**TRIGGER WARNING** Discussion of depression and self-deprecating thoughts.

I had fallen back asleep, luckily without nightmares. Then again, not really luckily though. When I wake up after not dreaming, I always feel like I haven't slept at all. So you can imagine my startle when I see it's already eight AM. Plus add the fact that every hour or so I'm poked and prodded for blood and vitals, well...I'm a tired, cranky mess.

"Can I see Orion?" I ask the first nurse that walks in.

"That shouldn't be a problem," she answers.

"Really?"

"Yeah. I'll get a wheelchair."

It feels like a lifetime before she returns with one. I want to just jump right in, but she warns me to take it easy, to go slow. Once I start moving, I understand why. The act of simply sitting up leaves me winded and in pain. I'm a bit embarrassed, too, when I'm barely strong enough to make it into the chair. I couldn't have done it without her assistance. Even so, my arms give out at the last second, and I plop down into the seat.

I wince. "Ow."

"Are you alright?" She grabs the blanket from off my bed and drapes it over my lap.

"Yeah," I pant, embarrassed. "It just--jostled me and that hurt."

"It's okay," she tells me, flipping down the feet rests and situating my legs, "you being up and moving is actually a good thing. So long as you don't over do it and rip your stitches out, this is for the best. It'll get your strength back quicker."

She begins to wheel me and my IV bags out of the room.

"I know it can be scary, because you just had serious surgery, but the body is much tougher than the average person thinks. It's remarkable, really."

I'm only half listening. I'm just so excited to see my baby.

"But yes, you're going to be fatigued for awhile. But with each day and each hour you'll get stronger, and before you know it, you'll be headed home."

Home. Home with Orio, in his mansion. That sounds lovely.

I look up at her. "What room is he in? Are we almost there?"

She laughs. "Yes, it's right at the end of the hallway."

When we get there, the door is slightly opened. The nurse knocks.

"Knock knock, Orion. Can I come in?"

"Sure."

I nearly dissolve into tears at the sound of his voice.

"I have someone who wants to see you."

She wheels me in. Orion looks terrible, practically the same color of the white bed, dark purple circles under his eyes. But, he's sitting up, and his eyes are bright and aware. I can only imagine I look similar, anyway.

Upon seeing me, his mouth drops open for a moment. He then slams it shut, his chin wrinkling because he's trying really hard to not burst into tears. I, however, am not able to contain myself. As the nurse rolls me over I have my hand over my face, embarrassed, my shoulders silently shaking.

"I'll leave you two be," she says softly, bringing me right next to his bed. "If either of you need anything, hit the call button."

As soon as the door shuts I lift my head.

"Hey," Orion says, a few tears spilling out. He puts his hand on my cheek, and smiles. "Don't cry. Your eyes are all red-rimmed."

"God," I gasp, taking his hand and kissing it over and over. I then hold it to my wet cheek. "It's so nice to hear your voice."

"Are you okay?"

I nod.

"No, I mean physically."

I wipe my face off, but the second I look at him I go right back to weeping. "Yeah...They had to take out my spleen."

"Yeah. Gloria told me..."

"So--so you know--"

"About the accident? Yeah."

"Do you remember anything?"

He bites his lip and shakes his head.

I take in a deep, shuddering breath and nod with resolution. "That's probably for the better. It was fucking awful."

"Hey," he says, stroking my face. He's stopped crying. "I don't like it when you cuss."

"It was."

"They couldn't find my glasses," he grumbles. "I can barely see."

For a little bit we're both quiet. I think Orion was waiting for me to calm, because once I do he talks softly.

"Did...anyone visit you?"

"Yeah. Ben did. Everyone else tried to, but I was sleeping..."

Orion is gnawing on his bottom lip. I want to chide him, but honestly? Screw it for now.

"Um...I've seen Jake and Gloria..." he tells me with hesitation.

My stomach drops. I think I already know where this is going. I don't want to have this conversation.

"I could tell Jake was just trying to keep my spirits high...He didn't stay long, said he had to go see if you were awake yet...But I could tell he was lying. He was doing something else."

Wetness falls out of his eye and he wipes it away quickly. "I asked Gloria about my sister, but she wouldn't give me a straight answer."

Orion narrows his eyes on me.

"Tristan. What happened to Amy?"

~

"We're not switching Reaction to a minor key!"

The front door slams. Uh-oh.

"Why not?" Amy says.

"Why not?" Orion asks in barely contained anger. "Because it doesn't fit with the song!"

"Of course it does," she scoffs.

He laughs without mirth. "No, Amy, it really doesn't."

"Yes it does!"

They walk into the drawing room where I'm curled up with a book. I'm too afraid to move. I don't want to draw attention to myself. So instead I simply pretend to continue to read, flipping the page occasionally.

"Oh really?"

"Yes! It's a dark song! Anything in a minor key sounds creepy! It fits, Orion!"

He spins on his heel and starts shouting. "If it were up to you, every song would be in minor!"

"Hey, that's not a bad idea," she says, momentarily not angry. "It would go with the album. Orion! It could be a concept album!"

"No!"

"Why not?" she snaps.

"Because I don't do concept albums, okay?! It's fucking bad enough you twisted my arm to do a psycho circus theme, but I am not making a concept album!"

"Well maybe you should!" she yells at him.

