The weeks pass and we soon settle into a new routine, together. Jonny is immersed back into his celebrity lifestyle: being swamped with interviews, hype over his upcoming new film, TV appearances, press calls, and charity events. Although I try hard to remain very much in the background of his fame, always doing my damnedest to stay unnoticed, my determined attempts have been futile. Since Jonny's return from New York, our relationship is very much back under the media's scrutinising spotlight. Why the newly ignited interest in us, you wonder? Quite simply because we are still together.

Just after he left for America, the press was printing all kinds of crap. There was much speculation about whether our relationship would ever last. One paper even claimed that according to their 'reliable source,' Jonny had in fact only taken the role in New York to put some distance between our already strained relationship. Complete and utter bullshit of course, but what can you do? It would seem their 'reliable source' was anything but . . . if indeed they ever existed at all.

Things have certainly changed since Jonny has returned home. I now get the odd pap following me, but because my life is significantly normal compared to Jonny's, they soon lose interest in boring old me. So I continue to work from the apartment, my life is still being split between Chelsea and Cheltenham. I continue to stay a couple of days in the flat with Lissy and Lottie each week, and although that was fine to do whilst Jonny was away in America, it no longer feels right me doing so. Jonny, being the wonderful man that he is, has never said anything, but I know he wishes the girls would come to our home in Chelsea. We get precious little time together as it is with our combined schedules. The flat in Cheltenham was only ever meant to be a temporary thing, a place where the girls and I could spend some quality time together after being estranged from them for so long. A place where I could try to repair the hurt that I'd caused after my affair with Jonny . . . I believe I have done that.

Lissy and Lottie are once again happy and secure. They know our lives are different now. They also know that I'm not going to ever leave them, and most importantly, that I'm not going to ever get back with their father.

Now Jonny is back in the U.K., I know that in the foreseeable future, I am going to have to discuss with the girls the possibility of giving up the flat, so that they come and see me in London every weekend instead. I haven't yet raised the subject with Jonny; I want to speak to the girls first before any final decision is made. I know it needs to be done, and soon, but I'm worried the girls will think that I'm putting Jonny before them, which isn't the case.

I'm really hoping that they will understand the reasons why I think the flat in Cheltenham needs to go. My home is now very much in Chelsea, with the man that I love. It's important that they feel it's their home too, with the both of us.

***

Due to the girls spending the past weekend with Catherine, because it was her birthday, we've arranged to spend some time together midweek instead. I'll see the girls after school, so I thought I might as well make a rare visit to the office, being as I'm in Cheltenham. I may even drum up the courage to have that dreaded conversation about giving up the flat with Lissy and Lottie, that's if I don't twist myself inside out with worry first. Not even the soothing sound of The Corrs, playing on the stereo, does anything to take my mind off my dilemma. I have thought of little else since the issue first popped into my worrying little head. I'm even too engrossed in my own weighted thoughts to be able to hold a proper conversation with poor Simon. I think I've barely spoken a word to him throughout the whole car journey from Chelsea to Cheltenham. Note to self: apologise to Simon.

When I walk into our small but stylish office, Katie is the first to greet me. Her pretty twenty-year-old face is always overly made up with heavy make-up, but there's no denying that she's as cute as a button beneath all that foundation and powder. She does look much younger than her age, so maybe that's the reason why she feels the need to cake her flawlessly innocent face with so much wall paint. "Morning, Jessica. How are you?" she says in a happy singsong voice.

"Good thanks, Katie. Did you enjoy your friend's birthday party the other night?" I have to ask. Both Lydia and myself, have heard of nothing else for weeks and weeks beforehand. Katie has been, quite simply, beyond excited about this big party her friend was having.

"Oh my God, Jessica . . . we all had such a great time," she gasps with even more excitement. "A few sore heads and knees the next day, though!" Her eyes narrow at the mere mention of heads and knees.

"Knees?" I ask with a confused smile.

She starts to giggle. "We all kept falling over after a few too many cherry vodka shots . . . look!" She promptly pulls up her dress to show me the very angry and sore looking grazes she has recently acquired across both of her kneecaps.

"Ouch!" I wince, taking a closer look.

