Hello! This story is based off of Behind My Reputation, my other book! You can read this story without getting too confused, but it would be awesome if (those of you who are reading this) you would check out that book! Thanks so much and enjoy!

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Today started out like any normal school day. Get out of bed, shower, throw on anything long sleeved -to hide the self-inflicted cuts- and get ignored by my mom until it's time to leave for school. Once again, I had to get a ride from my sister, Charlette, due to my car being taken away again.

Charlette wasn't much younger than me, just a grade below; a junior.

"You're going to have to find your own ride home next week, okay?" Charlette told me as we got in her car. "I have cheer practice."

"I thought you didn't know about the results until later," I said, shutting the car door after getting in the passenger's seat.

She sighed and started the car. "Let's just say that I ensured my place on the team."

I was the silent the rest of the ride to school while Charlette continued to talk about all the drama that was going on. The only thing that caught my attention was her talking about Sabrina, Austin's girlfriend. When her name was mentioned I couldn't help but scowl. It wasn't that I didn't like Sabrina, I just didn't like the fact that she was dating Austin. Even though I knew that he was straight -when I say straight I meant like an unbendable-metal straight- I didn't like seeing him with someone else. It hurt too much.

Relief flooded through me when we finally found a parking spot. Listening to girls talking was almost torturous! The way they can't refrain from talking about the most recent couple coming up in the school, their constant need to splatter makeup all over their face, the way their voices make a shrill squealing noise when they got excited. I could barely stand it!

What did people see in girls, anyway? I guess I would never know.

I tried to make my way through the halls looking for either Whittney or Austin. They were my only friends, as sad as that sounds. I don't know why, but people tended to stay away from me. It was almost like they knew that I was gay. This wasn't exactly a school where there were a lot of Gays running around like some of the other schools. Yes, there were your occasional lesbians, but it was only at parties when girls were too drunk.

My legs buckled as my eyes caught Austin walking toward the bulletin board, most likely checking on if he had gotten onto Varsity. Ever since he tried out last week he'd been a wreck, stressing out, thinking he didn't make it. He said that he needed to get on Varsity this year like it was a life or death situation.

I could feel myself relax as Austin's face turned from a frantic and stressed face to a relieved one. When he turned he saw that I was staring at him and I hoped he wouldn't see right through me as I gawked at his features. He wore his normal get-up, prep jeans, a douchey Nike t-shirt and one of his way-too-many pairs of high-tops. Although he wore the armor of my enemies, underneath he was my friend. Best friend.

"Guess who got into Varsity?" Austin asked as he walked towards me.

"You, I'm guessing." I laughed and Austin grabbed my hand and pulled me in for a hug. I knew it wasn't the kind of hug I wanted from him, but it was enough for me. Holding him for even a moment made my day.

"Hey homos." Whittney.

Austin quickly let go of me, embarrassed.

Whittney just laughed at him.

Damn you, Whittney!

Whittney has always been and will forever be a dick. Yes, he was my friend, but he bothered me. He was a good friend to me, but would that friendship still be there if he found out the truth? Then I wouldn't just lose a friend, I would gain an enemy. Whittney treated girls badly, but the way he treats boys who like boys is a constant torment. My true self could never be revealed to him. I had to save myself from being completely alone.

"Party Friday night, guys," Whittney said. "Everyone's invited."

Austin laughed. "I think I'll pass."

"You never do anything anymore, Austin. Come on, grow some balls and tell that little girlfriend of yours to stop making decisions for you." I wanted to retaliate against Whittney for talking to Austin like that. I knew Austin could take care of himself, but he always let Whittney practically walk all over him, but then again, so did I.

"I have football, dumbass. They do drug tests the first week of practice, remember?"

Whittney shot Austin a dangerous look but let it go moments later. Recently, putting the two of them together was more dangerous than Superman with Kryptonite.

After school I tried to get a ride from Austin to keep myself from having to go home, but he was going to spend time with Sabrina. When that attempt failed I found Whittney and he was more than willing to take me back to his place. Neither his brother or his parents were home and he didn't want to get high by himself. He was always more into getting high than I was, but I couldn't lie and say I didn't like the feeling.

"Bro, I don't get what's wrong with Austin." Whittney broke the silence and I hoped that he wouldn't talk bad about Austin again. I didn't want to get into a pointless fight. I'm a pacifist and there's nothing I can't stand more than fighting. "He's only hanging out with the girlfriend of his or sulking away in his mansion like the spoiled rich boy he is."

"I know you're mad that he's not hanging out with us that much anymore, but you don't need to be insulting him," I said, trying to sound least offensive as possible. I didn't want to start something that would make him want to drop me off back at home.

"Don't tell me that you're not feeling left out." He turned right onto his driveway and turned off the car.

"No," I disagreed, leaving the car and shutting the door behind me. "I'm telling you that even though he's not spending that much time with us doesn't give you a reason to insult him like that."

"Whatever. I didn't bring you here for a heart to heart about a friend that's been ditching us the past couple of weeks, okay? I brought you here to smoke some pot." He leaned on his car door and waited for my response.

I nodded. "Okay. Okay, sorry."

Whittney slammed his door, locked the car and walked towards the front door of his house. I followed in hopes that smoking would get my mind off of things. It usually helped. Not as much as cutting though.

