this loser here wrote a song lol. shameless self promo^^^^

yoongi's absence was still a gaping hole in the atmosphere of the treatment home.

he was apparently not stable enough for them to even visit him at the hospital. taehyung slowly fell back into old habits, avoiding mealtimes and refusing to eat.

he had hit 51 kilograms just a week ago, and though he had been refusing to come to weigh ins since yoongi's suicide attempt, he knew that he had lost weight again.

he sat silently at the table, watching everyone around him converse as they ate. jimin looked at him suspiciously, and taehyung noticed namjoon sneak a glance too, eyes landing on the empty plate and untouched utensils. thankfully, they didn't say anything, but taehyung knew that jimin would have a word with him after the meal.

they ate and cleared the table, and just as taehyung had thought, jimin went with him to their room and took a seat beside him on a bed.

"you didn't eat."

"yeah."

"you haven't been eating, have you?"

taehyung didn't speak.

"why aren't you eating again?"

"i just don't want to," taehyung muttered. "you know what it's like to be anorexic. there's not always a reason to not want to eat." his tone was almost accusatory, bitter and venomous.

"there's more than that. you're not telling me the whole truth. i'm not a fucking idiot, taehyung."

silence.

the silence was deadly.

distant voices could be heard from the first floor. cars drove down the road outside the window. the heater in the room turned on again.

but taehyung and jimin were silent, until taehyung wasn't.

"why do i have to tell you the truth? why do you give a shit?" he spat. "i don't deserve for anyone to care about me. you're faking it all; you don't actually fucking care. don't you dare act like you care."

his eyes were filled with anger but also filled with tears; only one of them spoke the truth, and jimin knew which one it was.

"who the fuck was it that hurt you so bad?"

at those words, taehyung shattered.

right before jimin's eyes, he shattered and fell apart. tears streamed down his cheeks like rain showers. god, taehyung hated falling apart. he hated that he was acting so vulnerable; it was embarrassing and he hated it.

so he stood up to leave, but found that his legs gave out on him as soon as he stood.

jimin's arms gripped his shoulders, a soft gasp sounding as taehyung fell.

"fuck. what's wrong?"

"everything since yoongi left. everything is wrong," taehyung said. his eyes wouldn't stop watering, and he stared at the floor, refusing to face jimin with tears in his eyes. "everything is wrong."

his vision was swimming in front of him. black spots were everywhere, and he was so, so tired.

"everything... is wrong."

the last thing he heard was jimin's frantic yelling before he passed out.

* * *

taehyung came to about three hours later, light bleeding into his room from outside as the sun began to set.

next to the bed was hoseok, who startled as taehyung sat up.

"you're awake."

"yeah."

"how are you feeling?"

"cold and exhausted," taehyung said. "what even happened?"

hoseok raised an eyebrow. "you don't know? it's cause the only shit you've eaten for the past week is two apples and you stood up too fast."

taehyung smiled cynically. "oh. i didn't even... i didn't even realize. wow."

"you've missed the past few weigh ins. bogum said you absolutely have to do one tomorrow."

"what's the point? i'm dying either way."

"please don't talk like that. don't think like that; you have a chance at getting better."

liar, taehyung thought. you're a liar.

"it's dinner time. let's go downstairs, yeah?"

taehyung forced a smile and got up with hoseok, letting him lead him down the stairs to the table.

immediately, taehyung felt his stomach churn at the smell of food. he sat down slowly, avoiding eye contact with anyone as he did so.

"how are you feeling?" jimin asked. "you gave me a heart attack earlier." he laughed, but the laugh was empty.

"i'm okay now," taehyung said. "sorry for scaring you." another empty laugh.

why was everything empty?

silently, taehyung took a bit of the salad and put it onto his plate. they were his safe foods on days he felt okay; bad days meant he had no safe foods.

dinner ended and having finished only half of the small portion of salad, taehyung went straight back to his room, bringing his covers close to himself.

jungkook came padding into the room not long after, and taehyung thought to himself why there was such little privacy at the treatment home. the younger boy sat down on the floor beside taehyung, and taehyung put down his journal to face him.

"what do you want?" he asked.

he hadn't meant to sound so harsh, but it just came out that way. jungkook flinched at his tone but relaxed slowly and responded. "just... wondering how you've been doing with everything that happened."

taehyung laughed. "what are you, my therapist?"

"wow, i thought you'd consider me better than a therapist."

"eh. maybe."

jungkook smiled and shifted where he was sitting. "don't you miss yoongi?"

"yeah. he was quiet and everything, but without him, something's different," taehyung said. "we never talked a lot, and he didn't do much but hide in the studio and his room. but it's just... it's really empty with him gone."

jungkook nodded understandingly.

"do you think it'd be that way if i were gone too?"

taehyung furrowed his eyebrows.

why was there so much self doubt?

what was he trying to foreshadow?

"why are you asking me that? of course it would," taehyung said. "are you considering something, jungkook?"

the boy shook his head. "no. just wondering."

he was lying.

"don't lie to me. i've heard enough lies to know that you're lying. what's going on?"

jungkook hesitated. his eyes fluttered slowly to the floor, then went back to taehyung. "remember what i told you about my depressive phases? this is it. this is me during a depressive phase. it's been like this for a while, and yoongi kind of set everything off a notch more."

his eyes were getting wet and teary, so taehyung gestured for him to come beside him on the bed. jungkook obliged, sliding under the covers beside him.

they were so close to each other; their shoulders touched, and taehyung's arm was protectively placed around jungkook. everything was warm again and taehyung felt safe. it was still empty, but not as empty as before.

"i hope yoongi comes back soon," jungkook murmured.

taehyung nodded in agreement, leaning a bit into the younger boy.

"me too."