Dedicated to: BeatsOfAngelzs

When I got home that fateful day, I was greeted by my Mom.

"Hello, darling!" She chirped. However rude it was, I couldn't bring myself to say anything, just slipping past her, my argument with Harper the only thing that was flooding my mind. With a sigh, and no doubt a confused look from my mom, I sat down on the sofa in the living room, setting my head in my hands.

"Oh, no," She mumbled. I felt the spot beside me dip on the couch, then an arm around my shoulders. "Sweetie, what happened?"

"Harper happened." I groaned, leaning back on the cushions. "Mom, he's a complete jerk."

She furrowed her eyebrows. "What on earth did he do that got you so worked up like this?"

"He's dating someone." I grumbled, the words itself stabbing me in the heart.

Silence.

"What?" Mom shrieked. "But- what about- but- " She took a deep breath. "What about Harpelle?"

I huffed, playing with the end of my hair, the space where my heart was- feeling very, very empty. "That ship sank."

"Oh, sweetie," My mom stroked my hair. "You were in love with him, weren't you?"

I nodded slowly, refusing to let the tears fall. If I was going to be strong at all, it better be in front of my mom, who was undoubtedly the strongest person I knew.

Just a month after I was born, my father had left us, not hesitating to file the divorce, because he claimed a baby was too much work. My mom was left heartbroken, the burden of a child upon her shoulders. She raised me well, and then five and a half years ago, my mother and father decided to meet up. They did, and things went out of control- thus, Lana was born. But, once again, as soon as Mom found out she was pregnant, he left. Again.

I was outraged. But I was only twelve- there was nothing I could do but help my mom get over him. He tried to contact us again, but I didn't let him come back.

My mom was heartbroken twice and she was still here, stronger than ever.

This was why I wasn't going to cry over some teenage heartbreak.

Too late.

At least, not in front of her.

"Do you want me to bring out my guns? They're a bit rusty, but eh, they'll do fine." She joked.

I cracked out a small smile. "I think I can hurt him myself if I ever have to." I recalled how I slapped him today.

She grinned. "I can pipe in, too. I'm sure Lana will be absolutely thrilled to have something other than a microwave and a tablecloth to set fire to."

I let out a weak laugh. "Thanks, Mom- "

The doorbell rang, the shrill sound piercing the silence of the house.

"Wait here," Mom said, giving me a look. I nodded, watching as she approached the door, flinging it open.

I held my breath.

There, standing behind the door, was Harper in his full glory. However, his hair was mussed up even more than usual and his coat in the freezing weather was non existent, his nose and cheeks rose pink from the cold- his black Ray-Ban glasses set on his nose.

No. I'm not ready for this. I can't see him now. I'll just cry again.

He can see me so easily from there. I hope he doesn't.

"What do you want?" I could practically feel my Mom's glare from here.

Harper shifted uncomfortably. "If it isn't too much trouble- " he coughed. "- ma'am, can I please talk to Noelle? I fucked up really bad and it's killing me- "

That was when his eyes caught mine. I couldn't move, shocked still by the bright green of his eyes burning into mine like they had so many times before. My hollow chest ached with it's loss, simply amplified when her murmured my name softly, his face etched with wondrous amazement.

I shuffled back, further into the sofa, desperately wanting to be eaten up by the pillows surrounding me. Mom stood by the door, shifting from foot to foot, unsure what to do.

"Noelle," Harper finally breathed, his voice low and husky and just so Harper that it hurt. "I'm so sorry."

I shook my head, yearning desperately to pull my eyes away but failing. "I think you should leave."

His face fell immediately, not even bothering to hide his hurt expression. "Please." He replied simply, one hand clenched, clearly quite distressed. "I can explain. If you let me."

"No, Harper." It even hurt to say his name. "There's nothing to explain."

"But there is," Harper insisted, stepping forward slightly, making me inch backwards into the sofa. "It's not what it seems- "

"Oh it's exactly how it seems!" I yelled. "Just- don't you think you've done enough damage? Was one slap not enough for you to get that?"

Why can't he stop hurting me?

Why can't he stop breaking my heart?

Why can't I stop letting him?

He shook his head. "No- "

"Just get out!" I screamed. "Get out of this room, get out of this house, get out of my life!"

