**TRIGGER WARNING** Brief discussion (in passing) of Orion's suicide attempt.

I open my eyes. To my surprise, Ben is sitting on my bed.

"Ben?"

Ben jumps and twists around. He looks like fucking hell. I frown.

"You're up," he says with an empty smile and dull eyes.

"Are you okay?" I ask in concern. Gingerly I sit up.

"Well, I was in a fatal bus accident, my girlfriend nearly needed her leg amputated, my best friend had a jagged piece of metal sticking out of his side, his boyfriend nearly died from a ruptured spleen, and I was pinned under two rows of chairs." Holding his head, he adds with a soft sob, "I was hopeless to do anything."

I wince. "Sorry, you're right, stupid question."

He sighs. "No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have snapped at you. It's been a long fucking day."

"Yeah, it has..." I look at the clock. It's ten PM.

He manages to give me a small smile. "I'm happy you're awake though."

I suck on the side of my mouth nervously. "How's Amy?"

Ben sniffs. "Um, okay, I guess. I don't think you saw her on the bus, but she was thrown when we flipped. I mean, we all were, but she really went flying...Her leg was at pretty much a ninety degree angle, broken just below the knee."

I feel sick.

"She also got banged up pretty badly. Cuts, scraps, bruises, some internal stuff..."

Jesus, no wonder she was shrieking like she was.

"They managed to straighten out her leg and put rods in it." He sniffs again. "They say it'll take her awhile to heal, and she'll need physical therapy to help her walk again..."

I frown as he starts crying.

"They uh, they say it's a bit sketchy right now. She, uh...She hit her head. She has a traumatic brain injury."

I bring my trembling hand to my mouth. "Oh God...What's that even mean? How bad?"

"I d'no to be honest. She needed surgery though. That went well, thankfully, but she's in a medically induced coma...She's in the ICU..."

I don't know what to do when Ben doubles over. He speaks as best he can, erratic sobs fleeing out of his mouth. "I'm sorry to be the one to tell you, but they're not sure if she's going to make it, Tristan."

"Has anyone told Orion yet?"

Ben shakes his head. "He's not awake yet...I guess he keeps drifting in and out of sleep. He's going to be okay, but he's weak. We haven't talked to him yet."

"'We'?"

"Y-yeah...Gloria and Jake got stitched up and they've been here the entire time."

I nod. "What about you? You look okay."

"Yeah," he grumbles, wiping off his face. "I got lucky, I guess. Besides a couple bruises, I walked away fine."

"At least one of us did," I tell him, trying to be optimistic.

But it backfires, and it just makes Ben cry more. "It should've been me, Tristan. It should've been me, not Amy."

"Hey, come here."

Ben looks at me cautiously, so I wave my hand. "Come here."

"I don't--I don't wanna hurt you--"

"Just be careful. Come here, Ben."

Ben scoots over. I get situated and then hold my arms open. He leans against me and I wrap my arms around him. He clings to my hospital gown sleeves and cries into my shoulder.

"She'll be okay," I tell him.

"You don't know that."

"You're right, I don't, but I believe it, and that's gotta stand for something, right?"

Ben doesn't respond, so I just let him cry.

~

It's night time. We're all in Orion's back yard. We're drinking, except Orion, obviously.

I still feel weird drinking around him. He insists it's okay, and he encourages us to. His only request is that no one ever gets stupid-drunk. So those who chose to drink do, and Orion sticks to his sodas. I usually don't drink around him, but I have a few beers tonight.

"I want you to relax," he had told me before the party had started, arms wrapped around my neck. "Live a little. Enjoy yourself."

"I can have fun without alcohol, Orion."

He frowned at me. "I know you can, but I don't want you to always do this solidarity thing with me, okay? That's not fair to you."

"I'd do anything for you," I told him honestly.

He rolled his eyes at me. "Fine. Anything includes drinking. I want you to drink tonight."

So here I am, in Orion's back yard with Jake, Ben, Gloria, Simon, and Amy, drinking around a fire pit. Currently Orion is jumping up on a patio table, unsteadily at first.

"Don't fall!" Amy and Gloria say together, and then dissolve into laughter. Amy also isn't drinking, but I can't help but wonder and worry that she's sneaking alcohol.

I look up at Orion and beam. He's wearing tight black pants paired with a form-fitting shirt. It's unique, the cut of the opening at a diagonal, and fashioned with large silver grommets. Long sleeves cover his arms, though he currently has them rolled up just above the elbow.

He's wearing eyeliner. He usually doesn't wear it day-to-day, only for concerts and press events, but he decided to tonight. And it's not just any eyeliner--it's electric blue. I didn't even know they made different colored eyeliners. It makes his dark eyes pop and somehow look even more ethereal than they already do. I could just stare up at them forever.

"I propose a toast!" he says, lifting up his soda can and folding his other arm behind the small of his back.

Everyone lifts their glasses or beer bottles. Orion waves at Amy.

