December 1972

Rock music was amazing.

It had fed my soul in a way that my mother's 'tasteful' music and church couldn't. Every day I began taking a 'walk' to get some exercise, but I would end up walking down the street and taking a sharp turn to where the record shop was.

Scotty was the owner's name and had quickly become my friend, telling me everything I needed to know about music and the history of rock and roll. He would talk while I looked through the magazines he had of bands and rock. It had become an obsession of mine rather quickly. I sat down looking at a group in a magazine.

There was a man on a stage who was upside down and singing. He was very thin and had long hair. "Who is this?" He smiled switching records and turning quickly to see.

"The band's name is The Stooges, that's Iggy." I nodded slowly. "They're getting rather popular, have a few albums out." I pushed a strand of hair out of my face as I looked at all the articles on music.

"I wish I looked like her." I pointed to a rocked-out girl on a photo. She had short black hair and wore a leather jacket.

Scotty sighed and shook his head. "Don't follow the crowd kid, be you, or a new version of yourself that doesn't follow in the steps of these people. Don't be the next Suzi Quatro, be the first Debra May." I smiled looking at the woman in the magazine.

"I hate my name, Debra sounds like a square." He chuckled, shaking his head to what sounded like another Beatles album. Scotty was convinced they'd get back together but I wasn't too sure from what he's told me.

"I like Debbie, sounds cool." He winked at me walking across the store to get another stack of records. A few people came in and bought some stuff, mostly guys who gave me weird looks.

I began noticing that Scotty had a bit of a limp and walked funny. I didn't want to ask him what was wrong but I could never shut up. "Hey Scotty, what happened to your leg?" He chuckled.

"Vietnam got shot and uh...well, I have nerve damage." I frowned. "Don't worry kid, that war has to stop eventually." I nodded slowly looking at the time. My eyes widened and I realized I had been here much longer than planned. I quickly grabbed my coat and my gloves and ran home in the snow towards my house.

As soon as I walked in I was met with my mother and two of her friends. "Debra May! Where have you been, I nearly called the police." I gulped.

"I uh, slipped on my walk and stopped at the store to clean myself off." One of her friends gasped and looked me over.

"Well thank heavens you're alright." I nodded.

My mother eyed me to make sure I didn't show signs of lying and quickly shrugged it off. "Go upstairs and clean up, pastor Roy will be here for dinner." I nodded running up to my bedroom and putting on the longest dress I owned.

I hated that man.

I was fifteen when pastor Roy became a little touchy during church. First, it was his hands on my lower back or awkward side hugs where he rubbed my arm. Then it became subtle comments. "When you sing Debra, relax your throat." I cringed not knowing why the way he said it made me feel dirty.

Then the day came when he picked me to sing the solo during church because I had the 'best vocals from such a young beautiful girl." Again, it's not what he said but the tone he used. I became nervous as I looked to him for guidance but he just walked around me and began massaging my shoulders.

Since then I tried not to be alone with him in the same room because I was sure if I told my mother, she wouldn't believe me.

We all sat at the dinner table and I quietly ate my peas and carrots while my mother went on about the Christmas dinner the church has every year. "Well that all sounds lovely Ruby, you ladies put on quite the dinner every year. I'm just more excited about the performances." He turned his head to me. "Debra, have you been practicing your songs?"

I nodded but my mother gave me a look to respond. "Yes pastor, I have." He smiled and didn't say anything until after dinner. I offered to clean up the table but my mother was quick to push me into the sitting room to perform on the piano for everyone.

"Oh, I'd love to hear you play Debra." I nodded taking a seat in front of our piano and gently playing along to the notes. I was doing well until I felt his arms on my shoulders again. I quickly stood and cleared my throat.

"Excuse me, I have to go use the restroom." He smirked nodding and so I quickly ran up to my room and locked the door.

I didn't come down again.

Harry

The five of us stood all together as Anthony's ashes were in a box in front of us. Anthony had no family left, his mother dying years ago.

We all stood over the Brooklyn Bridge at around two in the morning. It was mostly empty besides a few cars driving by.

"So this is what he wanted?" Josh asked us.

"Yeah, he said 'never let them bury me, just set me free.'" I shrugged. I felt Mitch's hand on my back, we had been going through a lot since finding him, having nightmares of that day. I was mostly nervous standing over a bunch of water.

Greg was crying as he opened the box and cleared his throat. "Somebody say something nice."

It was quiet until Billie spoke up. "Anthony was a great person and had the voice of an angel." We all smiled shaking our heads at how for the first time in years, Billie wasn't high off his mind. "He was my brother."

His words rang through the quiet bridge and I felt my eyes watering. I had been so angry at him and now he was gone. "He was our brother," I stated. "Time to say goodbye to a legend." Greg poured his ashes and saw as they scattered down to the water and flew into the air around us.

Anthony talked about death a lot and always said that if one of us died we should keep rocking. "Do you think Black Sabbath would stop performing without Ozzy?" He'd tell us over and over.

