Dedicated to:  : 

Max wouldn't pick up his phone, so I called Joshua to pick me up from the hospital. I was sitting on a bench just outside the building when a blue car pulled up. Joshua rolled down the window.

"You okay?" He called out. I nodded, walking up to the side of the car and pushing myself in.

"I guess," I sighed, closing my eyes and leaning back on the seat. "Thanks for picking me up."

"Hey," Joshua playfully nudged me with his elbow. "No problem, babe."

I tensed.

Babe?

BABE?

Why the hell did he just call me babe?

Am I going to let him get away with that?

"Don't call me 'babe'," I muttered feebly. Joshua wiggled his eyebrows.

"Why not, babe?"

I huffed, getting a little annoyed. "Seriously. Please."

Joshua shut up after that, switching on the radio and settling it on a horrible rap song. I mentally cringed but chose to do nothing about it, staring at the houses flashing by outside the window.

Despite coming across Harper, I guess I was glad I went to the hospital. I did feel better after talking to Kate- I'll admit that, and I was happy to see Jenna for the first time in ages. 

But it was Harper.

It was always Harper.

Why couldn't I stop thinking about him?

All the freaking time, as well.

The little idiot was always flooding my mind- making me see things- hope things that could never come true. And he was so freaking oblivious-

Cann't he see how much pain he's putting me through?

Isn't that enough to show him just how much I love him?

Maybe he does know. Maybe he just doesn't want to bring it up.

Forgetting Joshua was there, I groaned and buried my head in my hands. What if he knew all along?

Oh gods, I must have made a complete fool of myself.

Oh my gods, I'm such a weirdo.

I huffed to myself and began to bang my head against my palm. "Stupid Noelle," I muttered. "Stupid."

I heard an awkward cough and I looked up, my face flushed to see Joshua staring at me, eyebrow raised and weird look on his face.

"Is this like- a girl thing... " he began, gesturing to my weird behaviour. He held his foot over the brake. "Should I- stop the car, or something... "

I laughed a little, trying to hide my obvious embarrassment, sitting up. "Oh, no. It's nothing." I paused as I glanced outside the window.

"Joshua- "

"Yeah?"

"Why are we driving through the woods?"

I watched as the trees raced past my window in confusion.

"Oh," he replied. "It's a shorter way."

"Are you sure?" I raised an eyebrow. "I've never taken this route before."

"This was the route I took to come to your house the first time. I guess it's the only route I know."

I giggled a little. "Good. For a second I thought you were going to drag me out here and kill me."

"Who knows, sweetie? I just might." He joked. I laughed, hitting his arm lightly.

"Should I be scared? Make a run for it?"

"What? I'm not menacing?"

I shook my head, laughing loudly. "Not in a million years." I patted his head. "You're like a kitten trying to be a lion."

"Can't say the same for you, Noelle. Damn, your like a lion in disguise as a kitten. You're such a fierce person." He stated, like he was merely talking about the weather. I quietened down, realising he was complimenting me- however strange it was.

"Thanks," I blushed. He glanced over at me, his eyes sparkling a little.

"You're kinda cute when you blush," he commented, turning back to the road.

Harper thinks I'm adorable.

Oh my gods.

You did not just think that.

Your love life (or what's left of it) is not purely based on compliments. Shut up.

"So," I asked. "How are you? And- thank you for picking me up... "

"Don't mention it." He raised an eyebrow, and I couldn't help but notice that he couldn't do it as gracefully as Harper could.

You've really gone off the edge, Noelle. You're comparing their EYEBROWS.

"You've been kind of down the past few days, sweetie. Trouble in paradise, or something?"

"Yeah," I murmured, looking down at my bandaged wrist, pulling my sleeve over my hand. "You could say that." Joshua opened his mouth to say more, but I interrupted him, not in the mood to talk about it. "How's your quest to winning over the 'special'- ," I wiggled my eyebrows teasingly, "- girl?"

