Dedicated to: swell-vibes

My first instinct was to run and find Emma or Max.

So I did, dashing to the dance floor where I had seen them last, not bothering to apologise to the teenagers I had to shove away to get through. When I finally emerged, the two were nowhere in sight.

You idiot, Noelle. You always have to get your heart broken, don't you?

Well, it was only ever his to break.

The tears began to stream down my face as I searched the whole dance floor for them, no one noticing my current condition as everyone was simply too drunk or too involved in each other.

Like Harper and Bethany. They didn't even see me there.

It was a horrible feeling, your heart breaking. When your heart is just a bloody mess, you throat is so tight and blocked up it hurt, when your legs are heavy with dread, when you were too stupid to even see it coming.

I need to find someone, the rational part of my brain screamed.

I decided to listen to it for once.

I ran past the dance floor, stumbling bluntly in the stupid heels I was wearing, crying a lot harder now- the tears blocking my vision. Finally, I caught sight of Joshua, still in the corner with his friends. I dashed blindly towards him.

"Joshua," I said, my voice breaking as I cried. He turned towards me, his eyes widening as he took in my appearance.

"Oh my god, Noelle," he started towards me, giving a quick nod to his friends. "What happened?"

"Just take me home," I sobbed frantically. "Please just take me home. I'll- I'll pay you back somehow, just please can you- " I choked on my tears, unable to continue.

Stop being weak. Stop crying.

"Yeah, of course!" Joshua answered quickly, running a hand through his hair worriedly. "Just- come with me."

He wrapped his arm around my shoulder, guiding me through the house. I tried to take comfort in his arm around me, but it just wasn't the same, however much I appreciated it.

Finally, an agonising five minutes later, he helped into his car, then walking round to the driver's side, pulling the door open and slipping in. We drove in silence, before I finally spoke, sniffing pathetically.

I hate myself for crying.

"Sorry I pulled you out of the party," I mumbled, curling my legs up on the leather seat. "I must seem like a selfish female dog now."

"Hey," Joshua put a hand on my knee, rubbing it comfortingly. "You're my friend. Of course I would help you." He opened his mouth again, meaning to say something, but he shut it quickly, pressing his lips tightly together.

"Can I- " He fumbled with a bit of peeling leather on the steering wheel. "Can I ask you what happened?"

I looked at him sadly, wiping the tears away from my cheeks quickly, very aware that my mascara must have been running down my face. "Harper and Bethany are idiots." I simply replied, leaning my head against the seat.

Although Joshua sent me a sorry look, I saw something else glinting in the back of his eyes. "Were they... ?"

I nodded. "Yeah. It was horrible." My voice tightened, just thinking of it again. And all through the drive home, even after, when Joshua dropped me off in my driveway, smiling at me pitifully, it was all I could think of as I walked up the stairs, careful not to wake Mom or Lana up.

It was all I could think of as I stripped away my dress, not bothering to wash away the makeup streaked down my face as yanked the curtain facing Harper's room closed, tumbling into my bed.

His arms wrapped tightly around her- the same arms that would always be there for me, warm and welcoming. His hair a complete mess- the same jet black hair I yearned to run my hands through. And his lips, moving feverishly against Bethany's- the same lips that had stolen away my first kiss.

And his heart- the same one that had so ruthlessly broken mine, time and time again.

--------------------------------------------------------------

I held my breath outside the doors of the cafeteria, holding my packed lunch tightly. I had avoided Harper all weekend, refusing to open my curtains, ignoring the one call he had sent me. And now, here I was, sure that I would see him sitting at our table, mentally preparing myself for the encounter.

"You know, you can always sit at a different table. I'll go with you," Laura offered, standing beside me. I had filled her in on what happened, and she was completely outraged at both Harper and her 'former-ish' best friend.

"No." I shook my head. "I have to stop being so pathetic about this." I took a deep, dramatic breath and pushed open the doors of the cafeteria.

It wasn't anything dramatic, really.

At first.

Nobody stared at me like they do in cliché movies, I didn't trip over my own feet (quite surprising, actually), and I didn't drop my lunch on myself. Laura walked beside me, casually talking about whatever came to mind, but I couldn't listen to her, no matter how hard I tried.

My eyes were focused on Harper.

That muggle.

Just looking at him made me furious- and admittedly, my heart race. Bethany wasn't there yet, thank god, and he was sitting and chatting to Max. Emma knew what had happened at the party after I filled her in, and she was sending glares at Harper across the table when he wasn't looking.

