Today for sure I'd be getting my day off, just for me time — just to relax.

I had my hopes up when I walked into the living room and Claire and Kristina were just leaving on another of their escapades, and then even more when I heard from Antoinette she'd be much busier today.

That, however, ended up being my downfall.
“Ha, have fun at babysitting.” I was in a particularly good mood at the prospect of a day to unwind.

“Today won't be fun,” she said. “The guy that was meant to help me today said his sister just arrived so he's going to be showing her around. In other words, I'll be doing this alone.”

“I do not envy you right now.”

“Me either.” She checked her bag, checking through it all, and then looked at me. “I'll also give Anya her hat back. Any more and she might really get pissed at us.”

I pouted, but didn't object. If we kept it any longer, Anya would be sure to connect the dots that were only millimeters away to begin with.
I waved her off as I prepared to lie back down onto the couch, when Antoinette's voice caught me by surprise again.

“Want to come to my shift with me?”

I raised an eyebrow.

“Why would I do that? Don't you remember what happened last time?”

“Vividly,” she said flatly. “If you don't want to come, don't. I just thought I'd make the invitation... especially because you owe me from yesterday. And I'm supposed to be handling this big group today all by myself.”

By the way she was saying that, I knew she was trying to guilt trip me. It had no effect on me, but I ended up accepting the offer regardless. A day with Antoinette wasn't the worst thing ever, and (now that I would think) it would be a much better alternative than sitting alone all day. How bad could it be?

The elevator opened when we'd reached the surface level, and it was there we saw a crowd of people off to the side. Antoinette kept walking, not having noticed I stopped. When she did, she was quick to pull me by the arm to keep us moving. I would have done so without much more resistance, had the supervisor for our building not made an appearance.

Monkey arrived on the scene, the pathetically prideful person I'd met on that night was now marching towards the crowd with a scary conviction in his eyes. Catching up to him I saw a couple of kids who had most likely been the ones to tell him of what was going on.

Now I was curious.

He made his way past the crowd, who parted to let him pass, and, within seconds, was dragging two people away by the collars. It broke any previous image I had of him.

Antoinette also looked to have stopped for now, but I saw her pull a face when she saw Monkey.
He passed by us, dragging the two along, and as he did I could overhear what he was saying. Fragments, mostly: “Disgraceful that brothers would fight,” and that was it, really. That one fragment, I would later find, would be an important key for another memory.

I saw Antoinette fidget when he went past us, and Monkey taking a glance to scowl at us (at me, actually).

Thankfully he didn't stop, and before long he was out of sight.

“Let's go,” said Antoinette sharply. “We're going to be late.”

I could tell she was holding something back, but for the sake of not making it a public scene I waited until we were at the place where she would take her shift. We went there in silence, neither of us willing to make conversation. What could it even be about? What we'd just seen? Monkey's reaction? I wasn't one for small talk (and I knew Antoinette wasn't either) so I was glad when we arrived.

It had the same atmosphere as last time — a daycare of sorts, that's what it seemed like.

After introductions, she got right away to what I assume were her usual duties: cleaning after them, preparing food, making sure none of them would run off with a stranger inviting them to go canoeing, and playing with them when needed. I did what I could (which wasn't much), but as I was doing an incredible job supervising a dangerously risky game of tag, the words Monkey said earlier resonated in my head.

«Disgraceful that brothers would fight...»

I wasn't entirely sure why those words stuck with me, and the more I thought about it, the less sense it made. I didn't feel like I would have a brother and, if I had one, would we fight? Was I just attached to the idea of family? I frowned at the idea of being overly emotional at anything.
The memory came rushing in then.

It was fleeting. I grabbed my forehead, trying to recollect the fragments and pieces before they disappeared. I focused on what I could grab, replaying the memory in my head as if it could disappear at any moment.

I remembered sitting in a hospital bed with a cast on my leg, hastily putting on a jacket. It was snowing outside.

“Sebastian, please don't get up. The doctor said you couldn't even think about standing yet.” I heard his voice: my brother. He sounded worried, but also like I was being irritating.

I don't remember answering, only growing angrier as I clothed myself.

“If you don't stop that — now — I'm gonna... I'm gonna do something!” he said, to which I glared at him. I remember a surge of anger that burst past my reason; it was a stressful time.

“What could you do? Cry? Fuck off with that, I don't need a crybaby looking over me. I'll do whatever the hell I want, and you can't stop me.”
That came from me.

I struggled to get up from the bed, but he had pushed me back onto it by the shoulders.

“Go away, Joseph!” I yelled. I wasn't strong enough to push him away, but being forced into bed made me panic. I had started to thrash, trying to force my way out, but he wasn't budging.
I could see he was scared, and I couldn't blame him.

“I'm going to call the nurse, okay? Please just—”

He couldn't say any more, because I'd just thrown myself forward and head-butted my brother.