It all came crashing down after that.

Harper looked utterly heartbroken, his face cracking with emotion. I was speechless, not believing what I had just said. Immediately, doubt rushed into my mind.

Did I mean that?

No, gods, I love him.

Do I regret it?

Yes, oh lord, yes.

Was it the right thing to do?

Yes. Yes it was. I had to let him go, I would only fall even more if I spent time with him. He has a girlfriend. I can't sabotage his relationship- I can't keep on allowing him to break my heart.

"Noelle," my mom said quietly from the still open door. "You- you can't mean that."

"I do." I responded immediately, looking Harper square in the eye. "Get out of my life, Harper Andrews."

He looked as if were to speak again, but he just shook his head dejectedly and turned around, his back facing towards me, shoulders hunching forward slightly.

"I'm sorry for disturbing, Ria," Harper said weakly to my mom. She just gave him a dazed nod. I couldn't keep my eyes off him as he walked through the door, pausing on the porch and turning around to look at me for a second- his green eyes vulnerable and broken. I held my breath, my eyes beginning to water.

"I just want you to know that I care about you, Noelle. I never meant to play you- I just- " he sighed sadly. If only he knew what he really did. "If this is the decision you want then I had better respect that, hadn't I?" He chuckled sadly. "I'm sorry, Noelle. I really am. If you want me to leave you alone, then I will."

No.

I'm stupid- don't go.

And with one last melancholy, fleeting look, he slammed the door shut.

He's gone.

He's really gone.

You just kicked the boy you're in love with out of your life.

It's for the better.

I shrieked in frustration into my hands, before burying my head in the pillows, using the pressure to stop the tears from flowing. My heart hurt so much it was unbearable, and I couldn't stop screaming and screaming to let the pain out.

"Honey," My mom said, approaching me. "Are you alright?"

"No," I sobbed, my voice muffled by the fabric. "I just kicked Harper Andrews out of my life. How can I be alright?"

"Sweetie," she sighed, rubbing my back. "It's not too late. You can always run after him."

I sighed sadly, lifting my head up from the pillow. "That's the thing, Mom. I have to stop chasing after him. He's dating Bethany."

It was her turn to sigh. "I know, but- kicking him out of your life? Sweetie, I think that was a bit harsh."

"Yeah, but do you know how harsh he's been to me? He played me for months."

"But he doesn't know you love him!"

I shook my head, hurt. "Why are you taking his side?"

Great. Even my mom is against me.

"I'm not taking his side- " Mom explained. I shook my head again and stood up.

"No, you are. I'm your daughter!" I burst out, a little irritated. At a time like this, my mom should be there to support me, right?

She sighed defeatedly. "Noelle- "

"This really isn't the time." I huffed, pulling my bag up from the floor. "I have homework."

With that, I turned my back on my mom and bolted up the stairs before she could say anything more.

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I couldn't look at Harper as I made my way up the school steps, him just behind me.

He had reached just as I had, and frankly, it felt like God was just spitting down some sort of cosmic joke on me- like- Ha! You just got heartbroken by this guy! Why don't you two be forced into awkward silence just the morning after?

Gee, thanks, God.

Although I could feel his eyes on me, I ignored it, opening the school doors and purposely slamming the door closed before he could catch it.

Okay, now I feel bad.

Wow. Only you would feel bad for not holding a door open for someone.

I hurried down the hallway, approaching my locker and shoving my stuff inside.

Today was the day Harper and Bethany were coming out as a couple to the school, and I was not looking forward to it. Emma had called me, sick, and Laura was currently nowhere in sight.

I'm on my own.

Before I could rush to my class to avoid their approaching show, a series of gasps sounded through the air, grasping my attention. I turned towards the hallway, to see the students moving to the side, pressing themselves to their lockers, clearing a space in the middle of the hallway. All eyes were wide in surprise, and a few of them even had pulled their phones out to video everything, including the boy wedged in next to me who smelled vaguely of mud.

Then came that horrible sound.

That horrible high pitched laughter that could even make a dog's ears bleed.

I swear, she's a banshee.