Thank you, Emma.

My blood boiled as we approached him.

How dare he play me like this? How dare he pretend nothing happened?

Well, as far as he knows, nothing did happen.

Shut up. You are meant to be acting like a merciless, savage, squirrel.

Or Bellatrix.

Harper calls me Bellatrix-

Shut up!

I sat at the table, careful not to choose a seat next to Harper. I just sat down and unpacked my lunch, no greeting, no smile, even avoiding eye contact. Silence struck the table, and I could feel Harper's green eyes burn into me.

"Noelle?" From the corner of my eye, I saw him reach across the table, approaching my hand with his own. "Are you okay?"

Seriously? Does he not know he kissed Bethany in front of me?

I flinched away from him instinctively, pulling my hand away before he could touch me. He paused, his eyes flashing with hurt, before he slowly slipped back into his seat. "I'm fine." I replied bitterly.

Maybe I should leave.

Come on, Noelle. He can't stop you from sitting here, okay? These are your friends, too. Just- just don't speak to him. You're done with him, okay?

You're done with him.

Just the thought of letting him go stabbed at my heart.

Limiting my contact with him was the first step in getting over him.

I felt all eyes of the table on us- Emma, Max, Laura and even Axel and Bob who had decided to sit with us today.

"Noelle," he began again. Please don't talk to me. I'll end up crying because I still love you. "I know something is wrong. Please tell me."

"There's nothing wrong." I spoke, firmer now.

"Then why aren't you looking at me?"

I looked up at him, furious now. "There! I'm looking at you! Okay?" I burst out, gripping on to the edge of the table tightly.

"Noelle!" Harper stood up, now looking slightly irritated. "What the hell is wrong?"

Axel, sensing my discomfort and rage, tried to pull Harper down. Harper just shook him off.

I shook my head. "Why do you even care?"

Harper looked dumbfounded, as if the idea of him not caring was absolutely insane. "What do you mean? Of course I care, Noelle? I care about you!"

Liar. Why would you kiss Bethany then, you butthole?

Why can't he stop lying to me?

Was that it, then? Was everything before this a lie? Telling me I'm beautiful, I'm perfect, I mean so much to him-

Was that all a lie, too?

In an instant, I got even angrier. "You care about me?" I laughed dryly. "That's rich, coming from you."

Harper gave me an incredulous. "What are you talking about? Of course I fucking care- "

"Then why did you kiss Bethany?" I almost shouted. Surprisingly, no one else but our table had noticed our argument.

After I said that, I was overcome by a strange sort of sadness, as if saying the words finally made it official. Harper liked Bethany, Bethany liked Harper, and here I was, poor little Noelle, the lovestruck girl who couldn't stop loving him, and probably wouldn't ever.

In all those books and movies, the girls can always think to themselves how there are so many people in the world, a whole sea of them to fall in love and end up happy with.

And however cliché it sounded, Harper was the only one I could imagine ending up happy with. Ever.

"Why did I... " Harper cut himself off, shaking his head and running his hands through his hair, making his biceps flex. "Why did I what?" He asked, looking genuinely confused.

"You heard me." I spat. "Why did you kiss Bethany?"

His eyes widened in realisation, before nodding. "Yeah, I kissed her." He confirmed. With that, he sat down.

I shot him an incredulous look.

Seriously? That's all he's going to say?

"Well, why did you do it?" I demanded again, frustrated.

He shook his head again, adorably confused. "What? I can't kiss my girlfriend?"

It was like someone had ripped out my heart and thrown it down a mountain as I stared at him in utter shock and heartbreak. Emma had dropped her fork- Axel choked on his drink.

"What? I can't kiss my girlfriend?"

I think I'm going to faint.

"WHAT?" Laura demanded. "What the hell did you just say?"

I was still frozen in shock, my knuckles white from how hard I was gripping the table.

"Oh," Harper replied plainly. "I needed to tell you guys. After the dance, I realised some feelings that I had for Bethany that I guessed I never realised before. She asked me out- I said yes. We're coming out as a couple to the school tomorrow." He sipped his drink, and I noticed how he looked at everyone but me. "We're dating."

I wanted to scream at him. How had I not realised before?

I mean, come on. He spent so much time with her, they're always talking, they were holding hands, and they kissed. How dumb could I be?