Her powdery, pale complexion and red rose cheeks look back at me. Her straight, shoulder length hair, dyed a deep mahogany with a texturised bang, accentuates her pretty oval face and complements her deep oceanic eyes. "Yes it is, Jessica. Very ouch!" She lowers her dress, walking back to our shared desk.

I say shared, but it truly does belong to Katie now. She has a vast array of personal belongings that now lay claim to the solid wooden desk. A neon pink penholder with an eclectic mix of girly pens standing tall inside. Some are encrusted in fake gems while others have feathers at the top. Even her memo pad is sinfully girly, a cat shaped memo block of a British Blue.

Lydia was right about Katie. She's adorable. She's like a breath of sweet and girly fresh air to Mason's Toys. Her infectious enthusiasm and sometimes scatty approach is refreshingly endearing.

I distinctly remember our very first meeting. She was extremely jittery, yet buoyant with all the nervous energy that she so often carries around inside of her. It still makes me laugh, thinking back to that very first awkward but nevertheless hilarious conversation.

I had walked into the office. The one I had walked into many times before, but this time I was greeted by the loudest gasp, followed by the sound of folders being dropped all over the floor. Picture the scene, if you will. A clumsy, pale, open-mouthed, young red head with papers and folders strewn all around her feet, just blinking back at me. I threw my bag down onto the leather sofa, rushing to help the poor girl.

"I have never met a famous person before," Katie said in a slow, monotoned voice. Her eyes were wide, but fixated on me, while we both picked up the mess that she had made.

I laughed at her serious, yet amusing, comment. "I'm not famous though, Katie," I stated with an embarrassed laugh.

"Well, you're shagging Jonny Riley . . . that's close enough!" By then, I was in hysterics. Katie apologised profusely. She was obviously someone who spoke first, thought later. It was certainly a part of her adorability. My laughter was then interrupted by the clacking sound of Lydia's high heels coming closer to Katie's conversational carnage.

"Good morning, my darling Jessica. I can see you have met our little Katie, then?" she said, with her brown eyes surveying all the mess around our ankles. I stood to greet Lydia, who welcomed me with an air kiss to both my cheeks.

"I have indeed." I smirked.

My jesting eyes fell on the young and still shocked red head, who was frantically trying to pick up all of the dropped papers with her impatient pale hands; still looking utterly dumbfounded.

"Katie darling, you can close your mouth now. Jessica would much rather see that gorgeous face of yours, if it didn't look like you were just in the middle of an orgasm!" Lydia playfully scolded the red-faced Katie. "I'm so sorry, Jessica. She has been beside herself, knowing that she's going to be meeting Jonny Riley's girlfriend. I'm sure she will get used to having you around . . . without dropping things or saying anything too ridiculous." Lydia smirked, her amused eyebrow high on her face.

Feeling sorry for the poor girl, I threw her a kind, reassuring smile. "I'm sure we will get along just fine . . . won't we, Katie?"

Thankfully we did. Within a few weeks, that star-struck reaction quickly faded. I was soon able to walk into the office without gasps and objects being dropped all over the bloody place.

The sound of Lydia's light giggle brings me back to present day. "Has the little lady been showing you her vodka wounds?" Lydia grins, affectionately rubbing Katie's arm, as she walks towards her desk.

"They are very impressive. Drunken scars of a good night," I say with a small laugh, taking off my coat and hanging it on the coat hook.

Lydia shakes her head. "I think we are going to have to get that girl some knee pads, Jessica!"

"Good idea," I reply, grinning across at Katie.

Lydia relaxes back into her swivel chair. "So, how is Mr. Gorgeous, fully settled back into life in good ole Blighty?"

"He is great, thanks, Lydia." No matter who I'm talking to, a little flush to my cheeks always occurs at the mere mention of Jonny.

"And the girls?" Lydia leans with her elbows now resting on her desk.

"They're doing great, too," I proudly reply.

"So have they seen Jonny, yet?"

I busily look through my IN tray, lifting my eyes to answer Lydia. "No, they haven't . . . but I think I need to talk to them about that."

Lydia leans further forward, her brow curved with intrigue. "Oh, that sounds serious."