He blushed a little and I 'awww-ed' on the inside. "It's going well, I think. I mean, I talked to her pretty recently." He coughed, murmuring under his breath. "More recently than you think, actually."

"Oh, cool!" I exclaimed enthusiastically. "So I take it you guys are hitting it off?" We hit a speed bump which made my hand bump harshly into my wrist. I winced, but Joshua thought nothing of it.

"I guess," he replied. "I was kind of hoping I could tell her soon- "

Joshua was interrupted by a large spluttering noise, then a sharp crack, before the car jerked to a halt in the middle of the road, slightly skidding across the gravel. I felt my stomach sink a little.

"Did the car just break down- "

"I don't know." He replied truthfully, opening the door to the car. "I'll go check."

I watched as he slammed the door shut and went round to the back of the car. I was annoyed- there was no denying it- but I was mostly worried. First of all, we were in the middle of the woods. Second of all- my phone was dead. I could only hope Joshua had his. And third of all- it was beginning to get dark, and I didn't think being in the woods at night would be the smartest, safest, idea.

I was startled from my thoughts when Joshua opened the door on my side of the car. "Come out, please," he ordered. I slowly got out and followed him to the back of the car. He squatted down near the bottom where all the pipe stuff was and gestured to it.

"Um... do you know what happened?"

I looked at him in disbelief.

Is he kidding?

"You have to be kidding me," I said, horror sinking into my voice. "This is your car! Shouldn't you know what the pipe thing is? Look, maybe the problem is in the hood... just go pop the hood."

A moment's hesitation.

Joshua glanced up at me sheepishly.

"Fine," I sighed. "I'll show you where the hood is."

We went round, me slightly annoyed, and I opened the hood of the car. Immediately a flood of smoke burst out, making my eyes sting and causing me to cough violently. I put a hand on my mouth, but it was too late- my body had absorbed too much. I rushed to the side of the road and retched, coughing violently. When I had completely emptied my stomach I turned around, gently dabbing at my mouth with a packet of tissues I had in my pocket, and reaching for the car, into my backpack, to take a swig of water.

"Are you okay?" Joshua asked hesitantly from behind me. 

"Sure," I mumbled back sarcastically. I noticed he had closed the hood. Sighing and taking a seat in the car, I looked up at him. "How are we going to get back? Can you call someone, since your car is obviously not going to help?"

Joshua's eyes glimmered before simmering down after patting all his pockets. "Sorry. I left my phone at home- I thought I was just going to pick you up. I answered the phone and left it on my couch."

I groaned, hitting my head on the dashboard. "Well, my phone is dead."

Why did this have to happen to me?

I didn't deserve this- I had never littered in my whole life- I was a good person.

Some people are just never satisfied, aren't they? I thought, glaring up at the sky.

"How the hell are we going to get home?" I murmured to myself.

Why did he take us through the woods where literally no one drives through?

I glanced up at Joshua who was worriedly pacing around. I sighed, calling out the car door. "Joshua, you should get in. It might not be all that safe to be out there- it's night."

It was true, now- it was pitch black, save for the weak streetlights that lined down the road. He huffed in defeat and slipped back into the car. "Damn it."

"It's fine," I tried to reassure him, even though I wanted to hit something with frustration. "I'm sure someone will come around here soon."

Joshua nodded and we sat in silence for a long five minutes.

God, if Harper were here we would be arguing our heads off.

I smiled a little at thought.

The good, playful arguing.

I glanced at Joshua, who was sitting tensely in his seat.

Maybe I should fill the silence...

"Truth or truth?" I asked casually, a hint of amusement in voice. Joshua smiled a little, turning in his chair to face me.

"Truth."

"Worst fear?"

"Hmmm," Joshua mocked tapping his chin. "Clowns. They're fucking scary. You?"

I laughed. "Snakes. They're absolutely horrifying. Your turn."

"Who did you last date?" Joshua asked, his cheeks turning slightly pink. It was my turn to flush.

"I've... actually never dated anyone." I answered nervously.

Why does everyone always ask me this?

Joshua's mouth fell open. "Seriously? Why not?"

