Since the death of my grandmother, things have changed in my life. 

I grew up faster than I think any child should have but I also lived life beating myself down for what my grandmother did. Some days, the guilt comes back...and others I can easily ignore it. Years I spent slowly distancing myself from the village, confining myself to the emotionless walls of my bunker. I spent an even bigger chunk of my life meticulously isolating myself from the others, physically and emotional wise.

Why did I do that to myself?

At the time it seemed like a good idea. I blamed myself for my grandmother's death so I wondered 'who else will suffer because of me?' On the other side - others could hurt me. I feel - I'm alive so of course I have emotions and the pain was too much to bear.

Especially on this day.
Family day.

The one day where families spend the most time together. There's games with each family as a team - a day filled with memories of their time spent with each other. Smiles and love around a nice table with food...in a cozy home.

Always...this is the hardest day for me to walk through. All I see are families, big and small, laughing with one another, enjoying the warmth they all provide. It's not a day for someone like me.

An orphan.

God, my heart hurts. There's too much fighting inside of me; jealousy at these happy faces; the blame for why I have no family...the compressing loneliness. I don't think I'll be able to make it today. God...this day hurts. I've gotten use to other holidays but that is because I have friends to hang with now.

That's something else that changed recently.

Since my "nice" adventure with Poppy, I've gain my colors again. Peace was obtained between the bergans and trolls and my life once more took on change. Slowly I am becoming reconnected with society and having friends make it easier to battle the constant depression that nags at me but they won't be with me on this day.

Today they'll be with their own families...and I'll be alone.

I think, knowing that, stings more than before I had them.

When I kept everyone away. 

A part of me strangely feel...abandoned? It's not their fault, I know this. I just want something to take my mind away from the dark clouds.

I want to finish getting my supplies and go to my bunker to sleep this day away. Yet...I think that was asking for too much. In the middle of scourging for berries, a certain pink princess decided it'll be a good time to bother me.

She always does that.

Whenever I start going down into my grey, she somehow just shows up and distracts me. Maybe she can read my mind? Should I be more worried about that than I really am?

Dragging me into one of her hugs, she exclaims "Branch, my man!" This too I've gotten use to and secretly enjoy but today just wasn't a good day. As if on autopilot, I pulled out of Poppy's hugs.

"Hey." I mumbled, doing my best to focus on picking berries.

As normal, Poppy notices nothing but whatever floats on in her world of sunshine and glitter. "What you up to Branch?" Her voice was too cheerful for me today.

"Restocking some supplies." It came out void of emotions but I couldn't help it. My old coping mechanism was kicking in. All my emotions were shutting down and I couldn't find the switch to stop it.

It took me a moment to hear Poppy since I dazed a bit. "Aren't you going to join the games today?"

Like a whip, my defense mechanism striked. "What for? Those are for trolls with family - Not troll orphans." If I could swallow those words back down, I would.

"Branch..." Before this could lead to something just too deep for my taste, I intercepted her.

"Forget it, Poppy." I tried my hardest to fake a smile. "Go have fun - I'm sure you and your dad is going to crush everyone in those games." Hastily, I turned back to the berries, not really paying attention anymore to the ones I picked. I'll have to sort them out at the bunker.

There was no noise for a while, which made me think that Poppy left and that was that, but she was Poppy. There's no end to something unless Poppy decides it. That's something I admire about her yet also dread from her.

"I never met my mother." That...an unusual way to restart a conversation but it intrigued me. From behind, I could feel Poppy come closer as she continued her story. "She died giving birth to me - something about her heart not being able to handle the stress. That being said...I never grew up with that motherly piece in the puzzle. I had my dad, but strangely that didn't stop the sadness that hit me whenever this day came around."

Oh no...I know where she is going with this.

Please don't go there Poppy.
Please don't.

"When I was younger, I remember looking at all the families and majority of them had their mothers. I thought it wasn't fair...and it made me feel alone despite being in the center of all the fun." She paused. "Branch, please look at me."

But I couldn't. I couldn't look at her, didn't want to look at her, because she knows too much. How does she do this? How can she get in my heart without much effort and see everything that's trapped inside? If I look at her now...she'll surely see me.

Sighing, she tried a different approach. "I can't imagine fully how you must feel Branch, having to go through this day. I had my dad on these days...so that eased the pain. So I can't say I know exactly what you're going through but I can say this."

I was weak against that hand as it lifted my chin. All it took was locking my eyes with her and she had my complete attention.

She saw me and I didn't scare her.

"What I learned over the years Branch is that even when we don't have our parents - when we feel like orphans...we're not. We're not abandoned or forgotten because God adopts us and He gives us much more than what we've lost."

My mind struggled comprehending it but my heart absorbed those words to their fullest. Do I really have Father and family...for me? After everything I've done - how I treated the others - how I lost grandma?

Will God really take me up as His child?

Numbly, I allowed the pink troll to walk me out of the forest and back into the village. Doubts plagued me, struggling with my own worth and why would God want me for His child? I've been less than my best...since forever.

Those thoughts faded as we entered troll village. There, the snack pack and there families stood, waiting for us. Above them hung a sign that said 'You're part of our family!' and a board with pictures of me - all of them recent and me smiling wider than I ever recalled.

In each picture I was with one of my friends, laughing, and joining in on the fun. Right then it hit me...Poppy was right.

I'm not alone...anymore.

God is my Father, my God, and He blessed me with all these loud, crazy, and wonderful trolls who are both friends and my family.

King Peppy approached me and he wiped a tear that I didn't realize was falling from my eye. Smiling, he said "Happy family day, Branch." and hugged me. He was joined by Poppy, the snack pack, and then their families.

Unable to hold it in, I cried, allowing everything in my heart to finally be free. All the pain and the joy - it was to the point that I couldn't really tell what caused my tears anymore.

But I know how grateful I was. God, You are good to me...always merciful and faithful. I spent all my life looking behind me - at what I lost and the mistakes I've made...thank You that you are showing me how to let the past stay the past. Also, thank You that You are are teaching me to walk forward into the future. Truly, I am grateful.

Psalm 27:10

Even if my father and mother abandon me, the Lord will hold me close.