(A/N TEEN WOLF, WHOOP WHOOP)

The world seemed to freak out as they came in view at the end of the hallway, and the mere sight of it made my heart lurch in my chest. Harper had a tight grasp on Bethany's waist, pulling her to him, and she was laughing at something he had said, looking like the flawless I could never be in her blue dress.

I self consciously glanced down at my typical worn out jeans and sweater.

No wonder he chose her.

He was laughing as well, before ducking his head down to peck her cheek with affection as they came closer, his eyes bright and cheerful. He looked so happy with her, something I knew I could never do as well as Bethany could- making him happy.

Most of the eyes were on the couple as they strolled down the tiles, but I could feel a few on me. It must have been weird to see Harper taking me to the dance one day, and then the next, his arm is wrapped around Bethany's waist and they're dating.

"When did that happen?"

"OMG THEY'RE SO CUTE TOGETHER!"

"They are definitely goals. As fuck."

"Um, ew. They're wearing matching outfits. Desperate, much?"

That was true. Harper's t-shirt and Bethany's dress were the same shade of royal blue.

I think I'm going to puke.

I watched them painfully as they approached the area I was standing in, almost bursting into tears when Bethany reached up to peck Harper's lips.

I kissed those lips. Thrice.

Finally, as they neared me, Bethany's eyes caught mine, and they glinted mischievously.

That female dog.

"Oh, Noelle! How nice to see you!" She exclaimed, pulling Harper to a stop in front of me. He clearly avoided my eyes, inspecting the ground, his hair falling forward. I had to clench my books tightly to ensure I wouldn't suddenly leap forward and run my hands through his hair. If people were looking at me a minute ago, all eyes were on me by now. I could feel the panic building up inside of me, struggling to keep it down.

"Hi, Bethany," I said through gritted teeth, refusing to pull my eyes away from her menacing brown ones.

I want to punch her.

I need to punch her.

"How are you?" She squealed, sneaking a quick glance at Harper.

Oh, she knows what she's doing.

She knows how much this is hurting me.

Before I could reply, she cut in again. "So," she giggled slightly. "You heard about us?" With that, she pecked Harper's lips again, who still refused to look at me. My heart ached so violently I wanted to throw up.

I glared at Harper. "Oh," I began, clenching my jaw. "How could I not?"

"Beth, we should get to class," Harper finally cut in, looking up, but not letting his gaze rest on me. He wrapped his arm tighter around 'Beth' and looked at her with so much affection in his eyes I wanted to stab something.

Someone.

If I go all ninja mode on them, someone pre-ring the hospital for their sake.

"Fine, Harps," she squeaked in her annoying voice. She glanced back at me, smirking deviously. "We're going to my locker. You want to come with?"

Is she crazy?

No, just a mundane.

"No thanks," I spat bitterly. "Your boyfriend is right." Harper winced at that. "I have to get to class." I finished.

And with that, I stepped away from them and the boy who smelled of mud, and strode down the corridor, trying to ignore the eyes of the entire student body.

And Harper.

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As soon as I stepped into the cafeteria, I knew something was going to go wrong.

You know that feeling? That buzz of negative energy in the air that makes you just want to scream and run away?

It was that.

And I should have ran. Right there, right then.

God knows how much pain it would have saved me.

As I was walking the length of the cafeteria, food in hand, I was stopped by someone I hadn't spoken to in a long time.

Amanda.

"This is all your fault, bitch," she snarled, coming to a stop in front of me, her posse of Jasmine and Katriona standing beside her, glaring at me with equal valour. I squinted off the glare of her fake blond hair.

"What?" I asked, confused, eyeing Amanda's scarily long fake nail that was pointing at my face.

"You heard me," she hissed. She moved her hand to point somewhere else. "That is all your fault."

I followed the line of her finger, ending at the spot where Harper and Bethany were sitting.

At my table, may I add. Next to Max and an uncomfortable looking Laura.

Bethany flicked her head around and as soon as she realised we were looking, she pulled Harper's face down to hers, mid conversation, and kissed him deeply.

Let's just say he definitely did not pull away.

I looked away, hurt, before shaking my head and looking up at Amanda. Just that scene made all of my confidence vanish into thin air.

"It's not my fault. Trust me, I hate this more than you. You of all people should know that," I referred back to the time at the beach when she found about my crush on Harper.