"Nobody has ever really liked me before... " Joshua's eyes widened, "... I guess." I replied, feeling slightly self-conscious.

Silence held the car for a few long, tedious moments, before Joshua spoke, his voice soft, but with so much power it cracked the awkward atmosphere.

"Um... Noelle?"

"Yeah?" I asked, getting slightly nervous due to his clenched jaw and hunched shoulders.

Was there a serial killer behind me or something?

I quickly glanced out the window.

Coast is clear.

What does he want to say?

When he didn't say anything else, I gently urged him further, nudging him with my knee. Another minute of Joshua's deep breaths, he opened his mouth to speak.

"I think I like you, Noelle."

My world came crashing down in that moment.

Joshua liked me.

Joshua liked me.

Joshua liked me.

This whole time I had been crushing oh Harper, Joshua had had a crush on me.

"What?" I croaked out, my voice and stomach tightening, refusing to look into his eyes.

He coughed awkwardly. "I think I like- screw that. I know I like you. A lot."

Oh my gods.

I should have seen it. It was so freaking obvious. All those times Joshua had previously tried to get on Harper's nerves- I had simply chalked it down as some stupid rivalry, not this.

Joshua had been getting on Harper's nerves so he could annoy him- because Joshua Lloyd liked me.

My muscles tightened. No guy had ever liked me- that's just who I was. Prude Noelle. Single Pringle And Never Ready To Mingle Noelle. Unliked Noelle.

Certainly not Liked Noelle.

All my life had gone by with other guys crushing on my friends- Emma, rejecting desperate pleas of boys back and forth, Max having his fair (or more than that) share of girlfriends. They would be going on dates while I was back at home with a tub of ice cream, reading some overly cheesy romance book to make up for the lack of mine, telling myself that it was all so stupid- nobody in their right mind would want to date Nerdy Noelle.

And here I was, at the ripe age of seventeen, a good-looking boy renouncing his unrequited crush for me.

Yeah, I was definitely outside my comfort zone.

"Noelle?" Joshua asked, waving his hand in front of my face, breaking me out of my trance. My eyes focused back on his face, blue eyes a dull grey in the light and slowly biting his lip. "Please say something," he pleaded.

Did I like him back?

I- I don't think so. At least not the way I like Harper.

I think.

"Um... " I could only imagine how red my cheeks were. "I- I don't really know what to say." I noticed how close Joshua had moved, so that his knees were pressing into mine. I watched as he slid his hands forward, taking mine in his own. I didn't particularly like the feeling of his slightly clammy hands clamped around my own, but I didn't say anything.

"Do you like me back?" He asked, his voice surprisingly strong and clear. My insides churned. 

Thankfully, before I could say a word, I pair of bright headlights pierced the darkness of the road, blinding my eyes and giving me an excuse to pull out of Joshua's grasp to shield them.

"It's a car!" I exclaimed behind my hands. Quickly, I dashed out of the car with my backpack slung across my shoulders, to the side of the road, before frantically waving my arms to grasp the driver's attention. I watched, pleased, as the two bright lights slowed down to a stop beside me and Joshua, who had just rushed to join me.

I outwardly sighed with relief.

I was getting home tonight!

And I currently don't have to give an answer to Joshua.

"Oh, thank god," I replied as the car window was rolled down, not even looking to check if it were some creepy pedophile. "I'm really sorry, and it's really late, but could you give me and my friend a ride ho- "

I stopped when I saw who it was.

Of course.

Harper sat in the driver's seat of his car, looking up at me in awe. I blushed violently, recalling the awkward moment earlier that day in the hospital.

"Noelle?" He asked with confusion.

No, its bloody Captain America.

"Yeah- um- "

"Hi, Natasha!" A sickeningly sweet voice called out from next to Harper. I saw Bethany lean forward in her seat so that I could see her. She waved, and I had no choice to return it. As for my name, I was too tired to even bother correcting her on that. She glanced at Joshua and waved as well. Joshua waved back. I felt jealousy burn in the pit of my stomach.

