Being home alone was always one of the best feelings in the world to me. My mom, Charlette and my six year old sister Cara were having a girl’s day and there was no better way to spend my Saturday than to play video games in my basement.

Whether it was Halo, Call of Duty, Zelda, or Skyrim, my day would be set. When you had a limited amount of people on your friends list that aren’t online ones, you had to do something to waste your day away.

Blake and I originally planned on spending the day together since the family was out, but that plan went down the drain when he was called to work a double shift. Now I was left all alone to fend for myself. 

It was now almost five in the afternoon and I had come to the realization that I hadn’t moved from this spot since nine this morning. Saturdays were usually spent this way a lot, but for some reason I felt like doing something more today, but my mind was at a blank.

Once I turned the xbox off, silence surrounded me.

I laid back on my couch and propped my feet on the foot rest in front of me. The quiet was actually pretty calming, which was weird because usually silence was deafening for me. Noise was always something that didn’t bother me, it was the lack of it that made me uneasy. For some reason it felt good to hear things, even though those things weren’t always things you wanted to hear.

My mind drifted to a time when my dad was still around. We used to play COD together all the time before he left. Multiple times in a row, he would beat me. I was always sure that if he were to enter some sort of COD gaming contest, he would win hands down. 

When he left soon after I came out to him and the rest of my family, mom told me that it was all my fault. Of course, I believed her. If I hadn’t said anything, Cara, Charlette, and I would all have had a father for the last couple years. Instead, Cara would have to grow up fatherless and Char and I would continue our lives without one.

Trying to think of only good memories was always hard after he left for such an absurd reason, but they weren’t lost. Considering how close we were back then, I would be surprised if I did forget how it used to be. Tanner Whittemore was the best father I could have asked for. Sadly, he proved to be not as I expected when he gave up on me for being who I was.

My stomach growled, breaking me out of my thoughts. Since I hadn’t had anything to eat all day, I decided to get off my lazy ass and make some food. Luckily, the closest kitchen was in the basement, so I didn’t have to travel far. 

It took twenty minutes before my pizza was out of the oven. Then when I was about to take my first bite, the doorbell rang. 

I groaned and put my piece back on the plate and left for the stairs. Hopefully it wasn’t something that would keep me from my favorite food for too long. 

Obviously I spoke too soon when I opened the front door and the last person I expected to be seeing stormed past me into my house. At first I was terrified that he’d come into my house in the manner he did, but when I saw his face, I was more scared for him.

“Whittney?” I asked, closing the door behind me. “What the hell are you doing here?” 

“I, uh-” There was no clarity in his words. Mostly just mumbles escaped him as he rubbed his arms, almost like he had a nervous tick going on. 

“Whittney, what is going on? You look terrible.” This wasn’t an understatement either. I could see the red that was taking over the white in his eyes as well as the bags that were forming under them. Clearly this was sleep deprivation, but I almost felt like there was more to it that that. 

“A cig,” he said, reaching his hand towards me. It shook as it stretched out, waiting to the what he craved to be given to him. “I need one now!”

Sighing, I pulled my pack out of my back pocket and handed him a cigarette and my lighter. Without a second of hesitation, he brought the cig to his mouth and lit it. He seemed to calm down a little when he breathed in the toxic air, and let it out again after a few seconds. 

“You got your cig,” I said, dread probably still laced my voice as I spoke. “No tell me what the hell you want.” 

He took the cigarette from his mouth and breathed out once again. “I’m a shit head, an asshole, a backstabbing cunt, I’m all those things and so much more. There’s nothing I deserve more than to just rot in some hole somewhere, okay? I’ve felt like complete shit the past week, and it’s all because I betrayed my best friend.” 

After running his hands through his hair, being careful not to let the end of the cig touch his hair, tears started running down the sides of his face. For the first time ever, Whittney was crying. Some part of me always thought that he was totally incapable of it, but here he was, breaking down right in front of me. 

“What happened to you?” 

“Jay happened,” Whittney spilled on such a touchy subject so quickly. His eyes grew wide as he continued. “Shit!” He started pacing around my living room, back and forth. More colorful profanities were thrown around by him before he was able to say what he meant to. “He took all my fucking drugs! Anything that took my guilt away is gone now, and I feel everything!” 

