^^ Akkadian Magic Tablet ^^

— Erin —

"To be clear... you invaded my home because you wanted to talk to me about information I already knew and had already discussed with Zatanna?" I asked slowly, glaring at Diana as I sat down in the Tea-House.

She raised an eyebrow. "You have not spoken about it with me."

"Nor do I have any need to do so, as, again, you are neither mistress, mother, queen, or lover to me. Therefore, you have no authority, and you will respect my goddamned boundaries; is that clear?" I growled.

"I exert no undue authority, my dear,-"

"What do you call entering my home and giving me orders, against my clearly stated wishes otherwise? That doesn't strike you as an example of you claiming undue authority?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Well, perhaps that was a bit rude of me, but it certainly did not warrant a violent reaction,-"

"You do not get to decide how I may react to people invading my home, regardless of your supposed importance, Diana!!!" I snapped.

She paused, and gazed at me calmly, waiting for me to chill out, it seemed. "No, I suppose I do not; however, it is very clear to me that you take issue with my presence in your home, and as such I will attempt to avoid it in the future, but we do not have a way of communicating with you, so personal communication is the only way. What would you have me do, knock on the door and wait for an answer?" She asked flippantly.

"YES!!! THATS WHAT NORMAL PEOPLE DO WHEN THEY CALL ON SOMEONE WHO IS INDISPOSED!!! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO RING THE GODDAMNED DOORBELL!!!" I roared, her attitude finally becoming more irritating than it was amusing.

She blinked slowly. "Ah... then it seems I have erred... you have my apologies."

"Save them. Now what do you want, that's so important you forget all decorum? Luthor isn't actually dead, and Klarion has Doctor Fate's helmet, and I'm tracking them both, but they're tricky to locate; anything else?" I frowned.

"You have confirmation that he has the Helm? From where?" She snapped her focus back to me.

"He's been bragging about it for hours now. The Incubi have an indirect connection with the Realm of Chaos, so they've heard the bragging and rumors both. It's pretty much confirmed, though I usually hold final judgement until I see it with my own eyes." I shrugged.

"Hmm... I see. Giovanni wasn't sure, and Constantine is recovering from having cancerous cells removed from his lungs, but Zatanna was pretty sure you were lying, when she talked to you. That's why I came. Zatanna's instincts are legendary, and her prescience is a prized skill of the League." She frowned.

"And how often has she or Doctor Fate, -or both,- been tricked by Klarion, a Lord of Chaos, a literal God of Deceit?" I frowned back at her archly.

"A fair point, of course. It seemed best to check, though." She shrugged.

"Next time? Call first." I stood and walked up the stairs, closing the door behind me.

"So, what's the plan now, Boss?" Helix asked, appearing as a hologram.

"Use that grimoire and any other resources you can find, and build magical defenses for the city, for a myriad of uses. First: to block and absorb magical attacks, which should already be part of it, but adding more layers never hurts. Second: To stop people from teleporting in and out of the city, -and my home,- without permission. Also, if you manage that, I want it added to my talisman, to stop people from teleporting away from me or towards me, magically or otherwise. Klarion and Savage won't be able to sneak up on me, that way." I nodded.

"Aaaaaaany other resources?" He grinned wickedly.

"Anything you can get your hands on legally? Yes. Also, search all the human museums and collections in the world for actual magical artifacts, and create perfect copies of them, though obviously with no potential for magic or, you know, some obscure cultural attempt at genocide or otherwise global Domination/Destruction. You know the type. MacGuffins, Helix. Find all the MacGuffins." I chuckled.

He laughed and nodded. "Yeah, I'll set some of my ram to that task. That might help the whole Star-Power thing, actually, considering the earth is already home to a ridiculous amount of energy..."

"I'd still like a Star Battery, but yes, if other methods could be devised to power the spell, and those methods are swifter, feel free to improvise them." I shrugged.

"Alright... oh? You might find this interesting; there's a heist going down in Gotham, at the Gotham Museum of Ancient Historical Art." He hummed.

"Alert Batman and his people, then; that's their turf." I shook my head.

"What's being stolen, though... that could work in our favor. If they get away and then disappear, we could have the artifact with no evidence." He hummed.

"What is it? Is it important enough to risk tipping our hand to Batman? He's not called the World's Best Detective for nothing. " I frowned.

"It's an Akkadian Artifact, from the same author as the Grimoire... I can't read it, there's a sort of interference around it. It might be perfect for the Barrier, if we could amplify it..." he pulled up a hologram, showing an old stone tablet, covered in cuneiform.

"Interesting... Alright, when they're a decent distance away, open a portal in front of their car, drop them all into a Stasis Chamber, then we release them back into Gotham for Batman to find, and they'll have no memory of what happened or where the Tablet went." I nodded, then paused. "Unless this is a trap... it's identical to what I did to Luthor... probably Savage testing us, or Klarion playing a game. New plan, we take them down legally, and that tablet gets impounded by the League because it's magical and dangerous." I grinned.

"Good point, Boss. You want backup?" He hummed.

