rice: 120 calories.
chicken: 105 calories.
green beans: 50 calories.

275 calories all together.

taehyung looked to his mother, then to his father, and back to the food sitting on the plate in front of him. this was too many calories; he couldn't do it. he pushed at the chicken with his fork and took a sip of water.

"i'm not hungry. can i be excused?"

"no."

his father responded instantly, as if he had expected taehyung to speak. his eyes were narrowed behind his thin framed glasses and he looked angry. why was he angry? again?

"you're not leaving this table until you finish everything on your plate."

taehyung bit his lip and he wanted to snap back at his father, but he had done it before and knew how it would end. his father was demanding and controlling; there was no rebelling, no disobeying, and absolutely no talking back. so taehyung clenched his left fist and took a small bite off of a green bean.

he took a deep breath and swallowed.

he looked at his father again who was now staring daggers into him.

"dad, i can't," taehyung whispered. "i just can't."

"what the hell do you mean, you can't? you can't eat?"

taehyung shook his head dejectedly, tears beginning to cloud his vision as he thought about the calories again. "i can't, i can't, i can't."

his father stood up, dropping his fork onto the table with a loud thud as he took a step closer to taehyung.

the boy flinched, eyes shutting instinctively.

"you're useless. you know that?" he said. "you can't even eat. what are you, an anorexic? are you starving yourself? are you one of those?"

taehyung let out a small sob and shook his head, pushing his shaking hands under the table. "no. no, i'm not. i'm fine."

"you're too much. just eat. you make this harder for everyone!"

"no, no i don't," taehyung said, facing his father with tear filled eyes.

his mother suddenly stood up, looking at taehyung with sympathetic eyes. "darling, i think that's enough."

his father let out a sigh, frustration and anger evident in the single breath, and then he reached over and wrapped his fingers around taehyung's wrist with bruising force. every finger wrapped straight around his wrist, each finger touching much too easily. taehyung saw his mother bring a shaking hand to her lips as his sleeve rode up his arm and tried to ignore it. his father was ignoring it; why didn't she ignore it too?

his father tugged him up to his feet and taehyung stumbled, biting his lip and bringing his other hand to his father's arm.

"it hurts," he said, quietly. "please."

he didn't even have time to flinch before his father shoved him to the ground roughly. it wasn't hard enough to leave a mark, but it was enough for taehyung to cry out softly and shut his mouth.

"get out of here."

"darling-"

"get out of here and don't you dare come back with your ridiculous problems. right now."

and suddenly anger clouded taehyung's thoughts. he bit his lip and took a breath.

taehyung pulled away from his father and spoke while holding back sobs. his voice trembled.

"i'm sorry i was such a fucking burden to you."

he walked away before his father could retaliate and went to his room. he shoved his phone and charger into his back pocket, put on a sweatshirt, and slipped some clothing into a backpack.

and then taehyung left the house.

* * *

"taehyung, come here for a second."

he made slow strides to the kitchen table where his aunt sat and took a seat beside her.

"the doctor said... i mean, he suggested that i weigh you once a week."

"what?"

"he needs to know if you need to spend some time inpatient."

taehyung scoffed. "what does that old man know? i'm fine, i swear," he said. "i'll try to eat better."

his aunt avoided his eyes and spoke again. "please, taehyung? this is the most i can do to take care of you and your health."

god, how taehyung loved his aunt.

he had run away from home and called her right away, crying uncontrollably and shivering from the cold weather until he thought his bones would snap from within him. she had asked him where he was, drove to him and taken him to her home.

and now she was doing all she could to make him better again.

he loved her to death, but he hated the things she did to restore his health. she was taking away his one source of control, and taehyung hated it.

but nonetheless, the desperate look in his aunt's eyes was enough for him to get up and make his way to the bathroom with his aunt following behind him. slowly, gingerly slipping off his too-big sweatshirt, he stepped onto the small scale that lay beside the shower.

the numbers went up and down, deciding where to land and taehyung felt his heart beat with it, dreading seeing the final number on the scale.

47 kg.

his aunt took a look and sighed, a sympathetic look crossing over his features. taehyung stepped away from the scale, about to leave when his aunt stopped him.

"i... i need to take a picture."

taehyung raised an eyebrow, staring at his aunt incredulously.

"doctor's orders."

and so taehyung obliged, standing straight as his aunt snapped a photo of his malnourished form, though he didn't quite see his body the way others perceived it.

"there's nearly nothing left of you."

"i'm fine."

she turned her phone so he could see the photo with shaky hands and tear-filled eyes. "you're fine, taehyung?"

he looked away at first, turning his head towards the floor and shutting his eyes tightly, but then he faced it, lips trembling as he took in the boy in the photo that was supposedly him.

oh, how he looked different from the boy he saw in the mirror.

his eyes were dark and dull, skin eating away at the hollows in his cheeks shadowed over with starvation. bones protruded through skin wrapped tightly around them. his arms looked brittle, and his waist all too tiny, and taehyung sucked in a breath.

"i'm fine."