Dedicated to: perfectly_me2112

"I have no hope for you, Noelle," Emma dramatically sighed, yanking on my hair with the brush.

"Ow," I muttered.

"I'm serious, Noelle! Stop forgiving him every single time!" She groaned. "I'm sorry, but it's time I slap some sense into you."

It was true. I was too forgiving- but I couldn't help it.

"I know," I sighed sadly, as Emma began to braid my hair, getting me ready for the party. "I can't help it, though. Emma, I'm in love with him- what do you expect me to do? He doesn't know about my feelings for him, so he's not doing anything wrong- he doesn't know he's hurting me." I fiddled with the end of the black dress I was wearing as Emma finished of the braid, picking up the make up.

"Oh, Noelle," she said softly, looking me in the eye, her warm brown orbs glowing.

"And if he did like me, he would probably tell me, wouldn't he?" I continued. Emma didn't say anything. "I think he's happier than he would ever be with me, anyway. Single, and stuff. I just want him to be happy."

"God damn it, Noelle," Emma sniffed. "Don't make me ruin my mascara. This is really sad." She joked.

I laughed and hugged her. "It's okay, Emma. I'll live- if you want I'll keep trying."

It was her turn to laugh. "That's great. And remember, Noelle- if he really is going to act like an asshole when- if he ever finds out your feelings, then just call me and I'll sever his head off in a snap." She snapped her fingers. "You could do so much better if something like that happens. I'm sure there will be way better guys out there- I mean, come on, we're still in high school."

I nodded bluntly.

But, you see, that's the thing that hurts so much. There aren't any better guys out there.

Who else is going to put up with my long rants and my weirdness? My strange little quirks that make me who I am?

Who else will care for me the way Harper does? Care for anyone the way Harper does- truly and deeply and wholly?

Who else is going to go to all lengths to comfort me when I have panic attacks? Going to hug me and tell me that I'm beautiful and I'm perfect and that I should be happy to be myself?

The thing was, I don't think I would ever find someone like Harper Andrews.

I guess that was why I had to keep trying.

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Emma and I opened the front door of my house to go outside- all ready and prepped- Emma in her short green dress, me in the same black, three quarter sleeved dress that clung to my body and I had worn last time. I wasn't bothered to buy a new one- making Emma absolutely outraged, saying that I had to stand out more. She had then insisted on doing my hair and make up to 'switch things up a bit'. Her words, not mine.

But, I admit, she did a pretty good job.

As soon as the door was flung open and we called our byes to Mom and me, to Misha, we both stopped still. There, his hand hovering over the doorbell, was Harper, dressed in a black button down rolled up past his elbows and jeans. He smiled slightly at me, before his eyes widened slowly, eyeing me up and down. I blushed a little bit at his attention.

Remembering Emma's words to not be so forgiving, I stood up a little straighter, trying to be a bigger person than I actually was. Height and confidence.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, trying to make my voice sound firm. Harper didn't answer, still staring at me.

"Hey. Loverboy." Emma snapped her fingers in front of his face. "Stop gawking and answer her question."

He shook himself out of his trance, before smiling slightly at Emma, putting a hand over his heart. "Jeez, Emma. When did you get so mean?"

"Since you broke my best friend's heart." She muttered lightly under her breath, so only I could hear.

"Harper, why are you here?" I asked again. He turned to face me again, his whole attitude changing, the cockiness burning and falling away in his eyes as he gave me a soft, hopeful smile.

"I was wondering if I could maybe drive you to the party?" He mumbled quietly, almost as if he were afraid what my answer would be. I stared at him blankly.

What the hell do I say?

You can't be forgiving. Don't be forgiving.

It's a little too late now, anyway? You already forgave him and he apologised, even though he didn't know what he did.

I quickly glances at Emma, who gave me an encouraging nod of approval.

I turned back him and smiled quickly. "That would be great, thanks." His smile grew bigger instantly, before he politely turned to Emma. "Do you need a ride too?"

"That's okay, thanks. Max is picking me up. You two- have fun." She smiled, taking a seat on a chair on the porch and saluting.

Harper smirked, winking at me. "Let's go on that ride."

I groaned, watching him set off to his car. "Not that type of ride." I mumbled, following after him grudgingly. I turned around to glance at Emma. I rolled my eyes playfully when she mouthed 'get him back'.

