Harry

April 1974

"Oh for fuck's sake from the top, red please count down or I will personally choke you with my microphone chord." Deb took a sip of her drink and walked over to Pink who just laughed at how bossy she got during rehearsals.

The reason being that I had lost my voice after a night out and she knew how much the next show meant to us.

Jules Meyer's, a very popular talent manager was coming to see us perform. Hilly said because we still hadn't found a place to practice, we could always have rehearsal in his club during morning hours while he paid bills and stuff. Jules was a busy man who had finally made time for us and we didn't want to fuck it up.

"Okay one, two, three!" We began playing and the first song went well. After the last two songs, Deb finally cut us off and jumped off the stage to take a drink of water. A slow clap emerged from the back of the dark bar and I gasped as I saw a man come out from the shadows.

"That was fantastic!" He applauded standing next to Hilly. The familiar-looking man had a cigarette in his mouth and a smirk when he saw Debbie. I was a bit jealous I can admit, but at the end of the day, she would come home with me.

"Thank you, sir." She said walking over and introducing herself. We all spoke and I tried to speak but failed sounding like I was some old train that rusted up.

"I like the sound, very new and fresh- I'll be seeing you perform Friday and then we can really talk about signing some contracts and getting you paid." Deb turned to me and smiled as the one and only Jules Meyer's walked away with Hilly.

"See honey, we're good." I nodded before hearing all the guys make fun of me for letting a girl call me 'honey'. She turned around and flipped them off. "Don't be mad that he's getting some." Billie was the only one who had any actual action since getting back with Lana again. I kissed her lips and made a face suggesting we go get freaky in the back of the van. "No Harry." She smacked my arm

I rolled my eyes strumming my guitar into a sad tune.

Later that week Deb and I walked down the street to go see a film. During the time we began dating she told me couples go on dates all the time. So I take her to dinner and it's actually nice with her.

We began talking more about stuff besides music like films and hobbies. Sometimes she'd sit and look at me and pull me in to kiss my cheek telling me I was adorable. I hated it when she did that because then my face gets all hot.

I loved showing her off, she was a babe and every guy who looked in her direction was the enemy. Debra may, on the other hand, used me as proof that she wasn't the same little church girl. Sometime after her nineteenth birthday, we walked into a store and she bumped into an old friend from church who seemed to not have recognized her right away. She didn't say much to Deb, but by the look on her face, she seemed worried about her.

Today I had my arm around her as she had hers around me, comfortably putting her hand in my jean jacket pocket. "I want to see The Great Gatsby." I rolled my eyes. "Harry, don't be mean I read the book and it was good."

"Baby doll you always get to pick the movie." My voice was still a bit raspy. She was about to argue when suddenly two guys walking by stopped beside us and began freaking out. They whispered walking behind us as we continued our way down the street.

"Holy shit Blondie?" One of the guys called after us. Deb turned and blushed, pushing her blonde hair back. "Oh man your band rocks! You're the guitarist! We saw you guys last week!" They were fans.

"Oh thank you I'm glad you liked the performance." They talked to us- well mostly Deb who seemed really awkward and then walked away after they got our autograph. She walked with her head down and blushed as we made it to the front of the theater.

I had only ever had girls come up to me who just want to hook up, but I never actually met fans.

"What's wrong, you just got your first fan sighting. You know you're gonna get famous someday, right?" She scoffed not looking at me. I lifted her chin up and she seemed worried. "What's wrong Deb?"

"I guess it's weird, I act a certain way on stage and- I'm sure they were expecting more. I'm not as confident as alcohol makes me think I am." I chuckled at how shy she looked. "I signed it Blondie- god I'm so dumb!" She put her head against my chest.

"Blondie is your alter ego baby, Blondie is wild on stage." I leaned down and gave her a small kiss. "Debra May is wild in the bedroom." She rolled her eyes and punched my arm gently. "Besides they know you as Blondie, and that's pretty cool. All I got was 'The Guitarist' lucky me." She nodded pulling me along to the theater.