A small part of me wanted to feel sorry for him, but an even bigger part of me wanted nothing more than to see him go off the edge. Then there was that third part of me, the part that always happened to be there no matter what, the part that wanted to help him. 

“You still haven’t told me why you’re here,” I pointed out. 

“I’m here because I’m sorry!” Whittney turned to me and looked me in the eye as he yelled his confession to me. “I’m so fucking sorry for being the one to tell the school about you! I’m sorry for handing you over to the person I hate most in this world when I needed you out of the way to get back at Austin. Fuck, I let Jeremy, a guy who makes my life a living hell beat you up when it should have been me! It should have been me and I let him take you instead to even the score!” 

“Whoa, hold up. What are you talking about, it should have been you?” 

All the emotion on his face now washed away as he stared at me blankly. His face was almost ghost-like right now, frozen in fear. 

“Whit, whatever it is, you know you can tell me,” I urged him to continue, but I could see his internal struggle as he fought with himself whether to tell me or not. 

“I’ve lied to you and Austin way too many times when I told you I wasn’t involved with anything.” He put the cigarette butt in the ashtray my mom left out from her late night smoke after letting out his last puff of smoke, and taking a seat on the couch. I sat next to him as he continued to speak. “When it comes to my brother’s gang, I didn’t have a choice. Jay forced me to join. I’ve been forced to do many things I don’t agree with.” 

I gulped down the bile I felt rising up my throat. “What do you mean it should have been you?” I repeated my question from earlier again, hoping this time to get an answer.

Whittney avoided eye contact by looking to the floor, remaining silent.

We sat there for a while, saying nothing. Before I could say anything else to maybe urge him to speak, he already did. “I screwed up some sort of drug deal that Jay assigned me to. When I got back and he realized that it had gone wrong, he was so angry. He was almost so angry that I thought he would actually beat the shit out of me so of course I was terrified. It was maybe an hour before my party was going to begin and when I realized you would probably be over to argue about my revenge on Austin, I felt like you betrayed me as well. Then to save myself and my plan, I let my brother take his anger out on you instead of me.”

It was silent again, but this time because I was in complete shock. Even though he was being selfish and an all around terrible person, he was doing it out of fear.

Fear drives even the best people to act out in ways they normally wouldn’t. Even though Whittney wasn’t a great person, he wasn’t the villain here. The villain of this story was his older brother Jeremy and his gang of evil minions.

Trying to speak right now was almost useless. No words could form. 

“You can hate me all you want, I just wanted to say-” 

“To say sorry, yes I know,” I answered for him. “Let me see your arm.” 

He didn’t listen to my demand, just pulled his arm away from my reach as I tried to grab it. After I frowned at his action he let out a huff of air and rolled up his sleeve, revealing what Austin said he saw to be the truth. 

Little circles of scabbed over skin traced up his arm. Chills ran up and down my spine as I looked at the damage of the areas that were no doubt going to scar. They were deep, that’s for sure. Most likely a second degree burn, but they looked so much worse. I knew what a normal cigarette burn looked like, and the couple burns that I inflicted on myself a while back were nowhere as bad as these.

After taking a closer look at the two burns closest to the crook of the elbow, I saw that they were less severe than the others. I questioned the possibility that Jeremy could have gotten tired or felt some pity on his younger brother and lessened the intensity of the heartless act, but I didn’t think that was the case. 

I pulled up my sleeve and revealed the wounds that were self inflicted, but not my choice. As I traced them, I looked back to Whittney who just looked at the scars. There wasn’t much emotion on his face, but he looked more understanding of what I did than I first thought he would.

“He made you do that to yourself, didn’t he?” Whittney focused on my scabbed over cuts that were going to soon become scars like the ones underneath, and then he looked over his own. They still looked almost sensitive to the touch, but it had been almost two weeks since it happened.

“I’m not the only one,” I speculated, as I looked over his burns again. 

“That’s why I told everyone,” he said almost too quiet for me to hear him.

“You told everyone I’m gay because your brother made me cut myself in front of him?” I sent him a puzzled look and waited for an explanation.