As soon as I reached the car, I was surprised to see that Harper had opened the door for me. "Thank you," I smiled at him. Harper merely nodded in response, and before I could slip into the car, he caught my wrist and spun me around to face him.

"Noelle- I'm not an idiot. I can see that something is bothering you about me, and I really hate it that I'm the cause for all this discomfort between us. So, I'm just asking- can we- can we just go back to normal even if it's just for this drive?"

I wasn't an idiot too. Despite his plea for everything to go back to normal, I could clearly sense how uncomfortable and confused he felt, his eyes shimmering with doubt, and his words stiff and formal and not the Harper that I knew when he was around me normally.

"Sure." I replied. We stood in awkward silence for a while, before Harper curtly nodded and got into the driver's seat.

Come on, Noelle.

You both don't like this awkwardness- this isn't what both of you are.

He's already tried. Stop the silence.

"What do you suggest normal between us is?" I asked teasingly. Harper smirked a little.

"What do want it to be?"

A relationship where I love you and you love me and we live happily ever after.

"What is it normally?" I pursued as he started the car. He grinned.

"Singing loudly to Fall Out Boy and me shamelessly flirting with you as you blush and tell me to shut up." Harper concluded. "Unless you want to do something more," he winked suggestively.

I blushed. "No, that's okay. Let's- " I blushed harder. "- Let's start with the flirting." I say shyly.

Harper chuckled. "Eager, I see."

"Shut up and let's start."

"Okay, but you have to say shut up to everything, remember?"

"Just do it."

Wow, I'm on a roll with Nike references nowadays.

"Okay," Harper hummed thoughtfully. "I know!" He proclaimed as he drove around a corner. I nodded my head for him to continue.

"Did you sit in some sugar? Because, girl, you have a sweet ass."

I gaped at him, silence filling the car. Suddenly, I burst out laughing. "That may- " I had trouble speaking I was laughing so hard. "That may be the worst pick up line ever!"

Harper laughed with me. "I have plenty more, but you have to say shut up to recreate the time before the awkwardness."

I rolled my eyes. "Fine."

"Hey, girl, is your name Google? Because you have everything I'm searching for."

I admit it- I blushed. I know, I know- seriously- to that? "Shut up."

"Are you from McDonalds? Because I'm lovin' it."

"Shut up." I laughed.

"Hey, did you get your pants on sale? Because they're 100% off at my place."

I raised an eyebrow. "I'm not even wearing pants."

Harper eyes widened quickly. "You're not?" He glanced down at my dress. "Oh. Right. Dress."

I slapped the back of his head. "Yeah, you idiot."

"Hey, hey, are you really going to maul the guy who happens to be driving the car that you are currently situated in on a busy road?"

"Shut up."

"That's more like it."

I laughed rubbed the spot where I hit him. "Now are you better?" I teased.

He raised his eyebrows. "I knew it. You just wanted to get your hands on me."

I winced. "You were much better at this flirting stuff before."

Harper groaned. "I know. I'm losing my touch." He glanced at me quickly. "But- in all seriousness, Noelle, no fake flirting and stuff- you look amazing tonight."

I blushed again, dreading braiding my hair so I couldn't hide my face with it. "Th- Thank you. But I wore the same thing last time?"

He smiled, nudging my elbow with his. "You looked amazing then, as well."

If I was trying to get over him, that would be pretty freaking hard.

(A/N OKAY GUYS THAT WAS THE LAST MOMENT OF SANITY FOR A LONG TIME)

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It was safe to say that I got plenty of dirty looks from other girls as Harper and I walked into the party.

I mean, I was with their king.

As I walked through the crowd of sweaty teenagers who had all paused their feverish dancing and grinding to stare at us, I found myself feeling rather uncomfortable, all eyes on me, staring me down as I walked side by side with him.

Sure, I had been places with Harper, obviously, but I had never been stared down this much while doing so. Frankly, it was creeping me out.

I squirmed uncomfortably. I didn't want to leave Harper's side and be all alone at the party, so I just followed along, trying to create quite a bit of distance. It didn't help that even more people were staring because he had to torture me and look absolutely gorgeous.

He must have noticed my discomfort, because instead of leading me to the living room, he grabbed my wrist, pulling me into the kitchen, where only a few people were mingling around, not drunk yet because the party had only been on for a bit. Harper took me to a seat by the island, motioning for me to sit down.