I walk towards her, parking myself on the corner of her desk. Lydia is attentive; her hands are clasped together with her chin resting on them.

"I want the girls to start coming to Chelsea. The flat was only supposed to be somewhere that the girls and I could spend some quality time together, whilst Jonny was away," I nervously explain.

Lydia is nodding agreeably with pursed lips. "That's understandable. Have you spoken to the girls, yet?"

I shake my head, looking down at my lap. "No, not yet. I just don't want them to think that I'm putting Jonny first."

Lydia reaches for me, gently touching my arm. "Darling, you always overthink things. You and the girls have had more than three months to get back on track. You need to credit them with some maturity. They know what's going on. They know your life is now with Jonny, in Chelsea. You need to talk to them. See where the land lies."

I smile. She always knows just what to say! "You always talk such sense," I say, holding her hand.

"I know, I even surprise myself at times." She flippantly throws her hands in the air with a smug laugh.

I lean in closer. "So how are things this end?" I ask with genuine interest. I don't want to turn this conversation into being all about my life. For a change, I want to hear all about Lydia's.

"All ship shape my end, darling. There's nothing to report here, is there, sweetie?" Lydia looks over her shoulder at a shrugging Katie, who looks incredibly sheepish.

"Nope . . . nothing to report." Katie smirks.

I'm sensing that I'm missing out on something here. What aren't they telling me? I wonder.

I slide off the corner of the desk, standing with my hand on my hip. "Okay, Lydia Mason . . . spill . . . what the hell is going on?" I ask, with narrowed eyes now on my dearest friend.

She's grinning from ear to ear. Her wicked eyebrows twitch above her rich chocolate eyes. "Oh nothing, darling . . . except Jake has asked me to marry him . . . and I've so accepted!"

I stop dead for a second; just to relay what I think I just heard. Am I bloody hearing things? Did she just tell me that she's marrying Jake?

"Wh . . . what . . . say again?" I numbly ask.

"I-am-getting-married-Jessica!" Lydia slowly repeats her every word. Bloody hell! She really is getting married!

"Shit, Lydia!" I rush around to her side of the desk.

Lydia stands in front of me, visibly shaking. "I know, darling. I'm absolutely delighted but truly, I'm shitting myself." Her tight mouth forces a smile.

"Oh my God! Come here! I need a hug," I say, grabbing her into my elated arms.

Lydia is laughing on my shoulder. "You need a hug? Shit! I need Valium on speed dial and a bloody long lie down!"

My arms tighten around my trembling friend. We stand there in an overjoyed, shaky embrace. I'm honestly in shock at this wonderful news. I always believed that Lydia would never marry.

"When did Jake propose?" I ask, frantically wracking my brains.

Shit! Have I selfishly missed a cue that she had wanted to tell me? But I stupidly didn't pick up on it because I've been so caught up in my own life . . . as per usual!

She casually replies, "Last week." While occupying herself by picking at one of the bonsai trees, which sits in a place of pride on her desk; I notice the emotive change in her tone of voice. Shit! Maybe I did miss her cue?

I pause to look in Lydia's dark but glassy eyes, emotion now dangerously teetering on her lower lids. "Why didn't you call me?" I ask tentatively.

Lydia strokes my arm. "Because, darling, I wanted to tell you when you were here."

I sigh with exasperation. "I apologise if you have tried to tell me, Lydia. As always, I've been too wrapped up in myself to notice." My words drown in deep apology.

She laughs with a graceful swipe of her hand: a forget-about-it kind of gesture through the air. "Don't be bloody ridiculous, darling! Jake asked me after I saw you last week. Like I said, I wanted to tell you face to face, that's all."

The relief surges through me, allowing the enormity of the situation to truly soak in. "Really?" I softly ask. Lydia nods with a happy yet emotional smile. I warmly take her in my arms once again. "Congratulations, Lydia. I'm in bloody shock, mind you, but I'm so very happy for you both."

She laughs. "Thank you, my darling." Her arms tighten around my back, trembling against me. Overcome with happiness, we both fall apart, crying and laughing all at the same time. After indulging ourselves in our mixed emotions, we begin to wipe away our tears of elation from each other's damp eyes and cheeks.

