A/N This is totally unrelated, but TAYLOR SWIFT'S NEW SONG IS FUCKING GOLD OH MY FUCKING CHUCK I LOVE IT SO FUCKING MUCH YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW

Anyway, back to the story:

"I can't believe you're leaving us!" Lucifer whines, hugging Misha as if he's expecting the dog to vanish if he doesn't. They're all back at the Novak house so Castiel can pack, not that much of that is going on, and Misha loves that house, so there's really no way the dog is a flight risk there, not that Lucifer cares.

"You know I've already moved out, right?" Castiel reminds him. "And I've already seen you more these last few months than I did in the first two years after I left, so really, you're getting more than you bargained for already."

"Well, yeah, but Cassie!" he whines.

"We'll come back and visit you a lot," Castiel assures him.

"You say that, but I know you won't."

"'Course I will!"

"No, like, you really won't want to," Lucifer insists. "I think we're all just as fed up with everyone in this house as you are. I kinda want to ditch, too, honestly."

"Hey, maybe one of our neighbors will move out and you can live next door," Dean jokes.

"I would totally be up for that," Lucifer replies. "But only if there's some underground tunnel connecting our houses so Misha can come visit me."

"Honestly, you should just take my dog," Castiel tells him. "I think you'd both be happier."

"Castiel!" Lucifer says as if it's the most outrageously offensive thing he's ever heard. "Never! He's your little pupper wupper! Even if you can't show him off online anymore."

"Hey, speaking of, I should probably check the responses on that ," Castiel says. "See how badly people are freaking out, y'know? I haven't been online in, like, over twenty-four hours. I'm having internet withdrawals."

"I don't think that's necessary," Lucifer says quickly.

Too quickly.

"Lucifer, what did you do?" Castiel asks slowly.

"What? Nothing! Nothing!"

Castiel just gives him a really? look.

"I didn't do anything!" Lucifer insists.

"I'm gonna check Twitter," Dean announces, pulling out his cell phone. "See if I can figure out what's going on."

"Don't," Lucifer says quickly, swiping his phone away.

Castiel rolls his eyes. "Samandriel!"

"What?" he yells back.

"Why won't Lucifer let me go onl—" he's interrupted by Lucifer slapping a hand over his mouth.

"Shushles," he whispers, then calls out to Samandriel, "Ignore him!"

"If you're wondering why he won't let you online," Samandriel replies, ignoring Lucifer entirely, "it's cuz he said you're dead and he doesn't want you to ruin the joke."

Castiel gapes at his older brother. "You — you what? Lucifer! Why?"

"Because I thought it would be funny?" Lucifer replies, more a question than an answer. "Besides, Gabriel said Dean did it to him and that sounded pretty funny to me."

Castiel scoffs. "God, Lucifer. You —"

"I can see that smile," Dean tells him. "You're trying not to smile, but you're still smiling. Don't try to hide it."

"I'm not smiling," Castiel protests, but he can feel the corners of his mouth twitching up anyway. "I'm frowning. This is my angry face."

"Sure it is."

"Want me to tell them you're alive?" Lucifer asks. "It's been, like, a day. Everyone has freaked out enough."

"First, I wanna see the damage." He pulls out his phone, then remembers he doesn't have access to his social media accounts anymore. He slides his phone in his pocket and holds a hand out to Lucifer. "But on your phone because mine won't really work."

Lucifer sighs. "Fine, but no deleting anything."

He types in his password and hands his phone over, so Castiel can check his Twitter. He's not surprised to see his name trending at number one. His "death" was very unexpected, to say the least, and it's definitely going to be making some waves. But he wants to check out what Lucifer said, first. He starts at the oldest tweet about it, then scrolls up.

Some of you noticed Castiel's social media is gone. It was a sign of respect, as he passed last night. RIP Castiel Novak, 2001-2023.

The next tweet is in response to someone asking what happened to him.

Suicide. His phone was open to some extraordinarily harsh tweets that we think had something to do with it.

The next one is in response to someone saying he deserved it.

He deserved to DIE just because YOU don't like him? You are what's wrong with this world.

The next and final tweet is a stand alone tweet.

Thank you for all the love and support. If only we could have been around for Castiel when he needed it.

Castiel shakes his head in amusement. "Wow, Luce. You really played that up, didn't you?"

He beams proudly. "Yes I did, Castiel. Yes I did."

Castiel scrolls through tweets mentioning his name, and the response to his "death" is overwhelmingly sad. It looks like a lot of people miss him. He really wasn't expecting this many people to be so upset that he "died." After five minutes, he only finds one person saying he did it for attention, which is actually really amazing.

Castiel hands Lucifer his phone back. "You're still a horrible person, and you still gotta tell everyone I'm alive."

Lucifer groans. "Fine. But people are probably going to be really mad."

Castiel shrugs. "Just point them towards me instead of you. I won't see it, anyway. Perks of being Internet-less."

"Alright, gotcha," Lucifer replies. "Okay, selfie time so people can see you're actually alive for realsies."

They take a selfie together, and Lucifer waves them off, telling them to go pack like they were supposed to do already. They head to Castiel's room, and Castiel pulls out a suitcase to start shoving stuff in and hoping it fits.

"Can I help?" Dean asks him.

"You can keep me entertained," Castiel replies, turning his attention to his bureau and piling clothes away.

"M'kay." Dean picks up his guitar and begins playing none other than Taylor Swift's "Red."

Castiel can't help but turn around and gape. He's playing Taylor Swift. Dean knows a Taylor Swift song on guitar. What the hell is going on?

"I figure you'll probably know this one," Dean tells him. "What with you two being all buddy-buddy and all."

"I think the better question is, why do you?" Castiel counters.

"I... I honestly don't have a good answer for that," Dean admits. "But c'mon, sing along!"

So for the next hour, they sing various Taylor Swift songs as Castiel packs to move away again.