You can lie all alone in the dark; You can run from the one you need

You can run from the memories :But you can't run away from your heart**

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"He's Fine .. He's absolutely fine .. Sanskaar ko kuch nahi hua" Swara paced restlessly in her room trying to calm her panic stricken heart. Did she hear him? Was it her imagination? ...No.. He called her .. she heard him.

The weather outside was equally torrential as her mind. The sky roared with ear splitting thunders and heavy splash of rain."Itni bechaini kyu ho rahi hain mujhe" Swara questioned herself .This premonition of something going wrong..."jaise Sanskaar ko ...she paused .."nahi ..main bhi kya ... Kuch nahi ho sakta usse...Kuch Nahi .." she convinced herself and slowly made way to kitchen to grab a glass of water.

Miles away from her

Lying on floor with empty bottle in one hand and Swara' s photograph in other hand he murmured.

Swa...ra...aaa

The wind chimes in balcony swung back and forth furiously grabbing her attention

.

Swa...ra...aaa

And she heard him ...Again .The glass dropped from her hands shattering into pieces as her heart dipped further.Not giving a second thought she reached for her phone and dialed his number .. She had to hear his voice for once ..just once to make sure he is fine. No rules are being broken here .Just a Hello from him would do ..

No response. Tensed she dialed again.

He heard dim sound...a ring which reached his ears faintly but he was in no position to get up and he didn't want to ..he liked being like this ,sinking down more into abyss ,where he could hear and feel nothing..nothing at all.

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Swara settled on couch after number of unsuccessful attempts to reach him. Annapurna aunty's voice over phone as she called Landline, her words unsettled Swara further. "Nahi pata kaha hain woh ..kab aata hain kab jaata hain, kab hosh main rehta ..kab nashe main jhoonjta rehta hain kuch nahi pata aur ye sab .."

She didn't have to complete the rest of words ..because of her. Swara held back her tears as call got disconnected.

All these days had been tormenting trying get back life into terms. Breaking the heart you reside comes with its consequences ..doesn't it ? He never called her back ..no message.. no glimpse of him just like she had asked him nope.. forced him, she corrected herself , using his love as pawn against him and he did ..just because he loved her.

"Shouldn't you be happy Swara .. this is what you wanted, Right!?" her inner voice had been mocking her all these days

Right!She had been trying to convince herself ..all she did was for his well being to save him from pain ..but today her every instinct screamed wrong. The wind chimes swung again bringing back a memory

"Waise Swara ..ye itne saare wind chimes..Tumhe pasand hain kya ?" he questioned sipping his coffee ..

"Ye?" She said swinging one of them, "I just love them .I can just listen to them for hours and hours ..They are calming and soothing and kabhi kabhi .. I feel like...They play the music of one's heart...jo tum sun na chahte ho aur ye hawa kahi se dil ki baatein tumhe suna rahi hain. "

Music of One's heart .. Calming and soothing but today, they sounded agitated and pained , every sound of them as they clanked against each other.

"Kaha ho tum Sanskaar?..Kaha?" Tears rolled down her cheek as she clutched the phone hard. " Please phone Utavo ..ek baar Please "

And in that moment of despair, one more memory crossed her.

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Those were days when their feelings for each other had been venturing beyond friendship.

"Sanskaar .. tum mere phone ke saath kya kar rahe ho ..kabse ?" Seated at their favorite spot in Little angels, on Church steps, Swara looked at Sanskaar who had been toying with her phone for quite sometime .

"Kuch nahi .. ek app install kar raha tha ..He handed her phone back "Iss se tum mere location trace karsakthi ho ...kabhi bhi kahi bhI."

"Mr .Sanskaar Mhaeswari, aap ko aisa kyu lagta hain ki mujhe iski jaroort padegi ..main call karlungi" Swara replied checking the app "ya message..."

"Lekin kabhi agar main tumhare call nahi uta paaya tho?" He looked at her with glint in his eyes, a curios one.Now she turned to face him , her eyes narrowed " tum toh aisa bol rahe ho jaise tum mujhse dur jaoge." The uneasiness she felt at that thought bothered her.Brushing aside she waited for him to say something ...like it would never happen.

He lowered his eyes, smiling and looked at her ,his eyes gazing into hers and it seemed like eternity before he answered in low voice "Agar mera bas chale tho tumse kabhi bhi dur na jaavu .. kabhi nahi ."

The moment froze as their eyes danced with myriad of emotions.

"Agar meri bas chale tho kabhi tumhe apne aap se dur na jaane doo...kabhi nahi ," She almost blurted out. Curbing down her wishful thinking " Sochlo ..Sanskaar," she tried to bring cheerful banter back " Tum mujh se ab chup nahi sakte...Baad main kuch mat kehna .. kahi bhi pahuch javungi tumhare peeche peeche."