We went in and watched the movie, which halfway through I fell asleep. It upset Deb the whole way home and when we got there she was ignoring me. The apartment was usually empty during this time of day when the guys worked. "You were so rude falling asleep." She said annoyed.

This was another thing that happened a lot, we caught and got annoyed quickly. Most of the arguments began with me not knowing how to be a boyfriend and her being upset, which pissed me off. Luckily it all leads to sex afterward.

She walked into the bedroom, taking out her hair clip. I walked behind her as she looked at the mirror and leaned my head onto her shoulder, pushing her hair to the side. "I'm sorry, baby doll, are you mad at me?" She licked her lips and shrugged.

"No, I guess it was rather sappy." I chuckled pulling her back on the bed and kissing her neck. I rolled us over and must have miscalculated how close we were to the edge because before I knew, I had fallen and pulled her down with me to land on the floor "Are you okay?" She checked my head but I nodded. I had taken worse falls.

"All good." She turned her head and scoffed at the stuff under my bed. I had a few boxes with mostly crap in it and she shook her head.

"What's in those?" I looked, shrugging as she got off of me. I pulled them out and opened the top box to find old photos. My heart sped up as my chest tightened.

"None of your business." I closed them and looked down.

"Oh I'm sorry, I didn't mean for you to feel sad." I looked down at one of the rings on my hand and then thought of the memory clear as day in my mind.

1969

"Hayden? Where are you going?" I yelled towards my brother who kept running towards the frozen lake. All the guys laughed and then as we heard the sound like trees snapping, a loud yell, and then they all stopped.

"Oh shit the lake is thawing!" Greg ran, I followed suit all the way to the water where my brother stood scared out of his mind.

"Haz! It's cold!" I didn't think twice as I saw him struggle, to run towards him out there in the water. The cold water was like knives, my arms and legs became weak as I sank down and opened my eyes to see the darkness. My brother was there sinking farther down, he never learned to swim. I reached for him, taking a hold of his necklace with my fathers ring through the chain.

I couldn't feel anything or see anything.

It was then that I did feel someone pull me out. The guys used the rope from a game earlier to tie to Greg who pulled me back out of the water. It took the police thirty minutes to get there with the only phone being a two-mile drive down the road.

"Harry?" I felt tears streaming down my face as I looked up to see Debbie. "It's okay, you're okay." She put her arms around me and held me as I sobbed.

Hours passed when I finally opened the box and saw the photos of my kid brother. "He is adorable." She smiled handing me the photos back. "Why don't you hang some up?" I shook my head.

"Why?" She sighed looking through more photos. I didn't have a reason and so I just stood up as she looked through them some more. She fixed them neatly in the box and wiped the dust with an old t-shirt. Gently she slid them under my bed and looked up at me.

I slumped on the foot of the bed and scratched at my scalp until I felt her gently massaging my scalp for me. "I understand that you don't want to talk about it, you know I lost my dad and he was the only man that treated me like an equal. He was the best and sometimes when I'm alone- I- I talk to him." She shook her head. "It's stupid-"

"No- I uh, do the same." I shrugged. "I tell him I'm sorry and that I wish he could be the drummer of our band because that's what he wanted to learn." I pinched the bridge of my nose to stop tears and quickly stood shaking my head.

"It's okay to cry, Harry-"

"No, I'm not some fucking pussy that cries!" She looked down and whispered something softly. "What?"

"I said a real man cries, Harry, I've never thought of you as more of a man until right now when you cried in my arms. You let go and that's- that means you're comfortable with your masculinity." She looked at the time and sighed. "I'm going to make us something to eat, but think about it, a natural human activity like crying doesn't make you any less of a man." She put her hands on my arms and smiled. "Especially when you work out like this."

I cracked a smile and agreed letting her walk out. I stood there for a while before I walked slowly to the box and looked through my favorite photo of my brother and me when we first came to America. I smiled, taking it and pinning it by my door. It was a baby step but it had to be worth something.

Thanks for reading. Xx

-k