I suck in a calming breath. "So have you set a date, yet?" I ask, now dabbing my eyes with a tissue.

Lydia quickly steps forward to pull a tissue out of its box, a teary black trail already falling down her contoured cheeks. "We are looking at July." She noisily blows her nose.

"But that's only four months away?" I ask with surprise.

"We wanted to marry quick. I think Jake is absolutely terrified that I will change my mind if I'm left engaged for too long." Lydia sweetly giggles, softly wiping the end of her nose with the scrunched up tissue.

"Do you have an engagement ring?" I ask.

Lydia lifts her head high with a regal smile on her lips. She holds out the piano like fingers on her left hand, proudly stretching them out to show me an exquisite daisy cluster of seven sparkling diamonds, set within a platinum band. I look up at her ecstatic face. Her dark crop now falling in longer, texturised layers. Her quirky brow is arched, right on cue.

"How the bloody hell did I not notice this beauty?" I shrug my shoulders with a smirk.

Lydia is blissfully smug. "Does my boy have good taste or what?" she asks, staring at the dazzling diamonds on her finger.

"He certainly does," I answer in awe, gently stroking her ring.

She gently takes her hand away. "I have a lot to sort in the coming months, Jessica. When I actually stop to think about how much I need to get organised, I can't help but feel utterly panic stricken!" You can literally see the colour beginning to drain from Lydia's ecstatic but terrified face.

I place a comforting arm on her shoulder. "You'll be fine. I'll help in any way that I can. You just say the word and I'm there."

She places her trembling hand on top of mine. "Thank you, darling. That means a lot."

Katie boisterously bounces across the room, standing beside Lydia. "I can help, as well. I just love weddings! The organising of it all is actually the most exciting part!" Her sweet, made up face looks whimsically up at her boss, who she obviously admires very much.

"Believe me, Katie. I'm excited, but I've never seriously considered getting married before . . . ever! So I've no idea where to start." An almost defeated looking Lydia brings both of her arms down by her sides, with low shoulders.

Katie grins. "Not to worry . . . I do! When you told me the other day, I've not thought of anything else. I hope you don't mind, but I've started buying a few magazines?" Katie almost runs towards her desk, quickly opening the side drawer; pulling out a pile of wedding magazines. She struggles to carry them back over to Lydia's desk. Placing them down with a heavy thud. Both Lydia and myself look down at them all with open mouths.

"Katie, you really weren't joking when you said you'd bought a few magazines?" Lydia asks with a crooked smile.

"This lot should give you a few ideas." Katie carefully brushes a stray strand of red hair away from her flustered face.

"See, Jessica. This is exactly why I took on this sweet creature. She's so keen and enthusiastic." Lydia moves towards Katie, hugging her. It's lovely to see her showing such genuine fondness for her little protégé. Lydia really has taken Katie under her wing. Again, something I never thought I would see. First marriage and now a maternal streak? What the bloody hell has happened to Miss I-Will-Never-Get-Married?

"So have you any ideas about where you want to get married?" I ask, while flipping through a gorgeous glossy wedding magazine.

"We both would like a small civil ceremony somewhere. We have a few places in mind, but we're going to have to be quick," Lydia absentmindedly replies, her face now covered by one of the bridal magazines.

I agree, gently nodding. "That's true. Many venues are booked up way in advance."

Lydia lowers the glossy in her hands. "I know. That's exactly what worries me." Her pouting lips and her downcast eyes make her look so sweetly vulnerable. I've never seen Lydia look anything but feistily confident. I just hope that her love for Jake keeps her strong enough to actually marry him. She's on cloud nine, but her constricting fear is written all over her sophisticated face. I decide right there and then, that I will do everything I can to help Lydia stay strong.

"You'll find your perfect place, I'm sure, Lydia." I reassuringly smile, stroking her tense shoulder.

Lydia's deep chocolate eyes warm to my words, they look thankful and optimistic. "I hope so, darling," Her body language is now more positive. Her shoulders push back; she stands tall, holding her head high. This is Lydia's way of trying to push away her fears. It's her way of giving herself a big kick up the ass! "So enough about me, Jessica. What are you going to say to those beautiful girls of yours about the flat?"

