PETER AND TONY REUNION!!!

-MY BABY GIRL WANDA FACING OFF AGAINST THANOS!!!

-VALKYRIE ON HER PEGASUS!!! HELL YEAH, MOTHERF*CKERS!!!

-ALL THE GIRLS ASSEMBLE TOGETHER!!! EVEN BETTER THAN INFINITY WAR'S!!!

-Ultimately, everyone is passing around the Iron Infinity Gauntlet (how Imma gonna call it) and Thanos gets it. He SNAPS HIS FINGERS...

And nothing happens.

Then Tony has all the stones on his hand and looks at Thanos and says...

"I... Am... Iron Man."

And snapps his fingers.

Thanos's army turns to dust (which, I mean, PTSD, amiright?) And SO DOES THANOS! KARMA IS A BITCH!!!

-But... This is where I used up nearly all my tissues...

Tony is lying on the ground, nearly unresponsive as Peter tries to get "Mister Stark... Mister Stark... Tony!!!" to wake up.

Nothing.

-Pepper (in some sweet armor) comes up, kisses him on the cheek... And the arc reactor dims to nothing.

~R.I.P. Tony Stark~

-The Avengers have won... But at what cost?

-Tony's funeral was a very sad affair. Everyone gathered around to send Tony's "Proof that Tony Stark Has a Heart" arc reactor. Happy offers Morgan (Tony's daughter) burgers and Clint and Wanda wish they could tell Tony and Nat that they won.

"I'm sure they know."

-Thor leaves Valkyrie as ruler of New Asgard (BRUH, THE SUN WAS SHINING, DO YOU NEED ANY MORE OF AN OPENING??) and is preping to make journies with the (As)Guardians of the Galaxy. Thor and Quill argue over authority, and someone suggests a battle of dominance with knives (again, *SOMEONE* COULD HAVE PROVIDED THEIR EXPERTISE ON THE TOPIC) before we cut away.

-Steve goes back to return the stones to their respective times, but doesn't come back in five seconds like Bruce (Now half Hulk, half Bruce) said.

-Steve comes back an old man, saying that "he tried to get some of that life" and hands his shield to Sam.

-One thing I would have changed... HAND THE DAMN SHIELD TO BUCKY. THE DUDE IS RIGHT THERE AND DESERVES IT!!! Not that Sam doesn't, but STILL!!!

-Final scene is back in time where Steve and Peggy are dancing in their home to a lovely tune.

-And credits.

-I love how when the cast goes by they put the original six at the end with their signatures as a final send off. And how it wasn't clips from the actual movie that went with the characters (I could tell because mostly because, again, the Loki clip was from Thor 1)

-My friend had to pee really bad, so we left before this rumored audio stinger. Can someone comment what it was, I'm seriously curious.

***

Okay, here are my top 3 favorite parts

3. Loki/Cap immitation to call back to TDW

2. The final battle as a whole, from Avengers Assemble to I... am... Iron Man... And beyond.

1. CAP WIELDING MJOLNIR LIKE A BOSS ASS BITCH AND USING LIGHTING AND FLYING AS SUCH.

(Honorable mentions go to:

Thor's exile and the Korg Fortnite scene, not for the game, for Thor's comedy and Korg in general.

Frigga.

And Tony and his family cause CUTENESS!!)

***

Parts that made me tear up or full blow sob (indicated with an *)

-Clint's beginning scene

-The whole Frigga interaction

-Nat's sacrifice*

-Peter/Tony reunion

-Tony dying and his arc reactor fading out*

-Tony's funeral*

-Old Man Steve

-Steggy together at last*

-Cast Credits*

***

Anyways, guys, I hope you liked this review. I got a bit ranty at the beginning, but I waited a year for a literal broken promise.

Might be a while before I can work through an AU in my Avengers Adventures book (recouping, finding a script to work through, altering a few things in the end... Hint Hint...etc.)

See y'all later!

-TheAsgardianJedi