#                      #                       #

I breathed in the fumes of my rollie filled with the ingredients to clear my mind for maybe a third time and I could feel the sensational buzz in the back of my head. My surroundings were slowly losing all rules of reality as I fell deeper and deeper into the abyss.

Whittney was laughing for another unknown reason, but all I did was sit there and relax. I wasn't all giggly while high like he was. The way he was acting almost made me laugh, though. It seemed to me like Whittney was a lot more laid back and was actually nice when he was on something. Although, when he was drunk, it was a different story. I had heard that alcohol brought out the worst in people and the worst of Whittney was almost a nightmare.

I tried to stand up but my balance faltered and I fell back onto the couch. Whittney laughed at my failed attempt and stood up himself. He actually managed to stay upright.

Giggling merrily, Whittney stumbled through the kitchen. I laughed as he kept missing the handle to open the fridge. When the door finally opened, he reached in and grabbed two beers. His balance was almost perfect as he entered the family room once more.

Tossing the beer to me, his aim was off so it landed on the edge of the couch, threatening to fall. I caught it just in time and used the bottom of my lighter to wedge off the cap.

I took a few sips, but I couldn't drink much more of the liquid. Nausea was starting to take over me. Before I could say anything about it the front door opened and someone came and sat next to Whittney. He took the beer from Whittney's hand and took a sip. Whittney tried retaliating, but he was no match for his older brother Jeremy.

"What do you want, Jay?" Even though the drugs hadn't fully worn off yet, Whittney wasn't as giddy as he was only moments ago.

"Just wanted to spend some quality time with my little brother." He feigned innocence and good intention, but we knew better.

"Give me my fucking beer back!" Whittney again, fought against Jeremy, but he was pushed back like he was nothing.

"There's a fridge over there, you know?"

Whittney stood up from the couch, shrugging off Jeremy's grip and walked towards the kitchen to get another beer. He grumbled incoherently on the way there. This was the only time I would ever see him controlled by anyone else. Even though he still fought back, he was almost powerless and that was something you would rarely see from Whittney.

"So, Harry," Jeremy said, turning towards me. "Got a girlfriend?"

I blushed at his random question. "No," I replied quietly.

"Boyfriend?" The shock on my face made him laugh. "Dude, I'm just kidding."

I gave a nervous laugh in return and took another swig of my beer.

Before he had the chance to say anything else, Whittney was back in the room with another beer.

"Jay, when are you leaving?" Whittney groaned.

"Im not." He chugged down the rest of his beer. "But your friend is. I'm having some people over tonight and you're staying here with us."

Whittney sighed and turned facing me. "Do you have a ride home?"

I shrugged and took out my phone. Opening my contact list, Austin was the very first. It was only because his name started with an A; I was in love with him, not obsessed with him.

I selected his name and pressed the call button. It took only two rings for him to answer.

"Will you shut up for a minute, I have a call!" Austin yelled at someone in the background.

"We are not done with this conversation." That was his father. Austin never seemed too impressed with him.

"Hey Harry, sorry about that. What's up?"

"Whittney and I got high so he can't take me home. D-do you think you could possibly come get me?" I mentally face-palmed myself for stuttering like that.

There was silence for a few moments as I waited for an answer. Finally, Austin said, "Be right over."

I tried to say my goodbyes, but he had already hung up the phone.

It took him almost fifteen minutes to get here and it was weird since he only lived maybe five minutes away. This gave me a few more treacherous minutes of having to listen to Whittney and Jeremy's constant bickering that was slowly driving me insane.

"What took you so long?" I asked Austin once I got into his car.

"Sorry, my dad was being a dick," he apologized as he pulled out of Whittney's driveway. I could sense how tense he was by how tightly he was gripping the steering wheel.

"You okay?"

"I'm fine."

"Are you su-"

"I said I'm fine!" Austin exploded in rage. He didn't act like this often, unless something was wrong. "I'm sorry."

"It's alright. I was prying."

"No," Austin looked at me long enough that I started worrying about the road and then looked away.  "You're my friend, you have the right to worry about me."

I looked at him and gave him a reassuring smile. He gave me the same look back.

Smiling wasn't really a common thing with Austin, which was a shame; he had such a great smile.

While he was looking at the road I couldn't help but look at him from the corner of my eye. He was trying to keep from looking at me, as if he had something to hide. Sometimes I had fantasies where Austin's big secret was that he was gay too and that he secretly loved me. That dream was soon crushed after seeing how Austin looked at girls all the time. Even while dating Sabrina he had trouble keeping his eyes only on her.

Thinking about Austin looking at girls that way made me feel awkward, so I tried not to.

The car made an abrupt stop and I didn't even notice we turned into my driveway.

"I guess I'll see you tomorrow," I said, opening the car door. Before I could exit, a firm hand held onto my shoulder.

"Sorry," he said. "I just wanted to tell you that you shouldn't make this a regular thing."

I gave him a strange look. Seeing my confusion he continued. "Getting high. Don't do it too much. That shit can destroy you."

"I'm getting there, Austin." I didn't say another word as I hopped out of the car.

"Are you okay?" Austin asked, leaning out of his window.

"I'm fine," I replied, bestowing him with the same lie he told me only minutes ago.