I breathe away my uncertainty. "I'm not sure yet, Lydia."

"Like I said to you before, they know things have changed, Jessica. They've had to grow up fast with everything that's happened. They're not little girls anymore. I think they will surprise you when you talk to them. What does Jonny think?" Lydia asks, pushing the wedding magazines into a neat pile.

"I haven't spoken to him about it, actually. Even if it were bothering him, he would never say anything for fear that it may upset me."

Lydia sweetly smiles. "Because he loves you. He knows that the girls are your world."

I perch myself again, on the edge of Lydia's desk. "Exactly! That's why it's so damn hard, Lydia. I miss and adore Lissy and Lottie, yet I'm so in love with Jonny. I hate having to leave him to see the girls every week. It was great whilst he was in New York. It took my mind off him being away, and it was wonderful being alone with the girls. But now Jonny is home, I realise just how much I hate being apart from him. He's always been more than happy to play second fiddle to the girls, but I don't want it to be like that anymore. Why should I have to keep choosing who is more important? I want the girls to be with us when they visit. I want us to be like a proper family. I'm not trying to have Jonny replace Shawn; I would never try to do that. I just want Jonny to be included, that's all. I feel like I have one part of my life with the girls, and another with Jonny. I'm desperate for the two to merge together now. I'm no longer happy to keep them separate anymore." Relieved to get that all off my chest, I sigh deeply, looking up at the ceiling.

Lydia perches beside me. "Here you go again! Beating yourself up about being a bad mother and a shit girlfriend. Of course things cannot carry on as they are, Jonny is back and things do have to change. I don't know what you're so afraid of. The girls got on surprisingly well with Jonny over Christmas, didn't they?"

Her graceful arm reaches across my shoulder, I rest my head on hers. "Yes, they did," I forlornly admit.

"So they will again. Jonny is far too irresistible . . . even for your girls." Lydia leans into me with a teasing push, her wicked brow playing high on her forehead.

Katie quickly interrupts with a girlish sneer. "I so second that! If I was with Jonny Riley, I wouldn't let him out of my sight . . . ever!" She dreamily clasps her hands together, as an obvious fantasy runs through her dirty little mind about my boyfriend. Ordinarily, that would offend me, but Katie is so sweetly innocent in her actions that I just end up laughing, as I so often do with her.

"I cannot wait for sweet cheeks over there to meet your Mr. Gorgeous at my wedding. We may just have another fainter on our hands!" Lydia's amused eyebrow, along with her teasing smile rest on a stunned looking Katie.

"What . . . you mean I'm actually going to be invited?" Katie asks in a high-pitched tone, suppressing an inner hysterical squeal.

"Of course you are, my darling!" Lydia replies, rolling her eyes.

A shriek of excitement and frenzied clapping is all that we hear. Katie's animated body immediately starts shaking from head to toe. "Oh my God . . . really?" she asks in complete disbelief.

Lydia rolls her kind eyes again. "Yes . . . really! Why on earth would you think you wouldn't be invited?"

"Well, I've not been here long, and because I always react . . . like this!" She's now excitedly running on the spot. It really is hilarious to watch.

Lydia stands up and walks towards Katie. "You are who you are, Katie. We love you for that don't we, Jessica?" She looks over her shoulder at me.

"We do indeed. This office is never a dull place to be in, with you in it . . . that's for sure," I answer, still trying to refrain from laughing.

Katie clutches her hands to her chest. "That is the nicest thing that anyone has ever said to me." Her heavily kohl lined, vulnerable eyes begin to well up. Without hesitation, Lydia wraps her caring arms around Katie, which only causes her to sob even more.

Lydia softly giggles. "Don't cry; we are paying you a compliment." Squeezing her tighter with warm assurance.

"I know, it's just I don't get compliments very often," Katie pitifully sniffs.

"Well, you'd better start getting used to them," Lydia curtly responds. Her eyes look at me and I sense her annoyance. Not with Katie, I think it's more the fact that her angelic temp is not used to getting compliments.