Now you know it's over, Noelle. They're together.

But I couldn't cry. Not here, where he could see me. I could only feel a hollow, dead space where my heart was. As soon as the tears started brimming in my eyes, I knew I had to get away.

I stood up abruptly. All eyes on the table turned to me- all pitying and sorrowful. Keeping my head down, I spoke.

"I- I have to go somewhere." I stuttered as some form of explanation. And with that, I grabbed my lunch bag and started away from the table. At first, a walk, but amidst the urgency of the moment to get away, I was forced into a full fledged run out of the cafeteria. Finally, I burst through the doors, racing into the hallway, the first tears falling.

Stupid, Noelle. You always know you'll get hurt in the end, but you do it anyway, don't you?

I tried to gulp down the lump in my throat, my eyes burning in the process, slowing down my fast pace as I got nearer to the girl's toilet, thanking Zeus that no one was in the hallways.

"Noelle?"

Damn it. Screw you, Zeus.

I stiffened at Harper's voice, the husky undertone sending shivers down my body.

He followed me?

Slowly, I turned around, frantically wiping the tears away from my face. "What the hell do you want?" I demanded angrily. Harper looked at me, genuine concern shining in his eyes as he took a step closer to me. I couldn't bring myself to step away, caught once again in his eyes.

"Noelle," he muttered, his voice a lot softer now. "Have you been crying?"

My first instinct was to say no. To lie to him, to brush it off like I've done for weeks, now.

Tell him the truth. You've already lost him- what else can you lose?

"Yes." I replied firmly. "I have. I highly doubt you actually care. Who sent you to comfort me?"

He looked hurt. "Nobody told me to come. Noelle, I care about you- "

"Stop speaking rubbish!" I finally screamed, my tolerance exploding. "Stop lying to me! Like hell you care!"

My frustration burnt into the tears that ran down my face. Harper looked shocked, before his eyes darkened in irritation.

"What the fuck are you talking about? Who the hell told you I didn't care- "

"You're such a jerk!" I yelled. "It's pretty easy to see you don't give an 'f' about me at all! If you did, you'd stop doing things like this to me! Stop acting adorable and pretending you don't know what I'm talking about!"

Harper ran a hand through his hair, his eyes burning intensely with anger. "What am I doing wrong? God, I'm not doing anything at all- what the fuck is your problem?"

"You!" I shrieked. "You are my problem, Andrews!" I stepped closer to him, so we were only a foot apart.

We had never fought this much before- just a few petty arguments- nothing like this. Nothing with him looking so mad I wanted to crumble under his gaze.

"Noelle- " I watched as he clenched his jaw, clearly trying to contain his anger. "Can you just tell me what the fuck is wrong?"

I glared at him, trying not to let my gaze drift to his lips.

Those lips kissed Bethany.

A newfound rage surged through my veins. "Fine. You want to know what's the problem?" I glared at him even harder. "You. Bethany. You've been leading me on for months. And then you just go and date someone else? Seriously? That is low."

He looked at me in silence, momentarily stunned, before shaking his head and speaking again. "How have I been leading you on, Noelle?" He demanded.

"Are you kidding me?" I screeched. "You've been leading me on since December! Telling me I'm perfect, I'm beautiful, killing any guy who even dares look at me- hell, you kissed me three times! How is that not leading me on?"

Harper almost fell over when I finished speaking. He looked down at me, eyes wide and, dare I say, slightly hopeful.

"Noelle- do you like me?"

I paused, before shaking my head angrily. "No, Harper."

Liar.

"I could never like you. Ever." I finished.

That was harsh.

So, what? There's no hope anymore. May as well keep the little dignity you have left.

He's taken the rest, anyway.

His eyes hardened. "In that case, I guess I have been leading you on. And I don't fucking care, because I didn't mean anything I said, too."

What was left of my heart shattered.

"What?" I asked, my voice trembling, the first sign of weakness I had shown.

"You heard me!" He spat, eyes burning with rage. "I didn't mean anything. You're not perfect, you sure as hell aren't beautiful. I thought you were smarter than that, Noelle. I pitied you, the poor girl who can't deal with herself, who's too fragile for anything. I didn't mean a bloody thing. You mean nothing to me, and- "

I slapped him.

I couldn't even register the sharp sting in my hand as it came in contact with his face. He stood there in shock, staring at me, the quick slapping noise ringing through the air. He gingerly held a hand up to his face, where I slapped him, covering the red mark with his fingers.