"Not you, silly. This is for you. Put your fucking drink down."

She looks embarrassed. "O-oh..."

"To Amy," Orion continues, again putting his hand behind his back and standing straight. "Amy, you are a truly gifted, talented addition to the band. I look forward to the upcoming years of your artistic input, and I am fully confident you will flourish under our wing. You've already made us so much better, and the future is bright and exciting with you besides us."

He smiles fondly then, speaking a little softer. "I also couldn't have asked for a better sister."

I look over and Amy is red, and it's not from the fire pit. She also looks like she might cry. Ben takes her hand and smiles, kissing her cheek. I smile and look back at Orion.

"So," Orion says louder then, "to Amy and Saturn Mutants."

Everyone cheers. Orion hops off the table and goes to Amy. He laughs at her tears, ruffles her hair, and then gives her a peck on the cheek.

I get up, ready to get another drink. Simon stops me, a bright smile on his face, and sticks his hand out.

"Hi! You must be Tristan."

"That's me," I reply, smiling back.

Simon isn't...what I expected. He's short, for one. He has light brown hair, parted down the middle, and bright, warm, lively brown eyes. He's also dressed nicely, with a button down white shirt, the sleeves rolled up, a pair of nice jeans, and crisp sneakers. He has thick rimmed glasses, and he looks like he'd fit right in living in Seattle, or being a part of the band Weezer. Maybe it's wrong of me but I expected him to be a grungy, smelly guy with a glazed over look to his eyes on account of being high.

But he wasn't. He seemed like a pretty normal guy.

"I've heard so much about you."

"Oh?" I say with a small smile, glancing over at Orion who is talking animatedly with Gloria.

"Yeah. Orion is absolutely nuts about you. Once he starts talking about you, you can't get him to shut his yap."

That makes me chuckle. "That's really sweet. He talks about you, too."

"Oh?"

"Yeah..." I say, scratching the back of my neck. "So you guys go way back, huh?"

"Yup! High School. I was born on the West coast. Parents went through a nasty divorce--my mom was a drug addict."

"I'm sorry," I say, frowning.

"Yeah, thanks man. It....was rough. But it is what it is." He shakes his head, continuing. " When my dad got full custody of me and my brother and sister, he got a job in Michigan. So we packed up our border collie Charlie, crammed into our car, and came here. Orion was the first person who ever really gave a damn about me. To everyone else, I was just the guy that provided the weed."

"How did...all that start, if you don't mind me asking?"

Simon shrugs. "It was easy money. And the more I realized it, the more I started branching out into prescription pills, which then led to coke. I stopped at coke though."

"Well thank God," I joke with him, and I'm happy it doesn't backfire and he laughs.

"Right?" he agrees.

"So...what do you do now?"

"You mean, now that I'm out of jail?"

That is what I meant, but I didn't want to say that. He smiles at me.

"Don't worry, it's okay. I'm not gonna pretend that didn't happen."

"You seem like a really good guy. That must've been hard for you."

"Oh, I was fucking petrified," Simon admits. "Luckily I managed to keep my head down so it wasn't too bad. But yeah, I'm not going to lie--being in the same prison as gang bangers who shot people..." he shudders. "Anything they wanted I gave to them. They wanted my pudding? Fine. They wanted my smokes? Here, have them." He shakes his head. "Nothing quite like fearing for your life on a daily basis to make you re-assess your life."

I frown. "I'm so sorry that happened to you, and you had to go through that."

"I'm not."

This surprises me. "You're not?"

"If I didn't go to jail, that means I wouldn't have called 9-1-1 when Orion OD'd and told them what I gave him. If I didn't do that, we wouldn't be here right now because he'd be six feet under."

That was a very good point.

Simon shrugs, slipping his hands into his pockets and looking off to the side. "I saved someone I really care about. Plus it got me to stop dealing. So if I had to go to jail to get clean and to save Orion's life, then yeah, it was worth it."

"Wow, that's...A really rather sobering perspective."

Simon looks at me and shrugs, half-smiling. "It's true, though."

I look at my feet a moment. "I just wanted to...thank you. For doing that." I look at him. "I love the guy to death, I really, really do. I don't know what I would've done had I lost him."

Simon grins at me, taking a step forward and patting me on the shoulder. "I know. And he's crazy about you. It's actually a little sickening. You guys are gonna give me a toothache with how sweet it is."

That makes me laugh. Simon pats my shoulder a few more times before excusing himself to go talk with Ben and Amy. As he does, Jake gets to his feet, grabbing an empty ceramic plate.

"I'll go cut up more veggies," Jake says.

"I'll help!"

Jake gives me a quizzical look. "Uh...okay, if you really want to. I mean, it won't take long."

"I want to."

Jake shrugs and jerks his head, signaling me to follow. We walk into the kitchen.

"Grab the carrots, broccoli, and peppers, yeah?" he says to me, setting the plate on the counter.