I hand a tissue to Lydia who gently passes it to Katie, who continues to speak through her tears. "Ignore me, I'm being silly. It's just that you're both so lovely to me. Then to find out about the wedding invite, it kind of got to me. It just overwhelmed me, that's all. I'll be okay in a minute. In fact, I think I'll just nip to the loo. I bet I've got panda eyes now, don't I?" She tries to lighten the mood with a feigned giggle, stepping back from Lydia.

I sympathetically smile. "Just a little," I gently tell her.

"Back in a mo." Katie rushes out of the room.

We both watch her disappear out into the corridor.

"Bless her." Lydia sighs heavily, walking slowly back behind her desk. I know when something is bothering her. She gets this far away look in her mascara-clad eyes.

"You're very fond of her, aren't you?" I ask quietly.

"That girl has had it tough for one so young. She has a stepdad she doesn't get on with. A mother who couldn't give two shits about her and she's the second youngest of five. I don't even think that she's all that close with anyone within her family, yet she has the kindest personality and the biggest heart." An angry frown is plastered all over Lydia's immaculate face.

"She's a lovely girl. You have certainly taken her under your wing, haven't you?" It's more of a statement than a question.

Lydia nods with a fond smile spreading across her mouth. "You know I'm not a maternal woman, Jessica . . . but with her, I am. I instantly clicked with her when she started temping here. The adorable thing, that she is; she's really got under my skin. I'm telling you, that girl has a lot of love to give, and God knows why, she thinks a lot of me, too. She may be a little ditsy, but she's also hard working and conscientious. Sweet yet funny. It's a bloody crying shame that her own family doesn't see all of those wonderful qualities in her." She looks down sadly.

I'm left slightly reeling from Lydia's declaration of her true feelings for Katie. "My God! What has Jake done to you? First you're getting married and now you're getting all motherly on me," I tease sarcastically.

With a shrug of her shoulders, Lydia laughs. "It's unbelievable isn't it, darling?"

"It may be unbelievable, but it's actually very wonderful too. I've never seen you so happy, Lydia . . . and that makes me very happy. In fact, I'm going to text Jonny right now, to let him know the good news."

I retrieve my phone from my bag and notice I have a message from a mobile number that I don't recognise. Intrigued, I read it.

This is Shawn. I know you are seeing the girls later but I need to talk to you. Are you able to come to the house during your lunch break?

I swallow hard; taken aback by the curt and short message from him. In fact, I'm taken aback by his message . . . period!

I gently stroke my phone being held in my hand with a thoughtful thumb. What the hell does he want? He's never asked to see me before?

"Jessica? You're miles away." Lydia stands closely beside me as I blankly stare down at my phone.

I lift my head and numbly respond, "I've got a text from Shawn."

Lydia grabs my phone to read his message. "Bloody hell! No wonder you're away with the fairies. What do you think he wants?" Her wide brown eyes wildly stare back at me.

"I honestly don't know? We've only spoken a handful of times, and that was only ever on his landline number, because most of our arrangements are made through the girls. He's never contacted me on my mobile and certainly has never asked to see me before." A deep pit of bubbling nerves begin to rise up, starting from my stomach, reaching my now unable to swallow throat.

Lydia tilts her concerned head towards me. "Did the girls say anything to you about it?"

I vehemently shake my head. "No . . . nothing."

Her hand reaches for my shoulder. "Do you want to go now?" she asks quietly.

"Would you mind?" I feel guilty for asking, but Lydia knows, as well as I do, that I'll be useless in the office if I have to wait until lunchtime to find out what Shawn wants.

Stroking my arm, Lydia smiles. "Of course I don't."

I give her a quick and thankful hug. "Thank you, Lydia. I don't think I fancied sitting around, waiting until lunchtime. I think that would have driven us both insane!" I feebly laugh as nervy nausea washes over me.

"You must go, Jessica. It's obviously very important as he wouldn't have contacted you otherwise."

I grab all of my things, clumsily trying to put my arms through my uncooperative coat. "That's what I was thinking. Listen, I'll call you later, okay?"

"Make sure you do, darling." Lydia waves. Shit! She looks even more nervous than me!

As I'm hurriedly walking down the corridor, I bump into a red-eyed but much calmer looking Katie.