“No!” His sudden outburst made me jump, but I couldn’t say it was unexpected. Whittney’s anger always got the best of him, even when he was trying to keep himself under control, like now. After calming himself down, he sighed and said, “After Jay was done with you and everyone from my party was gone, him and his friends came after me. Of course my parents were passed out in their bedrooms from drinking too much so Jay could do whatever he wanted. At first he was burning me while his buddies were laughing, but when he was almost done he said that he wanted me to do the last two. He said it was your idea.”

Lots of emotions were flooding into me at once, out of them all anger was the one I was clinging onto the most. Not at Whittney, but at Jeremy. Yes, Whittney played his part in the whole ordeal, but he wasn’t the one who was forcing people to cut and burn themselves.

He was, after all, one of my oldest friends. Whittney was the one who introduced Austin to my younger sister who in turn, introduced me to Austin. There were many memories between us, almost more than Austin and I shared. Most of the time he was too involved with Sabrina, or -in the past- Dax to pay attention to us. 

Whittney, though, was usually always there. Besides the fact that he was an ass, he was always not the person he had been for the past few months.

“That’s why you were so mad at me. That’s why you told everyone.” A part of me was enraged that Jeremy told Whittney this, but then another part was upset that Whit believed him. “You actually thought that I would do that to you?”

“Well I betrayed you,” he said. “It made sense at the time, but after I did tell everyone-” 

Our conversation was interrupted by the doorbell.

“I wasn’t expecting anyone,” I told Whittney before getting up the door. I said I’d just be a second, but he trailed after me anyways.

When I opened the door, Austin stood before me. First he looked confused when he saw who was standing right next to me, then his stature changed automatically. His shoulders grew tense and I could see the veins pop out of his neck as his face became red.

With his fists clenched, he stormed inside. 

“Austin, wait!” I called to him when he came at Whittney, but he didn’t listen.

The first punch, Whittney caught, but when Austin threw another one, it collided with his stomach. “Stop dude!” Whittney pleaded, but that didn’t stop Austin from kicking him in the stomach as well, making him fall onto the ground on his back. 

He  groaned as he held his belly and rolled on the ground. “I’m sorry!” 

Austin was leaning over him, ready to hit him in the face, but stopped immediately after hearing these words. “You’re what?” He let Whittney’s jacket collar go and gave him some space. 

"I screwed up, bro!" He admitted. Just like earlier, he sounded completely believable through all the words he spoke. "I came here to apologize to Harry, and I wanted to come by your house later too." 

"You apologized?" There was still anger in Austin’s voice as he spoke. Whitt nodded and pulled himself back up. "The last time you apologized you drugged me and got me to cheat on Sabrina. Then you made her watch the video that I don't even know how you had after I got rid of the other one, and you had your brother beat up our best friend. How is this time any different?" 

"I had a copy." 

"What?" 

"I made multiple copies of the video, because I knew you'd take the original." 

Austin ran his hand through his hair and I could almost feel this conversation going into the wrong direction again. 

"Please don't hit me again!" He pleaded. "I know I deserve every punch, but-" 

"You're damn right you do!" Austin took a step forward, but I stopped him before he could hurt him again. 

"Dude," I said, sending a sympathetic look.

"Don't tell me that you believe him!" He scoffed. "He deserves to be hit from everything he put us through! He caused us both so much pain and you're trying to protect him? He told everyone you're gay, Harry! He told his brother to hold you hostage, and he told Sabrina that I cheated on her multiple times in our relationship other than the Alice incident when she was the only girl for me! He can't just get away with it." 

“Just hear him out.” 

"I never wanted any of this to happen.” Whittney swore to us. “I know I can't possibly be forgiven for all the things I've done, but I am truly sorry. What I did to both of you, the best friends I've ever had, is worse than anything anyone should go through. Especially from their best friend. After the day I told everyone about Harry, constantly hearing people make fun of him those first few days broke something in me. I realized everything that I've done to hurt you guys and everyone else around me and I just . . . broke. I've been drinking nonstop, I can't sleep, I've skipped school multiple times.

"I've become a complete mess without you guys. I've realized a while ago that you guys were pretty much the best friends I've ever had. But what do I do to my best friends? I stab them in the back multiple times while hating myself for doing it. I don't need you to ever talk to me again, all I want is for you to forgive me."