"Are you more comfortable here?" Harper asked, genuine concern in his eyes. I nodded, blushing slightly. "Yeah. Thank you."

He grabbed an unopened bottle of water and handed it to me. I nodded in appreciation and drank. All the time he stared at me curiously. I raised an eyebrow.

"Don't you want to go have fun? Get drunk? Dance, or something?" I asked, confused why he was still with me.

"Nah," he shrugged, taking the seat in front me. "I'd rather be here with you."

Don't swoon. Don't swoon. DON'T SWOON.

"Are you sure? Don't you want to socialise or something? I'll probably be here most of the time, and- "

He put his hand over mine, cutting off my stream of words. "I'm sure."

Silence.

"I feel really bad now," I groaned, playing with the hem of my dress. "I'm not letting you have fun."

"I'm having fun just being around you."

"I'm serious."

"So am I."

I sighed, getting up and pulling his hand with me. He gave me a curious look, but followed along. "What are you doing?"

"I feel bad, so we're going to go dance." I dragged him out of the kitchen, Harper awkwardly following along.

"Are you sure? I though you hated dancing."

Yeah, I do. But I would do anything to be close to you.

"Well it's about time I learn to like it." I sent him a pointed look as I pulled him on the dance floor, twining my arms around his neck.

"Don't you have to know how to dance before you learn to like it?" He teased, chuckling. I lightly slapped his shoulder at that, embarrassed. "Shut up."

He laughed again, placing his hands on my hips. Despite his eagerness to dance, I couldn't help but notice how his eyes gave the room a quick once over before he began to dance with me.

Is he looking for someone?

I tried to ignore it.

As expected, Harper was an amazing dancer, moving well to the beat. And here I was, awkwardly flapping my arms like a seal.

No wonder I've never had a boyfriend.

We danced for ages on end, quickly adjusting to each song, refraining from the gross grinding all the other teens were doing, trapping ourselves in our own little bubble- Harper dancing like a pro, and me pulling the most awkward 'dad-dancing' moves I had up my sleeve. Just being with him like this made my heart race and made the smile on my face grow practically bigger than Asia.

"This is so much fun!" I yelled over the music. "Why do I never go to parties?"

Harper smirked. "That's because you never dance with me!"

I raised my eyebrows jokingly. "So it isn't because of the fact that I'm socially awkward, these parties have a large abundance of drugs and underage drinking and I can't dance?"

Harper shrugged. "That too."

I laughed, moving away slightly. "I have to go to the toilet. I'll be right back!" I yelled, hoping he would hear me. Harper nodded waving at me.

I made my way up to the stairs in the house, pushing past drunk teens in full out make out sessions, awkwardly prodding them away with my elbows. Finally, I made my way up the stairs to the corridor, thankful to not see anyone lingering around.

Now where is the toilet?

I awkwardly crept down the corridor, passing doors and rooms with very loud moaning coming from them.

I think I threw up a little in my mouth.

Finally, I found a door where there were no noises. I pressed my ear against the door, just to make sure. Nothing.

This must be the bathroom.

I grasped the brass door knob, flinging open the door.

I immediately froze.

There, lying on the bed were two guys, faces both flushed red and lips swollen- an obvious sign that they had been making out. The first one- I didn't recognise, he had dark brown hair in a mini afro and was dark skinned- he was pretty cute despite the shocked look on his face.

The second guy was Alfie.

His expression was one of pure horror, and he was gaping in struck awe at me. It was obvious that I had intruded in something very personal.

"Oh my gods, I'm so sorry," I shot out quickly, before slamming the door shut.

I leaned against the wall beside their room, breathing heavily.

That doesn't make sense.

Alfie is always flirting with girls- he's practically a player.

My thoughts were interrupted by the door opening. The boy with the afro quickly walked out of the room and past me, avoiding eye contact, blushing slightly. With that, he hurried down the stairs.

"Hi." A voice said. I spun around to see Alfie looking at me, his hand running through his hair awkwardly.

"Hi." I answered back. "So you're- "

"Yeah, I'm gay." He replied again. I nodded. He raised an eyebrow. "Is that cool?"

I nodded my head quickly. "Yeah. Of course."

Of course I'm okay with him being gay. Hell, I ship Drarry and Malec.

I continued, scared that he might be quite sensitive about the topic. "But I always see you with girls, and- "

"Um, yeah," he sighed. "My family is homophobic. Against gays." He paused.