"Main intezaar karunga ..he replied calmly "Waise Madam agar aapki permission ho tho kya main aapka number bhi.I mean..." He paused remembering that day of media fiasco leading to revelation of he being Sanskaar Maheswari and the painful days followed then .That night , seated on stone bench in her residence ,waiting for a glimpse of her worried to death about her safety ..every minute felt like an hour.This might help just to ensure she is safe and sound but he respected her privacy...her space and knew his limits..hence he wanted to check if she would be fine with the same.

Swara considered him for a minute " Apna phone do" she demanded and quickly feeded her number and handed it back to him.Her lips curled upwards watching him check his phone.She would have never minded if he didn't ask her and added in her details ..but he did .This is what made him special. A thorough gentle man, and an absolute sweetheart .

"Ab tum mujhse aise mysterious smile kyu de rahi ho?" Sanskar caught her smiling at him.

"Kuch nahi..bas aise hi" Swara replied.

And for next one hour they played around trying the app... which turned out to be fun filled hide and seek' with kids joining them later, teaming up and finally they concluded... it works.

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App! Swara wiped her tears off and with fumbling hands she turned on app which she turned off during her missing act to Kolkata.

Praying it would help her and network wouldn't be a hindrance given the weather ,she waited and in next minute it beeped.Swara sighed with relief and with no second thoughts she picked her bag and rushed out.

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"Thanks Dada"

Cab driver nodded as he saw young girl getting down ..she seemed to be worried and tensed throughout the ride ..had been checking her phone quite a few times.Rain slowed down into drizzle making the ride easy and he was thankful his car didn't have to endure much bumps or breakdown which he feared in this foul weather.

Swara wondered if she reached right place. She didn't recall Sanskaar mentioning a thing about this place or area and wondered why ? But phone was tracing out same location ... It was still dark and clouded ..Nothing was clear.She quickly reached out to watch man.

"Woh Sanskaar Maheswari ...she asked trying not to make her nervousness and urgency evident.

Watchman scrutinized her for a second ...He had not seen anyone more frequently over here other than their chote saab and few people who worked on this place and given the drunken state chote saab is in now ..he wondered if he should let her in . Poor thing was almost close to getting drenched.

"Please ..agar woh yaha hain tho ...please...

He simply nodded " Ji haan "and stood watching young girl rushing in." Woh Saab ne bahut pee liya aur ...he shouted from behind but she didn't seem to care.Sighing he retired back into his small room near entrance .

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Only if Swara would have taken quick look around wouldn't have been tough for her to recall ..the settings of her dream house. If in other scenarios she might have but now all mattered to her was, Sanskaar.The need to see him ..hear his voice and ensure he is all right and about to step in ..she halted froze at sight before her.

He was lying on floor ..almost close to unconscious state. An empty bottle lied a bit distant from him like it rolled from his hands and there was photograph in his hand..which he clutched like second life and didn't want to let go .

Sanskaar ...those words were out before she could realize.

He heard her .. a dim faint sound. She was calling him. His Swara is calling him and he knew it because even in that state he felt his heart thud in slow rhythm like it's trying to tell him ... she is here and he is very much familiar with beat of his heart around her .He knew he is sinking into darkness and he wanted to.. Enough of this pain he endured, where every breath felt laboured , every beat felt burdened and every tear stung but he heard her ...

Swara stood rooted unable to move a step almost as if shocked seeing him in such condition and her eyes moved to slight movement of his hand .

Sanskaar ..

Again...Its her.With utmost difficulty he opened his eyes ..and tried to gather back his body into a piece and turned towards voice.Be it his imagination or a vision of her , or her voice , be it a hope his heart harboured deep down, a tiny one that she would come , Be it pain it would give him ,realising it was nothing but just his " Vehem",... but for one glimpse of her .. he would die thousand times over and over.

And there she was...

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He almost staggered as he tried to stand holding corner of tea table as support and who stood before her was ...neither a suave ,sophisticated businessman whom she teasingly called Mr.Maheshwari or her best friend or the one whom she had lost her heart too.Standing before her in disheveled state was a broken battered soul ...who she left almost lifeless, His ungroomed beard and hair were weeks old..his shirt hung loose around him ..like he had lost weight,his eyes ..which once upon were filled with life and laughter now stared at her blankly .Even from distance of few feet she could clearly make out dark circles strikingly visible around his puffed reddened eyes and he had been drinking to death.

And at that moment she hated herself the most .. she did this to him

He didn't know if it was his dream or real, If she was here or not as he stared at her blankly. Trying to take a step forward he stretched his hand to reach out to her... but stopped in midway .If It was vision ,he wanted to live it ,before it fades into emptiness.He didn't want to take a step with fear it might vanish just like others pushing him back into vortex of excruciating pain.He stood still trying to capture her image..seep into his every breath and beat and every fiber of his being.He would have preferred to die watching her, holding her in his eyes ... and they widened as he saw her rushing towards him.

Sanskaar ..