As if he hadn't seen Joshua previously, Harper's eyes darkened. He turned to me, accusingly. "What the hell are you doing with him?"

I narrowed my eyes. "Is it really your business?" I spat.

His featured hardened. "Yes, it is, because I am one of your best friends and- "

"Are you, Harper? Are you really, anymore?" I bit back sharply. His eyes softened for a second, but I did not wait to see anymore, turning my head to stare at his hand instead.

Those hands that have ran through my hair, cupped my face, have curled around my own- 

Shut. Up.

"So," Joshua coughed awkwardly, obviously sensing the tension between Harper and I. Bethany looked as if she were enjoying it. "My car broke down, and we both don't have our phones, so could we get a ride home? And maybe borrow someone's phone to call a tow truck?"

Harper didn't say a word, so Bethany piped up. "Sorry, Natalia and Joshua... but Harper and I are on our way to a party, so we can't drop you guys off right now. Tight schedule, am I right, boo?"

I almost puked for the second time that night.

Harper sighed, running a hand through his hair. "It's fine, Beth. We can drop them. I'm not in the mood to go partying anyway." To my surprise, he sent me a small smile. I maintained my glare in response.

"But- but- Harperrrrrrr!" She whined, tugging on his arm. "I want to go to a party!"

Is she serious?

"Nice catch, you got there," I muttered darkly under my breath. Joshua stifled a laugh from beside me, and I could even glimpse a hint of an amused grin on Harper's face.

When Bethany continued to refuse to see reason like a spoilt, bratty child, I rolled my eyes. "It's okay. We'll find another ride."

"No," Harper said firmly. "I'm not leaving you here. It's not safe." He turned to Bethany, quite exasperated. "Beth, we can go partying tomorrow. I heard that there's going to be one at Derek's place."

Whoever Derek was, he must have been really good at throwing parties because Bethany instantly stopped whining and brightened up, giggling slightly. "Really, Harpie-poo?"

I gagged.

He nodded slowly.

Bethany turned to us. "What are you waiting for, guys?"

------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was safe to say the car ride home was horrific. Bethany wouldn't stop ranting on about how she got this new 'slinky, sexy' bikini at Victoria's Secret that nobody wanted to hear about, and every time I looked at the front mirror, Harper was sending glares in Joshua's direction, who seemed unfazed.

Finally, Bethany was dropped of, then Joshua, who had planted a quick kiss in my cheek that made me want to die of embarrassment.

I honestly didn't know if I liked it or not.

And Harper- his jaw was clenched and eyes were cold the whole way home.

The air was awkward- we didn't speak a word and the tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife. I noticed that whenever I was around him, my heart would move like wildfire, pounding away in my chest. My brain would almost stop functioning and my whole body would ache with heartbreak. It was the worst feeling ever, and nothing could stop it.

Trying to shield myself from it, I curled up in the back of his car, pulling my knees to my chest. Harper noticed quickly.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah," I lied. "I'm perfect."

He sighed. "I know you're not, Noelle. You jump your leg up and down when you lie."

I glanced down at my leg, and sure enough I was bouncing it rapidly on the seat. It was my turn to huff.

"Why would you care?" I spat back. I knew what I said was hurting him- and it hurt me- but I couldn't help it.

Harper didn't say a thing, obviously giving up fight. He stopped in my driveway, and wordlessly, I opened the car door. Before I could close it, I caught on to something Harper muttered.

"God damn it, Noelle, when will you understand?"

I slammed the door shut.

I suppose I should have thanked him for ditching the party to drop me home, but I couldn't. Instead, without sending a look back, I went up my porch, locating my keys and slowly slipping it into the lock.

The house was completely dark, so, assuming that everyone was asleep, I quietly slipped into the house. Just as I was about to head up the stairs, a loud coughing interrupted me.

Fearfully, I spun around to see Mom glaring at me from the living room, only a small lamp that I couldn't have noticed on. I braced myself for the scolding.