Today we met back in Josh's garage a week before our New Year's gig. It was Christmas day and after Josh's mom made us lunch we decided to have a bit of a meeting. "What's the plan? Do we do the gig?" Pink asked from the floor.

"With no lead singer?" I asked tuning my guitar.

"You sing, Harry, you sound good." I shook my head.

"You know I can't sing in front of everybody, I just- I think we should drop out." They all didn't say anything. "I get that we could just sing and perform but I- I can't do it without him- not yet."

"Me neither," Billie said quietly.

"What do we do then?" Mitch asked.

They all looked at me as if I was the leader or something, and maybe at this point, I was because I felt responsible for everyone's well being. "I think we should just write and practice new stuff, get better ya know." They nodded. "I need time, and I think we all need some space."

I spent New Years going into 1973 driving out of town towards the more suburban area of New York. For three years I hadn't left Brooklyn other than to Queens where Anthony lived or Long Island to drink with the guys. I didn't realize how long I had been driving until I didn't recognize my surroundings.

I began driving into neighborhoods and feeling a bit tipsy from the alcohol I was drinking. Snow and drunk driving don't mix. I was crying now and feeling empty. What the hell was wrong with me?

I noticed a sign for a record shop and smiled. If ever I feel down, music turned it around. I pulled over and shut my car to walk out down the street. I looked at the time and it was barely nine, the place was probably closed at a time like this. I stumbled in the snow towards the record store and walked in catching the attention of a guy with a long beard and a small girl with long brown hair.

She looked at me and I stared back at her for a second feeling my heart slow down. "Sorry man we're closed." I nodded slowly looking back at the guy and apologizing. "You alright man?"

I nodded. "Bitch'n actually, sorry to bother." I turned and left walking down the street. The cold got to me and I suddenly fell. "Fuck are you serious!" I yelled out into the empty streets. "What the fuck! You were supposed to stop doing dumb shit! Now you're dead and everything we worked for is fucked! You were supposed to be my brother!" It was quiet as I finally calmed down until I heard someone behind me clear their throat.

I turned around and saw the long-haired girl standing there. "Are you okay?"

I looked out into the night and shook my head. "No, I'm not." She didn't say anything until she got closer to me sitting beside me on the snow-covered sidewalk. She pulled off her coat and placed it over me catching me off guard.

"Would you like some coffee to sober up?" I stared at her and nodded gently. I was drunk off my ass and there was no way I could keep driving. The fact that I got here as far as I did safely without killing anyone is a miracle on its own. She walked me down a long street with houses lined up next to each other.

We made it to a dark green one and she looked around as if to keep it a secret that she was taking in some drunk hippie. She pulled me into the house and looked around. "Mother are you home?" Silence. She sighed in content and she quickly walked to the fireplace to turn it on. I didn't realize that my hands were purple and I was shivering. "Please sit and I'll get you some coffee." I thanked her sitting in front of the fireplace to warm up.

I saw an angel.

A few minutes later she came back and handed me a cup of coffee along with what looked like a slice of cake. Who was this angel? "Are you like a nun or something?" Her eyes widened and she laughed.

"No? Why would you think that?" I looked around her house and at every corner was photos or crosses of Christ. "Oh, those are my mothers, she's very religious since my father passed in war." I nodded slowly thanking the lucky stars I never had to go off to fight some bullshit war like the one in Vietnam. "I'm Debra by the way, Debra May."

I sipped the delicious coffee and put my hand out to her. "I'm Harry Styles." She chuckled. "What's so funny?" She shook her head.

"When you came in drunk and crazy, my friend and I thought you might have been Mick Jagger." I shook my head and laughed. "You're much more handsome than he is." Her eyes widened and she blushed.

"Well thanks, uh and I appreciate the coffee." She nodded. "I should go." I stood but she quickly shook her head.

"Maybe you should wait until you're sober, it's pretty cold out there and I'll be honest you aren't wearing much." I looked down at my jeans and black shirt. "Besides it's New Years and I'm alone, and no offense but you seem alone as well." I shrugged taking a seat on her couch.

"I feel alone, I have a band and our best friend and lead singer died." She gasped. "I feel guilty because I was the only one who knew he had begun doing heroin, and didn't say anything." She pushed her long brown hair back and sighed.

"You did nothing wrong, sometimes people make mistakes and you just have to move on." I looked around her house and noticed she had a piano in the corner.

"Who plays the piano?" She looked over and blushed harder.

"Oh, I do, I just performed in the church on Wednesday." My eyes widened and I stared at her. She was petite and had beautiful features. She didn't wear makeup or look like a hooker like all the girls in the clubs and bars.

"Can you play something for me?" She awkwardly shrugged, standing to her feet to go over and sit in front of the piano. She pressed her fingers over a few keys and began playing a soft beautiful tune. I stared at her as she began singing and was amazed at how beautiful her voice was.

Perhaps she really was an angel.

Thanks for reading. Xx

-k