He felt his heart would stop its beat as she took his name, and it did for a minute as her fingers curled around his hand.It was no dream .. she is here His Swara is here. He stood frozen as ice for a minute ,almost close to being numb and in next minute he sank onto floor trying to sync in the feeling . She is here

Startled Swara settled next to him ..her arms wrapping him around trying to hold him back.After what seemed like few minutes he turned to face her , tried to find his voice back as gazed into her mist filled eyes with his own.

Sw..ara ...

And like always it hit her.. Just by taking her name he told her everything he wanted to convey and she could take it no longer .She hugged him and he clutched onto her like she was his next breath .. his didn't need next breath ..all he needed was her ...Swara.

Swara .. ..Swara ...he chanted her name and mumbled words incoherently mist his sobs. "Tum aa...gayi .. Swa..ra ...tum ...Kaha chali gayi tum mujhe chodkar? .. Mat jaavo please ... please mat jao ..please."

Tears streamed out of her eyes in never ending flow soaking his shirt and they gently rolled down, the wetness of them pouring life into his dried, withering and dying heart.

He didn't know for long he held her ..but as his sobs died down, and he gained back a bit of normal composure something struck him .He drew back wiping his tears with a smile on his face and his hands quickly reached to wipe her tears too.

"Swara ...tumne hamara ghar nahi dekha na ..hamara ghar ..he stressed looking at her confused expression."Chalo Main ... Dikhata Hoon tumhe .." She stood along with him and didn't stop as he dragged her around .She didn't know what he was talking out but as minutes passed ... she stood bewildered.

"Ye hamara hall hain ...dekho yaha guitar bhi hain" ..he showed a brand new guitar he brought for her "aur ye hamara kitchen ...aur ye ..colours,parde .. sab aise hi hain jaise tum chahthi thi . He pulled her towards a curtain."Tumhe pata hain iss ke liye maine aisha ko itna tang tang kiya,woh becahri pareshaan hogayi ..Ayesha! hamara ghar ka designer ..you should meet her ..hum jab furniture lene jaaye gena tab milavunga ...aur ye colour, milhi nahiraha tha .. lekin maine kehdiya, ki meri Swara ka yahi chaiye bas...tumhara dream house haina! Sab waise hi hain."

Dream house .. that struck her why it seemed familiar ..Dream house.Sketches flashed before her eyes and here every sketch was alive before her ,like life was poured into them and he did this ...for her.?

"Ek surprise hain .."his words rang in her ears .Was this the one ?

Sanskaar dragged her down to balcony "Tumhe Sunset Pasand haina ,yaha se tum dekh sakthi ho , bahut acha view hain ,aur ye Wind chimes tumhe bahut pasand haina .. iss liye .. dekho..." Wind chimes hung around in different patterns and colours and as he swung them gently, their tinkling sound filled the room breaking her reverie and that's when she looked around found herself staring at photographs in room .. her photographs, framed and hung around walls.

She watched him stunned not precisely able to pinpoint what she was feeling...as he went around telling her story behind every photograph " Ye yaad hain ..Jab hum picnic pe ...aur ye birthday celebration ka ..aur ye .."bringing every one of those moments alive.

Love seemed a small word ...as she looked at him standing before her his eyes twinkling with hope and asked " Tumhe acha ..laga? "

And she stood wondering if this small organ called heart is capable of feeling all the emotions she is going through right now.She gotta be luckiest one on earth to deserve a pure love like this, which almost was worship What did she do to deserve this ..does she even deserve being loved like this, after all she had done to him .. yet he loved her. Her dream.. If her dream ,which she dismissed meant so much to him.. What would she mean?

"Meri Zindagi ho tum Swara ..Mera Sab kuch.." His words rang in her memory and as tears trickled down he was quick to reach out to her wiping them gently " Tumhe acha nahi laga? tho hum badal denge Swara.."

She couldn't help but smile through her tears at his innocent remark..He thought she was crying because she didn't like the house and she could no longer resist asking ...

" Kyu Sanskaar ..Kyu karte ho itna pyaar mujhse?"

He stepped back wondering what to answer .What would you say if someone asks you why do you breathe?From the moment he loved her, his every breath and every beat had been for her..it's like his love for her was sole feeling his life had come down to.It would keep him alive or it would kill him ..He would live with her or die without her..Either way only that seemed way of living..Loving her

But how would he tell her ...no words seemed to be enough.

"Nahi pata..bas itna jaanta hoon ki..." he stepped forward just an inch away from her,his eyes boring into her hers .. " .. tumse pyaar kiye bina main jee nahi sakta Swara." He gently leaned onto her shoulder and murmured "I ..I love U Swara...I love u."

Nothing poetic,no huge claims in form of words ,.. Simple yet ardent declaration of what she means to him. Swara held him close and as her hands cradled him closer ,at that moment ,all he felt was... his Swara is here ..and finally he is at peace.

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