As quietly as I can, I slip away and go upstairs. However they end up screaming at each other, and I can still hear everything.

"Because," Amy continues, "maybe if you did your last two albums wouldn't have sounded exactly the same!"

"Excuse me?"

"Yeah, I said it! Your last two albums sucked!"

"Fuck you!"

"What, Orion, can't take some criticism? Your last two fucking albums sounded like each other, and both albums sounded like a band trying to sound like Saturn Mutants!"

"Even if you what say is true--which it's not, both hit multi-platinum so fuck you--I'd rather that then do some shitty, contrived, concept album!"

"It's just your fucking ego talking! You just don't like the fact that I had an idea!"

"That's not it at all! An indicator that a band is washed up is when they release a fucking concept album!"

"Some of the greatest albums out there ARE concept albums, prick! Get off your fucking high horse!"

"We're not fucking doing it Amy, and that's final!"

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

"Good!"

"Yeah!"

"Well I'll bring it up to the band and see what they say!"

"Fine! Do whatever the fuck you want, Amy!"

"Fine! I will!"

I hear the front door slam. Moments later, I hear pounding footsteps on the stairs. I pick up my book from where I'm lounging on Orion's bed, trying to pretend I wasn't listening.

"Oh stop it," Orion snarls at me as soon as he enters. "I know you heard every fucking word."

He then comes to the bed and sits down, resting his chin in his hands. "What if she's right?"

I crawl over. I kneel behind Orion and begin to massage his shoulders. "About what, love?"

"That my last two albums sucked."

I chuckle. "Would they have gone multi-platinum if they sucked?"

"I d'no," he mumbles sadly.

I kiss his cheek. "Come on."

"Maybe she's right. Maybe they went multi-platinum because they are what people have come to expect, so they just lapped it up because it's what they're comfortable with."

I pause. "Or maybe they hit those milestones because they're good?"

"She got in my head, love."

"I can see that."

"What if this new album tanks? What if we alienate our fans by introducing a pianist?"

"And what if they love you even more for it?"

"I'm spiraling."

"I know--talk it out."

Orion takes a deep breath. "If this album sucks, then we lose fans. If we lose fans, our popularity goes away. If our popularity goes away, then the next big thing will come along and we'll be forgotten. If we're forgotten, well...I'll die."

I chuckle. "That's a tad dramatic, don't you think?"

He twists around, and the expression on his face is painful to look at. Smothering fear and desperation. "Is it though? Is it really?"

"Yes."

If this were a few years ago, he would've burst into tears. He's gotten a lot better about controlling his emotions. Orion takes a deep breath.

"Without music I'm afraid I'll start drinking again."

I put my hand on his cheek. "Love..."

"It's a whole package for me. There's Orion, and he's a singer, and it's all wrapped up in a neat little bow. Without music, the bow is just going to, fucking, I don't know, get ripped off, and there's monsters outside of that package, and they're going to take over me again because I don't have the music box protecting me."

I can't help but laugh. "Orio...You lost me a bit there with that analogy that ran away with you."

He looks away. "Sorry."

"Hey." I make him look at me. "If you're not as popular down the line at some point, you'll still have music."

"Yeah, but I won't have anyone to share it with."

"You'll have me."

"It's not the same."

I'm admittedly a little hurt. I furrow my brow. "Why not?"

"It's like a drug."

"So...you're addicted to performing?"

"Yeah, honestly. And I'm addicted to--"

He cuts himself off. I come off the bed and kneel in front of him. That way, he has to look at me.

"Don't do that," I say softly. "Don't curl up inside of yourself like you do. Talk to me, Orio."

"It's nice knowing that many people like me."

"Just a few years ago you were afraid people only liked you for your music."

"At least they like something about me," he whispers, a tear hanging off the tip of his nose.

I pull him into a tight hug. "No. No no no. You're likeable. Besides, at this point I don't think Saturn Mutants are going to ever spin into obscurity."

I get up and sit next to him, draping my arm around his shoulders. "Come on. You guys have released nine full-length albums, two EP's, a handful of singles...You have two multi-platinum albums, one golden...You've won three Grammys, and there's rumors about you guys going into the Rock n' Roll Hall Of Fame."

He tries to hide it, but Orion smiles a little.

"Come on, Orion. Five years ago Saturn Mutants got a fucking star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame."

Now he grins. 

I turn his head to me. "Do you really think people are going to stop liking you guys?"

"Well," he says, bobbing his head back and forth, still grinning. "When you put it like that..."

I chuckle. "You're kinda a big deal, Orio."

Orion moans and dramatically flings himself back, out spreading his arms. "Then why do I still feel like a scrub that's always teetering on the cusp of failure?"

I crawl on top of him, the fringe of my hair dangling above his forehead. I tap the side of his head. "Because your brain is doing what it does best."

"Sabotaging me?"

"Yup." I grin. "But, luckily for you, I'm here to wrangle it back into reality."

"I should apologize to Amy."

"You should."

"I'm still not doing a fucking concept album."

I laugh. "You don't have to, love."

Orion's expression shifts. It's so sudden I'm caught off guard, and it literally takes my breath away. The adoration, reverence, and wonder that pours out of his eyes reminds me of a small child. The sweetest, smallest smile touches his red lips. He brings his hand up to my face, running the backside along my cheek.

"Why are you perfect?" he whispers.

We kiss.