"It is your fault." She countered back. "I told you to stay away from him in the first place! Now that you two are even more buddy-buddy, couldn't you at least stop him from dating that bitch?"

I looked at her warily, confused. "I thought you wanted me to stay away from him? And- isn't Bethany your friend?"

She gave me a vicious look, before glancing at Bethany. "Not since she started dating him."

"That's not my fault!" I protested.

"Really? Because you could have done so  much to stop him- and now he's dating her! I wanted him!"

I felt myself start to fume up. "Yeah, well we can't always get what we want, can we?" I spat back.

I should know.

"Oh my god," Amanda rolled her eyes. "You are such a bitch."

I fought not to punch her. "Look, please can you stop bothering me? You already know my secret, can you stop bothering me and let it go?"

Let it go, let it goooooo.

No! Head back in the game, Noelle.

Slowly, a devious smirk spread across Amanda's face, her eyes glinting. "You're right. I do know your secret. And I warned you what would happen if I didn't get Harper- didn't I? So let me show you about the other secret you had revealed to me."

My heart plunged into my throat and a sick feeling took over my stomach.

No-

She can't mean-

"Remember now, Noelle?" She smirked, before walking to the nearest table and pushing herself so she was up, standing on top of it.

Oh no.

Oh gods, no.

Run.

But I couldn't.

"Hey," Amanda called out, gaining a few eyes. I looked up at her, helplessness rushing into my stomach.

"Please don't do this, Amanda," I begged. She shook her head, smirking, and continued.

"Can I have everyone's attention please?" She yelled. The chatter in the cafeteria died down, and everyone turned to look at her.

Finally, when everyone was silent, she began. "So we've all heard of Noelle Richards, right? The girl who's friends with Harper Andrews? The redhead one?" Murmurs of response answered Amanda.

"Good. Well, Noelle here, has a secret." She pointed down at me, and for the second time today, all eyes flickered down at me, and I felt the panic rise from within me.

No. Now now. I haven't had a panic attack in so long.

Because Harper was always there.

Well, guess he's not here anymore.

"She has this stupid thing when she gets scared, or when everyone looks at her. She gets panic attacks."

Mutters of surprise spread across the room.

Oh my gods.

Oh my gods.

The panic got worse, thrumming through my veins, pounding at my head. All eyes bore into me.

"She gets them when she's to weak to handle something. She just sort of- breaks down, you know? She so fucking weak she can't take a thing. She starts crying, and sobbing, and it is so pathetic. I mean, we all have problems, don't we? And she just throws this fucking stupid drama show so we all feel bad for her whenever something super small goes wrong." Amanda continued, glaring pointedly down at me.

My cheeks heated up, and slowly, my vision began to blur, alarm bells ringing in my chest.

"She always needs to be the centre of attention. And- I bet you fake these stupid panic attacks just to get attention, don't you, Noelle? What do you guys think?"

The mass of students all nodded together in agreement.

Tears began to fall down my cheek, my body shaking violently as the familiar feeling of a hand tightening around my throat emerged.

"Just for Harper Andrew's attention, am I right? God, Noelle Richards, you are such a fucking attention whore. I don't even see how you have friends as pretty as Emma Jillington or Laura Asher. You are such an ugly bitch just seeking attention. Seeking thrill."

Is she kidding?

She thinks this happens in my own will?

"You are pathetic and weak, and a waste of space. Why don't you do us all a favour and get out of our lives?"

That's when the panic exploded, and I fell to broken pieces on the floor.

SORRY I TOOK LIKE A GAJILLION YEARS TO UPDATE, I JUST STARTED A NEW SCHOOL AND I'M SO BUSY

SORRY THIS CHAPTER WASN'T AS GOOD FOR HOW LONG IT TOOK

BUT IT'S UP, RIGHT?

I just wanted to say that any banners are appreciated and will earn a follow on both instagram and wattpad *wink* *wink*

I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH THANK FOR ALL THE SWEET MESSAGES AND SUPPORT, I LOVE YOU ALL

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Dedication: OMG WHAT DO YOU THINK WILL HAPPEN NEXT V.S. WHAT YOU WANT TO HAPPEN NEXT

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