Austin looked over to me and I looked back at him for a moment, pleading to give Whittney a chance to just explain. 

"I'm sorry too, Whittney." Austin headed for the door, making his position clear. "I can't forgive you. I just can't."

When he was gone, I came over to Whittney and put my hand reassuringly on his shoulder. “He’ll come around. You have to understand it will take time to get over everything you’ve done.”

He shook my hand off his shoulder and moved back to the couch. Once he sat down, his head fell into his hands. “He’s never going to forgive me.”

I sat down next to him as he stayed unmoving. “You do know that him and Sabrina are back together, right? You didn’t completely ruin everything. Soon Austin will realize that you are trying to make amends and this isn’t some other trick, and then you guys will be okay.” 

“But we won’t be friends again, will we?” He brought his head up so that his tired eyes met mine. “Us three, we’ll never be what we used to be.”

“That may be true,” I admitted. “but I’m willing to give you a second chance.”

Whittney’s lips turned up in the corners, but it wasn’t that cruel grin anymore, it was a genuine smile, and man did it look good on him.

*** 

For reasons I couldn’t explain, being the little spoon in a relationship felt more amazing than anything. Who knew that laying on your side, your back facing your partner’s chest, and big strong arms wrapping around you could feel so right? 

Blake’s bed was one of the most comfortable beds in the world. The comforter that lay under us formed under our bodies just right, giving the feeling of being on a cloud. Even though clouds were big white poofy things of water mist, let’s just stick with that metafor.

After spending our Sunday running errands, Blake finally let us take a breather and go back to his apartment. It literally felt like ages since I laid down.

“You are such a lazy bum,” he finally spoke behind me, pulling me tighter to his chest. “You do realize that we only were out for maybe a couple hours?” 

“Yes, and now it’s two o’clock and already half the day is over,” I complained. “We could have been here, doing this.” 

“Ah, you like it when I hold you like this?” 

My cheeks turned red as my face became hot. “How could I not?” 

Blake chuckled before rolling me over to face him, then propped himself onto his right arm and leaned over me. “And what if I hold you like this?” His smile widened as he let his body weight come down on me, rendering me helpless as his hand made it’s way up my shirt, pulling himself closer to him.

Without waiting another second, I brought my lips to his.

“What was that for?” He asked after I pulled away.

“I guess I just kinda like you.” I smiled and he smiled back.

“Well, then I guess I just kinda like you too, because I really want to kiss you again.” He leaned down and I could feel his mouth brush against mine. Once again, like every time, the kiss completely consumed me.

Blake’s tongue ran along my lower lip, but I didn’t do anything. He then proceeded to a different plan. A sharp pain ran through my lower lip, but for some reason, it felt amazing too. I let in a gasp of surprise and he took that moment to his advantage. 

His tongue found it’s way in my mouth. It wasn’t the first time we made out, but it felt different somehow. Now it felt more intimate.

I didn’t know whether it was because we were in his room, on his bed, but either way, I liked it. My hands held his face and pulled him closer to deepen the kiss even more. Both of Blake’s hands were now running down my back, making shivers make their way up and down my spine, sending chills through my body.

This felt good, it really did, but I had to pull away.

“Whoa, Harry?” Concern filled Blake’s eyes as he looked at me. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, it’s just-” I stopped talking and rolled off the bed. “I need a glass of water.”

Blake wouldn’t leave my side as I walked to the kitchen. “Are you sure you’re okay?” He asked as I grabbed a bottled water from his fridge.

“Yeah, positive. It’s just that-”

“A little intense?”

I nodded and chugged down a few gulps of water.

“Listen.” Blake approached me and grabbed the water from my hands, setting it on the counter next to us. Grabbing my hands, he looked me in the eyes as he continued what he wanted to say. “We don’t have to go any faster than you are ready for, okay? I don’t know what this is, you don’t want to label it, and we don’t have to take this anywhere we both don’t mutually want it to go, alright?”

My head bobbed up and down in agreement.

No, we didn’t know what this was, but once he pulled me into his arms what I did know was that I never wanted to leave them.

Thanks for reading FF, be sure to remember to vote and comment! That's always appreciated(:

QOTD: Would you be as understanding as Harry was with Whittney's apology, or would you react like Austin and not want to hear it?