I felt the throbbing pain in the memory as my vision clouded. Through excruciating pain striking every bit of my body, I struggled off the bed, going right past my brother who was holding his head and wailing in pain.

I fell into the wheelchair near the bed, began to move out, and...

...That was all I could remember, because as I reached that point, I felt something hitting me on the head, derailing my train of thought and losing anything else I could have remembered.

I groaned and looked to where it came from, and I noted how the children had started throwing plush balls at each other like it was a war. I sighed.

The memory would be stored in the back of my head for today. I had more important things to worry about than a brother who I seemed to hate.

The day passed by excruciatingly slow with the two of us and the large group of children. I wish I could saw it was easier than we'd hoped it would be, but it really wasn't. It was only at nap time that we got some peace and quiet.

I trailed Antoinette as she tucked them in, noting the great care she put into each one. A gentle smile was placed over her face, one that could immediately make me (and with luck, the little demons) feel at ease.

Without realizing it, I was smiling as well. I found something admirable about her simple actions and the attention to detail she put in everything she did — when it came to this, at least. I watched her in silence as she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and check over each sleeping child once more to make sure they were out. It was almost mesmerizing, if I'm honest, to see her go about it. With confidence and tenderness in her care, I saw her finish up and walk towards me.

“Finally,” she breathed out, wiping her forehead. “We have about an hour to prepare for the early wakers. Wanna help me make—”

“A snack?” I said. “Sure thing, lead the way.”

She looked surprised to see me say that, and with a bit of confusion on her face she turned to the kitchen.

“You've been pretty helpful today, I should bring you along more often.” She turned to me. “You're sure you don't want to do this full time?”

God no.

“I wouldn't mind coming to help you now and then.”

The words left my mouth before I'd had time to filter them, and I felt my face heat up while Antoinette smiled.

“The extra help is always appreciated,” she said, suddenly in a much better mood. “Plus, you're pretty much the only person I can ask that. I wouldn't trust Kristina or Claire with a baby — ever. Claire would drop it or misplace it, and Kristina would either neglect it or treat it like a doll."

Somehow that didn't match with my image of her.
We moved to the kitchen in a different room, where I followed Antoinette's instructions for a meal. It was nice, in a way, to be with someone and not have to worry about things. I didn't need to think about Li or my mortality (or lack thereof) and I felt myself in a better mood.

“So, mind if I ask something?” I asked at some point.

Antoinette glanced at me curiously but didn't stop her task. We were preparing sandwiches, for us and the children, and it was almost like being in a manufacturing line.

She smiled and continued.

“You just did,” she said, sticking her tongue out at me after. “Kidding. What is it?”

I laughed sarcastically, placing another sandwich down before speaking.

“It's about Monkey. What's his deal with you? Or: what's your deal with him?”

Antoinette froze a moment before sighing.

“Man, don't ruin this day. It's going so well.”

“I'm just curious! He said you were his girlfriend, but when he passed by us—”

“I didn't even look at him?” she cut me off, now frowning. “Is he still going around telling people we're dating? That's messed up.”

“... Did—”

“We never did,” she said quickly, looking at me. “I never liked him that way either. He's just — he's a creep, but we're friends.”

I raised my eyebrow. Antoinette must have seen, because she rolled her eyes and continued.

“When I first arrived, Monkey was the first person to talk to me. He was actually the one to break the news of where I was.” She paused. “I didn't take it well. He tried to calm me down, I broke his arm.” She shrugged.

“Apart from Claire and Kristina... he was also the only person I could talk to. People saw my outburst, so I was ticked as a violent freak, and Claire and Kristina's attempts at helping me get friends were just... they were embarrassing and usually ended with people getting the wrong impression of me. So,” she continued, “Monkey was my only friend outside of 1-A. One night I got emotional with him and ever since he's convinced we have some... connection, I really don't know. He's not the best, but... until you came along, he was the only person I could trust.”

I looked over. Hearing her say she trusted me so openly was surprising.

I smiled and went back to what I was doing.

“Right... good thing I'm here, then.”

“Don't let it get to your head. Monkey left the bar pretty low.” But I saw the corners of her lips pull up.

We spent the next hour or so idling about, watching carefully for when one would wake up, and it was there I think I finally understood why Antoinette passed so much time with them.

They were so young; they didn't judge you or try to hurt you. All they wanted to do was to play and have fun, incredibly simple desires. They were easy to understand, and they didn't care if you were "cool" or not, or even if you were an amnesiac.

I didn't know why I had such a strong dislike for them. Working with Antoinette to watch over them had been, up until now, arguably one of my highlights in Paradise. With all the chaos in my mind, this place was where I could truly feel at ease.

When the day had finished with nothing else noteworthy happening, I'd arrived to a decision.

“...This wasn't that bad. I wouldn't mind coming with you another time."