I stood in front of the 1-A door, absorbed in the silence of the hall, remembering the first time I knocked.

Looking back on myself, I was immature. I rushed into things and I only ever acted for myself.

Back when I first met them, misunderstandings and anger marked our first impressions. I didn't know what they truly thought, what ailed them. Even now I still feel in the dark when it comes to that, but if there was one thing I knew for sure now, was that they cared for every person inside 1-A.

They had strange ways to show it, and could be conceited, but I knew it to be true. I should have realized it sooner, but those little moments we spent together that I dismissed as annoyances were their attempts at making us feel like a family.

Maybe to replace their own, I thought with a pang of guilt.

I looked up at those two characters on the door, the sign of where I belonged, and sighed. It didn't feel like me to get this emotional, I couldn't get used to it.

It wasn't my fault, either. I didn't choose to realize this so far in.

After I managed to dissuade Elora's line of questioning and convinced her I didn't know why I didn't have my memory, the remaining two members of 26-B made their appearance.

Dean, with his usually perfect silky hair, then dressed up in semi-formal clothes, and with him a boy who I later knew to be Bernard, dressed in what I could only describe as a nerd's getup. His hair was curly and he wore glasses over a square face. He also used suspenders, a white shirt with the sleeves rolled up, but with broad shoulders that clashed with the rest of him.

It seemed they had been held up with Christmas bustle, whatever that meant, and after a brief introduction for my sake, we sat like old friends would. Their proximity made it easy for me to not feel left out, and maybe that was what led to them speaking without reservation.

Conversation naturally turned to me, being the guest, and to my connection with Anya and Dean.

"At first, I had nothing but a bad impression of Sebastian," said Anya with a smile. "And he of me, I'm sure."

"Without a doubt," I said without missing a beat.

"But what I used to find a hindrance soon became, if I may be so bold, my favorite part of him: that genuineness to yourself—" she turned to me, putting a hand on my arm— "how you were so decisive and certain on your decisions, it always was a delight to have our ideas clash."

I felt my arm tighten before answering. "You were pretty straightforward yourself, asking a stranger to betray their team and throw the race like that."

Elora turned to Anya with surprise evident even with her hair covering half her face. "You cheated?" Then she looked at me, as if the answer to that question was on my face. "You truly are an impressive individual since you managed to win with that handicap."

"I didn't do it," I said hastily. "There was no handicap, and we won on accident."

Bernard, who had been silent up until this moment, watching me like I was a particularly hard math problem, spoke up with a deep voice:

"You didn't want to betray your team?"

His question took me off guard for reasons I didn't fully comprehend. That had been exactly why, if I recalled correctly, and yet...

Anya cleared her throat.

"Whatever his reason was, it's all in the past now. Tonight he's decided to spend Christmas with us rather than those two in 1-A."

"Sokolov, your bias is showing," said Dean, smiling faintly when Anya looked flustered by his comment. Even I snickered. It wasn't that I was entirely on board with her treating my roommates like that, but as long as the subject wouldn't go farther, then I wouldn't mind.

I surprised myself by enjoying my time there, tapping into a side of myself I didn't know existed: the fun side. I would crack jokes, smile more, continue conversations, and as I stood now in the hall, I remembered the moments spent in that room with bitterness.

I tried to not think about it as I opened the door, stepping into the dark and empty living room.

For a moment I simply stood there, looking at the differences between here and 26-B.

"The wind chimes were my idea," said Dean, "Utterly useless on the inside, but I always did enjoy their aesthetic."

I looked at the spot where, in 26-B, Dean had so proudly shown me his ideas of interior design, and when I tilted my head, I saw it.

A feeble light that came from down the hall, and their voices shortly after.

Swallowing my pride, I followed the source and knocked on the door to Kristina's room.

I heard their conversation freeze, and with a bit of shuffling afterwards, Kristina opened the door a crack. She looked at me quietly and with a rightful suspicion. I had never noticed how similar she was to Anya, the way their foreheads creased in the same way when they frowned.

"Kristina and I are nothing alike." Anya was offended by the mere possibility. "Our parents are the only thing we have in common."

"You're blood related, there might be more similarities than you think," I said.

Anya looked sick. "To that traitor? I'd rather be buried alive than to find common ground with that pile of worms."

"I think you two just let things get out of hand." I didn't know what else to add; Anya's disapproval of Kristina ran deep, but that wasn't the bad part of the afternoon.

There was so much I wanted to say, but all I could do was shrug in the end, meeting Kristina's gaze with my eyes, hoping it would show my apology.
Her gaze lingered on me for moment before stepping aside and letting me in. I did, waving to Claire. It looked like she was in the middle of getting her hair done into a small braid crown. When she saw me, her face lit up by surprise, and she quickly composed herself, sitting up.

"Sebby? What are you...?" She looked as uncertain as I did.

I shrugged again.

"I felt like an asshole. Is that good enough?"

Neither of them seemed to know how to respond to that, so I offered a cynical smile and shoved my hands into my pockets.

"It's Christmas. I should be spending the day with you two... not with some pompous jerks who pretend."

"Anya showed her true colours?" asked Antoinette from behind me. 

I nodded with certainty.

"More like I stopped being colourblind."