"You, Sofia, and Terran are my backup, Helix. But no, it's a couple of thugs, no big deal. Just be my eyes and ears." I dropped through a portal, in front of the museum, and looked down at the guard, slumped on the ground. "Signs of life?" I asked quietly.

"None, Boss... neck is shattered around a handprint that didn't have time to bruise. One of them must have super-strength. Watch your back."

I nodded and then kicked the doors open, setting off all the alarms, all at once. The tablet was on display, and they had already managed to get the glass off without setting off the alarms. "Impressive work! You're a tidy little crew, aren't you? Waiting until the place is closed for the night? Classic!!!" I laughed, and strode into the room, taking in their faces and sizes.

'Boss... that's not what was on the cameras; the cameras showed four hoodlums, not a crew of Supervillains. This is a trap.' Helix warned me.

"Well well Well!!! We expected Batman and the Birdbrats, but instead... we got... Uhm, Sorry, doll, who are you?" A woman wielding a bejeweled cane and dressed up rather extravagantly for a thief stepped forward, twirling the staff.

"Nomad, just passing through... sometimes I take part in these little situations, sometimes I put a stop to them, I'm a fickle Gal, not unlike Catwoman... and you must be Queen, yes? Donna Walker? And this is the Royal Flush Gang... how cute. They do say, the family that steals together... well, Dies together, but that's not the point I was trying to make." I smirked.

She stopped twirling the staff, and looked up. "And we're officially out of time, boys, let's move!!!" She barked.

I activated super speed, and glanced where she'd been looking. Batman was in mid-jump, and Cassandra was next to him, leaping without a grappling hook. "Hmph. Cheater. Ah well..." I walked up the Queen and slugged her across the chin as hard as any human could, hopefully knocking her out, and disarmed her, moving on to the others.

The only one that gave me pause was Ace, who was just as strong as Superman. I didn't really want a slugging match with him, but then, I also kinda wanted to study him.

After a few minutes of indecision, the glass roof was cracking slowly as Batman struck it, and I shrugged, enveloping Ace in a shadow and sending him and all the weapons of the crew into one of the Analysis chambers, which would hopefully hold him.

Time normalized, and all four of the remaining members flew in various directions, either unconscious or in serious pain, just before Batman landed next to me, and Cassandra landed like a cat behind him, no sound at all besides the shattering glass raining all around us.

"How much of Gotham's taxes go to repairing the windows you break, do you think?" I asked conversationally, and approached the artifact.

"A bit. What are you doing here? And where did Ace go?"

"Ace is a robot and therefore categorized as Equipment, so he is in an analysis chamber being taken apart and deactivated. I plan on building countermeasures to advanced android enemies such as Amazo and Red Volcano. This is why I'm here, though... this is a very dangerous artifact, capable of blinding every sorcerer on the planet and cutting them off from other Realms... it would be quite interesting, if in fact it were not so Dire." I shrugged, petting the stone tablet.

My glove collected the sensory data of the markings, and once I had the entire thing, I lifted it off the pedestal, and hummed. "Curious method of carving, differing from the norm..."

"You came here to steal it, or destroy it?" Batman asked, glaring at me.

"Both and neither... I wish to replace it with a replica, as the historical significance should never be lost, then toss the real one into the depths of the ocean, where it will never be seen again, hopefully; you have my word as to my intentions." I looked at the back, and raised an eyebrow. "Odd... I've never seen a tablet with Double Sided Writing..." I collected the data from that side as well, and then dropped it into a shadow.

"You can't just-" Batman protested.

"I'm going to replace it with a less dangerous version, is all." I pulled out the perfect replica from the Synth Room, and placed it on the pedestal, setting the glass container back on top of the exhibit. "Don't worry, Batman. Nothing untoward will be done with it, and I'm not going to sell it. As I said, it is impossible to destroy, so instead I'm going to make it 'Lost'. Lost things get found, but only many years later, most of the time." I explained calmly, and walked past him as the police arrived.

"You have to return it. Regardless of the danger it poses, it is not your property." He growled gruffly.

"Fine, I'll see if I can take the power out of it, and then return it, Alright? Compromise: I don't leave a powerful magic relic where people can steal it, and you don't have to arrest me for theft. Everyone wins. Happy?" I raised an eyebrow at him.

He nodded. "You have 24 hours, or depowered or no, it comes back here."

"Deal." I nodded, and dropped myself through a portal as police streamed into the building, arresting the unconscious Royal Flush Gang.

As I walked towards my computer, I paused at a sound behind me, and turned to see Cassandra Cain. "You shouldn't enter peoples homes without permission, Little Cain." I frowned.

She shrugged and pointed at her eyes, then me.

"You're keeping an eye on me? Cute. Go home, my dear, I don't need to babysit tonight, I've got a hot double date planned." I shook my head, and opened a portal to Gotham, the roof of the museum, whilst pulling out the long black dress I'd had made for the occasion.

She sat down at my computer, still watching me.

"I'm about to get dressed, Cain. If you refuse to leave, you will at least turn around and not stare at me." I frowned at her.

