After I managed to escape from Harry's fists I saw my Eleanor was gone. I ran from the kitchen and down the narrow spinning hallway. The light from the bathroom seeped out if the cracks and into the hallway. I reached the door and grabbed the knob.

I went to turn the knob but it was locked. I tried the knob again but it still wouldn't open. "El? Babe open the door." There was no response. I knocked on the door. "Eleanor? Please I forgive you okay?" Silence. "Eleanor! Open the bloody door!" I hit my fist against the wood. Still nothing.

I held my hand against the knob and ran my shoulder repeatedly into the door until it finally opened. The light from the bathroom blinded me until I saw red.

"Eleanor!" The blood was still oozing from her slit wrists, staining the white carpet beneath her. I dropped to my knees and threw the blade away from her finger tips. I pulled her into my lap.

"Why El? Why?" I said, my voice shaken. Slowly her eyes opened and her mouth moved.

"I needed to escape." She let out.

"Escape from what? El please don't leave me! Harry call the damn ambulance!" I yelled at the frozen paled boy in the doorway. He stood for a second until he disappeared from my view.

I looked down at my Eleanor. She was pale. "Eleanor don't die damn it! I love you!" I pulled her closer to me and rocked back and forth.

"Louis, I have to go." I shook my head.

"No! I can't let you die here! Harry hurry!" I brushed hair out of my lifeless Eleanor's beautiful, pale face.

Slowly her hand raised to my cheek, blood sliding down her arm and onto my cheek and neck, staining me shirt. "Louis look at me," she breathed. "I love you, but find someone who is worth your love." She kissed my lips one last time before the life left her eyes and he hand dropped from my blood covered cheek.

Harry ran down the hall and stopped at the door way, only to find me sliding the engagement ring I bought for my beloved Eleanor, onto her finger. "I love you." I whispered before I fell into a fit of tears and I held my Eleanor tight in my chest.

I held her until the paramedics pried her from my arms.

«»«»«»«»«»«»

11:52 p.m.

The time I imprinted into my brain forever.

That was when they announced my Eleanor dead. I walked into the morgue before they would cut her open to find more damage to my Eleanor. I did this to her. I never caught the signs or saw the scars. She hid that from me.

I wish I had known. She was my one and only. I kissed her cold pale forehead before I left.

»«»«»«»«»«»«

I stood in front of the mirror in Eleanor's bathroom. I glanced down at my hands, which were gripping the sink so tight my knuckles were white. Then I looked at the boy in the mirror. That boy wasn't me, this boy had red puffy eyes from crying, purple bags on his pale skin beneath his eyes, and chapped swollen lips from constant biting. "Why El?" My bottom lip quivered. I looked at the clock on my phone, 11:52. It was time.

I released the sink and opened the medicine cabinet. I grabbed the first type of pain killers and closed the cabinet. I looked at the bottle and then the mirror.

"Why Eleanor? Why like this?" I waited, as if my precious Eleanor would walk through th door and tell me to drop the pills and tell me how much she loved me, but it wasn't going to happen. I sighed as the tears came. I didn't stop them either.

I glanced at the broken boy in the mirror and popped off the cap to the pills.

Without hesitation I dumped them all into my hand. I played with the pills in my hand. "I love you Eleanor Cadler, and I always will." I raised my hand full of the white ovals. "This is for you." I shrugged my shoulders as I threw my head back and shoved the pills into my mouth. I swallowed the pills and quickly dropped to my knees. I was determined to find the razor I threw away from Eleanor as I held her dying body in my arms.

After rummaging through the blood stained carpet, I found the razor. I held the blade to my clean wrist as my vision became blurry. The pills were taking effect. I managed to focus enough to slit my wrist. The blood began flowing onto the floor, creating a bigger bloody mess.

I leaned against the counter and closed my eyes. "I needed to escape." I said repeatedly. Slowly I became dizzier and I made my way to fetal position. Just as I thought my life was over the front door opened and feet began stomping up the stairs.

"Louis!" that was the last thing I heard before I blacked out.

«»«»«»«»«»«

"Lou? Where is my makeup bag?" I looked up at Eleanor as she stood in the doorway to her room. I shrugged my shoulders as a smirk grew on my face.

"Louis! Give it to me! I need it." She put her hands on her hips. I sat up and took the bag from under the pillow.

"You don't need makeup El, you are beautiful." A blush grew on her cheeks as she made her way to the bed. She crawled her way to me and kissed my lips. I grabbed her waist and pulled her on top of me. She straddled my hips and kept her lips on mine. She started moving her hips as my hands fumbled with the hem of her shirt. I moved from her lips to her neck as she let out a moan. Her hands went to my chest and she pushed me away.

"What?" She sat back on my lap and played with my shirt.

"Louis, I think I'm pregnant." My eyes went wide.

"When did you think that?" I sat up.

"Yesterday morning when I got sick." She looked down at her hands as she nervously moved her thumbs around. I took her small hands into my larger ones and made her look at me.

"I would love to have a family with you El." I smiled at her but she kept her face a frown.

"Louis, we are young."

"Yes we are, but Eleanor I love you." I rubbed the back of her hand as I could see the tears forming in her eyes.

"I love you too Louis." I smiled and kissed her lips.

"Now, how about we go get a test and make sure, yeah?" She nodded her head and climbed off of me.

~

The test was a negative.

«»«»«»«»«»«»

I woke up to beeps of a hospital. Then suddenly it hit me, I wasn't dead. I was ready to see my Eleanor again, I was ready for us to be forever. A tear slid down my cheek as I heard movement next to me. I looked over and saw a sleeping  Niall. I faked a cough and he awoke. "Louis! Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my go-I FUCKING HATE YOU!" He was on his feet now. "Are you serious? Yeah I am sorry Eleanor died, we all are, but suicide isn't the answer for this." He ran a hand through his hair and sat back down. "Your lucky I found you." He said, his head was in his hands.

"I'm sorry Niall." Was all I could say. I didn't know what to say. Niall is the most sensitive one of the group and I just crushed him.

He stood up. "I'm gonna leave, let the others know your awake." And then he walked out, leaving me alone to cry.

~

I was released 3 days after Niall took me to the hospital. I had to move in with Paul so I was under watch. Paul hasn't and won't talk to me, neither will the boys. "I fucked up." I muttered at dinner.

"Yeah you did." Was all Paul said. I stood from the table and went into the room I was staying in. I listened for footsteps but there wasn't. I pulled the covers over my head and cried until I could no longer produce tears. I missed my Eleanor and I was in no way shape or form to arrive at her funeral tomorrow, but I had to go. I managed more tears and fell asleep.

«»«»«»«»«»«»

"Louis stop tickling me!" Eleanor laughed. I smiled and tickled her harder and she squirmed even more. "Lou!" I giggled as I stopped tickling her sides and kissed her lips.

She sighed, her face red. I brushed hair out of her face and looked down at her.

"I love you Eleanor." I said.

She froze. That was the first time I had ever said that to her.

"I-I love you too Louis." She looked at me. "I love you so much." She kissed my lips.

«»«»«»«»«»«»

Today was the day, the day I will put my Eleanor down in the ground. I looked at the suit Paul laid out for me. I frowned and began to undress. With great hesitation I put the suit on and looked in the mirror. The boy in the mirror was still not me. This one looked skinnier and depressed. His hair was greasy and messy, the bags under his eyes were even darker and his eyes were still blood shot red.

"Damn it El." I shook my head and turned to the door to leave.

~

The funeral was my hell.

-----

[MoaningLouis author's note]

Do you hear my sobs

like I imagined this happening just like this and she wrote it perfectly and I can't okaty