She placed her hand to my back and went to the bed with Claire, who didn't seem to understand what was going on. She would look between the two of us, as if trying to discern something to read the room with; I threw her a bone and went to sit at the bed with them, ruffling her hair.

An understanding, yet simple smile grew wide on her face before she lunged forward to hug me tightly.

I understood in that moment how much unity meant to her. We were all 1-A, we had to be here for each other no matter what. Because as much as I didn't like the system, Li knew how to pick people. I realized that I needed to trust their good intentions; no matter how they might act on them, it was always with our best interests in mind. Just like they would trust each other, I knew I had to trust Antoinette as well.

For the first time, I returned the hug.

Anya laughed, waving her hand dissmisively. "Oh, absolutely not. Kristina is impossible to work with. Even back home, she always locked herself in, always so closed off from everyone! How dare you say she and I had similarities," she laughed.

This caught my interest. I raised my head from my glass and focused on Anya.

"What was she like? Before all this, I mean, obviously."

The other three members had retreated to their own conversation, leaving Anya and I to discuss on our own. She swirled the wine in her glass, looking into it with melancholy.

"She used to be a good sister," she said as-a-matter-of-factly. "Always closed off but, oh, always so dilligent and enthusiastic with what she had in mind. It's a shame she had to go and betray our bloodline."

I waved a hand. "You need to cut that out."

She looked at me curiously, so I continued.

"I know you and her don't get along, but isn't it tiring to include a hate statement every time you bring her up? I mean, come on: she's not even here."

Anya considered this for a moment, and then shook her head, saying: "It's not my fault. Every time her image appears in my head, I feel angered. It's her own fault, you know, if only she hadn't-"

"Gone and fell in love with a girl, I know," I said, relishing the look she put when I cut her off. She pulled a face and took another sip of her beverage, but I wasn't finished yet. I pressed on. "What's so bad about it? I get that your family must be super conservative or something, but you should be happy that your sister found her own genuine happiness."

Then she did something that I never would have expected: Anya laughed.

As though I had just told the funniest joke, Anya's laughter attracted the attention of the other three, who looked at us - at her - with confusion. Dean was the first to speak.

"This is the first time Sokolov has laughed so loudly. My, Hernández, you truly have a way with words." He raised his glass.

"What? No, I didn't-"

"As expected of a diamond in the rough, only you could tell such an incredible joke!"

"I'm telling you it's not like that! I just - I said something about Kristina and-" I gestured to Anya with frustration- "She started cackling like a hyena."

Anya brushed my hand down, still in the aftermaths of her laugh attack, and wiped a fake tear from her eye.

"Sebastian, you and I both know that was a joke," she said, squeezing my hand afterwards. I tried pulling away, but something was preventing me. "There's simply no way you could be serious about that, right?"

I stared her down.

"...Right?"

I tore my hand away. This time I didn't hesitate.

"I am serious. Haven't you seen them? The connection they have with one another is genuine, I don't... I don't understand how you don't see that. It's like... - look, I'm not an expert on fuckin' - romance or whatever, but I know what it looks like when someone doesn't need to hide themselves. They're real with each other, there's no - intent to impress or anything, they're just..." I trailed off, seeing Anya's smile flicker and Dean smiling from behind the rim of his glass. "...themselves."

An unsettling silence followed my words, each member of the room showing something different in their silence. Dean was as calm as ever, watching this inevitable chaos unfold. Elora kept switching from me to Anya, and Bernard had focused exclusively on Anya's reaction, how her pleasant smile shifted into a frown.

"Quite the observant one, Hernández," said Dean, breaking the illusion of silence.

Anya set her glass down, and she didn't speak until seconds after it had landed on the table with a clink.

"There is no possible way," she said stiffly, "that whatever infatuation they have is genuine."

"Then why do you even care so much?"

Anya glared harshly at me. "Because infatuation or not, she chose that air-headed bimbo over me!"

"Is this really a discussion you two ought to have now?" Bernard cut through the rising tension with a calm-spoken question, taking us off guard. I looked away, feeling ashamed of myself for bringing up such an obviously taboo subject, but Anya didn't seem to be entirely finished.

She combed through her hair with her fingers, taking a deep breath, and said:

"You're right. It's such a silly, silly thing to talk about. She chose to betray the family, so I shouldn't pay attention to a swine who has nothing to do with me."

Maybe on any other day I wouldn't have reacted the way I did, but that day was Christmas. I didn't care for that holiday, but the spirit was infectious, and I found myself much more emotional than I would if this had happened three days ago.

I got up ready to storm out, not wanting to have to listen to one more word out of her. My abrupt reaction must have surprised them, because Anya managed to grab my arm the moment I got up.

"Sebastian, where are you going? Don't tell me you've gotten upset over what I said, I -"

For the second time that day, I yanked myself away from Anya, continuing my way to the door. When I opened it and prepared to step out, I stopped for just a moment to turn around.

"I've had enough of you talking down on 1-A like this, and I'm tired of hearing you whine all day about your sister, because if you were even a fraction of this when you were alive, then I'd turn my back on you as well - just like I'm doing now." The last part was added as an afterthought, and I closed the door without hearing what any of them had to say.

That night I slept easy.