I put my hand on his shoulder. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

"No. It's okay." He sighed again. "I date girls because I can't let them know. They can't be suspicious- I've already had close calls." Alfie leaned against the wall in defeat, casting me a hopeful look. "You won't tell them, will you?"

I shook my head quickly. "Of course I won't tell them."

To my surprise, Alfie wrapped me in a hug.

We barely know each other.

Nevertheless, I hugged him back, feeling all his frustration from keeping such a big secret tensed up inside of him. He pulled away first, and I looked up at him curiously.

"Am I the first to know?"

He nodded again, and I was overwhelmed with how sincere he looked. I was used to always-smirking, mysterious Alfie. Not this broken one.

"Yeah, you're the first. Apart from Aidan." I assumed he was talking about the boy with the afro.

"Wait- " I paused. "I thought you had a thing for Florence. You were staring at her in Japan."

Alfie looked at me for a second before bursting out laughing. "You thought I liked Florence?"

I rubbed my arm defensively. "Well, yeah- "

"She was in my History class in my senior year. I asked her to prom, but she rejected me." He explained.

I gaped. "And she didn't remember you?"

"That's your sister for you, Noelle. She got asked a lot, too, but she rejected them all."

Good old Florence.

"Oh. Right." I lamely replied, suddenly no longer feeling the need to go to the toilet. "Well, I have to get back to Harper. I'll see you later." I awkwardly waved.

Alfie saluted me. "Thanks again, Noelle."

"No problem." I replied, already heading to the stairs. "And by the way... " I stopped at the top of the stair case and grinned mischievously  at Alfie. "I totally ship you two."

And with that, I bounded down the stairs precariously in my heels, but not before I caught the blush on Alfie's face.

Aw. The tough guy isn't so tough after all.

Just a sweet little blond marshmallow.

I made my way to the dance floor, quickly returning the wave Joshua sent me from the corner by the make-shift bar table with his friends, winking at Emma who was dancing with Max- her blushing in response.

I reached the dance floor, searching for that familiar head of raven-black hair that I loved so much, scanning the crowd of teens, even venturing to the exact spot we had been dancing, the exact place where there, caught in our little bubble us, my heart had raced and my world had become brighter and funner and I was so in love.

I couldn't find him.

He wasn't here.

I approached a random girl- Katriona, I recognised, from Amanda's gang- but I didn't care. "Do you know where Harper is?" I yelled over the music. She rolled her eyes and smirked a little, tossing her beautiful dark hair over her shoulder, but nevertheless pointing her thumb towards the kitchen. I nodded in thanks, before starting towards the kitchen.

Before I even reached the kitchen, I was overwhelmed with a feeling of dread, so strong I had to stop in my tracks.

Pure, unadulterated dread.

I was quick to shrug it off in the moment, merely brushing it off as if it were dust on paper, giving it no second thought, not listening, just continuing forward.

I should have listened.

I should have listened.

I should of turned around, I should have decided to give Harper space, I should have gone third-wheeling with Max and Emma, I should have gone to hang out with Joshua- hell, I should have gone and made friends with Amanda.

Anything would have been better than this.

I walked into the kitchen, oblivious and stupid, before seeing a sight that made me freeze in my tracks.

There, sat in the same seats Harper and I had sat in earlier, were Bethany and Harper.

Seat singular, actually, because Bethany had made room for herself on his lap. His arms were twined around her waist tightly, hers around his neck. Their mouths were pressed together, their lips feverishly moving against each other, urgent and heated and wild and together.

I felt my heart being ripped from my chest.

I watched them, hurt- they hadn't noticed me yet- eyes closed and so involved with each other that my eyes brimmed with tears.

I hate him.

I hate him.

I love him.

Those were the same lips that had been on my own just a week ago in the car when he took me to the dance and told me I was beautiful.

Was that a lie too?

I couldn't stand it. I couldn't stand seeing them like this together, so close and so seemingly in love, my heart cracking a little bit more with their every movement. I couldn't stand it.

So I ran.

HIIIIIII GUYS

SO OKAY IN THE NEXT CHAPTER STUFF. WILL. GO. DOWN.

ARE YOU READYYYYYYYYYYY???????

I HOPE SO

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OKAY EVERYBODY GO READ 'Every Day' by David Levithan BECAUSE OMG ITS SO GOODDDDDDDDD

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Dedication: questions for the characters? I'll answer a few in the next chapter :)

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