Good. Now Bethany can see what I did to her boyfriend.

I poked Harper hard in the chest. "How dare you say that to me. How dare you speak to anyone like that. I hate you, Harper Andrews. I freaking hate you."

Harper's eyes widened, before he shook his head in realisation. "Oh no, oh gods no, Noelle, I didn't mean that- I didn't mean a word of that- I was just angry, and, Noelle, I lo- "

"Shut up!" I screamed, backing away from him, my heart aching so much I almost bent over. I threw my lunch bag at him, hitting him on the arm. "Stop lying to me! I hate you!"

Harper eyes darkened, his hands clenched at his sides, clearly distraught. "Noelle, please! I didn't mean it, I could never mean it because I fucking lo- "

"No!" I said sternly. "I've had enough- I can't- I'm just- " My tears fell down my face faster, and Harper's eyes filled with sorrow and utter pain. "I need to leave." I confirmed angrily, looking at him, his hands trembling. "Goodbye, Harper."

No. Come back to him. You love him.

He doesn't love you. He's broken your heart so many times. He's dating someone else.

Leave. Now.

Then, without waiting for his response, I turned around and walked away, not caring where I would end up, heart heavy and legs shaking with the impact of what had just happened- letting him go.

As I turned round the corner of the hallway, I couldn't help but glance back for a second. Harper wasn't standing anymore- no, he had fallen to his knees on the ground, his body trembling and his head buried into his hands. I could hear his faint, incoherent mumbling, and I just wanted to run back to him, to apologise to him, to have him soothe me and make everything alright again, just like a fairytale.

It's too bad life wasn't a fairytale.

I would just have to deal with it.

I would just have to learn to live with the pain.

HIIIIIIIIIIIII

THAT WAS PRETTY INTENSE

DO YOU STILL SHIP THEM? (I sure as hell hope you do :/)

TIME FOR THE QUESTION ROUND:

Q: Noelle, why do you still come back for Harper?

A: Noelle: I'm assuming this was before the argument at school. You see, I don't know. I don't know why I had to keep coming back for him, I just knew that I love him, and I couldn't risk letting go anything as beautiful as that. This is the first time I have ever been in love, and I didn't want to let go of that so easily- I couldn't stand the idea of Harper not being in my life. That's really cheesy, isn't? Pfft, never mind, you can see that I'm a bit of a hopeless romantic... I mean, if you're not, do you even Fangirl? Like, come on, how did you not become a hopeless romantic after CLACE?

Q: Emma, you are the best friend, I applaud you.

A: Emma: *hair flip* They all do, anyway. *glares at Max* See? This what I meant when I said everyone loves me!

Max: They just said that you were a good best friend.

Emma: *sighs dramatically* Well, that too.

Q: Harper, do you feel implied to love Bethany?

A: Harper: Woah, woah, woah. I never said I loved the girl. Just because I'm dating her doesn't mean I'm in love with her. But... *smirks* I could love you, if you want. *winks at crowd of people and all straight girls and gay guys faint* call me ;)

Q: Harper, why are you such a muggle?

A: Harper: EXCUSE ME? DID YOU JUST CALL ME A MUGGLE? I HAVE READ THE HARRY POTTER SERIES YOU KNOW, AND I KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS AND HOW INSULTING THAT IS. *sighs dramatically and puts hand over his heart* Damn, babe. That hurt.

Q: Bethany, when are you going to go away?

A: Bethany: *rolls eyes* Jeez, someone hates me. Look, just because I get all the good guys and are so much prettier than you-

Noelle: Hey! All these readers are so much prettier than you. Inside and out. Stop being so rude and go away.

Bethany: Yeah, but attractiveness wise-

Noelle: No, all the readers are so much more beautiful than you. They're all beautiful people and I love them with all my heart.

Bethany: *rolls eyes* Um, whatever.

Noelle: *glares at Harper* I actually mean it when I tell someone they're beautiful.

AND THAT IS THE END OF THE QUESTIONS! I'M SORRY IF YOUR QUESTION WASN'T PICKED, BUT I DON'T WANT TO SPOIL ANYTHING ;)

BUT SERIOUSLY I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH

Goal: 250 votes?

Dedication: If you could kidnap and keep any character, who would you keep? (And, as a bonus, any recommendations for starting a new school?)

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-A xx