taehyung decided that he deserved to starve to death.

he sat in bed wearing loose clothes that nearly swallowed him whole, the same way that winter came and draped over the summery seasons with snow and cold air, and he curled into himself to ease the pain of hunger that was slowly permeating his insides. his phone had been taken away because he had been refusing to come to dinner, and bogum had found that taehyung wasn't losing weight but rather merely weakening as result of his body becoming so accustomed to fasting.

he heard soft footsteps nearing his bed and looked up to come face to face with hoseok.

"hey, taehyung."

"hi."

he shifted in his bed, grimacing slightly when a particularly strong pang of hunger hit his stomach.

"you haven't eaten anything in a while."

taehyung nodded. "if you're here to coax me into eating, it isn't going to work," he said.

"kid, you're going to die."

harsh.

but true, nonetheless.

"you think i'm stupid enough to believe that i'll live past this year like this?" he scoffed, an accusatory tone weaving its way into his words. "i do this on purpose, because i want to die. it's slow suicide, and look: it's working."

"please, taehyung."

"can you please leave?" taehyung said. his voice came out weak and soft, as vulnerable as the wings of a butterfly, snapping at the lightest touch. "i don't want to eat."

hoseok left silently, as silent as the wind and as visible as the air.

taehyung wanted to die.

* * *

at two in the morning, taehyung felt someone crawl into his bed and wrap an arm around his waist.

he had, for once, actually been sleeping, and he had been woken up by the small disturbance bringing extra warmth and security into his bed.

"what the fuck?"

"i'm scared."

the voice was timid and small, and in the dark of the night, taehyung really didn't know who it was. he sat up slightly to look at the boy's face.

"jungkook?"

"the thunder."

his voice was a mere whisper, and taehyung could hear the hoarseness and fragility of his voice; jungkook had been crying.

he was still crying.

"you're scared of thunder?"

"really scared," jungkook said. "and jimin's downstairs right now with bogum figuring something out and... and i just... i really needed.... i needed someone."

taehyung's breath hitched in his throat, catching in his chest heavily, the same way that the weight of the world seemed to lay on jungkook's shoulders as he sobbed quietly into taehyung's chest.

taehyung slowly brought an arm around jungkook, suddenly feeling awkward yet protective of the boy that was taller and heavier than he was, but undoubtedly younger and more vulnerably innocent. he placed his hand on the boy's back, which felt firm and strong despite his fragile persona.

"i forget that you're younger than me sometimes," taehyung said.

jungkook didn't answer, but his sobs began to soften.

"you seem so much stronger. and you seem so mature," he continued. "you go through so much, and you're able to get through it so well."

jungkook whimpered once as thunder hit again, and as his grip tightened around taehyung, taehyung's embrace tightened too.

taehyung was about to speak again, but in the midst of his sobs, jungkook's voice left his lips.

"you're strong too, tae."

"strong?" taehyung laughed bitterly. "jungkook, i'm committing slow suicide."

"but you're strong. you're pushing through everything too."

taehyung rested his chin on the top of jungkook's head, feeling the younger boy's hand resting lightly on his ribs.

"you're strong," jungkook whispered. "but that's why... that's why i'm so worried about you."

his grip tightened again.

"please don't leave me."

while taehyung and jungkook had not been the closest, they had mutual support and love for each other.

the way that jungkook would smile at him whenever they passed by each other or made eye contact and the way that taehyung would always smile back showed it all. a few days prior, jungkook had caught taehyung with two fingers shoved down his throat in the bathroom, and they had cried together, holding each other as if the other would disappear if one of them were to let go.

maybe that was why taehyung's heart seemed to shatter as jungkook's words fell apart before his eyes.

please don't leave me.

taehyung bit his lip.

"i can feel every rib and it feels like you might just... break if i..." he paused to whimper when the thunder boomed again. "you might break if i hug you too tight... i'm... i'm scared."

"scared of what?"

"scared of a lot of things," jungkook mumbled. "thunder. lightening. loud noises and crowded places. but... but especially scared of... of losing you."

taehyung smiled. "didn't think anyone would ever mind me being gone," he said. "maybe that's why i want to die so bad: because no one would miss me."

"but i would miss you."

jungkook curled into himself, leaning into taehyung's skinny frame and weak arms.

"would you really?"

something about taehyung's words showed hopelessness and insecurity.

"i really would."