"Where have you been, young lady? It's two o'clock in the morning! I have been calling you and calling you, and you haven't answered once!" She scolded. Wincing, I explained the situation to her, how my phone was dead and Joshua's car broke down and how Harper and Bethany had to pick us up.

When I was done, my mom shook her head and perched on the edge of a sofa, putting her head in her hands.

"What on earth are you doing, Noelle?" She sighed with disappointment.

"Sorry?" I asked, thoroughly confused.

She looked back up at me. "You let Harper break your heart. And now you're just giving it away to another boy?"

I gave her a weird look. "Joshua? I'm not giving my heart away to Joshua!"

"Really? Then why was he the first person you called? You could have called me or Maggie!"

That was true.

I shifted uncomfortably. "I just thought that you were busy. I didn't want to interrupt."

She completely disregarded my words. "What if you start dating, and he breaks your heart? Then what will you do? You are in a much too fragile state right now."

I narrowed my eyes at her, beginning to feel the fire of anger in my stomach. "Why do you automatically assume that he would dump me, Mom? Am I not good enough or something?"

"I don't think he is a good person. He'll probably throw you away after he gets what he wants."

I gaped at her, angered and in awe. "Mom! You don't even know him! You can't just say he's a bad person! Even if we ever do date, which probably won't happen!"

"I've heard about him from Maggie! They used to be in Texas together, remember? Noelle, he doesn't want a relationship- he doesn't want to be with you!"

"Are you saying that I can't keep a guy? Am I that bad?"

I was emotionally not ready for this. I was already insecure because Harper didn't like me back, I didn't need my own mother to hint that I couldn't keep a guy. And I was tired- so, so, tired, making me emotional and grumpy.

"Noelle, you don't get it- "

"Well, then tell me!"

"He won't want to be with you for emotional reasons- "

"Seriously, Mom? Just because you couldn't keep a guy, like Dad, it doesn't mean that I can't either!" I screamed.

Silence.

Complete.

Utter.

Silence.

Not a word passed through us, as my words caught up to me and I melted in guilt. My father was a sensitive topic for her, and bringing it up was like kicking an injured man right where it hurts.

I can't believe I said that.

I-

I ran.

Like I always did.

I didn't say a thing, just took off, dashing to my room in record time, leaving my mother by the foot of the stairs in hurt.

I hated myself.

That's all I can really do, isn't it?

Hurt people.

And I'm too much of a coward to go apologise.

I don't know why she doesn't hate me.

I heard the front door slam shut, indicating that she had left the house.

As soon as I was alone, it started.

Building up again and again, everything I had suffered over the past few days. Harper happily in a relationship with Bethany, the constant rude comments and dare I say bullying that I received at school, Laura becoming distant, problems with my mom, the stress of homework and universities, the emotional scarring of bringing the razor to my wrist-

It all exploded inside of me.

I cut myself three times that night, deeper than ever before.

After I had bandaged myself up, I began to cry.

Loudly, hysterically, maniacally, just trying to rid myself of the bad essence inside of me.

But how could you do that if you are the bad essence itself?

You're a disgrace, Noelle.

Nobody likes you.

Nobody wants you.

All you do is hurt everyone around.

I sobbed, standing up from my bed, my chest aching and my face burning with hate for myself. In frustration, I picked up a small glass cased scented candle from my bedside table and hurled it at the wall, screaming. I watched as it shattered to pieces, falling in dangerous shards onto the ground.

I couldn't stand it. Any of it. So I screamed- I screamed, and screamed, and screamed, not stopping when my throat was dry and hurt as hell. I just screamed louder and louder and louder, pulling my hands through my hair, falling into a mess on my bed.

Suddenly, the door shot open.

There, standing in the doorway, was Emma.

Her eyes widened at my hysterical, sobbing, screaming, shrieking figure and she rushed towards me, not even hesitating to bundle me up in her arms, lying us both on the bed and hugging me tightly to her body. Her hair was a mess, signalling that she had just woken up, but she didn't seem to care. All her attention was on my, stroking my hair as I continued to shriek and sob, whispering soothing things in my ear. She clutched my shaking body to her, holding on tightly even as my screams shuddered to a halt.