She turned to the side, keeping me in her peripheral vision.

"How about I phrase that better? I will remove your eyes if you don't turn around." I growled at her.

She raised an eyebrow, then shrugged, turning her back to me.

I glared at her in the reflection of the computer screen, and the portal reached out and grabbed her, little tendrils of darkness that dragged her through the portal, throwing her out unceremoniously onto her ass.

The portal closed, and I ripped the small USB she'd placed into my computer out, shattering it. "What did she get?" I asked, stripping and pulling the dress on easily.

"Nothing much, just some League Data. I knew what she was doing, so I isolated everything that she shouldn't have access to. You look killer, by the way, Boss! 10/10, A+." Helix grinned at me, clapping politely.

"Thank you, Helix. I tried, what with the stupid dress... hopefully Vera likes it." I sighed, and looked in a small mirror, clumsily applying the lip gloss I'd borrowed from Sofia. (Just How the 2-month-old Sentient Computer had a Make-up hoard that would make a fashionista cry was a mystery, of course.)

"You're doing that wrong, Mon Ami..." Sofia entered the room, and sighed, cupping my face and removing what I'd done with a handkerchief. "You must be gentle with it; it is not paint, but rather veneer... thin, malleable, and prone to drying and cracking if the coat is too thick." She lectured as she fixed it, then brushed my hair back into a braid with swift, methodical strokes, as easily as any professional.

I smiled. "Thanks, Sofia. I haven't ever really done this. The whole Date thing, it's rather foreign to me."

She smiled and linked our arms. "Indeed! It will be my first as well!!! How do I look? Do you think Terran will like it?" She gestured at her shimmering red silk dress, which, much like lava, flowed off of her in the most beautiful of patterns, hugging and accentuating every curve of her body in an absurdly natural way, like she'd been born in it.

I said as much, stunned with the sudden vision of beauty, and she blushed, hugging my arm. "Thank you. You look quite beautiful as well, though I am not the Poet you are..." she kissed my cheek, then laughed, wiping off the kiss mark she'd left. "I plan on giving Terran quite a few of those, tonight..." she winked, reapplying the black lip-stick, which was a stark contrast to both her ivory skin and red dress.

I chuckled and led her through a portal to Paris, a small restaurant Sofia had found and liked, apparently. At the back, in the private rooms, we found a small table with four chairs, a few candles, and our two lovers.

Terran's jaw dropped slowly, and I grinned, settling Sofia next to him as he recovered, then sat myself down next to Vera.

She smiled and kissed my cheek, scooting her chair closer. "I like the dress, and the braid; you are the most beautiful of women... The gloss won't last very long, though, if I have anything to say about it." she whispered in my ear, and grinned at my blush.

"Naughty... this is an innocent date, and my first, so you'll keep your lips to yourself, thank you!" I chuckled.

She pulled back, surprised. "Really? Your first date? Interesting... I will keeps my lips to myself, then."

She began to scoot away, but I gripped her hand, placing it firmly on my thigh, squeezing gently. "Your hands, however... they may play as many games they wish." I smirked.

She laughed and nodded, looking at the table as the waiter arrived, lighting the candles. "<Would the ladies and gentleman wish to order, or allow the Chef to decide?>" He asked in a gentle, flowing French.

Sofia smiled. "<We would like to allow the Chef to Pair a dish to our Wine Selection, actually... we would like a 1947 Chateau Haut-Brion?>"

He smiled and wrote it down swiftly in shorthand. "<I will send a Trolley Boy for it immediately, Madame D'Accord. The chef will be with you in just a few minutes.>" he took a small bow, and then left swiftly, drawing the curtains closed.

"They know you, Hmm?" I smiled.

She grinned. "I have sampled nearly every wine they possess. I take my French Citizenship very seriously, and they have the largest and most extensive French wine collection in the world. The wine I chose was the first bottled after World War II, a symbol of Indomitable Will."

"A good choice, then." Vera chuckled.

The curtains opened, and a thin woman in a chef's hat approached primly, smiling at Sofia. "<Madame D'Accord, we are pleased that you would return so soon, and with friends!!!>"

"<They are my lovers, Chef Le'Maine, and I am happy to be back to show them my favorite Winery in all of Paris. I expect to be pleased again?>" she smiled and raised an eyebrow back.

The woman grinned, not even blinking at the revelation. "<Ahh, it's been a while since I met someone who took being of the Nation of Love so seriously!!! I am happy for you, of course, and I will feed you and your lovers, and then you will enjoy the wine. Desiree, Maurice! Come!>" she clapped her hands loudly, and a boy pushed in a cart of silver platters, while another followed, carefully cradling a very old bottle. "<1947 Chateau Haut-Brion, a good choice. I have made Filet Mignon, of course, as is tradition with this vintage.>"

"<Of course... At least, that's the first one we'll taste.>" Sofia reached under the table, and then thunked down a heavy leather bound book, full of the names of wine and their vintages, along with descriptions of each. "<I have something of a list to get through.>" She smirked.