Chapter 115
"I see you found your fans," Castiel says as Dean drives them home.
"Yes! I was telling them about winning the Super Bowl and they were eating it up like I was preaching the word of God. It was awesome!"
Castiel chuckles. "Yeah, I'm sure it was. Almost like you're back in high school again."
"I know, right!" Dean says excitedly. "It was awesome!"
"You said that already," Castiel reminds him with an amused smile.
"Yeah, but you don't know how awesome it was, so I had to reinforce it," Dean explains. "Oh, hey, by the way, I think Anna's going to murder you next time she sees you, so you might want to stay out of her way."
Castiel sighs. "Yeah, I kinda figured, but I might kill her first."
"Why? She's just being an egotistical teenage girl."
"No, not that," Castiel explains. "So, apparently, Cain has an older brother."
"What, and you wanted to hit him up?" Dean asks teasingly.
"His brother is Crowley."
Dean doesn't answer at first. Finally, he just says, "Huh."
"What 'huh'?" Castiel asks. "Anna is — or was, at least — dating the brother of my least favorite person in high school."
"Well, he's not that bad," Dean says cautiously.
"'He's not that bad'?" Castiel repeats, possibly angrier than he should be, not that he doesn't have a reason to be. "Do you even remember what he did to me? I limped home more than I walked! It would still hurt to touch my back at the end of summer vacation! He sent me to the hospital on multiple occasions!"
"Well, yeah, but it's not like that was just him," Dean reminds his boyfriend. "He was just kinda going with the flow. It's not like it was his idea."
Castiel scoffs. "What, you want me to bring you into this? You were almost as bad as him. No, actually, you were worse than him. You want me to chew you out, too? God knows I could do that."
Dean sighs. "Cas, that's not what I meant. I've already apologized a gazillion times for that. What more do you want me to do?"
"Nothing, forget it," Castiel mutters, crossing his arms and looking out the window.
"Cas, we talked about this," Dean says. "This is what broke us up last time. You gotta talk to me. What's up with the old grudge?" When he doesn't get an answer, he says, "Cas..." in almost a warning tone.
Castiel sighs. "That kid just reminded me of old me. It's nothing. Forget it."
"But he's not you," Dean reminds him. "You're out of that place for good. No one can touch you now. Well, I can, but that's different. You can just forget about all of it."
"Yeah, but he's not out of there," Castiel says.
"He's not your problem."
"That's the point! He's nobody's problem, just like I was nobody's problem back when I needed someone most. But maybe he is my problem. Maybe he's everybody's problem. I mean, something's gotta be wrong for this to still be going on in the world, and maybe that something is that nobody thinks it's their place to stop it, you know?"
Dean just shakes his head. He looks over at his boyfriend, occasionally glancing back at the road as he talks. "That's your problem, Cas. You gotta stop worrying so much. You could donate time and money to everything, but that doesn't mean you're gonna fix it like that."
"I know," Castiel says, defeated. "I just — I have so much, and it just bothers me that I can't really use it to help people. I could pay for medical treatments or help fight off bullies all day, but I still can't get to everyone, and it just — it sucks." He pauses for a moment, taking a deep breath before continuing, "But if I can help just one person, that's enough, at least for now, you know?"
Dean gives him a small smile. "Well, I can definitely see why people think you have a big heart."
"And you?" Castiel prompts. "What do you think?"
"I think too much heart was always your problem."
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