"Shhh," she whispered into my hair. "It's okay, Noelle. You're okay. You're my best friend and I love you and you're fine."

My stomach curled with relief at her words, clutching onto her back as my tears slowed down.

No matter what, no matter what horse poo was thrown at me in my life, Emma would always be the constant, always there for me to hold onto, always there to love me when no one else did.

I could always count on her.

I hugged her tighter. "T- t- thank, y- you," I whispered shakily to her.

She didn't say anything, just continued to stroke my hair. "I love you, Noelle. You mean the world to me."

Finally, I pulled away slightly so that I could see her face. "Thank you," I whispered again. She sighed.

"It's okay. I'm always here, Noelle."

I smiled weakly. "I love you so much."

"Me too."

I sighed shakily. "How did you know what was- happening?"

Hopefully she doesn't know about my wrists.

"Harper," she responded softly. "He called me up ten minutes ago, saying he saw you screaming an crying in your room and he didn't know what to do. He figured that him going over here would make it even worse, so he called me up." Emma breathed out and hugged me again. "You should have heard him on the phone, Noelle. He was a complete wreck. He could barely get a sentence out, his voice was shaking so badly. He had to keep stopping to regain himself and to continue speaking. Seeing you breaking down like that- Noelle, it really tore him apart."

I closed my eyes, ignoring the leap of my heart. "I don't want to talk about him right now." Emma nodded in response, turning my head to face her, voice lowering sternly.

"Don't you ever do that again," she said sternly. "Don't ever scare me like that again. Promise?"

I nodded, bouncing my leg up and down. "Promise."

---------------------------------------------------------------------

The next day, Emma and I spent the whole day together, until she had to leave in the night. We didn't bring up what had happened, but the question was certainly still lingering there. It had been a week since that event, and I hadn't spoken to Harper once. I avoided contact with my mom, and I had been spending a strange amount of time with Joshua, and we had grown a lot closer over the week.

"Hello, class," the Art teacher walked into the room. I had quickly greeted Joshua, but had avoided Harper's eyes all together. "Today is a busy day. But- before we start, I must hand you over to one of your peers- a member of this class, in fact."

His eyes darted to Joshua. Flushing red, Joshua stood from his seat, before stumbling over to a curtain that was covering part of a wall in the classroom.

What is he doing?

I raised my eyebrows at him when he glanced across the room at me. All eyes were on him when he fully turned to face me.

"Noelle," he began. I flushed red. All eyes were on me.

What is happening?

"I have know you for some time. And, like I told you in the car that night- I like you a lot."

I blushed even harder because he was announcing it to the whole class. Somehow it felt more- official that way. I glanced at Harper, and the look in his eyes was murderous.

"And since we have been spending a lot of time together- and I'm hoping you like me back and stuff- I need to ask you a question that could make or break me." He said tenderly.

What?

"Noelle- " he paused, before yanking the curtains open. There, stuck to the wall, was a large canvas with a multicolour heart painted onto it. There, in the middle of the heart were the bold, black letter 'G' and 'F'.

"Will you be my girlfriend?"

I paused. It was like time had stopped.

He's asking me to be his girlfriend.

He wants to be with me.

He wants to be the guy who kisses me and wipes my tears and cares for me and does cheesy, sweet things for me.

For some reason, a picture of Harper popped up in my head.

I tried to ignore it, looking at Joshua in awe, regarding the twenty or so pairs of eyes staring in curiosity at me. Hell, even the teacher was staring.

No.

I can't say yes.

I don't want to say yes.

But isn't this what you need?

To move on, get away from Harper?

This is exactly what you need.

So nothing, absolutely nothing, stopped me from nodding my head.

OMG GUYSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

DRAMAAAAAA

And a super long chapter :)

Well, it's pretty late here and I want to go to sleep, so I'll keep it short :) I'll put a fan made banner up in the morning... I'm too sleepy now...

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