"Is something wrong, Jessica?" she asks with a hint of concern cloaking her every word.

"Lydia will explain, Katie . . . I have to dash!" I don't bother waiting for her response. I continue making my way out of the building. It's only when I get outside that I realise I don't actually know how I'm going to get there. In my hurried, worried state, I forgot that I no longer have a car because Simon takes me everywhere, or Lydia will occasionally pick the girls and I up from the flat. Shit! I decide to quickly reply to Shawn's text while I decide how the hell I'm actually going to get to him.

I will come round now, if that's okay?

Jessica

A short and curt message returned back to him, I don't think he would expect anything more than that. We are way past the being friendly in a text to one another. I then ring Lydia, impatiently waiting for her to answer her mobile.

"Jessica?" Her usually low, smooth tone is pitched high and strained.

"Hi, Lydia, I bloody forgot I don't have a car . . . would you mind digging out the number for a taxi and book one for me?"

"Why don't you just take mine?"

"I'd be nervous driving your car at the moment, my nerves are shot to pieces, it's probably best if I get a taxi."

"Okay darling, I'll call you one now."

"You're a star, Lydia . . . thank you!" The relief gives me little respite from the building anticipation that weighs me down. It feels like a lifetime ago that I last saw Shawn, and on that occasion, it didn't go well. His soulless eyes from that day still haunt me, and his obvious hatred for me is something I will never forget. So why now? What could he possibly be wanting to say to me after all this time? The girls tell me that he says very little about Jonny and I. Damn! Jonny! I'd better let him know what is happening too!

I try calling Jonny's mobile first, but there's no reply. I then try the landline number. It rings a few times before Mary answers.

"Morning, Mary, it's Jessica. Is Jonny home?" I blurt out.

"He's doing an early morning interview I think, Jessica? One of those breakfast shows, I believe." She perkily informs me. Damn it! I forgot about that too!

"Ah, yes, you're right, Mary. Don't worry then, I'll text him in a minute." I hear Mary's loud breathing down the phone and just know that she's smiling.

"I will be sure to tell him you called, Jessica."

"I appreciate that."

"Take care. I look forward to your return home." Right now, Mary's sweet words mean so much. I wish I could be there, back where I truly belong. The realisation that I'm going to be soon stepping back into my past, leaves me feeling uneasy and lost.

"I will see you soon, Mary . . . bye for now!" With a heavy heart, I hang up.

I'm missing Jonny more than ever. I think if I could have just heard his voice, it probably would have appeased my insecurity over seeing Shawn, if just for a little while. Now that insecurity will just get more needy and deprived as the day goes on, making my insecure self even more demanding. Get a bloody grip, Jessica! Calm the hell down! A determined thought enters my restless mind. I really need to have that talk with Lissy and Lottie about giving up the flat, but for now, I need to channel all of my nervous energy into facing their father first. Where's that bloody taxi?

When I hear my mobile come to life, informing me of a message with a melodic ting, my heart beats wildly, hoping that it's Jonny. My heart continues to beat frantically, but not because it's Jonny sending me a loving text. It thrashes around inside of my chest because of the cold and lacklustre reply from Shawn.

Okay

My uneasiness once again sticks to me. I carefully tap a message to Jonny with my incredibly nervous finger. Not even composing a message to the man that I absolutely adore, takes my mind off the fact that I'm really going to be seeing Shawn. Shit! Shit! Shit!

Hey Handsome. Missing you. I rang earlier to tell you that I had a text from Shawn. He wants to talk and I'm on my way to the house now. I'll call you later, to let you know how it went.

Love you sooooooo much

Jessica xxxxxxxxxx

I press send with an unfathomable feeling of dread. The texts from Shawn have certainly shaken me up. They're so out of the blue and have definitely caught me off guard today. While I wait for the taxi, every conceivable thought invades my stressed mind. I'm trying not to do what I always do; over analyse things. I will freely admit that I'm beyond scared. To face Shawn, for the first time since I had the door aggressively slammed shut in my face by him after trying to see the girls all those months ago, simply scares the shit out of me. Stay calm and stay strong, Jessica.