"Yeah," I reply, walking to the fridge.

"Did you see how the chips were doing?"

"The chips were fine...I think the pretzels need to be refilled."

"Alright, we'll bring the bag out. Grab me the cutting board?"

I hand him the vegetables and the board.

"Thanks!" He starts chopping. And as he does, I can't help but watch him intently.

Jake and I are about as different as they come. His lips are pink whereas mine as mine are a dark tan, practically brown. His skin is light, not nearly translucent like Orion's, but he's definitely on the pale side. I'm olive-bronze thanks to my Greek heritage. His hair is mousse colored compared to my dirty blonde. Even our eyes are a contrast. He has unusual pale green eyes that remind me of reindeer lichen moss. Mine are light brown--Orion tells me they remind him of melted caramel. I'm taller than him, too. Our builds are completely different. I work out, and while Jake isn't on the pudgy, dad-bod side like Ben is, he's also not anywhere as toned as me.

As I stare at Jake's profile, I can find myself getting angrier and angrier. What did Orion see in him? We're totally different. How can he be into two totally different people? What if he decides he doesn't like how I look anymore? He's admitted to me before that he's usually not into guys who look like me. So what if he goes back to Jake?

Or, fuck, Orion's bisexual. What if he just straight up decides he likes how a girl looks over me? Even worse, what if he ends up with some girl who is the female equivalent of me? I think I'd rather he end up with someone who is my opposite than with my female doppelganger, because then I'll know it's him, not me.

I hate that I'm that sort of gay man, where bisexual people make me uncomfortable. It's such a stereotype but honestly? It's a stereotype for a reason, in my experience. I try really hard to overcome this prejudice but... it's something I have yet to conquer.

"Can I help you?"

I snap out of it. Jake is mid cutting, looking at me with his eyebrow raised.

"Are you gay, or bi, or what?"

He puts down the knife and turns his body to me. "Excuse me? Are you making a pass at me?"

I chuckle. "No."

Throwing me a wary look, he picks up his knife and goes back to chopping. He shakes his head. "Good...Because if you did anything to hurt Orion, I'd murder you."

I can't help but narrow my eyes. "Protective much?"

Jake looks at me. "Yeah, actually."

"Just know that if you do anything to hurt him, I'd also murder you."

Jake lifts his head, looking genuinely perplexed. "Why would I do that? I wouldn't do that, to either of you."

I don't answer. Jake puts his knife down.

"Are you okay Tristan? You've been acting kinda...weird since you've been back."

"I'm fine," I lie, taking a green pepper and popping it into my mouth. "Just making idle conversation with you."

Jake shakes his head, scooping up the vegetables and putting them on the plate. "Weird fucking idle chit-chat..."

"So?"

"So what?"

I raise my eyebrows at him.

"I'm gay..."

I make a noise. Great. I was hoping he'd run off and find some girl and then there wouldn't be an issue anymore. I mean, I know there's not an issue to begin with...

"Grab the pretzels," Jake says, still looking at me uneasily. "I'll take these veggies outside..."

That's what we do. Once we're outside, Jake immediately goes to Orion and whispers something in his ear, glancing at me. I narrow my eyes. Orion looks at Jake and shrugs, and then goes back to talking with Gloria. My eyes are dead set on Jake as he goes to the garage where Ben and Amy are playing ping-pong.

I go over. "Mind if I play?"

"Only if you're on my team!" Amy shouts immediately, clinging to my arm. I chuckle down at her.

"Sure."

We play for a while. The more time goes on, the more irrational I can feel myself becoming. I know I'm being ridiculous. I know I need to be more self-assured in this situation. I should believe that Orion and my relationship is stronger than that. If he knew how jealous I was of what Jake and him had, he'd be crushed. Probably pissed.

The more I think about all this, the angrier I get. Until finally it's my turn to serve, and instead of doing it nicely, I hit the ball as hard as I can right at Jake's head. It hits him in the forehead and goes bouncing away.

"Dude!" he yells at me as Ben and Amy bust out laughing.

Jake audibly growls at me from deep in his throat. "What the fuck, Tristan?"

"Nothing," I say, a broad grin on my face as I spin the paddle in my hand. "The game was too boring. I wanna play it how we usually do, where anything goes."

Jake glares and puts his paddle down. "Whatever. I'm done playing."

He walks off. I continue to grin, watching after him. Ben and Amy look at each other, and then at Jake's back as he walks back to the fire pit. Ben looks at Amy, and then at me.

"Did we...miss something?"

"Nope," I say, still grinning.

Instead of sitting with everyone, I watch as Jake opens one of the French doors and slams it shut behind him.

I look at Amy and Ben. "Wanna play?"

Amy and Ben look at each other. They then look at me.

"Yeah...we definitely missed something."

Ben serves. "Welcome to the bazaar, Amy."

EDIT: Shout out to @cupofsass for helping me/providing suggestions for how to improve this chapter. <3